


My Regret

by hitori10



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Businessman!Levi, Child Abandonment, Depression, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, Father issues, Father reappearance, Fluff and Smut, Halfbrother!Rivaille, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Mentions of Abortion, Miscarriage, Physical Abuse, Romance, Self Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Humor, Singlefather!Eren, Stepmother!Flore, Temporary Amnesia, Tragedy, Trust Issues, m-preg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-02-04 11:10:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 131,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1776982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitori10/pseuds/hitori10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After having slept with his lover, Eren finds out he is expecting Levi's child. He thinks that this will bring them closer together...he was dead wrong. Levi refuses to have a child in his life. Heartbroken, Eren decides to end the relationship and raise their child alone. Years later, Levi finds Eren...and two small boys?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

* * *

 

You can dwell on what was, or what is. You're the only person that can ever answer that. Eren had always pondered on that question every time it was asked to him. Comparing how things were, and how you want them to be. It all matters on your actions. One's actions speak louder than words. But, choosing the right words for the right moment was difficult. One slip up, could ruin all happiness obtained in one's life. The boy had finally gotten what he wanted. Freedom from his abusive father, love of his timid mother, undying loyalty from his sister, and the love of another person.

Yes, this is what he always dreamed about. Having all the right essentials in his life. That is, until one sentence from someone he loved dearly destroyed it all.

* * *

Eren never had the best life to begin with. Abusive father and his afraid, absent, workaholic mother. The only person he constantly had around was his babysitter. His father, Grisha, was a successful doctor with a horrible temper and drinking problem. Almost every night he would come home hammered, either beating him or his mother. Carla, a beautiful woman, one who held love for anyone in need, worked at the hospital with his father. She did tend to work at different hours, and sometimes going at work together. She often took late shifts at the hospital whenever they were short staffed. The woman nearly worked herself to death everyday, The amount of debt that they secretly had was frightening. Slowly getting paid off day by day. It was never uncommon for them to end up selling some of their things. They did need the money, after all.

On a trip with his father, to some other small town he had never been to before. Several people had warned them about some bandits being out. Taking that into consideration, the two proceeded with caution. Arriving at the home, his father forgot something back at town, he left Eren some place a bit far off from the home, he went back into town. The boy recalled every thing vividly, he remembered hearing a scream somewhere a bit far from where he stood. He ran, and saw two men walking into a small cabin. Approaching it, he saw through the window, the two men and a small Asian girl tied up on the ground. Pulling out the small knife he got from his father, he knocked on the door, after that, he kill one of the men, freeing the girl, the other man attempted to strangle him. He screamed out for the girl to fight, and that was the only way she could ever live. He recalled he running up to the other man, and stabbing him in his back. Everything afterwards was his father coming to the small cabin with two soldiers from the Military Police. Through the questioning he learned the girl's name. Mikasa. Her parents were murdered before her eyes earlier. Since she was the only Asian girl in their community, she was to be sold as a sex slave. Eren remembered seeing her crying, wondering where she would go now. The boy offered her to come with them. Taking off his red scarf, he haphazardly wrapped it around her, taking her hand, and going home together. Years, later, they ended up moving into a much bigger community.

* * *

Honestly, Eren could never imagine a life without her. He can probably guarantee if he didn't have his two friends, Mikasa and Armin, who knows what would have become of him as he grew up? But, he managed through.

When he turned 17, his mother finally divorced his father. Unfortunately or fortunately, he never saw the man again. His mother began to regain all her confidence, being more present and involved in his life. Through high school, he made more friends, had several relationships and so forth. Upon graduation, he received a scholarship, along with Amrin and Mikasa, the three would be attending the same college, as would his other friends. He would be going to school for a teacher.

On his nineteenth birthday, his friends, namely horse face, Jean, took him out to a night club. To unwind and forget about everything, it was spring break at the college after all, he did all his studying and was in great shape in school, so, what the hell? What could one night out do anyway? Half way through the night, a stern faced looking gentlemen, came over and sat down next to him, introducing himself as Levi. The man was certainly a catch, treating Eren and himself to several drinks, two hours later, he offered Eren to come back to his place. The brunette didn't hesitate and accepted.

Who could have ever known that one night would lead to something more. The morning after their night together, Levi had told Eren he wanted to meet up together again, for coffee at the local shop, you know, get to know each other better, personality wise, and not physically, something that the raven already had a taste of.

One date, became two, a week became a month, and soon, they were officially together. Refusing to let the other go. In the time they got to know the other, Eren found out his lover worked at an important business company his close friend, Erwin, owned. He'd also met his crazy scientist friend, Hanji, and his adopted sister, Petra. His parents were only briefly mentioned, his mother living in France, his father passed away when he was younger, no more talk came about them. Eren never asked either, he could already see the matter was incredibly personal.

He shared things about his life too. His mother constantly working, but, a present, kind mother to him. How his father once went on a business trip and never came back, nor was anything know about his ever again. He figured it was because of the divorce with his mother. How he met Mikasa, much time before his father left. He also didn't talk much about his father, but, shared tid bits about him every so often. All his friends, and wanting to become a teacher.

As you can easily imagine, the two were immensely happy. Especially Levi. The man never foresaw himself with anyone ever. But, a certain shitty brat brunette changed his entire outlook on love. He had originally thought it was someone clinging to you all day, every day. Only to come to the conclusion, that it was both people who would end up doing that. Not necessarily cling, per say, but, he did feel his heart and chest warm whenever Eren would smile at him. He never thought someone other than his sister, friends and mother could do something like that for him. But, Eren had quickly become a large part of himself. The part he thought would never be filled. Life works like that, yeah?

* * *

So, here Eren was sitting in the doctor's office. He was no longer the young, naive nineteen year old anymore. He was a strong hearted, brave, 21 year old adult.

In the 2 years that he and Levi had been together, so much had happened for the boy. He experienced love, real love for the first time in his life. Not those silly flings he had when he was younger. The type of love that leaves you yearning for the others touch, love, smile, and voice. Only to be aimed at you. Eren knew this relationship was serious. He never thought that it could be. Given how he and Levi had met in a bar, had one erotic night together, he never thought something more could ever come from it. On their one year anniversary the two had begun sleeping together, sharing each other's bed more times than they could count...and other surfaces they would dare not say, namely Eren, considering Levi had no shame about sharing his sex life with the brunette.

There was just one problem, though. Last week things had gotten rather heated quickly, leading them to forget protection. So, here Eren was, sitting at the doctor's, hoping that nothing happened. He didn't really mind if he were to be told he was pregnant, question was, would Levi? The man was so stern faced, strict, blunt, and busy. How could a child fit in one's life, especially one like that?

The boy was shaking like a leaf in his seat. Clenched fists in his lap, nails threatening to tear the skin. His bangs did a marvelous job with hiding his face. Several people noticed his odd behavior, but, chose to ignore it.

"Eren Jeager."

He looked up at the mention of his name. A nurse stood holding the door open with a smile on her face. Gulping silently, he stood and followed the nurse.

* * *

Eren sat in his apartment, in complete silence. He had arrived at his home 20 minutes ago, he hadn't made a single movement since then. The ripped envelope in one hand, results in the other. He sighed, placing the papers on the table, setting his head into his hands.

He didn't know how he would tell Levi. The man was so busy all this month. The two had barely seen each other at all.

The boy lifted his head suddenly. 'No, Levi would happily accept the child. It was something the both of us created from our lovemaking.'

Eren quickly texted Levi, saying that he needed to talk to him about something important. He gained a message back, saying he had a 2 hour lunch break. He did have time for him.

Taking the paper, placing back in the envelope, he grabbed his keys and made his way to Levi's work.

* * *

"Ah, Eren. It's nice to see you again. I assume you're here to see Mr. Ackerman?" Sakura, Levi's secretary greeted him. She sat in her usual spot by his lover's door, typing away on her computer, she only stopped to greet him.

The boy smiled. "Yeah. He and I haven't seen each other as of late. I figured we should while he has time right now."

She nodded, smiling. "Certainly right." She picked up her phone. "I'll let him know you're here." Eren nodded, a small thank you escaping his lips. He looked around the lobby, admiring the fish tank, portraits on the wall, and looked outside the windows, seeing how high up they were.

"Eren." He turned around, facing the secretary. "Mr. Ackerman would love to see you now."

"Thank you."

* * *

Levi placed all his paperwork down. Shit was giving him a fucking headache right now. He sighed. The man wasn't able to see his lover in a while. He was certainly happy when Eren sent him a message saying he wanted to talk to him. It must have been something for his teaching degree. Things that were important. They mainly involved that. He leaned back in his chair, taking off his blazer, and rolling up his sleeves, he waited for his lover to come in.

He closed his eyes for a moment, hearing the door quietly opening, he knew Eren had walked in. With his eyes closed, the boy must have assumed he was asleep. Quiet footsteps came up to him, stopping right by his side. He cracked one grey eye open, smiling when Eren was slightly startled.

"Gotcha, brat."

Eren pouted, making Levi chuckle. He got up and out of his seat, wrapping an arm around the boy's waist, bringing him in for a kiss. Pulling away, he smiled. "Now, what was so important that we had to talk about?"

The brunette pulled the the envelope out from his jacket, handing it to his lover. Levi raised a brow, wondering what it was the boy was handing to him. He took the envelope, seeing that it read something from the clinic. He felt a sense of panic, why would his lover be going to the clinic? He didn't appear to be sick, nor having anything wrong with him really.

He opened the envelope, unfolding the paper that was inside. He carefully read it. As he finished, his face drained of all color, his eyes wide. Eren stood there watching the raven's reaction.

"Y-You're pregnant...?"

He nodded his head, his green eyes watching as Levi set the paper on his desk, walking over to the window, looking out of it.

"L-Levi...are you alright...?"

"I don't want a baby, Eren."

Eren's heart stopped as he heard those words, they pierced through his very being. "W-What?"

The elder turned around, looking at his young lover with an emotionless face, his voice void of any emotion, more so than usual. "I said that I don't want a baby, Eren. It would only be more of a burden on my part."

Tan hands clenched into fists. "A burden?"

"Yes, it would be a burden. You know how busy I am, and if I couldn't spend much time with you, what makes you think that I would make time for that brat. It's not happening, Eren. I'm a businessman, not a damn dad. I'm not cut out to be one." He pointed at Eren. "And neither are you. For gods sake's, you're still in college, and I'm at the peak of my career. I'm not throwing that all away because I have to look after some kid." He sighed, pushing back some of his hair from his face. "I knew I shouldn't have slept with you last time. Then I wouldn't have to worry about you being knocked up. Things would still be the same."

"So, you're practically saying that it was my fault that I'm pregnant?"

"If you want to call it that, yes."

Eren lowered his head. "Well, I damn well know that I didn't get this way on my own." He lifted his head up again. "Are you completely certain this is what you want?"

Levi nodded, leaning on his desk. "Yes, I don't want a kid. And I'm pretty damn sure, I don't want one anytime soon. So, come on." He straightened himself up. "Get rid of the kid and every thing will be back to normal between us. After you do that, we never speak of this again."

"No."

The raven raised a brow. "No, what?"

"I'm not getting rid of this baby." Eren placed a hand on his stomach. "It's a life growing inside of me, and there is no way in hell that I will ever get rid of it. In fact, since you so clearly stated that you don't want this baby, one we both created, I'm ending this relationship and raising this baby on my own."

"Come on, Eren. Stop throwing a little fit. It's not suited for someone your age."

"It's not a fit, Levi. I'm ending this fucking relationship. I'm not staying with someone that would reject his own baby."

Steel grey eyes widened. "You can't be serious."

The boy nodded. "I'm more than serious, Levi."

A moment of silence struck the room. Finally after several unpleasant moments, the raven spoke. "Fine. If you're so dead set on raising that baby. Then, get out. I don't want to see you either. Since you think that baby is more important than the person you love."

Hesitating for a second, Eren picked up the envelope and paper, putting them back in his jacket. "This baby will always be more important." He began walking, he stopped for a moment, letting his hand rest on the knob. "Also my baby is more important than you, because I don't love you, I hate you." With that, the brunette walked out, slamming the door in the process.

* * *

A week had passed since the unpleasant meeting with Levi about this baby. Eren stayed home constantly, he had informed his school that he was with child, the college understood completely, letting him know that it was alright to take a leave from school for the time being, he did however sign up for online classes, so, he would continue towards his teaching degree.

His mother and sister had come over and told them he was expecting a child, they were both happy that he would be having a child, but, he did get a little scolding since he should have waited until he was done with school and married. He also let them know Levi wanted nothing to do with the baby, saying it would only burden him, and keep him distracted from his work. Eren and his mother, Carla, literally had to hold back Mikasa from going to Levi's office and killing the man, no matter how much the boy felt he deserved it, he also knew that it would do no good.

He was slowly coping with the fact that he would be a single parent to his child, but, felt a bit relieved at that. He knew that having someone else with him might think different about how he would be raising his baby, and all the constant thoughts of wondering if he could trust someone else with his child. He did after all have his friends, Christa, a close friend, was completely excited for him, saying that she would take care of the baby whenever he couldn't. Eren felt happy to know that his friends all wanted to help him in raising a baby. Besides, out of all his friends, he could only really trust Christa, Mikasa, Marco, Bertholt and Armin.

Sitting in his apartment one afternoon, Eren barely finished up one of his assignments for his classes. He heard a knock on the door. He raised a brow, checking his phone. He didn't get any messages of calls. He sighed, one of his friends must have come over on a whim again, more than likely Christa, coming to check up on how he was doing. Getting up, he left his office, the doorbell ringing. "I'm coming!" He called. Unlocking his door, he opened it, his green eyes going wide.

Levi looked up when the door to Eren's apartment door opened. He gave a small smile. "Hey, Eren."

The boy narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"

"I came here to talk to you." With a reluctant nod of his head, Eren stepped aside and allowed Levi inside. In all honestly, the raven expected him to slam the door in his face.

The elder walked into the living room, waiting for Eren to come in. He took a seat in the arm chair. The boy came in, sitting down across from him in the couch. "Why did you come here?"

Levi sighed. "Eren. I know that I hurt you badly, and no amount of words can ever express how sorry that I am about what I said. But, you also have to understand, I can't handle a child right now."

Eren shrugged. "Neither could I. But, I'm making adjustments in my life to make it happen. I'm taking online classes now, learning more about how to take care of a child, Christa is helping me learn more about how to make a nursery, All the guys pitched in and bought the baby a crib, and playpen. All of them even gave me some of their old toys they thought that the baby would enjoy. Levi." He looked at the other male straight in the eyes. "They have all helped out way more that you ever could have."

The raven got up from his seat, going over and taking Eren's hands in his own. "Eren, please, things can go back the way they were if you don't have this child. We can be together again, you can finish college, and someday, when I feel my company is in good shape-" He was cut off by the boy slipping his hands out of his grasp.

"Wait, wait, when you feel your company is in good shape. Levi, really, is that all you care about? A stupid company?"

"That stupid company has made my life better, and if weren't for that stupid company, and exhausting me on that night, we would have never met, Eren. Think about this. It has brought us many good things."

"For you, maybe. But, for me, it's only taken up all your time and made you leave me alone, and suffer because of it. You won't accept the child because you feel it would burden you, since you already have enough work as it is."

"But, Eren-"

The brunette shook his head. "You know, Levi. I don't want to hear your excuses. Just leave, and never come look for me. I'll be busy raising my child and having a happy career as a teacher. You can continue to work at your company, seeing as that's all you care about."

Levi sighed. "If that's what you want, Eren. I will. But, know, that I love you." He lowered his head, walking out of the apartment and Eren's life.

Eren sat on his couch, tears falling from his eyes. He gently rubbed his flat stomach. "I promise I will love you and raise you to the best of my ability. You'll have a lot of aunts and uncles..." His voice drained out from his sobs. Knowing now, Levi would never be there again.

* * *

End of Chapter 1.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter as promised. I hope that you enjoy.

Months went by since Eren had told Levi he never wanted to see him again. He was doing rather well so far. With the love and support from his mother, sister and friends, he soon began to think of his ex-lover less and less. He felt somewhat foolish that he had shed so many tears for the man. He should have been thinking about his child rather than the person who thought the baby they created together was nothing more than a burden. He had found out he was with child in July, and would be expecting his child in March. It had been 4 months already. His mother had taught him every thing that she knew from raising Eren herself. Since Levi wasn't there for him when he went to doctor's appointment's, his mother often went with him. She was always happy to know that her son and grandchild were both doing excellent.

Mikasa on the other hand, she was bothered by one thing. She often found Levi asking one of their friends how Eren was doing. The man obviously couldn't get it through his damn head, the other male didn't care about him anymore. She always saw the slight happiness in his eyes at knowing what had happened with his old lover and future child. She always glared at the man from a distance. He didn't bother to care some time ago, but, now that Eren ended their relationship, the male raven was determined to always be informed of every little thing. Mikasa never told her brother nor mother how she managed to get so many things for Eren's child. They always assumed it was because she bought them, the girl was indeed a hard worker, which is why it never aroused suspicious, especially from her.

She was however concerned that one day Levi would come back to Eren and beg to be in his life again, and as fragile hearted as Eren was, he would eventually accept, she knew he would. Which is why today, she had something very important to tell him.

* * *

 

Eren was occupied with working on some work for class when his sister came into his apartment. Mikasa smiled at her brother, he didn't look at all like he was expecting a child. The boy simply gave the appearance of any college student, if not for the slight bump in his stomach. She kind of wished that was the case. But, here Eren was, pregnant, and his child, unfortunately would be growing up without it's father. Shaking her head to keep from those thoughts, she strode over to her brother, tapping his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder, smiling. "Mikasa, what are you doing here? I thought you were with mom."

"I was. But, I came here because I need to tell you something very important. Eren, mom even agreed with me on this."

The boy rose a brow. "About what?"

She pointed over to his couch. "Let's talk over there, cause I can tell already you're more than likely going to be looking at the computer screen and not listen."

Sighing, Eren got up from his seat, with a bit of assistance from his sister. Sitting down on his couch, Eren leaned back and propped his feet on his coffee table. "So, what did you and mom talk about."

"Eren. We think you need to move to another town."

"What?"

"Think about this. No matter where you go, half the time you see Levi, or one of his friends." She saw the boy frown, nodding his head. "Haven't you noticed that our friends seem to ask more often than not how you're holding up with the baby."

"Yeah. But, they're just worried is all."

"I know they are. But, the reason they ask a lot is because Levi has been asking them to check on you."

The boy crossed his arms. "Why would he though. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with our child. He doesn't have any right to know anything about me or my baby. He doesn't, Mikasa. If he thinks that I'll all of a sudden take him back by 'worrying'" He added the air quotes. "It's not happening. You know more than anyone how badly I suffered for that man."

"Of course, which is why Mom and I think you should at least consider moving. This way there is no possibility of encountering Levi where ever you go."

His sister did have a point. Almost every corner, Eren would see Levi or someone he knew rather well. He didn't love the man anymore, let's get that straight. But, the over all thought of the raven thinking he can make the brunette crawl back into his arms with his charming looks, sweet words of love, apologizes, promises of never leaving him, nor thinking work is more important, for all he knows it was probably a bunch of bull shit. He knew that Levi would never go through with something like that. The man could make anything else, but that, happen. At this point, he didn't have any kind of confidence in any of his ex-lover's words. He didn't want to get hurt again and end up in a crying mess because Levi didn't complete his promises. Sure, his heart might still be hurting now, but, he's a stronger person for standing up and letting the other know what was more important. Levi talked about getting the rid of the baby like it was nothing. Of course, it would be to him. Not for Eren. No, a life was growing inside him, a part of himself and the raven. It's something he could never see himself doing. He would have been lower than Levi if he had gone through with the request. Guilt would gnaw on his conscious if he ever did. If there was one thing he was sure of. Eren would never think about killing his un-born child. He loved the baby inside him to death. It was his job to take care of himself, and the baby when it was born. He would be both it's parents. Giving the baby all the love in the world.

But, on the other hand, he could never leave this place that was his home. It was difficult enough thinking about leaving for school, leaving his mother, sister, and friends. There were many memories both bad and good, that shaped out who he was. Although he did hate whenever he encountered Levi, the man would give him those eyes that would make him think of a kicked puppy. He had no right to show that face to him. If anything, the man should follow through with his words. He did say for Eren never to see him again, yet, here he was. Looking at Eren, pleading him to come back. It could have been as Levi said. Spending all his time at the company, never being home, so, the boy didn't want to take his chances. Not that he would go back to him. Hell no. He himself ended the relationship for the good and safety of his child.

Mikasa stared at her brother. She knew how difficult of a decision this was for him. To get up and leave everything behind. But, she also didn't ever want that short shit ever coming near Eren again. What if he did something and made the boy lose the baby? Yelled at him and caused a miscarriage? She couldn't trust him with her brother ever. The raven only wanted what was good for Eren and his baby.

The door opened, causing both of their heads to look over. It was their mother. She smiled at her children. Walking over, she sat in between the two. Placing a gentle hand on Eren's. "I can imagine your sister told you about what we talked about."

He mumbled a small no. The tips of his ears turning red. He yelped in pain when his mother tugged on it. He swatted her hand away, cradling his ear, shooting her a small glare.

She smiled again, laughing softly. "I know you're lying, son. I told you before, your ears turn red when you are. Now, have you considered what to do?"

Eren sighed. "I don't know, mom. I really don't. I mean, I hate seeing Levi every single place that I go, but, on the other hand, I would be leaving so much behind. You, Mikasa and my friends. The people that have been supporting me through this whole time. I, I just-" He placed his head in his hands. "I don't know."

Carla brought her son in for a hug, startling the brunette. "It's alright if you don't know, Eren. No one would in your situation. It's not a bad thing to be unsure. But, I will say this." She pulled back, her slender hands on his shoulders. "This is for the good of you and your baby. I know it causes you heart ache just to see Levi. I know it does. You have done an amazing job taking care of yourself and making ends meet so far. You've taken responsibility on taking online classes, most would have given every thing up if they ended up with a child. But, you didn't. Your not only doing this for yourself anymore. Your doing it because you want your baby to grow up in a healthy and safe environment. Where you are able to provide every essential a new born needs. The reason we want you to move is so that you can let this entire situation go where it needs to. The past. Once you realize, you can over come this, you won't think about it. You'll think of it less and less, until one day, it finally is a thing of the past. I can't imagine the kind of pain that you went through when Levi didn't want the baby, every man should feel blessed and honored that the person they love is carrying a life, a part of each other, inside. Cradling them in their very being. Present for the day their child will be born, crying tears of joy as they watch the miracle of birth taking place before their very eyes. Holding their new born in their arms, promising to be there for every small and big thing in their lives. First words, steps, seeing how tall they get, laughing with them, playing together, experiencing waking up in the middle of the night, to change them, feed them, or just love them, rocking them in their arms, singing a gentle lullaby to ease them into sleep. Eren, this man doesn't realize how fortunate he is. To have someone love him with their entire heart. But, I have no doubt you will be both of this baby's parents." The placed a hand on her son's stomach, rubbing gentle circles. "You are a wonderful person for leaving someone like that, to raise a baby on your own is no simple task, but, you're tackling it head on. I know, your child will grow up to be the best it can be. Know that, Eren. Not only do this for yourself, but, for the life that you are not responsible from this day forward. I have every ounce of confidence in you, Eren. I know you'll make the right choice."

Crystalline tears fell down the boy's cheeks, listening to the heart felt words that his mother spoke. She laced them with love and experience from raising Eren. His father was there, sure. But, he learned from his mother he was always out of the house, refusing to hold him, love him. He could never recall a moment where he and his father shared a simple moment. Something that is special to every child, to have both parents there, know that they love you, and will be there your entire life. So, he could never consider his father a real parent. He didn't want that for his baby. If his child were to ever ask why he was the only one there, he would be honest and admit what happened. He would never try to hide it or sugarcoat it, like most single parents would, no, he would be honest down to the last detail. But, would promise to be there where their other father didn't want to. He laid his head on his mother's shoulder, feeling a hand run his back, something he could easily recall his mother always did for him, crying his eyes out. His mother made sense. He would have to leave. It would do good for him and his baby. The stress of seeing him on almost a daily basis wasn't worth it. Levi wasn't worthy of his tears.

"Alright. I'll consider moving." He looked over his shoulder, tears in eyes. "M-Mikasa, would you help me do so?"

She gave him a teary smile. "I'd love to, Eren." Reaching over she wrapped her arms around her brother's shoulders, feeling her mother's around herself and Eren.

* * *

 

"How about something like this?"

The boy shook his head. "No, I feel like the rooms are too small. I want enough room for the baby to be able to move. Safely, of course. Once it learns to crawl."

"Motherly instincts kicking in already, Eren?" She grinned from behind the computer screen.

"Shut up."

"But, in all seriousness." She turned around to face her brother. "There hasn't been a single house so far that you can foresee yourself in?"

Weeks had gone by since Eren had the discussion to move with his sister and mother. It wasn't easy really. Since Eren had already caught Hanji, one of Levi's close friends, snooping around his apartment, he had to be more careful. He didn't want the other male finding out that he was moving, not that it was his business anyway, he just didn't want the chances of him coming by his doorstep again. God only knows what would happen if Mikasa was home with him. He mentally grimaced, already seeing the nice black eye, and more than likely several broken bones he would leave with. He also let his friends in one his plans to move. Although none of them weren't too happy with the idea of him leaving, except Jean, who played it off like he was, but, of course, the boy knew he cared, no matter how often they argued. All of them, roped in by their lovers of course, agreed they would also help in the search for Eren's new home, and moving all his things when he did. Christa, Marco, Bertholt, Mikasa and Armin were all in charge of helping him find a home.

"Not really. It's either in a place that I don't like, cause you know me, I want to check out if the place I'm going to be living at will be safe. I won't objectify myself nor my baby to that. Or plain and simple, I don't like the home. Since, you know I'll only be living there for 4 years."

Mikasa sighed, placing her head on the computer desk. "I know, I know."

There was one thing that was rather different about Eren moving. He would only be gone for 4 years and living in whatever house he found for that time period, no more, no less. He felt that was a good amount of time to make sure that Levi would leave him alone, and make sure that none of his friends would find him and let the raven know where he was.

His sister leaned back in her seat, slumping down in it as she did so. "When the angel going to get here?"

"In about..." Eren looked at his watch, raising his index finger up, mentally counting the seconds. "Now." He pointed to the door as it was knocked on.

Mikasa stuck her tongue out at him, getting up.

Eren grinned. "Use that tongue what it's meant for."

"Screw you, Eren. I never would for any man."

He poked his open left hand with his right index finger, saying virgin.

The raven haired girl opened the door, smiling. "Christa. It's nice to see you." Causing the blonde female to smile. "Likewise, Mikasa."

The reason behind her nickname was because she was so selfless, more than she should be, and had a gentle, motherly attitude with every one of her friends. More with Eren, considering he was pregnant.

Letting the female inside, both never noticed the brown ponytail sticking out of the bush on the front yard.

* * *

 

Levi sat in his office sipping away at his alcoholic drink. He had landed the business contract for Erwin earlier, he had offered him that he could take the rest of the day off, but declined. He had nothing to do at home anyway. His house was spotless. So, there was no reason to actually leave.

Ever since Eren had left and ended the relationship, he had found himself acting like he did before he met the boy. He spent more time working, finding himself often falling asleep in his office, only to leave the next morning and be forced to stay at home. Even then, he would be working on his laptop. He'd also taken up smoking again. He can't remember the last time that he did even have the craving for a cigarette, he often did now. The raven began listening to music more, seeing as his apartment was too damn quiet now. The brat used to want to talk all the time, hug him, or do something together, letting Levi take his mind off work.

Chugging down his drink, he poured himself another. He was never much of a drinker, but, that was another one of his past bad habits that came up again. If Levi was being honest with himself, and he normally was. The man did miss having the boy around. Eren was the only person he let through the thick walls that had taken years to build. In the blink of an eye, he sees this captivating brunette at the bar of a night club and he feels his heart pound in his chest. No, it was more than just carnal desire that night, it, it was something more. Something that he himself, as cold and heartless as he was, had never felt before. I guess the term, love at first sight came into play at that moment.

He does now freely admit it, and no, not from the tongue lashing from Erwin, Petra and Hanji, he came to terms with he was a complete bastard to Eren. He should have been happy to know that the boy was expecting his child. Any man would be, but, no. He had to think that the fucking company was more important. He could one day get his ass fired for some shit, and then what? It wouldn't be there anymore. But, had he accepted Eren and his child, he would at least have something there at home waiting for him. Someone who would love him, let him know everything would be fine, bringing him pills when he had a migraine. cuddling with him when he went to sleep, another to share his bed with, someone he knew he loved. But, like the fucking idiot he was, more concerned about his work, let Eren go. Like the smoke that came from his cigarette, slipping from his fingers. How Eren ever loved him, he would never know. The man never thought himself something special. He was blunt, cold, had a monotone voice, smoked, drank, had a bit of anger issues. Yet, somehow Eren loved him just the way he was. He shook his head, taking another sip.

"LEVI!"

He chocked on his drink as his office door slammed open. The raven turned and glared at the woman at his door. "The hell is the matter with you, fucking shitty glasses?!"

Hanji shut the door, striding to him, taking his shoulders and shaking him. "Eren... " She panted.

The man grimaced, pushing her away, fanning his face. "Ever heard of a fucking breath mint?" He shook his head. "Now, what about Eren?" He took another long sip of his drink.

"Eren...is moving..."

Again, chocking on his drink, he coughed harshly. "What?" He weakly croaked out.

The woman took his shoulders in her hands again. "Eren. is. moving." Shaking him as she said every word.

"What the hell do you mean he is moving? Where?!" The man was desperate to know where his love was going.

"I don't know. All I heard was that he was moving somewhere else."

Slamming his cup down on his desk, he quickly put his blazer on, running out of his office, he called out "Thanks, shitty glasses! You're not completely useless after all!" With that, he ran out, desperate to get to Eren's apartment, to find out where the boy would be leaving.

* * *

 

Running out of his car, Levi strode to Eren's door, knocking on it rapidly. Hearing footsteps he was anxious to see the boy. His face paled as he saw the door open, only to reveal Mikasa.

She glared at the man. "What the hell are you doing here, short shit?"

His steel grey eyes narrowed. "I'm here to talk to Eren."

"That's too bad. He went out with out mother a while ago. Before you ask, I don't know where they went."

"I heard Eren is moving."

"Not that it's any of your business, but, yes. It's true. I can assume one of your little friends told you. Now, if that's all you wanted to know, have a good day." She moved to shut the door, she was thrown back when Levi forced himself in. "Get the fuck out, shorty!"

He crossed his arms. "No. Not until you tell me everything I want to hear."

Mikasa sighed inwardly. This man was stubborn. She unfortunately knew how much. Shutting the door, she leaned against it. "What do you want to know?"

"Why is Eren leaving?"

"I would think the answer would be obvious, midget."

His hands clenched into fists. "Stop fucking around with me, dammit! Now spit it out!"

"It's because of you."

He was visibly taken back. "M-Me?"

"Who the fuck else, Santa? Yes, you. All the pain you caused my brother was clear to see. Hell, it was etched on his face at first. You killed him with your words. Saying that your pathetic company was more important than him, rejecting the baby. What the kid of person are you?!" He opened his mouth, only to be cut off again. "No, you are the worst human being to ever walk this earth. I would have loved it had Eren never gone home with you that night. He would have found someone else who would have appreciated him and the baby they would have together. Not your pathetic excuse of an ass."

"Your wrong." Levi narrowed his eyes. "I did appreciate Eren."

She threw her hands up into the air. "Oh, yeah, cause we all certainly saw how well that went for you. I can definitely tell because of the tears he was shedding when you called your child nothing more than a burden. Since your career was at it's peak, and didn't have the time nor were you suited to be a dad yet. But, look at Eren. Neither was he, and he accepted the baby with open arms and love. Love that a heartless bastard like yourself could never give anyone. All you do is give and never think about giving love and compassion back. Hell, I felt like my brother wasted two years on you for nothing!"

The man lowered his head, feeling completely worthless. Every word she said was true. Someone like him wasted everything that Eren had ever given him. He insulted the boy, made him feel like nothing at time, left him alone, and yet, he feels like the victim? He felt lower than the dirt and dust he cleaned from his home.

"Get out." Came Mikasa's strong voice. He heard a small crack in her voice, no doubt this was something difficult for her to talk about as well.

Following her order, he opened the door and shut it. Letting his sorry excuse of a being out.

* * *

 

Finally after what seemed like forever, Eren had picked out a nice two story home. He wouldn't be the only one moving in though. His mother and sister would be coming with him. Since they would be coming back, Armin had offered to stay in their home and pay bills, living in it while they were gone. Since the boy was easy to trust, they left the house with him. His apartment sold easily, since new college students were coming, he made a good deal.

All of Eren's friends came over and loaded the moving truck with all his things, they too would be going to help him move his things into his new home. Seeing as it would cost too much to hire people to do it. But, they all volunteered to help the family out.

Mikasa smiled back at Eren through the rear view mirror. "Ready?"

Smiling back at her, he nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Pulling out of the driveway, Eren looked at his old home one last time, prepared to get his next life started.

* * *

 

Levi rushed his way to the boy's home, he heard from Hanji today was the day he would be leaving. He prayed it wasn't too late to convince the brunette to stay.

Leaving his car and breaking into a run, he opened the door quickly, it slammed against the wall, echoing through the entire apartment. His eyes looked over every part of the home. Walking into the living room, he allowed himself to fall to his knees, crying.

He was too late...the boy had already left...

Without him...

He buried his face in his hands, muffling his sobs.

He left because of him...

Eren would never come back...

Levi would never meet his baby...never...

He threw his head back and screamed, his voice full of pain.

"EREN!"

* * *

 

End of Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, -wipes away tear- You gotta love angst, huh? Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Til next time my lovelies. I leave you with this beauty of a cliff hanger. -Runs away, avoiding angry readers.-


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Levi thinks of himself pretty negatively. If you don't like this. Please skip, I apologize in advance.

The burning sensation down his throat was the only kind of comfort he needed right now. He knew doing this forever wouldn't make anything better, but, it was temporarily making him forget today's earlier events.

Sitting in the middle of his apartment, Levi poured himself another glass of alcohol. Hell no, this would not make him feel better, not by a long shot. But, he also couldn't bare the humiliation of letting anyone he knew see him at his lowest right now. A crying, heart broken mess.

Gods...Why did he have to be such a fucking idiot? Lowering his head, he remembered all the feelings he felt when he was with Eren. The boy made him feel loved, appreciated, alive. If it weren't for him, what reason would he have to even live in this cold, cruel, yet, beautiful world? Sure, he had his friends, adopted sister, mother, but, what did that all mean if he was depressed? It meant nothing, it was all worthless for someone like him to have. What did he ever do to deserve people who deserved someone better than him. He was nothing special. Temperamental, a smoker, drinker, showed no emotion, treated people like shit. Yet, they came to him, all he ever wanted was to be alone. If his mother had never found him when he ran away as a teenager he would be happy, no, honored to be buried six feet under right now. He wasn't worthy to see the sun and moon every day. His presence was only taking up space. Nothing more and nothing less.

His problems only caused Eren to leave. Not only him, a lot of people before in the past too. The only thing he was good for was making people feel like shit and abandon him. That's all he was ever good for. He might try to make himself seem more than what he really is. That's why he would brag to other people of all the good fortunes he had in his life, to make them envy him. But, that wouldn't do him any good either. It only made people resent him more. No matter what type of action he took, people would eventually leave him alone. Alone. It was a word that would describe him perfectly. Something he would always be. Eren had already made the one move that proved he would always be.

He could never be what a lot of people are. He was completely useless. Why the hell did people want him in their lives, anyway? He was nothing more than a burden.

...burden...

Just like he said what his child was. No, the child wouldn't have been a burden. It was a blessing to know that someone he loved would even carry something he helped create inside of them. His ugliness would be covered by his partner's beauty. Every ugly thing about him would be covered with all the amazing and lovely things about his lover. The fact that he hated his dull grey eyes, and thought Eren's green were gorgeous. His pale rough skin contrasts to the boy's tan, soft skin. The simple color of his raven hair, and his bad undercut, against the brunette's chestnut hair. He would always make himself perfect, to attempt to cover up all his fuck up's he made in life, and his physical appearance.

He took another drink, looking over the rim of his glass, staring at the razor, sitting on his coffee table, tempting him to cut away every imperfection on his skin. Placing his glass on the table, he grabbed the razor, holding it in the palm of his left hand. Stroking the cold metal. It felt nice against his fingertips. It would have been the first time he had ever done this. No, did this before in his teen years and early twenties. It was silent, painful comfort. Just something about seeing his blood didn't make him feel so bad. He would always think the color of his blood was lovely. The rich red color, it reminded him of the finest wine. The warm feeling sliding down his wrist. How it gleamed as it fell down. That was one thing his body produced that was beautiful. His blood...and he wanted to see some of it. _Now_.

Rolling up his sleeves, he traced out some of the old and fading lines. He remembered cutting himself, keeping each line perfectly straight, going all the way up and down his arm. He missed the feeling of the metal tearing and hacking at his skin. Lifting up his right hand, settling the metal in between his fingers, He swiped it across his skin, watching his skin split open, blood beginning to ooze out. He was completely infatuated by the concept.

He did it again and again. Hacking at his horrendous skin. Smiling as more blood dripped from his wrist.

Sitting in his apartment, he committed yet another sin...

...one that would once again claim him in it's unholy hold...

* * *

 

Moving could not have been a bigger pain in the ass. He thought every one would know his preference about where every thing went. They obviously hadn't paid much attention and looked at how much detail went into his old apartment. Eren shook his head, people were unobservant like that. Then he about lost it when Jean said it was only the mood swings from his pregnancy. Okay, it might have been. But, would it kill them to listen to a damn word he was saying?

Believe him when he says this, he lived in his old apartment for 4 months before he was satisfied with the furniture, portraits, kitchen, hell even his own damn room. The boy was picky like that. Unusual for him, yeah right. If he had a dollar for every time he stood in his apartment and thought about rearranging something, he would literally be swimming a pool full of money. Not like him, yeah, and they can kiss his tan ass.

His friends ended up leaving a week of fighting and debating with him where every single thing should go. They finally won because of Christa and Marco persuading him that he shouldn't stress out so much. It would do no good, it was bad for both him and the baby. Sighing and giving in, it was Mikasa and his mother who were in charge, seeing as they wouldn't let him do a thing, except organize where the portraits and small things should be.

His mother and Mikasa were out shopping while he was forced to stay at home. Something he didn't completely agree with, but, seeing the concern in their eyes and voices, he knew he would end up losing either way. Why fight a losing battle?

He tapped his finger against his chin, bored as all hell. He hadn't been having any weird cravings, more like a rather healthy one. He, for some strange reason, one he'll never know, nor did he want to, only wanted fruits. Fresh ones to be more precise. Something about seeing fruit made him want to see one every time. His other two house occupants were happy with this, Mikasa made a theory that she would more than likely, would throw up if Eren had ever eaten something that looked off, but, appetizing to him. Their mother didn't help with mentioning some rather, odd, things, if you could even call it that, while she was pregnant with the boy. The two siblings literally had a fight about who was allowed to throw up in the bathroom first. After that, their mother was banded from ever mentioning a story like that, so, she opted to telling them some of her mood swings she had. Both face palmed, knowing Carla would only share more stories that should best be kept to herself.

But, his mother did let him in on one thing that he was rather concerned with. You see, it wasn't odd for someone pregnant, male or female to get an increased sex drive. But, seeing as he didn't have Levi, nor would he act like someone desperate and go to a damn bar to bang someone. No. That was out of the question. He shivered, just the very thought of some fucking creep touching him like that, or harming him was thrown out the window. That and he was pretty damn sure Mikasa would choke him out. So, of course he went to his mother. For god's sake, he was sure he had never blushed more in that moment, than in his entire life. He never knew such explicit terms could even come from someone as gentle, loving, and sensitive as his mother. She recommended a sex toy, something he already fully well knew would work, he swore he felt a nose bleed from embarrassment come on, when she told him to try a phone sex line. Then it didn't help when his sister came and helped out. He placed his head in his hand, mentally praying they would tag up on him like that _ever_ again.

He wanted to punch Jean more in the face, because his sister, and he yelled at her for this, asked him for his help. Cause we all know before he had Marco, Horse face and his right hand used to have quite, the intimate relationship. The mother fucker recommended gay porn and explicit, explicit written stories from people on the internet. For serious, he loved them all to death, but, they were the worst with helping him in this situation. So, he opted for not bringing this up anymore.

Eren leaned back on his couch, his feet propped up by some pillows, and one behind him, creating a comfortable atmosphere. He glanced outside the window in the living room, noticing it was getting darker. His body tensed at the sound of thunder. As a little boy, he never liked thunderstorms. They always left him a crying, shaking ball. He didn't mind the rain, it was the overall thunder and lightning he minded. Silently praying to himself, he only hoped that it wouldn't actually rain. His hopes were shattered at a loud clap of thunder. Grabbing the blanket on the side of the couch, he enveloped himself in it. Small tears forming in the corner of his luminescent green eyes.

' _Mikasa...Mom...please hurry home..._ '

* * *

 

Rushing through the door, Carla and Mikasa shook the cold water from their hair. Shutting the door, the two strode into the kitchen. The raven haired female set her bag down on the table. It was then, the younger noticed something...off. It was too quiet in the house. While outside itself was thunder storming, she half expected for the television to be on. She stood there, a hand on her chin, Carla noticed Mikasa had a thoughtful look on her face.

"Something wrong, Mikasa?"

She shook her head. "No, just. I can't put my finger on it, but, I feel like something isn't right."

Setting her own bag down, she too began thinking. Glancing outside the window into the stormy setting, something did feel off. A loud clap a thunder made them finally realize what was wrong. Both looked at each other. Gold and onyx meeting.

"Eren."

Running into the living room, they both noticed the shaking form under the blanket on their couch. Carla slowly walked forward, sitting down gently, causing the form to jump from fear. Her slender hands peeled the blanket away, revealing her son's tear stained face. She smiled lovingly at the boy. Her arms opened, Eren jumping into them, seeking comfort from his mother. She stroked his chestnut hair, whispering to him in German.

"Beruhige dich, mein Baby, Mama ist da..."

She rocked them back and forth, pressing gentle kisses to his forehead. Carla continued speaking gently to him.

"Es gibt nichts zu befürchten, ich bin hier. Nichts wird dich verletzen." 

Somewhere in between, Mikasa had joined them, placing her arms around Eren.

The boy eventually ended up falling asleep in the arms of his mother and sister. The storm outside long forgotten...

* * *

 

Levi tossed and turned in his sleep. Cold sweat sliding down his body, every muscle tense, cramping and shaking.

A deep frown was etched onto his face, a groan passing his lips. Burying his face deeper in his pillow, he attempted blocking the dreams that plagued his mind.

* * *

 

The raven comfortably laid in bed, problem, he couldn't fucking fall. asleep. He also didn't have Eren with him that night. The brunette would be staying with his mother, she invited him over for dinner, and stayed because he hadn't see her in a while. Hence, Levi didn't have the very person he shared his bed with.

He already drank his warm cup of tea, took a warm shower, and changed into his night clothes. He should have been asleep some time ago, but, it just didn't come to him. Pulling his covers snug to his shoulders, he placed an arm under his head and the other on his stomach. His eyes drifted shut.

His phone beeping had him opening them again. Reaching over to his night stand, he took his phone, input the password, and saw that he received a message. It was from Eren. Opening up his inbox, he smiled as he read it.

'Have a goodnight, Levi. See you tomorrow. I love you.'-Eren.

...He fell asleep, the message on his phone still opened.

* * *

 

Light came from the fireplace, an empty wine bottle, glasses, and a half full box of chocolates sat on his coffee table. The curtains were drawn shut, creating a romantic atmosphere.

He and Eren were cuddled comfortably on his floor. The raven had draped a blanket across their laps, the boy's head laid on his chest. All Levi could hear were the quiet intakes of breath they both took and the sound of Eren's heart gently beating. The man buried his face in chestnut locks, loving the soft feel of it against his skin.

He took his head out of his lover's hair, placing a gentle kiss on the younger's forehead, causing him to look up.

His luminescent green eyes were seen from his half lidded eyes. A pink hue graced his tan cheeks. A soft smile crossing his features.

Levi leaned his head down, taking supple lips into his own. Pouring all his love and affection he held for the boy. Pulling back slightly, his words ghosted over his lover's lips.

"I love you, Eren..."

Small tears formed in the corner of the brunette's eyes. He smiled softly.

"I love you too, Levi...so much..."

* * *

 

Levi awoke with a start, sitting up quickly. He took sharp intakes of breath to calm his rapidly beating heart. He pressed a hand to his forehead, feeling the cold sweat dripping down. He wiped it away with the back of his hand. After some time, he calmed down. Pushing the covers off of himself, he got out of bed, looking out at the stormy night.

It was nothing compared to the storm in his heart. Not by a long shot. The pain of losing Eren was too great for him, Levi, to even handle. He was slowly, but, surely, falling apart without the boy. The brunette had quickly become a major part in his life. The light he never thought he would eve find. The raven had never met someone quite like him. Eren was different from everyone else he had ever met. He was always worried about him, constantly making sure he never overworked himself, stayed up late, took care of him when he was sick. He cared. Even when Levi would insult him for doing something stupid, he would always smile and say he did it for him.

He remembered when the little shit came to his apartment one night, even when he clearly should have listened and not driven in that condition of weather, the boy only did because he wanted to see him. Because he was scared of thunder storms. Feeling the dripping wet boy cling to him, let Levi know he only did it because he wanted Levi, and no one else to hold him now. despite being dripping wet, he allowed him to sleep in his bed, holding Eren in his arms the entire time.

What ever possessed him to let such a treasure go? The boy was every thing he wanted and more. But, he ruined it all. Glancing down at his still fresh cuts, he traced one lightly, hissing at the light sting. But, he deserved worse, much worse pain than this. He deserved more pain for hurting that angel...the person he loved more than anything in this shitty world. His steel grey eyes clenched shut, fighting back tears. Still not willing to accept that he would never hold Eren in his arms, kiss him, love him, hold his hand, hear his laugh, making him smile, seeing him on a daily basis, hear the boy say I love you, make love to him...every thing he took for granted slipped through his fingers...

...he only had himself to blame...

* * *

 

Eren woke up some time during the night, laying on his bed, he stared at the walls in his room. He was relieved he awoke when the storm was over, other wise his mother would have to hold him again. He sat up, the covers piling up in his lap. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed.

He had a dream about him, Levi and their child living together as one happy family. A life where Levi didn't work so much and dedicated so much time to them. The boy only saw one last scene before awaking. Levi was holding their child in his arms, rocking the infant to sleep by his crib, placing a gentle kiss on it's forehead.

If only life had turned out that way...

...if only...

* * *

 

End of chapter 3

* * *

 

Translations: Calm down, my baby, mama is here.

There is nothing to fear, I'm here. Nothing will hurt you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you just love the angst? I know I do. So, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Til next chapter. -Runs to fort, hiding from angry and sad readers- 
> 
> Also, the scene where it's raining happened because it was raining like hell where I live. So, that's how that happened. Fit, though.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I hope your ready for more of my heart wrenching angst. To be honest, some of this even brought me to tears. Pretty sure it'll do the same for you.

Another 3 months came and gone too soon for the pregnant brunette. Way too soon. If he thought about his properly, it only seemed like yesterday the boy was sitting in the doctor's office, getting the news about him expecting a child, Levi breaking his heart and moving away. By this point he must have sighed more than a million times, and let me tell you, he was tired about thinking of all those past events. All he wanted to do was move and be done with that portion of his life that made him both happy and sad. Of course we all know those things take time, and eventually they'll be forgotten. Eren, however, wanted them to be now.

Of course life doesn't work that way. There's no cheat for anyone to escape something unpleasant. You only deal with it until one day, and good riddance, is finally gone. If all Eren could do is all fall asleep and make all those bad things go away, he would. For now, he has to suffer for it. Like right now.

The boy laid on his couch, one hand tightly holding onto the arm rest and the other on his stomach. He'd been having some pains in his stomach as of recent, thinking it was something bad, until his mother had filled him in on what he was feeling. It was nothing more and nothing less than simple contractions. These happened during the pregnancy, coming and going from time to time. There was no reason to worry, it would happen to everyone expecting. Immediately feeling relieved nothing happened to his baby, Carla walked her son through several already. Telling him to take deep breathes, attempt to calm himself, and eventually they would go away. She also gave him a fair warning that they would happen during his sleep too. If that occurred, she told him to just holler and she would be there to help. His mother recommended that he should drink tea, herbal to be more precise. She had already sent Mikasa out and got different aromas and flavors, rosemary, lavender, jasmine, and several other kinds.

He was feeling rather lonely though. His mother and sister went out for some mother daughter time, as Carla called it, and had been gone since leaving Eren his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Where they went, he would rather not know for shit. Other wise he would have been filled on so many things he didn't know and would be scolded for not.

After what seemed like an eternity, the pain subsided. Sighing in relief, the boy leaned back, letting his dreams over take him, staring aimlessly at his ceiling.

* * *

 

"Eren." Turning over in bed, he saw Levi standing by his side, smiling softly. "Yeah?"

The raven held up a cup. "I brought you your herbal tea, with a bit of honey in it for some sweetness." He set it on the nightstand, helping his lover sit up in bed. He gave the hot tea to the boy.

Drinking some of it, he felt the warm liquid settle well in his stomach, warming his body up immediately. Levi sat down next to the boy, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"I heard you tossing and turning last night. I thought that the tea might help you and relax for a bit. I was worried you didn't get any sleep."

Holding the cup in hands, Eren placed his head on the other male's shoulder. "I barely did. Kept having contractions all last night. Might have only gotten an hour or two in." He rubbed his enlarged stomach. The baby had indeed kept him up a majority of the night, he was only able to stay calm because of the lessons his mother taught him to make them less painful and how to deal with them properly.

Levi sighed. "I'm just glad your mother let us know they would happen often and meant no harm to the baby. I swear, I was this close." Pinching his two fingers, leaving a small gap. "To taking you to the hospital and finding out what was wrong. Thank the gods she proved both you and me wrong from what we assumed it was." He buried his face in soft chestnut tresses.

Scooting closer, he felt his older lover's hand rub gentle circles on his stomach. Eren continued sipping away at his tea, enjoying the calm and loving moment.

* * *

 

"Gods, how can you still love me, Levi? I mean look at me. I'm not that much different compared to a whale." The brunette complained to his lover.

The man looked up from his documents, scattered all around him on his desk in their room. He smiled, adjusting his glasses on his nose. "How can I, you say?"

Eren nodded, crossing his arms over his chest, pouting. Levi resisted the urge to laugh at the adorable look. Getting up out of his seat, he knelt next to the boy's bed side, taking his tan hand, clasping it between his own.

"I still love you because your everything I'm not. Loving, considerate, generous, more that you should be, especially with me." He winked, causing the brunette to blush. "Your smile means the world to me. It lets me know, that I can still make you happy. Your laugh sounds like bells, so soft, rich." He pressed a kiss to his hand. "The way you fit perfectly in my arms, making you irresistible to not cuddle with. Your eyes, gods, your eyes, I can't help but, still get lost in the beautiful colors they make up. The pretty blush that lights up your face, pink staining your already perfect cheeks." He got off his knees, sitting next to Eren. "Your hands, how our mold together with mine. Your are the light of my life, Eren. Never think that I don't love you. I will love you whether you get old, stay young and bratty." He chuckled as the boy stuck his tongue out at him. "Use that tongue what it's meant for." Laughing again when Eren blushed redder. Levi leaned closer to his face. "I will love you no matter how you get. Just knowing I can be with you is enough." Capturing the other's lips in his, the boy placed his arms around his lover's neck.

...he never doubted Levi again...

* * *

 

Shrugging off his tie as he walked in the living room, Levi tossed his jacket on the couch, making his way into his and Eren's bedroom.

The man had come home late for the first time in months, he didn't want to, he was forced by Erwin, the blonde insisting he needed Levi there to help him complete paper work.

He had stayed 3 more hours after work, calling Eren he would be late getting home, not knowing when he actually would be, and that he would get dinner with Erwin.

Levi was not surprised in the least to see that all the lights in his home were turned off, he expected the boy to be asleep already. It was rather late for either of them to be up. He really couldn't blame Eren for already being asleep, his pregnancy had made him fall asleep earlier and wake up at crazy hours of the night or morning.

Pushing the door to their room slowly, he smiled at seeing Eren cuddling with his pillow. He was often told by the brunette it held his scent, one that seemed to always help calm him down or sleep.

Striding silently into their bedroom, he changed into his night clothes, tossing his work clothes haphazardly around the room, he slid in bed next to his young lover, taking the pillow out of his arms, producing a whine from him, he placed the pillow under his own head and wrapped his arms around the boy. He chuckled through his nose when Eren snuggled into his toned chest.

Gently dropping a kiss on his love's forehead, he murmured an I love you, drifting off to sleep with Eren in his arms.

* * *

 

Eren laughed as he saw Levi laying down by his stomach on their bed, It was night time, a baby book in his hands.

The man raised his face somewhat amused. He had planned doing this since he found out his lover was expecting his child. Something he thought that he would never do. He had found one of his old baby books his mother read to him from his infancy.

He read the title aloud to both Eren and his baby. "It's called Little One." He smiled, placing a hand on his love's stomach, rubbing small circles.

The boy smiled as Levi read the book to their unborn child. He would switch his voices, fitting both the mother rabbit's and the baby rabbit's. It was beyond adorable.

He was close to tears as the man pressed a kiss to his enlarged stomach. Whispering. "I'm so excited for the day that you will be born. I can read you more books, show you the pictures, sing you songs, play with you all day, look after you and love you with all my heart." He pointed a finger at Eren. "Just like I do Mommy."

Levi leaned up, bringing Eren into a gentle embrace, feeling the boy's arms wrap around his own body.

He knew he would be having quite the adventure looking after his baby. Just the mere thought of knowing a life was inside Eren's stomach, a life the two created together, always seemed to bring him close to tears. Levi fully well knew the task would be difficult, with his love by his side, things would certainly be interesting. More so than they already were. This child would bring so much happiness.

Yes. He truly couldn't wait for the baby to be born.

* * *

 

"Eren!" Said boy was snapped out of his day dream, lifting his head, he must have lowered it at some point, he stared right back into his sister's onyx eyes.

Mikasa sighed. "For gods sake's, Eren. You scared the crap out of me when you didn't respond. I thought something was wrong."

"Ah, sorry about that. I was day dreaming again, I guess..."

"About what?"

"It's nothing..."

"Levi?"

Reluctantly, he nodded his head. "Yeah, Levi." He still had no idea why the man still plagued his mind. He was determined and set to move and make a better life for himself, but, thinking of Levi made him backtrack. He was with him for so long, he guess by this point it would be hard to let someone you truly loved go. The two surpassed people thinking their relationship would never last, old flings of his ex-lovers coming and going, spatting nothing except lies. If it hadn't been for Petra, he would have broken things off with the raven ages ago. He couldn't say whether that was a good or bad thing, he didn't know. Eren only followed what his heart had been telling him at the moment, thinking Levi was the one and only suited for him. He just got a big slap in the face for that one. He imagined Levi taking him and his child with open arms like he did with their 2 year relationship, even when the man warned him he wasn't one for long term relationships. The boy took the chance anyway. Either he find something special with Levi, like he did, or just meeting to blow some steam off. He would never know whether staying with Levi could have led to something more, it was broken off before it ever could. Reality was a bitch. Hmph, it sure showed him how much.

The girl stared at her brother, seeing tears forming in the corner of his eyes. She could tell he was still suffering over his and Levi's relationship ending. The boy was only acting strong for his baby, was he for himself? She admired the effort he made day by day, only at night is when it would come out. Laying in her bed, she often listened to the night's where he would cry himself to sleep. Mikasa didn't want her brother to go through that pain anymore. She only wanted him happy. Time itself, would only be able to do that. Sitting down next to him, he brought him in for a hug, tucking his face in her red scarf, letting him weep all his sorrows away. He would one day get better, and would smile like nothing ever happened. He would be happy with his baby, not a single dark thought plaguing his mind. In complete bliss.

...Just like she wanted him to.

* * *

 

Hanji stared at her raven haired friend through the small crack in his door. The man had been working himself exhausted more than he ever had in his life. She couldn't help but worry over him. Someone had to now a days. With Eren gone he only had four general people care about him. He seemed...different, more depressed, without the boy at his side. When the brunette was there he would be the one to make Levi smile. Now, it was gone. His lovely smile was gone.

He drank more and smoked more than he used to. She had seen so herself how his bad habits had been coming back. It was heart breaking to see the man fall apart, one day at a time. She never thought that someone as strong as Levi, would ever be like this. But, she had seen how dearly he loved the green eyed beauty. He made Levi feel things Hanji never knew he could feel. He was the light of the man's life. The first time that she met him, she thought he would be one of those small, silly flings he normally had. Hanji was proven wrong by how close they had quickly become.

She had witnessed all those cute and loving moments between them. How Levi's face would light up the moment Eren would want to show the smallest of affection towards him. Imagine her surprise when Levi shared more of his own personal life with the boy, telling him things he would normally tell no one. She wouldn't doubt it if the boy knew more about Levi than did in the lifetime she knew him. The woman was desperate to know how she could make him happy again.

...the obvious reason had already left...and would never come back...

* * *

 

Later that night, Levi stood by his office window. His blazer having been removed, tie loosened, sleeves rolled up and the tops buttons of his shirt undone. Taking a drag of his cigarette, he slowly and calmly puffed out the smoke. The man had found himself smoking a cancer stick, as he called them, more often than he should.

He glanced down as his arms, seeing a new batch of fresh scars on there. Burning red with irritation and threatening to spill blood again. Not that he minded, it would be the candle on the shittiest day of his life. He would love to see the look of his blood right now. So much, in fact, he pulled out a spare razor from his drawer. Burning out his cigarette in his ashtray on his desk, he strode over quickly to his door, locking it, pulling down his blinds to make sure no one saw a thing, and turned out all the lights. He stared at the metal as if flashed in his hand. Swiping it across his hand, Levi was delighted as seeing his blood. No sight could ever compare to this. Nothing...only Eren could even win against such a horrid sin as this.

He stood by his window again, overlooking the city, All these lights were bright against his bloodshot eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had gotten any kind of sleep. He guessed it was when Eren had left him. He simply couldn't because he was missing his partner's warm body next to his own. Molding perfectly against his own body. He missed everything about the boy, those simple, stupid things, and the biggest one of them all. Being right next to him in general. He yearned for his young lover to come back. No. He shook his head at those thoughts. The boy was gone. None of his friends knew where he went, and none of the boy's friends would tell him where he was either.

He deserved every single bad thing that had been thrown in his face as of late. It was his punishment for what he did to Eren. Someone so angelic didn't deserve what happened to him. He needed something more than what Levi had ever given him. He shouldn't have gone to the brunette on that night. Eren would have had so much better. His heart told him it was right through. Tsch, damn thing led him to have both happiness and pain. Well worth it though. He experienced love while he could. The man lived it to the fullest until he let it go.

Getting over losing Eren and his child would be no simple task indeed. If he were to do so, he needed to quit drinking, smoking and cutting. Then, once every bad sin he went back to was gone, he would focus on regaining some lost friendships, his sister, mother, and repairing his life. Levi didn't have a single clue, but, he would do it. He swore on his and Eren's past love. He would succeed.

For the love he held for the boy who slipped through his fingers, like his cigarette smoke, or the blood running down his arm, he swore, for better or for worse, he would get out of his depression.

* * *

 

End of Chapter 4. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That angst, huh? I couldn't help putting in some of those dreams. It only makes it sadder, I know. Let Eren dream a little. Poor thing needs it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. A big thank you and I love you to my close friend, Julieofthewatertribe, who beta read this for me.

Life doesn't always work out the way people think it does. Your born, you live and you die. But, what about the small, major things you discover on your own? Those are the ones we should be warned about. Not meant to be discovered on our own. Though it does make you smarter and stronger in future decisions. If someone had given Eren that talk, rather than the fucking awkward as hell, birds and the bees, he might have actually used it. Oh, well. Thanks, mom.

Anyways, the boy was now 9 months into his pregnancy and had his most recent check up at the clinic not too far from his home. He was completely over joyed at the fact that he would be having a baby boy in his arms. All he could do was stare at the sonogram all day when he got it. His mother framed it for him, he takes a glance at it every night before he goes to bed, knowing he'll soon be with his child.

His mother and sister went out on a shopping spree the day he found out. To his surprise he was allowed to go, Eren thought they were going to make him stay home like last time. The brunette felt tears come to his eyes as he picked out everything. Playpen, toys, clothes, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, strollers, a highchair, towels, and the paint for the baby's room. Yes, he soon had to take more responsibility upon another life. He knew that he could do so, as long as he had his mother, sister, and his friends. Eren knew he could do it.

* * *

 

Levi placed another bottle in the cardboard box. Ever since that epiphany he had in his office 2 months ago, he had been trying desperately to repair all the damage he had inflicted on himself. While he was able to stop smoking and drinking, the man also made several improvements with his cutting. He went down from 20 cuts a day, to 5. It was indeed a major success, but, he wouldn't be satisfied until he no longer cut himself. It was a tough decision, he was infatuated with the color of his blood, he had to give it up because it caused too much damage and could consume his life again.

The one thing the raven could be incredibly proud of was that none of his friends nor sister had found out what horrible things he had been doing to himself. Levi was just glad they never found out for the one thing he was actually afraid of...his mother. The woman would give him a tongue lashing he would never forget, if she did it when he was younger, imagine how bad it would be now that he was a grown man. She already handed his ass to him for being such a bastard to Eren. Gods knows what she would do now?

He would be lying if he said that looking at all this alcohol didn't make him want to drink. The very thought of going back to what he was before he made his decision made him place another bottle in the box. There was no way in hell the raven would allow himself to get that way again. Continuing to put away more alcohol the very thought of his baby and love helped him to keep going.

* * *

 

Swaying back in forth in the rocking chair he bought, Eren stared outside the window. Watching the clouds go by, identifying shapes as they passed, for a minute he imagined himself and his son doing this together after he was born. Gods, would he love that child with all his heart. He would do the very thing the brunette's own father never did for him.

Eren would be there for every thing his father never was. First words, steps, learning to talk, riding a bike, drawing, reading, going to school, and in general just being there. He wished Grisha could have been there, and dammit, he wouldn't disappoint his own. He knew what the feeling was like. The boy would never put his own son through such pain like that.

He was however, concerned about his sister. She had this thoughtful look since the appointment, she only brushed it off and said she had something else on her mind, Eren did want to know what she was thinking, girl was complicated enough as it was. Mikasa had been shut in her room for two days now, keeping everyone away, saying that she was doing something incredibly important. He'd rather leave her to it, as his mother.

* * *

 

"Mr. Ackerman."

Levi lifted his head from the papers he had been working on. Pushing his glasses higher as his nose. "Yes? Do you need something, Sakura?"

His secretary nodded her head, a small envelope in her hand. "A letter arrived for you, sir. It's from." She lifted the envelope to her face, reading it. "Mikasa Ackerman."

The raven froze at the name. Why would she send him a letter? Didn't the girl hate him?

"Please bring it here."

Walking over, she handed him the paper, leaving his office, knowing by the look on his face, it was serious.

Ripping open the envelope, he pulled out a letter. Levi began reading, clearly wanting to know what she wanted and what she wrote to him.

_Short shit._

_I know, I know. It's a complete surprise I would waste my time with writing someone as horrible as yourself, but, I did anyway, I can question myself later whether or not it was a smart idea. Anyway, the reason that I wrote you was simple, I am going to inform you on how Eren is. I know all about how you asked our friends how he was when we lived there. I can understand your concern, I really can. But, if you had accepted my brother and your child, there would have never been a reason to do so. It's not about that, though._

_He's been doing very well, his mood swings I would completely disagree with, course that's to be expected. His appetite is strangely the healthiest it's ever been. Only wanting to eat fresh fruits, and natural foods. I can't complain, he's getting through his pregnancy rather well. His most recent appointment left him completely happy. Levi...you and Eren are having a baby boy. A son. The least you could do is send me a letter, one in which you will be saying that you will financially support them. It's the least that you could do. If you ever want to meet up with me, I'm going back there to visit our friends. I'll be staying there for a week. Whether you do or not is not my choice. It's yours. Make the right choice for once._

_Take care, Midget._

_Mikasa._

While he was reading, something slipped out from behind the paper, tears came to his eyes. It was the sonogram that held the image of his son. Picking it up, he traced his fingertips over it. His son...his baby...his...and Eren's..the raven brought it close to his chest, holding it in his arms, like he wanted to for real.

* * *

 

Making the right choices with relationships were never Levi's forte. The other person would be so different from how he was, sometimes down right the complete opposite. Hell, he would still take the chance since he was young. Upon hitting 2 years together with Eren, the man never thought he would end up being with someone not even remotely close like him. Sure, they had things in common and argued a lot, more so than they should have at times, none the less great though. You can't immediately expect to find your soul mate outside your door waiting for you. No, you have to search for the other.

This world is a big place. You'll meet a variety of people, some you will like, others, down right hate. That's alright, no one makes the right choices. It all depends on the path that you decide to take and actions done. Again, the raven was no expert when it came to relationships, in fact, if you ever needed help with one, stay steer clear from him. If there was one thing he was sure of, he never regretted wanting to get to know the boy whom stole his heart at the bar so long ago. His words are what he did regret. That, he could only ever hope to take back. What's done is done.

Sipping his tea, Levi stared at the letter and sonogram that were side by side on his kitchen table. He was completely baffled at the letter that he received earlier. He would have thought that no one from Eren's family would ever consider sending him something, much less talk to him at all. Now, he can't say that he wasn't grateful, because he is. More so towards Mikasa. The girl could have very well never sent him anything and left him wondering how the boy was and the gender of their child. This was more than a kind gesture. She was doing this to put his heart at ease. He would always feel the glares from the girl, thinking about his mistake, how much he wanted to take it back. Beg and plead towards Eren. Gravel if he so had to. His pride be dammed. As long as he could have gained Eren back, he would have done it. That was no longer an option.

He didn't know whether or not he would meet up with the brunette's sister. She was a complicated woman. One that could bite him, or anyone in the ass. He still couldn't comprehend why she would do this. Did she do this because she really wanted his heart to be at ease, or out of sheer pity? The man can't speak for her. Contemplating whether he should meet her was a completely tough decision. The words in her letter still rang in his head.

_'Whether you do or not is not my choice. It's yours. Make the right choice for once.'_

He cannot blame her for putting those words down. He made a lot of mistakes in his life. He will gladly admit so. The raven would never lie about something he clearly did. The man was not as perfect as he tended to play off. It was only to hide the ugliness. Leaning back in his seat, he thought about the possibilities of meeting up with her.

She could let him know how Eren was doing emotionally since his fuck up. The real way of how he was actually coping. There was no way in hell that he believed that the boy would be fine after such a rejection. No one would be. He desperately wanted to ask her if he could meet up with Eren, just once, only if it was there to see his child be born. He would finally live with himself. The raven couldn't bare the very thought of his son not knowing who he was. He could never live with himself. Even financial support wouldn't be enough. Levi would still have that longing to see his son.

It could also go smoothly. She would tell him every thing he wanted to know. The man knew Eren like the back of his hand, after all, they were together for 2 of the happiest years of his life. Take him to where they lived, see the love of his life, come to some sort of agreement of letting him see his son. If he could have that, and Eren's love back. He could die a happy man.

Of course shit never works out the way one thinks it does. It could go haywire. It's just the two raven's bickering back and forth, not really exchanging information, not really finding out how Eren was. All of it lies spatted onto the paper in front of him to keep him content. What if the boy was having a difficult pregnancy? Could something more serious be going on? Something they were keeping from him? He didn't know, he only wanted answers. Not more questions.

Levi set his tea cup down, getting up, heading towards his room for a nights rest.

...his decision already in mind...

* * *

 

"Mikasa."

The raven lifted her head from her book, staring into her mother's golden eyes. "Need something, mother?"

Carla nodded, sitting down by Mikasa's feet, as the girl sat up, knees brought to her chest, closing her book. "I would like to know why you went to the post office the other day."

She shrugged. "I just went to go pay some bills that were left over that we forgot about."

Her mother hummed. "Really? Because if I recall correctly, the two of us did them together. I also remember you saying that there were no bills that we had to pay until next month."

Mikasa sighed, her mother was more clever and observant about these things than she, herself, thought.

"What did you do?" The woman crossed her arms over her chest, waiting to hear her daughter's response.

"I sent a letter to Levi about Eren."

"And why in gods name did you do that, Mikasa? You know that man hurt your brother."

"I know, Mom, I know. But, he also had good intentions after he and Eren separated."

"What are those good intentions?"

"He asked our friends about how Eren was doing, wanting to know if he was getting along fine. Mom. The man was worried about the love of his life and his son. I had to do it."

"No. You didn't have to do that man a single thing. He said what he wanted, and look where that landed himself and your brother. They aren't together anymore about what he said on his baby. That man brought nothing but pain to Eren."

"Nothing but pain, mom?"

"Yes. Only pain and emotional stress."

Her onyx eyes narrowed. "Then what about the two years that Eren always came home after a date with Levi smiling? All the other times that Levi showed pure emotion and love towards my brother? The silent way of showing that he actually gave a damn. I know the circumstances in which they met aren't the best, but, dammit, mom. They loved each other! More than any other person Eren had ever been with. Every time I saw that goofy smile on his face...I know Levi did his job and kept him happy...showed him love, compassion, showing interest after their one night stand...and not just walking away like most would have after they got what they wanted...the two got to know each other more...they fell in love, mom...they still are...whether either of us except it or not...feelings like those never die out...no matter the words or actions taken...their hearts belong to the other..."

Carla stared in awe at the heart felt words Mikasa spoke about Eren and Levi. True, the two did meet in the oddest of circumstances, but, their relationship started from those feelings that night. It blossomed into something more. Something she could have hoped Eren would eventually find. The ideal person she wanted for her son. He found the person. She knew all along, the nights where she would hold her son as he cried himself to sleep, it was because he was yearning for the raven to be there. His feelings for the other male were still there. Like her daughter said, feelings like those never die out...a relationship like theirs only comes around every once and and while. What they shared was genuine, special...real. She had seen the loving gazes Levi would give at Eren, kissing him with nothing except love, Holding his hand gently in his own. She had never seen a love such as theirs. It might sound a bit cliche to say it in this manner, she believes the two were born for the other. Crafted in such a way where their heart, bodies, souls would forever fit together. She believed the words destiny and fate had played a massive role for her son and Levi.

She could finally see why Mikasa sent the letter. It wasn't out of pity, nor spite like she had thought. It was because her daughter actually liked the man that made her brother happy. Despite the two glaring, fighting, and their hate towards each other, namely Mikasa, because he took her brother from her, it was none of that. She had actually learned to care for the man as well.

...Just like Carla herself had.

Her hate towards the man was covering the care, she too held for him. Making her son smile more than she had ever seen in his entire life. She could think of a method to repay the man for bringing such happiness.

Placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder, she squeezed gently, causing the raven to smile. Knowing her mother now understood her reasons.

* * *

 

Staring out his balcony window, Eren watched all the stars twinkle in the night sky, They appeared like gems in his eyes. Looking out at the stars always helped him reflect on past decisions and helped him make some. His sister and mother worried more now these days, he was close to giving birth, his baby boy would soon be brought into this world.

Leaning against the wall, he closed his green eyes for a moment, listening to the wind ruffling the tree leaves, crickets chirping, natural calming sounds. It was soothing. If only he stay like this. Forget all the worries he held in his everyday life, pretend like they were a thing of the past. If only he could listen to these sounds a while longer...

A sudden sharp pain had Eren's green eye snapping open. Clutching a hand to his stomach, taking deep breaths, like his mother instructed him, thinking this was another contraction, which he had been dealing with his entire pregnancy. However, this was something more, he felt a sudden wetness between his legs, his mind clicked two and two together.

"MOM, MIKASA. GET UP HERE, MY WATER BROKE."

End of chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you all hate me for leaving one hell of a cliff hanger. Ah, Eren is going to have a baby next chapter. 
> 
> Now, I have a small favor to ask you guys, for the baby's eye color and hair, what do you think they should be? I'll pick whatever is most commonly said. Thanks, guys. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long. I was just going through a rough time and didn't really feel like typing. But, now that everything is resolved for the most part, I will now update again. Thanks guys.

Going to the hospital at 11 o'clock at night, especially when you're about to give labor, was not fun at all. Mikasa drove their car, while Carla was in the back, holding her son's hand telling him to breathe. The boy swore he felt no other pain could compare to what he was feeling now. Taking in deep breathes, until they arrived. His sister shoved her door open, swinging the back open, assisting Eren out of the vehicle.

Walking into the hospital was no party either. The two females yelling for someone to fucking come and help Eren, now. The boy himself holding his stomach in pain as another contraction hit. Pain searing through every vain in his body. He vaguely felt someone push him down onto a wheel chair and make their way to an empty room. He can barely tell where he is because of the sheer agony he's going through. When he finally snapped out of his trance, Eren found himself staring into his sister's and mother's onyx and golden orbs. Taking a simultaneous breath of relief, their shoulders slumped down slightly.

His green eyes scanned his surroundings. The room white as a sheet, somewhat large window with the shades drawn, lights at a dim setting, monitor with a piercing beep indicating his heart beat, an IV bag dripping some fluid inside the plastic bag, he watched the slow, steady drip for a moment, he eventually looked down. Examining his clothing. No longer was he wearing his hoodie and shorts. It was those hospital gowns, more than likely someone died in them, or gods knows when they were washed, he shivered a bit at the feeling. He felt the cold air more as his arms and legs were more exposed.

A small blonde nurse walked in, smiling at him. Lightening his mood a bit. "Well, hello there, Eren. I'm Shiro. How are you feeling?"

"A bit, confused to be completely honest."

She rose a brow. "Do you remember arriving at the hospital? Or even walking in?" She opened her clip board, pen in hand, ready to take notes as to how he was feeling.

"I don't remember much. I can recall arriving at the hospital, and taking a few steps inside. I faintly remember hearing people talking, more like yelling to be honest with you. The next thing is feeling someone's cold hands placed on my shoulders, and someone pushing me down onto the wheel chair. All I could feel was pain coursing through my veins. Like I was in some kind of trance. The next thing...is waking up here in this bed. I'm sorry, but, that's all I can remember since getting here." He lifted his left hand, rubbing his temples, the tube from the IV disturbing him.

Shiro stared at him for a moment, she closed her clipboard, setting it on the edge of his bed. She checked his blood pressure, heart beat, felt if he had a fever of any kind, the woman was completely confused when she felt nothing of the sort. Grabbing her clipboard again, she wrote down all the concerns that she had, and wanted to ask them to the doctor for further explanation. "Alright, I'll let the doctor know how you're doing, and we'll see you in a while." She smiled and nodded her head, excusing herself from the room.

* * *

 

"Doctor, I am concerned about our patient, Eren Jeager. He doesn't seem to recall most of what happened when he and his family arrived here." Shiro set down the clipboard, presenting her notes to the doctor.

Examining the papers in front of him, his brows furrowed. "I'm afraid...that, this boy might have a difficult time giving birth to his child. I suppose you recall what happened to the woman that came in a month ago?"

"Yes, sir. I painfully know all too well."

"Perhaps we might have another situation such as that..."

"But, doctor, he's too young to have that certain kind of thing happen to him. We barely handled the situation with her, what of this time around? What if we fail?"

"We'll just have to be prepared for it then..." He reached over and started dialing on his phone, he covered the mouth piece with his other hand. "Make sure that you gather at least five other nurses to be there when the birth happens. Make sure every thing is there. Other wise..." He left it off there. Not wanting to think of such a situation again.

The nurse nodded her head. "Yes, doctor. I understand. I pray, we don't find ourselves like that again."

* * *

 

After several hours of enduring large amounts of pain, it was finally time for Eren to give birth. Both his sister and mother were allowed to be present. For one, the father of his child wouldn't ever be there.

Mikasa looked around the room discreetly, noting that there were more nurses than there should be. Were they simply observing the birth?

...or was there something more going on here that she didn't know?

The doctor smiled at Eren. "Are you ready to meet your children, young man?"

The boy gave him a smile, well, the best one he could give. "Yes. I am extremely excited to meet the life inside of me."

Two nurses came and stood beside the doctor, and his mother and sister on each of his sides. He gripped Carla's hand tightly in his own, she held a cloth one of the nurses gave her to damp the sweat on her son's forehead away.

"Alright, Eren, I'm going to need you to push very hard, for precisely ten seconds at a time." The doctor said pulling a mask over his mouth.

He nodded, taking a deep breath and beginning to push, squeezing his mother's hand, his face turning red, sweat forming on his forehead.

"Keep going, I'm beginning to see the head..." The doctor instructed for the nurse, whom had a towel in her hands, to come forward.

Every push felt like an eternity for Eren. Pain exploding in the lower half of his body, he never thought it would hurt this much, sure he had heard from his mother, nurses and even the doctor warn him, but, holy fuck, it was much worse when it was happening.

A cry broke him from his thoughts, a small body squirming in the arms of one nurse, she wiped away the blood from it's body, before he could even ask to see his child, pain shot in his lower half again, making him scream. The doctor frantically looked at him, his eyes widening. "It's another head! Eren, I need you to push again!"

Taking a deep breath, he did as he was instructed, he felt more exhausted this time around, Eren slumped back, panting heavily, the doctor and nurses urging him to keep going, he was carrying more than one life, he had to keep pushing, other wise something would happen.

The only thing he felt was something escape his body, the doctor yelling, his mother tightening her hold on his hand, only to be torn away a moment later. His vision blurred within an instant. Only making very shady figures, his eyes fought to stay open, a nurse kept shaking him, telling him to stay awake, to not shut his eyes. He had to stay awake, he had to. His body however, had other motives. He could only make out some voices...

"Heart...!"

"Dropping...!"

"Losing him...!"

"Both of you out...!"

"EREN!"

...Before his world shut down...

* * *

 

A pale hand clutched at his white shirt, right where his heart was. His chest all of a sudden began hurting. Levi screwed his eyes shut, wondering what in the hell could have caused this sudden pain to erupt within himself.

He was only sitting in his office getting some work done, when the pain appeared. He hadn't been feeling any physical pain, he can assure you on that. The man made sure he was healthy, he wasn't sore from the gym, he wasn't a fucking pansy. So, what was it?

When it subsided, he took a long sip from his tea. Letting the warm beverage flow down his throat. Setting his cup down, the raven leaned back in his chair, turning his gaze up to the ceiling. Why did he get hit with pain like that out of no where?

His eyes widened. Was there something wrong with Eren? His pregnancy? It probably had something to do with the love of his life. Why else would he feel this? Wait. Mikasa would have contacted him. She would have, the girl did promise she would keep him informed when he spoke to her a little bit ago. There was no reason to worry about anything going on with his child and his love...

...right?

* * *

 

Mikasa tapped her foot against the white tiled floor of the hospital, her mother sat right next to her, silently praying for her son.

She and her mother had to watch as Eren's heart beat had slowed down, and flattened. Both women were pushed out of the delivery room as the doctor and nurses worked frantically to bring the brunette back to life.

It had been fifteen of the longest minutes of her life. For fucks sake, her brother could be dead and never meet his fucking children. No. She shook her head, scolding herself. Eren was one stubborn ass, he would not give up just like that. Not after everything that he had gone through, he would pull through. She just had to stay positive and hope that things turned out right. Someone would come and inform her that the boy would be completely fine and he could see his twins.

Foot steps had her head snapping up, she and her mother stood up, easily recognizing the doctor whom helped Eren deliver his children.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." He stopped right in front of the two women.

"Is my brother going to be alright?" The doctor nodded. "Yes. He's going to just fine. His heart did unfortunately stop as you saw. We believe it was because the overall shock of having another child, as we had informed him months prior, he was only expecting one child, and well, surprisingly enough, he gave birth to twins."

Carla raised a brow. "But, doctor, how did this happen? As I'm aware, this doesn't happen often."

"No, it does not. But, we do believe the reason a situation such as this occurred was because of family genetics. Has there been a history of illnesses in any of your family history?" "Yes, on his father's side."

"Well, we believe it might have been because of that. He'll have to stay here a few days more, monitor his health and such, after we feel he is well enough, he may go home with his children."

"Thank you very much Doctor, we appreciate it." They shook hands, the man left and told them Eren was already awake and waiting for them in his room.

* * *

 

Green eyes fluttered open, Eren groaned as he came in contact with bright lights, weakly lifting a hand to shield his vision. The room was completely silent, except for the beeping of his heart monitor, no one was in the room.

Come to think if it, what in seven hells happened? He can't for the life of him remember anything except for giving birth to one of his children...

...his children...

Eren's eyes widened, where were they? Were they not supposed to be with him? Did something wrong go on with their birth? The door creaking open had him snapping out of his thoughts, he saw his mother and sister quietly coming in, they must have not realized he would be awake, with what ever the hell happened, one would assume he would be asleep right now. But, with him worrying about his two infants, there was no way that he would be in the land of dreams.

The raven female approached her brother, she had a feeling he would more than likely be awake, placing her hand on his arm, her mother stood behind her, observing and looking over her son.

The boy smiled weakly. "Mikasa..."

Tears filled her onyx eyes. "Brother...I thought...the worst had happened to you..."

What was she talking about? The worst happening to him? He would ask later, but the looks on their faces showed fear and relief. What ever happened, he would find out.

"Eren."

The small family turned and saw it was the small blonde nurse that had attended Eren, she had two small bundles in her arms, each wrapped in white, soft blankets. She approached them and stood beside Eren, a smile on her face.

"Congratulations. You are now the proud parent of twins." She placed the two children in his waiting arms.

He brought both of his children to his chest, they were beautiful, and frail. Gods, how he longed to be able to hold them in his arms. Those nine months were worth waiting.

One child, a boy, was a spitting image of Levi. Down to the raven hair, steel grey eyes and pale skin. His facial features favored more of his other Father's then Eren. He could already tell he would be a mini version of the man.

His other son, was completely unique. His left eye a steel grey and his right green. He certainly took after Eren in the features department. Chestnut hair and tan skin.

Shiro pulled out a small birth certificate, pulling out a pen too. "Eren. Have you decided what you would name your children?"

Looking over his children, he kept his eyes on the mini version of Levi, a small smile graced his lips. "My first son's name is Sebastian."

Smiling, she wrote down the first name. "For your other son?"

His other son was certainly special, he had acquired both his parent's eye color, but, he looked like Eren for sure. "Yami." Yes, that name would suit such a unique boy.

"Yami and Sebastian Jeager. Born on March 30th, 3 AM. Congratulations again, Eren." She patted him on his arm, leaving the room, wanting the family to welcome the two new little members.

Carla and Mikasa sat on each of Eren's bed side, looking at the children with loving gazes, both boys looking around the room, their eyes taking in as much as they could, cooing and squealing at all the different things.

"Well, I think we can thank Krista for buying two cribs now." Mikasa said as she stroked Sebastian's chubby arm.

"Eren? Do you mind if I hold one of my grandchildren?" He shook his head, his mother gently took Yami into her arms, and his sister took Sebastian into her own.

"They are so adorable, brother. But, why did you pick the names for them, I'm curious." She asked ticking the baby raven's tummy, making him giggle.

"I choose the name Sebastian because he looks like he'll turn out to be a rather sophisticated and organized child. Something about him told me to name him something suited for a little brainiac. I choose Yami since he looks so unique, I thought he would be a smart and a imaginative boy, and have his little weird moments."

"I think the names are lovely, Eren." His mother leaned over and kissed his forehead, making him blush lightly. The two females laughed at the look on his face, the infants in their arms falling asleep, cooing as they did so.

* * *

 

Several weeks had passed since Eren had given birth to his twins, Yami and Sebastian. His theory had been proven right, they didn't bother him for anything. The simplest of things kept them entertained, which was good for him, he got school work done without having to worry much, occasionally looking over his shoulder to see them playing with foam blocks and their rattles, Mikasa or his mother looking after them.

Some days after he had been released from the hospital, he sat down with his mother and sister and had them tell him what happened on the night that he gave birth to his kids. He had cried when they told him he had literally died for several minutes. He didn't remember that, he didn't feel a thing. His mother had let him know the doctor thought it was because of the history his father's side of the family had with their health, it couldn't have been anything more serious than that. He left the hospital completely healthy, not a thing wrong with him, he was just glad he lived through it.

His life was still in a way, the same as it was before. He only had two lives to look after now. All his friends had come and visited to congratulate him. He was more surprised when Bertholt, normally the shy one of their group, had helped him out more. He was the one who stood up late at night with him, feeding one of his son's, and rocking them back to sleep.

The boy was pulled aside by him one day, imagine the shock he felt when the taller brunette confessed he had feelings for him. Ones that went beyond friendship for years now. After giving it some serious thought, he agreed to be in a relationship with him. He was immediately brought in for a hug, receiving a kiss on the cheek. He trusted the brunette to not hurt him, and hopefully, he would not turn out like Levi did...

...he hoped with all his heart...

* * *

 

Mikasa sat in a small cafe waiting for the fucking midget, Levi, to get here. How in the world was she going to tell the man that he had twins instead of one son like he was expecting. By the gods, she was hoping he didn't faint in public. Wait, this was Levi, he would never do so. The man has a ten foot pole up his ass, that would never happen with him.

"Mikasa."

She lifted her head up, seeing Levi taking a seat across from her, a cup of tea in front of him.

His eyes narrowed. "I thought you would be coming here 5 weeks ago."

"Sorry about that, but, my dear brother gave birth."

Steel grey eyes widened. "H-He gave birth already? How's my son?"

She pulled out a picture, handing it to him. "Take a look for yourself."

Looking it over, he saw a mini version of himself, steel grey eyes, raven hair and pale skin. Man, was the kid a spitting image of himself. He noticed another child, this one was unique to say the least. His left eyes a steel grey and right a green, chestnut hair and tan skin. This one looked like...Eren and himself combined into one...wait, but that would mean...

His face paled. "I have two sons?"

Mikasa nodded, sipping her coffee. "Yep. The boy who looks exactly like you is Sebastian, the boy who looks like a combo of you two, is Yami. They were born on March 30th, at 3 AM. Congrats, Daddy."

A smile graced his lips, he covered his eyes with his right hand, hiding his eyes. There was no way in hell anyone would see him cry. No, this moment was just for himself.

He honestly didn't know what it would feel like to be a father, he thought it would be a complete hassle, but, there were no words that could describe his happiness, it felt...amazing to know, two little lives would be alive, from both him and Eren. Hopefully someday he could regain Eren's love and trust, he would one day. That he could be sure of.

Mikasa saw the look of hope and determination on Levi's face, she could already tell what he was thinking about. It was a dead give away. She would hate herself for what she was about to say. She took a deep breath and spoke.

"Eren's in a relationship with Bertholt."

* * *

 

End of Chapter 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone who left a message and shared what they thought the baby should look like. Thanks guys, appreciate it. A big thank you to Vampireglub for the idea on the twins, and Chariot for the idea of heterochromia. (Each eye having a different color.)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took a while. I had some massive writers block and then school began too. Ugh, so yeah. Hope you enjoy this.

My Regret

Chapter 7

* * *

 

In life everyone makes mistakes we all regret. Maybe not all are instantly recognized, some might take time and others just don't. It's alright for us to do so, we're all human after all.

For Levi, his was not accepting his child and Eren with open arms. Now the love of his life was in another man's arms. His twins were being raised by someone else other than him. This was the consequence of his mistakes. He deserved this. He really did. This was the punishment for his fuck up.

"W-What did you just say?" Disbelief was evident in his voice.

"Exactly as I said, Levi. Eren and Bertholt are in a relationship. He is with the love of your life. Raising your children. The ones that you thought were nothing but a burden." Mikasa tried to lace the words with hate, when all she really felt was pain. She had to be the one to tell the man what happened to Eren and his kids.

The man shook his head, denial seeking in. "Eren would never be with someone else. He promised to love me and only me. He never liked Bertholt. H-He never did...no.." He closed his eyes. An uncomfortable silence struck the two. A bitter laugh escaped him, startling the charcoal haired female. Tears of infinite sadness came to his eyes. There was no way that his love would consider being with someone other than him.

Suddenly, the raven stood up, grabbing his jacket and walked out, Mikasa trailing out after him.

"Levi! Wait!" She called out to the man, hoping that he would slow down and allow her to catch up.

* * *

 

What seemed like an eternity, she saw where he was leading them. His apartment. Of course. Levi would want to talk about this personal matter somewhere private, not in a place where the public eye can see and judge him for having an emotional breakdown.

Opening the door to his apartment, for himself and the female trailing behind himself. Taking off his coat, he placed it on the hanger, striding into his kitchen.

Mikasa observed his movements. They all seemed so...lifeless. Was the man this way when Eren had moved too? Did everything that happen affect him on a completely different level, far more than anyone thought? When he was with her brother, she in a way thought of him as a bird. One that used to be caged in his own small world. When the boy opened the cage, Levi was now finally able to spread his wings and soar. But, as we all knew, he was shot down, by his own mistake no less. The beautiful wings he allowed to fly were now broken, injured, not wanting to see the daylight nor feel the breeze on his face.

After hanging her coat up, she quietly crept to his kitchen. Pain clenched at her heart. The man was sitting at his table, head in his hands, tears running down his pale cheeks. His steel grey eyes no longer intimidating and sharp. They were now filled with sadness, regret, and hopelessness.

Going over she sat down silently across from him. Not saying a word, knowing he would speak when he was ready.

Moments of silence passed the room, leaving an uncomfortable feeling thick in there.

The raven continued to hold his head in his hands. Contemplating whether the information his beloved's sister was true or not. Could Eren actually be in a relationship with another person? He vowed to love only him. He made a heartfelt promise. One that he told Levi, the boy would never break. No matter how angry or sad he got.

He knew the way that bastard felt towards Eren when they were together. He always suspected he harbored feelings beyond friendship. Levi knew all about the subtle glances Bertholt threw at his lover. He was enraged that kid felt he deserved Eren more. With his fuck up, he left the perfect opening. Normally, he would go and take his love and children away, bring them here, live with him, love them. He couldn't though. Eren was too angry with him, far too much. The boy wouldn't welcome him back with open arms. Only rejection and hatred. The man could already imagine Bertholt standing behind Eren, looking smug. Thinking that he won, he had Eren and wouldn't let him go. And that his children, would be his. His fists clenched at the thought. He was the kids biological father. He had more right than that fucking giant. Levi swore, he would end up winning and getting Eren and his children back.

It would certainly be a lengthy process, but for Eren, nothing was too much to keep him away from his lover.

Taking a shaky breath he spoke. "I-Is he happy with that brute?"

Mikasa shook her head. "No. You can clearly tell he only likes Bertholt as a friend."

"H-How...I-I thought he would like him more..."

"It's hard to tell really. What with school and looking after Yami and Sebastian, he doesn't have much time with Bertholt. He avoids him more if you stop to think about it."

Steel grey eyes widened. "Really?"

The female nodded. "Yeah. I think he still sees him nothing more than a friend. But, who knows. This relationship might work between them and it might not. Only time will give us the answer."

She was right. You couldn't tell whether or not something would work out in the long run. Time would sooner or later give everyone the answer they were searching for.

* * *

 

The day passed once again too fast for Eren's liking. He would have loved to spend some time with his mother alone, but, alas, he was yet again, too tired for that. Raising two children was certainly taking a lot of energy out of him.

Eren did get plenty of help from his mother and Bertholt, allowing him to take small breaks or work on something for school.

Right now the boy was watching his sleeping children from their cribs, a fond and loving smile on his lips. They tuckered themselves out by playing with their toys. The boy already bathed, fed, burped them, and changed his twins into their soft pajamas. After reading them a bed time story, Yami and Sebastian fell asleep.

Sleep had been screaming his name for hours now, until...

"Eren."

...Bertholt wanted some time with him. Fuck.

The boy rubbed his eyes and yawned, hoping the taller brunette would get the idea he was exhausted.

He didn't. Bertholt walked over and wrapped his arms around Eren, bringing him to his chest, placing his head on top of the shorter brunette.

Seeing as he wouldn't allow Eren to leave his arms, the boy sank into his arms. Bertholt was warm, he would be knocked out soon.

His eyes drooped more and more by the passing second. He faintly felt someone lift him into their arms, and placing him in his bed. Eren snuggled into the covers. He could only hear the door shut quietly.

* * *

 

Eren stretched as he woke up from his slumber. He had gotten a full night's sleep, which in a way, was strange. His kids would cry during the night for a bottle, a diaper change or just attention.

Getting up, taking a quick shower, brushing his teeth, changing, and fixing his bed, Eren went into his kids room.

Pushing the door open, he smiled. Yami and Sebastian were awake now. Moving and cooing in their cribs.

Walking over, he took Yami out of his crib, steel grey and green orbs staring at him, giving him a toothless smile. Kissing his son's forehead, Eren went over to the small changing stand, and got him out of his pajamas, the little boy kicked his feet in the air, giggling.

Setting Yami back in his crib, he got Sebastian and did the same for him. Getting both his son's, he made his way downstairs, ready to give them their milk.

His mother and Bertholt greeted him with a smile.

"Good morning, son."

"Morning, Eren."

He smiled back at them, setting Yami down in Carla's awaiting arms, and taking a seat, Sebastian in his own arms. "Good morning."

Bertholt stood and up got the two bottles with room temperature milk in them, handing one to each Carla and Eren.

As Eren was feeding Sebastian, he stared into his steel grey eyes. Gods. those eyes reminded him of Levi so much.

If Levi had just fucking accepted his children, it would be him instead of his mother or Bertholt helping him look over his son's. He would never have to worry about who was looking after his kids. Be able to see them grow and learn with each passing day. It was a blessing to have children, especially the one's of the person you love more than anything in this life. He unknowingly began to drift off into another one of his day dreams.

* * *

 

"Eren."

The boy raised his head from the book he had been reading to look at his older lover. "Yeah?"

Levi sat down next to Eren and showed him his phone, a soft smile was on his face. "I put the twins to sleep on out bed and when I went to check on them, I got a picture of how they were asleep."

Green eyes softened at the picture. His two sons were cuddled together on the bed, a thin blanket draped over the two of them. Their hands were linked together, both boys facing each other sound asleep.

Eren smiled at he picture, his sons were simply adorable. Levi wrapped an arm around the brunette and brought him close to his chest. "Our sons are damn cute, huh, brat?"

A soft chuckle came from the boy. "They really are. They seem to love to cuddle just like their father."

"And like their mother."

The boy smiled and snuggled into his lover's chest, feeling Levi's grip on his tighten. "I love you, Levi."

Eren could practically hear the smile on the older man's face. "Love you too, brat."

* * *

 

Laughter erupted from the brunette as he watched his lover struggle to bath Sebastian. The baby boy was wiggling around in the small tub they bought for the boys. Yami was already bathed and changed, suckling on a pacifier against Eren's chest, while his brother was making it difficult for his father to bathe him.

Levi turned around and gave a pleading look to Eren, clearly wanting the boy's help. Having mercy on his lover, he handed Levi Yami, after he dried his hands and arms off.

The brunette placed his left arm under Sebastian's back and with his right began gently lathering him up with soap. The infant stopped wiggling around and opted to cooing at Eren.

Eren heard a sigh behind him and smiled. "How can you make it seem so easy to bathe him?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders. "I guess he doesn't want his father who loves cleanliness to bathe him."

'"Kid must really know, huh?"

"Guess so. I just pray to whatever god is listening, that neither of them end up being a clean freak."

"Why not?"

"You'd have a field day with that one."

"I wouldn't have a-" He stopped when Eren gave him a look that clearly said. 'I don't believe that bullshit.'

Levi sighed. "I guess you're right."

"Mhm."

Eren finished bathing Sebastian and wrapped him up in a white, soft towel. Slowly tipping the small tub down, he let the water go down the drain.

Levi kissed his cheek as he went to change their son. "Thank you."

A red hue graced Eren's cheeks. "Sure."

* * *

 

"Eren!"

The boy snapped out of his daze and saw Bertholt's worried gaze. "Something wrong, Bert?"

He nodded. "You didn't respond when I called you. I was getting worried."

Eren rubbed the back of his head, Sebastian still in his arms. "Sorry about that. I was merely thinking of my sister and when she would get back." That was something that would seem believable easily; he didn't want the taller brunette to know what he was really thinking about.

Bertholt nodded. "I understand you miss your sister, Eren. She was an immense help around here and nice to have a conversation with. I miss her too."

Carla came back into the kitchen, a smile on her face. "Finally out of your dream, Eren?"

The boy blushed. "Yes, mom."

"Good. You drift off enough as it is, Eren. Don't want that look permanently on your face."

" _Mother, please._ "

His mother laughed and went over to the stove to begin lunch for them all.

Bertholt covered the boy's hand with his own. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Eren nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry."

The taller brunette nodded and left the boy be, going back and playing with Yami.

Inwardly sighing, Eren knew that Bertholt would more than like have something to say if he knew he was thinking about Levi again. He knew the man should have been out of his thoughts some time ago, but hell, it was difficult. Levi was a major part of himself and it was hard to let go of that chapter of his life. Only time would seem to help him.

* * *

 

Dull grey eyes opened and the raven lightly moved his body on his comfy couch. He gently rubbed his left eye and yawned. It must have been nine or ten o'clock. Did he fall asleep at some point? All he remembered was talking with Eren's sister and the next thing, he was waking up. Just what did happen after he and Mikasa talked?

Turning his head to look around the room, his blinds were drawn shut, a blanket was draped over his body and a pillow from his room was under his head. It looked like he was the only person in his home right now. The female must have left when he passed out. Sitting up slowly, Levi stretched out his body, listening to his joints popping. Feeling warmth around his neck, he glanced down and his eyes grew in size. It was Mikasa’s most treasured red scarf that she got from her brother.

Lifting himself off his couch, he walked into his kitchen and prepared himself some black tea. Leaning against the counter, he drifted off into his thoughts once again, aimlessly fiddling with the scarf.

Eren was in a relationship with that tall motherfucking brute. His hands balled into fists at the thought of the other touching the love of his life. Who the hell did Bertholt think he was? The brat was nothing but a damn nuisance in Levi's path of getting Eren back. He thought no one would dare get near the boy after seeing how deeply he loved him. But no, the taller brunette said a giant fuck you by going after the boy.

Just why the flying fuck did Bertholt have to be interested in Eren? He could have just as easily set his eyes on someone else and not the person he loved. They had kids together for fucks sake! That should have already said something to him about leaving him alone and not going near him.

Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes, Eren had promised to love only him and no one else. It was well broken now. As was his promise to the brunette. Neither of them stayed together like they had talked about before. He could still remember the feel of Eren's soft, tan skin under his fingertips. The luminescent green eyes that stared at him and gave him their full attention, like he was the only person in the world that really mattered. The nights where all they did was snuggle, enjoying the other's warmth. It wasn't all about sex with either of them. It was something more. Just having the other person there in your arms, was all that mattered to the raven.

All those things could only be a memory to him now, and nothing more. No longer would he be able to tell Eren he loved him with all his heart. The one the boy had showed him he indeed had. Chipped away at the ice he had over himself. The boy who made him laugh, smile, feel loved, took him out of his endless bitter mood. Now, the boy was the one who made all those feelings and hate towards himself come back.

Now all he could do was pray to whatever god, even though he didn't believe on one for shit, was listening, and make it so that he and Eren could make amends and be a family like they should be.

But things don't work that way. They never do.

* * *

 

Mikasa sat on her bed in the hotel room she was staying at for her trip. The meeting with Levi in the beginning was exactly how she expected it to be. The ending of it was a completely different matter.

The man ended up crying like a small child. It was something she never thought the raven could do. He spilled out so many emotions, it was difficult to keep up with them all.

The female laid down in her bed, staring out her window. So, Levi really was just a fragile being underneath all that. He only put up a facade to not look weak. Her hand tightened its grip on her blanket. Levi was a whole different person when he was depressed. Gone was the man with the poker face, monotone voice and endless insults. In his place was a fragile, caring and loving man. He didn't once hesitate to show what he felt when Eren left. The conversation still fresh in her mind.

* * *

 

_"M-Mikasa, I didn't think t-that E-Eren would e-ever love another…" The man sobbed, "H-He promised to love only m-m-me…"_

_The female remained quiet as she listened to Levi literally spill his heart out before her._

_"E-Eren said he h-had no interest in that b-brute. Yet, there he f-fucking goes. Taking the l-love of my l-life. Damn b-bastard." He sniffed, wiping the fresh tears off his cheeks, more spilling out from his ashy, tear soaked orbs._

_Mikasa undid her scarf around her neck, something that she rarely ever did, and got up to wrap it around Levi's own neck._

_Levi sobbed more as he felt the warmth of the scarf on his neck. He could only imagine Eren wrapping the scarf around him, smiling as he did so._

_The female wrapped her arms around the sobbing man and whispered to him. "It's alright, Levi. You're a strong man. The strongest one I know. To endure all these feelings on your own and be able to share them with me is incredible. It shows me that you are indeed a caring person. My entire look on you has changed for the better." She tightened her grip on him. "You'll have to fight tooth and nail to prove that you are still worthy of my brother's love. I know he still loves you. The dazed look in his eyes he often gets…I know he's thinking of you…I know, Levi…he would love more than anything to be with you…as would your children…give it your all…"_

_When she looked down, Mikasa smiled. The male had fallen asleep. He had cried so much that he must have finally passed out due to emotional distress. It was better if he get some sleep now and think things over himself and contemplate what he would do next._ _Lifting him up easily, she set him down on his couch, went into his room and retrieved a pillow and blanket for him._

_Slipping on her jacket and shoes at the door, she locked it and shut it on her way out._

* * *

 

She could now understand why Levi had given Eren those soft looks and tender touches. It's because her brother had helped him become a better man. The boy had done what seemed to be the impossible. The raven must have been a complete gentlemen and fantastic lover when they were in privacy. She had always wondered why she could somehow trust Levi with her beloved brother so well, now she found the answer she'd been looking for.

Closing her grey eyes, she drifted off to sleep. She hoped with all her heart and love for her brother, those two idiots would make amends and get back together. They deserved to be the family they had already formed.

Mikasa would be incredibly happy should that happen.

It was all in Eren's hands to make that decision for him and Levi. She prayed he thought this out well. Their future depended on him and him alone.

* * *

 

End of chapter 7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Dives under bed- I hope you liked this chapter and Levi's reaction. I know I did. Sorry, not sorry, for messing with your feels.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this came out a bit later than I would have liked. Damn medication is blurring all my thoughts something fierce. But, I powered through it for my lovely readers. Whom I love very much. I do hope that you enjoy this chapter.

My Regret

Chapter 8 

* * *

 

Promises are made to keep them. Ones to keep their health, life together, lover, family and so on. Most are easy to maintain. We usually have someone there by our side to let us know not to break them. But, for other people...it's hard to maintain one.

Swallowing the bitter liquid down his throat, and feeling the burn on the inside was something the raven had missed. He held his glass in hand, swishing around the light brown liquid with a flick of his wrist. He knew he made a promise not to drink again, well fuck that. There was a perfectly good reason to drink away the emotions he felt right now. Eren was that fucking piece of shit and Levi felt like nothing. So, what the hell, bottoms up.

He couldn't even tell when he started drinking or how much time had gone by. All he could remember was seeing the sun rise three times and same thing with the moon too. The raven looked around his apartment, several wine and bourbon bottles out on the floor. Levi then realized he had been drinking from the same glass this whole time. Must have been mixing the two drinks together on accident. Huh, no wonder if felt stronger than usual.

Levi knew that he shouldn't be doing this shit again, he promised to stop for Eren and his children. But could you really blame him? He just found out the love of his life is with another man. If he knew they the boy wasn't still angry at him, he's find Mikasa and march down to where his beloved is and ask for another chance. That wasn't his situation unfortunately.

Standing up on wobbly legs, the man's world began spinning and looking completely disoriented. Levi made his way to his bedroom, by holding onto the wall, making sure he didn't fall and hurt himself. Not noticing he had left his shoes on the floor, the man accidentally ended up tripping on them, hitting the side of his head on the end of his nightstand.

Pained coursed through his head, vision becoming even blurrier and darker. His ashy orbs slowly shut and one thought went through his mind.

_'Eren...'_

* * *

 

Hanji sighed as she nursed a glass of water in her hands. She shot a pleading look to Levi's adopted sister, Petra. "So, you really can't tell me where Levi is?"

The strawberry blonde shook her head, a sad look in her warm beige eyes. "I haven't heard from my brother in three days. I really wonder what's going on with him..."

Having not seen the raven for three days now, Hanji invited the man's adopted sister out to a cafe and find out if she knew something. Anything to make her worried feelings go away.

Rubbing the back of her head, Hanji leaned back in her seat. "I don't know what's up with him." She stopped and saw a familiar raven haired female walk in. "Mikasa!"

The girl turned around at hearing her name called. "Hanji?"

Grinning, she waved the raven over. She got up and allowed the female to sit next to her.

Petra smiled, a bit forced. "It's nice to see you again, Mikasa."

"Likewise."

The scientist sat down next to the new table occupant. "Say, Mikasa. Mind if I ask you a question?"

"It depends. What is it?"

"Have you by any chance seen Levi."

"...I have."

Petra leaned forward, a worried expression on her face. "Please, when was the last time you saw my brother?"

"It was about 4 days ago. Why? Is something wrong with him?"

The blonde sighed. "We haven't seen or heard from him in three days."

Hanji glanced over at Mikasa. "Did you happen to talk to him?"

Mikasa nodded. "I did. I sent him a letter weeks prior letting him know of my visit."

"Did you two talk?"

"We did. His and Eren's children were born. Two boys."

Hanji giggled. "Damn, baby daddy sure knew what he was doing."

Petra nudged the woman with her foot under the table. "Congratulations to them. What are their names?"

The raven haired female smiled. "Yami and Sebastian. I gave your brother a picture of them when they were first born." Leaning back in her seat, Hanji carefully picked out the words to her next question. "How's Eren? Is he doing alright since he and Levi aren't together anymore? I would imagine he still is."

Mikasa sighed. "I won't lie. The first few months was a rough time for him. You would always see him sad and hear him constantly crying. I had a tough time trying to help Eren through all that. But, my mother and I managed to help him."

Hanji stroked her chin. "Then I wonder what made Levi so upset? He should be happy that his children were born. Hell, I was surprised he didn't demand you tell him where Eren is so he can go and be with them."

Ebony eyes lowered to stare at the table. "He won't anymore."

Petra raised a brow. "Oh? Why?"

"Because I told him that Eren was in a relationship with Bertolt."

Beige and brown eyes widened. "What?!" Both females all but yelled out.

The people in the cafe looked over when they heard two females yelling. Mikasa all sent them a glare, making them fearfully looking away. "Perhaps, we should talk more about this matter elsewhere. I don't want people try to listen in on this."

Petra nodded, having snapped out of her shock. "We can go back to my apartment and talk there." All three gathered their things and left the cafe, heading for the blonde's home.

* * *

 

Hanji rested her head in her hands. "How could you tell Levi that the love of his life was with another person?"

Petra narrowed her eyes. "You must have done this just to see him sad. You never did like my brother and Eren's relationship."

"Then would you rather he go to where Eren and see him and Bertholt together? Let him find out on his own? Would you have liked to see him break down in front of my brother, and have Bertholt think he's weak? Did you seriously fucking want that?" Mikasa spat out her words, anger mixed in with them.

Both of the females cringed. They had clearly pissed off the wrong person.

The blonde shakily shook her head. "N-No, we just thought you did this out of spite is all..."

"Then me giving your brother the picture of his children was to make him suffer. No, it was to make his small ass get in gear and fucking do something."

"Wait, wait, wait." Hanji pushed her glasses up on her nose with her index finger. "I thought you barely told him three days ago?"

"No, I sent him a letter several weeks back about the news of the twins. He's known for a while. Eren wasn't with Bertholt until the kids were born."

"How old are the children now?" Petra asked, curiosity shining in her honey eyes.

"They are 5 months right now."

Hanji stroked her chin. "So, they aren't all that old, huh?"

The raven shook her head. "No, but." Mikasa smiled. "They are already irreplaceable in our family. Such small children can make a difference. It did in my brother."

Petra smiled. She could already see Eren holding the two children and being the perfect parent she always knew he would end up becoming someday. "We have to go see if my brother is at his home."

Hanji nodded. "He could be there for all we know. Must have shut everyone out and needed some time. But, since you and I are worried to death for shorty, it'd be best if we go and see."

"I'll go with you. I want to see how he is before I leave in two days. I also want to get my scarf back." Mikasa stood up and put on her jacket.

The strawberry blonde nodded. "Of course, he'd more than likely want to talk to you. You barely saw him. Might be more willing to see you than both of us at the moment."

Gathering their things, the three females walked out of Petra's home and headed for the raven's apartment. Hoping that he would be there.

* * *

 

"Levi! Open up! It's me. Petra!" She knocked on the door.

Hanji was searching around his home looking for something and Mikasa was there fiddling with a piece of her hair.

"If I had known he would do this, I wouldn't have told him in the first place."

Petra turned around and took the girl's pale hands into her own. "No, you did the right thing. It was better he found out through you early and not through his own eyes. It would have been much worse had he found out on his own."

Mikasa reluctantly nodded. "Alright, I guess you have a point."

Releasing the girl's hands, Hanji came back giggling.

The raven's sister raised a brow. "What are you giggling about? This is serious."

"I know, but I found the spare key to Levi's apartment. He kept it in his garden gloves in the back."

Both females shook their head as Hanji opened the door.

They were immediately hit with the strong smell of alcohol. Mikasa's eyes widened as she ran inside, the other two searching the kitchen and living room.

Mikasa quickly searched his bathroom and study. She then saw something lying on the floor. Slowly walking into Levi's bedroom, she stared in horror as the raven was lying face down on his floor and a puddle of blood gathering on the right side of his head. "Petra! Hanji! Call an ambulance! I found Levi in his room unconscious!"

She vaguely heard the frantic talking of Hanji talking on the hone about their current situation and the blonde running in and examining her brother.

* * *

 

Seeing a loved one injured, especially bleeding, is a frightening experience. Your breath hitches and panic seeps in. Not knowing what to do and feeling completely vulnerable makes you feel useless. All you want to do is rush to their side and with a simple touch, make them safe and healthy again.

Hanji, Mikasa and Petra all sat in the waiting room for several hours now. The raven had been taken into surgery almost immediately and had heard nothing as of late. Yes, they knew it would take a while before they would. But, dammit wondering how Levi was doing, kept gnawing at their thoughts constantly.

Mikasa had kept Hanji occupied as she let the woman use her phone and watch some science videos, while the raven and blonde were sitting quietly, not really wanting to make conversation at such a serious moment. There was nothing they could do but wait.

* * *

 

The insistent beeping of the monitor next to him really bothered the hell out of him. Levi had no idea where he was right now. ll he could remember was seeing several women and men around him. A bright light shining down on his body.

He closed his tired steel grey eyes and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

 

"You little shit..." The raven spoke with amusement in his voice.

He had barely come home from work and saw his lover curled up on his couch. The boy had apparently been working on things for school and fell asleep like he normally did.

Shrugging off his blazer and undoing his tie, the raven carefully climbed on his couch and settled behind the boy. He wrapped his arms around Eren and inhaled lightly. The boy smelled like his normal scent. Sweet and something naturally that the brunette could only posses.

The man placed a kiss on the back of the boy's neck and nuzzled the patch of skin there.

"Mmm...Levi?"

"Yes?"

Eren turned in his arms and placed a kiss on Levi's pale cheek. "Welcome home..."

He smiled. "I'm home...Eren..."

* * *

 

Levi's eyes scanned the crowd of the bar as he sat from his stool. There wasn't much potential tonight. He sipped his whiskey and felt someone sit right beside him.

Out of the corner of his eyes, they grew slightly in size. Sitting right next to him was a lovely boy. One he would very much like to get to know physically tonight. He looked like the perfect bottom, a screamer too. His favorite. Subtly he licked his lips and tapped the boy's shoulder.

Luminescent green eyes fixed on him, making his breath hitch.

He replaced that with a seductive smile on his face. He held his hand out to he boy. "Levi Ackerman."

The boy smiled and took his hand. "Eren Jeager."

Later that night, the raven didn't know how he did it, but he went home with the attractive brunette. He did in fact learn that Eren was a screamer as he fucked his brains out.

* * *

 

The two were sitting casually in Levi's apartment on a boring Sunday afternoon. There was nothing to do but sit in the apartment. Nothing good was on the television, Eren had all his school work done and the raven finished looking over documents for work the night before.

Eren sighed as he slumped against the muscular chest he was resting on. "I'm so bored, Levi." He complained.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Let's do something."

"We had sex this morning. Four rounds. We could go for another."

"No. My waist and hips are still fucking sore. I'll break with one more round. You are exactly gentle..."

The raven chuckled. "What do you propose then?"

"I don't know. I thought you had something in mind." Eren glanced up at him with those damn bright green eyes of his.

It was hard to believe several months ago, Levi had thought of the boy as nothing more than a potential fuck buddy. Someone to release all his pent up anger and stress. The boy did like it when he was rough at times, and would scold him when he even tried. Now, he only saw the brunette as a life partner.

Looking down at the boy with softened grey eyes, he spoke the three words he never thought he would ever say to anyone. "I love you, Eren."

Eren sat straight up. "What?"

"I said I love you."

The boy smiled, pressing his lips to the raven's. He pulled back and spoke in a soft voice. "I love you too, Levi."

* * *

 

If there was one thing that Levi didn't think would happen, it was taking Eren to his yearly trips to visit his mothers grave. That was something that he normally did alone. It was a very personal matter to him and to bring someone else along was something he never foresaw himself doing ever.

Walking into the cemetery was something that the raven was used to by this point, Eren, not so much. He felt the boy walking close to him. He had obviously never been to one before or he had a family member die and it only brought up sad memories. Whatever it was, he didn't have a problem. Levi used to be exact like him. Only in this scenario, he didn't have anyone there for him. Just his young lover being there certainly helped him.

They walked silently to the back and stopped at a small grave. The raven knelt down and placed a bouquet of white roses on there. Eren stood behind him, he placed a hand on his older lover's shoulder, a silent sign of comfort.

Levi stared down at the grave with fond eyes, speaking in his mind.

_"Mother, its been so long since you've passed and I still want to seek out your comfort like I used to as a child back in France. I miss those days where you would tell me all about your adventures before you gave birth to me. They were always so fascinating and I strived to see things like you did. I never found father like you told me I would one day. There are absolutely no records of a man by the name of Vincent Ackerman, and that is more than alright by me. You were both my mother and father. I never once felt like I was missing the other parent. You did everything that you could for me, mother. I sincerely appreciate all the work that you did to raise me alone."_

_"I also met someone mother. His name is Eren Jeager, and yes, if you were curious, he is German. It reminds me of the times where you said I would more than likely end up with someone who had a German background. Well, mother you were correct in all that. He's quickly become my everything. I never thought I would love someone to this extent. But, as you said, things happen for a reason. I do hope that one day I might be able to marry him. Live with the person you said would one day come and claim my heart. Ugh, you were right. I am a sappy romantic. I guess it's the French in me."_

_"Well, mother. It was amazing talking with you once more. I do hope that you don't mind the next time I come here, Eren will be wearing an engagement ring. That's all I want. To be with the one who walked into my life and make me a head over heels fool. I love you, Mother. Take care."_

The raven stood up and took a deep breath. He turned around and smiled at his lover. "We can go now. I told her everything that I wanted to." Eren nodded and took Levi's hand in his own. The boy led them both out of the cemetery. Not noticing the ghostly figure of a woman smiling at them.

* * *

 

Petra, Mikasa and Hanji stood up as the doctor whom operated on Levi came in.

They stood there and were left wide eyed as the doctor told them what happened. It couldn't be. The raven wouldn't let that happen to himself.

The three females left the waiting room and went to the man's room where he was currently recovering.

* * *

 

Levi awoke to the sound of someone opening the door. He expected one of the nurses or doctors to be coming in again. He smiled weakly when he caught sight of his sister and Hanji.

The blonde walked forward and placed her hands over her brother's. "Levi, how are you feeling?"

"A bit dizzy to be honest."

Hanji saw the disoriented look on his face and pulled out a picture from her back pocket. She needed to test something and see if what the doctor said was true, or if it was merely something that was temporary. She stood by the other side of the man and showed him the photo of Eren. "Levi. Do you know who Eren is?"

The man stared at he picture. It held the image of a tan boy. Chestnut hair and luminescent green eyes. He looked at it for the next few moments and looked Hanji in the eyes.

"Who the hell is Eren?"

* * *

 

End of Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got some requests to show what Levi felt when he met Eren, and well, there it is. I hope I was able to make those who requested this happy. And, sorry, not sorry, for making our dear Levi lose his memories of Eren. You know I like to mess with your feels. -Dives under bed- Now, I'm gonna go hide and start the next chapter. -Waves- Later, guys.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With what happened in the previous chapter, I can tell you all want to kill me more so than ever. I just ask that you let me recover from surgery first.
> 
> There is also some time skip, not a lot, but you'll understand how this all works out. I hope you like this chapter.

My Regret

Chapter 9

* * *

 

That special feeling you get when remembering something that happened to you or with another in the past, it's amazing. Looking at it with fond eyes. You know what I'm talking about right? Reminiscing about them with the person who was there at the time with you. Smiling and laughing thinking about it.

Levi can't remember the past 3 years of his life. There are so many blanks in his memory, he doesn't know where to begin. He was still curious as to why Hanji showed him the picture of the boy, what was his name again? Oh, Eren. Eren...something...ah, Jeager. Just why did his sister and the crazy scientist insist he try to tell them something he remembered about him. He just couldn't. It was impossible to tell them anything about a person he had never seen nor met before. Could you do that too?

Seriously, why was it important that he knew who the brunette was anyway? He must have just been another person he met in his life. More than likely had no meaning whatsoever.

Currently he was with his sister and Hanji in his room, the raven haired girl that had been there left some time ago. Who was she anyway, the two hadn't bothered to tell him. Must have been some friend of theirs. Anyway, he knew about his job, all his coworkers and shit, well, the things he needed to know anyway.

The doctor came in several hours later, a clipboard in his hand. He apparently told them Levi had temporary amnesia, and would regain all his memories within due time. He could look through photo albums, if he had any, it was mainly Petra that kept those, meet the people he forgot and whatever else they felt the raven should know.

Petra shot a worried gaze at her brother. "Do you remember who Oluo is?"

"You mean the dumbass who tries to impersonate me and bites his tongue in the process. Tch, bastard can't even come close to what I'm really like."

"What about Erwin?"

The raven raised a hand. "Petra. I remember all of them. There's no need to make sure you cross check every person I've met up until now."

She slumped her shoulders. "I know...it's just..." The blonde looked away. "I was just scared that you wouldn't remember anyone...and...that terrifies me..."

Levi sighed. "Look, I know the situation at hand is not the best. But, you also have to understand what the doctor said. It might take a while before I remember every single thing that happened and that I can't recall. You can't rush these things, Petra. I know you want my memory to come back, and it might and might not, but we also have to be positive and focus on the fact that I remember you as my sister." He pointed over to Hanji, whom was sleeping on one of the chairs. "Shitty glasses over there. And that fact that mother is dead, and father is no where to be seen. As long as I know that, perhaps everything else will come to me eventually. We just have to wait shit out. That's all we can do."

"I guess so. I should just be happy you didn't completely forget everything."

"Exactly. Now, I recommend the two of us get some damn sleep. Stupid nurses kept waking me up last night."

Petra laughed lightly at her brother. "Alright. Let's get some sleep." She got up and went over to where Hanji was sleeping. She slumped in the seat and rested her head against the slumbering brunette.

The raven laid back in his bed and adjusted his pillow. He pulled the covers up and closed his eyes. Letting his mind drift off.

* * *

 

Mikasa sat in her hotel room, scarf wrapped around her neck. She had gone back to Levi's apartment and got her scarf back. The raven haired woman was not settling well with the entire situation.

The fact that Levi had temporary amnesia was horrible no doubt, the thing that truly scared her...he couldn't remember who Eren was. He didn't know the two were lovers for two years and had two children together. It was all gone within an instant.

She had received the call from Hanji hours prior letting her know that Levi couldn't remember who Eren was. It crushed knew what Levi had could take a while before everything went back to normal...but what if it didn't?

Eren would more than likely forget about the raven, seeing as her mother informed her their relationship had been getting more loving from her brother's side, and what if Eren married the taller brunette? Would the boy tell his children their real father couldn't remember who they were because of his condition, and that the man they call their father is not their biological one.

A lot of things could go down whether Levi remembered or not. He could eventually regain his memory and fight for Eren and his two children, that would take some time, but the older man was stubborn as fuck, he'd pull it off.

If nothing changed with him and his memory...Eren would marry Bertolt, more than likely have children with him, Yami and Sebastian would never meet their real father and Levi would never know about his children and lover being married to another.

Say what you will about Mikasa being an over protective sister, but she was damned if those two dorks didn't end up together in the end. They deserved to be the family they had already formed.

She sighed and laid back on the bed. Mikasa stared at the ceiling and hoped that Levi remembered everything that happened in the past 3 years he couldn't recall.

* * *

 

6 months had gone by since Levi's accident, and the man had been coping rather well. Petra had been a major help with the entire process. The raven had been completely surprised when his sister contacted his two friends, Isabel and Farlan, whom moved from France and decided to move to Japan permanently.

The two had been more than ecstatic to see him, Farlan being able to control it more than Isabel, but none the less happy. The raven had let them stay at his home until they both found a job and a home they could both live in.

You could say that Levi was glad his two best friends lived with him and no longer far away and that nothing was going wrong...well, for the most part.

"Do you remember the day where you left from France?"

Levi sighed. "Yes, Isabel. I remember all that. Everything from when I still lived in France with you and Farlan."

Isabel slumped in her seat. "Sorry, bro. I just worry is all."

It wasn't a bad thing that the two worried about him, it was just a bit frustrating to him that people kept pestering him about whatever the hell he knew. He already got enough of that with the constant appointments with his doctor.

The man pat her head. "It's fine."

"Big bro?"

"Yes?" "Where's Farlan?"

"He's with Erwin. Eyebrows managed to get him a job at the company."

"Brother finally got a job? That's great!"

The raven nodded, chuckling at the red head's excitement. "Yeah. I think he's going to be working in the same department as I am. Eyebrows thought Farlan would learn easier and faster that way."

"I hope he does."

"God, I hope so too."

* * *

 

"I really can't believe the kids are eleven months now."

"They both grew up fast."

Eren turned his head and placed a kiss against his lover's cheek.

Bertolt smiled and brought the boy closer to his chest.

Over the months the two had gotten closer and that made them both happy. He had began to see Eren really forget more about Levi. He focused more on his children, schooling and their relationship.

The boy snuggled into the strong chest and continued to read some notes for his upcoming test.

From the crack in the door, Mikasa watched as both brunette's snuggled up on Eren's bed. She lowered her onyx eyes and walked away from the door.

She felt like she should have told Eren what happened six months ago when she went back to their old home city. But, at the same time, she began to see how much Eren focused on things that were much more important. Besides, how was she to tell him that his old lover didn't remember him and the fact that they have two children together. It would crush him to know that. So, she opted to now letting him know.

Mikasa received calls from Hanji and Petra every week to let her know more on Levi's condition and how he was progressing after several months. It sounded like he was slowly gaining his memories back. It was something, she really couldn't argue against that. But, dammit that short shit needed to remember Eren and their relationship the most. Them being together made Levi a better person in general. Gone was the emotionless business man, and was instantly replaced with a sappy, soft romantic. Mikasa, somehow, missed those days.

Yes, she was mad, or rather jealous, at the man when he first came into her brother's life. Eren was young and inexperienced with love back then. As the months went on, and after many death threats, she began to see the man Eren did. He appeared to be very intimidating at first glance, it was all replaced once getting to know the raven.

The raven haired female walked back into her room and shut the door behind her. Sighing, she walked over to her desk and sat down. She pulled out some paper and a pen. Mikasa then began writing.

_Hanji_

_I want you to give this letter to Levi once he remembers every single last thing about Eren. Make sure that he gets it. I'm allowing you to read this before hand so you can understand how important all this is. Only give him this when he remembers Eren. I don't want him to read this unless he remembers on his own._

The raven haired female grabbed another sheet of paper and placed it on top of the first one.

_Levi._

_I know by now you remember everything, am I right? I still can't believe out of all the things you know, you forgot about my brother and your children. I found it very hard to believe. Had I not seen and heard it all first hand, I would have thought someone was messing with me. I just want you to understand that I want you and my brother back together. I know I came off as a very overprotective sister, and it was only because Eren knew nothing about love until you came along, and I was worried about him, especially in the manner you told me and my mother how you two met. But, you also saw that I also began to tolerate you a lot more, more than I thought I would._

_I'd never say this out loud, but I do miss the days where you would come over, flowers in hand, dressed up all nice with this head over heels look in your eyes. It was because of that, I knew I could trust you with my beloved brother. Every single sappy thing that you did for Eren not only touched him, but me and my mother as well. You were the ideal person we wanted for him. Yeah, yeah, I bet you think this isn't me whose writing this, well believe it shorty. You read my first letter to you. I actually do like you as a person and not just a target._

_The main reason all this happened was because I told you that my brother was in a relationship with another, don't let that be the obstacle in your path. Get your short ass in motion already. Where's that damn stubborn man who fought constantly with me? Where is he? I miss that bastard. He is the person I want you to be again. The man who didn't take shit from anyone and did as he pleased. Be that man again. If you are as in love with Eren as you told me an endless amount of times, then you'll easily do that._

_Let this also motivate you more. Sebastian is looking more like you with each passing day. I didn't think we would have a mini Levi running around, but with the amount of times that you two went at it like rabbits, I shouldn't be too surprised. Yami looks more a combination of the two of you. Kid acts more like Eren though._

_Those kids deserve to know who their father is, not that dumbass Bertolt, and their father needs to know who they are. Do all you have to do, but by the gods, get your ass in gear and come see your kids. I'll help you in whatever fashion I can. But, you also need to help me by doing something and making sure you get here. I don't care what my brother thinks nor that other brunette moron, you two dorks belong together. Your children are what really represent that._

_Hurry up and do something. We can't wait forever. Nothing is guaranteed to stay the same. You once told me that, and now it's my turn to tell you. Do all that you can. You have my support in all this. I'll be waiting, shorty._

_Mikasa._

She set her pen down and leaned back in her seat. That man needed to remember everything fast. She saw how close Eren and Bertolt were now. It didn't help that she heard just how close they were now.

Looking down at her hands in her lap, Mikasa wanted that bastard to hurry up and get here now. She often recalled Levi's words, especially now.

_"Nothing is guaranteed to stay the same forever, you know that, right? You might love how things are right now. Well, make sure that you savor it. In the blink of an eye it can be gone and you can find yourself alone and wanting everything back. It's not that simple. You have to fight for it all. Nothing is given to you. Fuck no, you have to obtain it with your head high and feeling certain. You have to do all you can, Ackerman. Life is like that."_

The raven haired female sighed and rested her head on her desk. She just hoped Levi returned to normal soon, and Eren and Bertolt didn't get any closer. Eren didn't realize this wouldn't make him happy. She was the only one who knew how he truly felt. She sighed. Why did he brother have to be so thick headed? 

* * *

 

"Farlan."

The blonde turned around and faced Isabel. "Yes?"

It was late at night, Levi had already gone to bed. The two were the only ones up right now. There was something on the red head's mind, and thought it would be best to talk it out with one of her older brothers.

"I saw some pictures of Levi with Eren. Petra showed them to me."

"He was out big bro's lover, right?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"I've never seen big bro that happy with someone that wasn't us or Petra. It was...nice."

Farlan sat down next to her. "Is that so?"

The red head nodded. She grabbed a small envelope off her nightstand and handed it to Farlan.

He took it from Isabel and opened it up. He pulled out a photo of Levi and Eren together. It must have been Christmas around that time. He saw the raven smiling and the brunette sitting on his lap, they were cuddled together. His sister was indeed right. Their older brother did look happy just to have Eren there with him. "He does look happy."

"Big bro never looked like that when he had a lover in France."

"Levi never really looked happy even when he had someone. I do think Eren was someone made for him."

"...Why did big bro not want his kids?"

Farlan sighed. "I really can't answer that for you, Isabel. I really don't know what was going through his head at the time. So much has happened because he rejected his lover and children. I can say for certain, things would have played out different should he have accepted his family. But, we can't dwell on on our past decisions. We can only deal with what we've done and move forward."

Isabel stared at the blonde man for a moment. "I just wish Levi had made the right decision. Now look where he is. He doesn't know who Eren is."

"I wanted that too for big bro, Isabel. But, there's nothing that can be done. He made his decision and we're here to see the result."

"Do you...do you think that Levi will eventually remember everything?"

The blonde stared at the walls for a moment. "Who can say, sister? He might and might not. You heard it yourself."

"I just really want him to be the same as he was..."

"He is in a way..."

She stared at him, her green eyes focused on his figure. "How?"

"Levi might not remember what happened in the past 3 years, but he does remember us."

"And what about Eren? His children? Do you think he would be truly fine without knowing about the life he made within the time he can't recall? What happens if he remembers and its too late? What then?"

Farlan placed his hands on the red head's shoulders, calming her down slightly. "If he does end up recalling everything within these past three years, I'm certain he'll rush to Eren and his children."

The girl sighed and looked down. "I guess you're right."

"Yes. Now, I recommend we both get some sleep. You and I have had a long day." He stood up and went to lay in his bed.

Isabel laid down in her own bed and covered herself with the blankets.

Whether Levi remembered or not would impact his life for the good or bad. It was all up to a man who couldn't recall three years worth of memories. Reality had a way of showing how harsh it was to them now.

* * *

 

End of Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, now Isabel and Farlan are in this story now. And am I the only one who enjoyed the Erebert moment? I more than likely am, so, -Dives under bed- I'll start typing up the next chapter. -Waves- Later.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more time skip in this one too. It's quite a lot in this one.

My Regret

Chapter 10

* * *

 

There are moments in life in which we wish they never happened, and some in which we wish that never passed. There is unfortunately nothing we can do about it. All we can do is remember it with fond feelings. Fear not, life can bring good occasions, not just bad ones.

"Mom is everything ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes, Eren." His mother placed her hands on his shoulders. "Everything is ready for tomorrow. Mikasa and I made sure. There's nothing missing."

The boy sighed. "Its just there are so many things needed for this. Two small birthday cakes, balloons, streamers, party hats. Mom, what if we don't have enough? There are more people coming here!"

Mikasa reached over and placed her hand on her brother's. "Eren. Trust what mom and I are saying. We have everything under control."

Eren slumped in his seat. "Look, I know you have everything under control. It's just Yami and Sebastian are only turning one once in their life. I want to make it special for them."

"And for you too, Eren."

The boy raised a brow. "Why me too?"

Carla laughed softly. "Not only is it your children's birthday, but yours as well."

Eren blinked. "What?"

"You'll be 28 years old, son."

Both women stared at Eren as he processed the knowledge.

"Well shit, I'm getting old now, aren't I?"

Mikasa snickered while Carla tugged on Eren's ear. "Language."

"Sorry, mom."

* * *

 

"Happy birthday!"

Carla smiled as she took a picture of her grandsons both digging into their small individual cakes, smearing frosting all over their faces.

Eren chuckled, he and his lover were busy passing out food to the other guests. The boy felt someone slap him on his back. He turned around and groaned. "Horseface."

The two toned haired man grinned. "Jeager, my man. Congrats on your kid's and your birthday. I got you a present."

"I'm not lonely at night anymore. I don't want that shit anywhere near me."

"What makes you think I got you something inappropriate?"

"You gave Marco a vibrator for his birthday."

"At least he uses it."

"Yeah, on you."

"He does not, Jeager!"

"Jean. We all know you bottom. It's no secret anymore. It's never been one."

The man flipped him off and went to sulk near his freckled lover.

Eren snickered and continued to help his taller lover serve food.

* * *

 

The boy sat comfortably in Bertholt's lap, arms wrapped around his waist. He was smiling as he watched his children play with all the toys they got from their birthday party. His friends certainly dd him justice there, especially Christa and Marco, or as he often liked to refer to them, walking angels.

Bertholt smiled down at his lover. "I can practically feel the happy from you."

Eren looked up. "Can you now?"

"I can and it makes you all the more beautiful."

The boy blushed as his lover chuckled at the look on his face.

* * *

 

Mikasa sat in her room, a piece of paper in front of her. She had as of recent been writing more letters for Levi. She would send them the moment the man got better. All this was doing was to fill him in on the events that happened within that time period.

_Levi._

_Today was Yami and Sebastian's birthday. You should have seen those kids, they were so happy. Sebastian certainly does remind me more of you now; he is literally a more miniature version of yourself. I do wish that you could have been here._

_They got so many toys and I thought they would burst with joy. I was about to question how everyone could get twins that many things, and then I remembered, this was our friends. So, of course we were going to get a shit ton of things._

_Would you ever get them a lot of things for their birthday's? I bet you would. You always went all out when Eren had his birthday._

_I do truly wish that you would remember soon. I don't know how much longer I can see my brother with someone else. It's weird, really. I've never seen him with anyone else for an extended period of time besides you._

_But, I know that we all have to be patient and make sure you have a full recovery._

_Get well soon._

_Mikasa._

The raven haired female sighed sadly as she put down her pen. It was truly a damn shame that Levi hadn't gotten better and didn't remember anything. She thought about her brother's current relationship. She could only conclude one thing.

This relationship would not make her brother happy. She knew the brunette too damn well. He would do anything to mask any hurt that he was feeling; he was too damn good at doing that kind of shit. While Eren thought a new lover would make him forget everything, it was doing something else completely. His children would constantly remind him who the real father was.

Mikasa shook her head, riding her head of those thoughts. Things would happen in time. Just why couldn't they happen faster?

* * *

 

"Mom! Get the camera! Yami and Sebastian are beginning to speak!"

The woman didn't need to be told twice before she came running down the stairs, camera in her hands. Carla knelled down beside Eren and turned on the camera. She waited patiently as she watched for either child to begin speaking.

Eren nodded and smiled at his children. "Okay, Sebastian. Now, say 'Papa'. Pa-pa."

The small child stared at his father for a moment before opening his mouth. "P...Pa."

"Come on, Sebby. I know you can do it. Say Papa."

Once more, Sebastian's small face, scrunched up in concentration. "P-Pa...p-pa."

"One more time, Sebby. All together now."

"P-papa." Eren smiled and brought his son into his arms, hugging the small raven. "You did it, Sebastian!"

The little boy giggled and clapped his hands together.

Carla paid her attention to her other grandson. "How about you, Yami? Wanna say papa too?"

Green and silver eyes blinked at the older woman. The little boy set down his foam block he had been playing with, a look of concentration came across his face.

"Pa...pa..."

The older woman smiled as she set down the camera and cradled the boy in her arms. "Very good job, Yami. My tiny grandson is becoming a big boy." She tickled the boy's soft stomach with her index finger, producing a laugh from the child.

* * *

 

Eren and Bertolt sat down on the floor, cross legged. Both brunettte's each held a child in their arms. The boy let the tiny raven in his arms stand on his feet with his help, giggling uncontrollably, while his brother merely blinked and looked a bit confused.

The taller brunette smiled at the small brunette. "Why the confused look there, Yami?"

He opened his mouth and spoke out incoherent words, moving his small hands around.

Eren smiled at both his children. "Why not try letting Yami 'walk'?"

His lover nodded. He let Yami's small feet touch the soft carpet. The child only looked down at his feet and at the man holding him again.

Bertolt smiled. "Still curious there, Yami?" He nuzzled the boy's nose with his own, making the little boy blink at him.

Eren laughed. "Yami, you are a really unique little boy."

* * *

 

"Eren, calm down."

"But, I didn't think this would happen! I kept a constant eye on them both!"

Bertolt placed his hands on his lover's shoulders. "Eren. The doctor said that the kid's only have a fever. So long as we follow all the instructions that he gave us, Yami and Sebastian should be alright."

"How do you know for sure that everything will be alright?! They could be sick for a long time!"

"Love, you're just overreacting. It's a fever. They have medicine we can give them. It's because of the weather change. It was cold for while and it suddenly turned warm. Don't you get small colds when the weather changes out of nowhere?"

"W-Well, yeah..."

"Then, we should just do our best and make sure those two get better, alright?"

The boy nodded, snuggling into the warmth his lover gave off. "You're right. So long as we both take care of them, they'll get better in no time."

"That's right, Eren. I'll help you take care of them. Don't you worry about a thing."

Before the boy could open his mouth, they were interrupted by the sound of crying. Eren smiled apologetically up at his lover. Bertolt chuckled as he and Eren both went into the children's room and attended to the two sick infants.

Yami and Sebastian squirmed in their cribs, sobbing as they waited for someone to come and comfort them.

* * *

 

"Mom? Can I speak with you for a moment?"

Carla looked up from her book that she had been reading in her room, only to look up at Mikasa. "Of course." She set her book aside. "What is it that you need?"

The black haired girl sat down beside her mother on her bed. "I...I've had something on my mind for the past few months and I thought it would be best to talk it out with you."

"Mikasa. What do you need to speak with me about?"

"It's about Eren's relationship. I...I don't think this is what's best for him."

"And why do you think that."

"I feel like this is all more for the better of Bertolt and not Eren."

"Oh? And what makes you say all that?"

"I sometimes feel like Eren does this to make sure that he's bot lonely. I mean, taking care of two children is difficult and sometimes family can't fill in that space where a lover occupies, or the other parent. I think this is all a facade on my brother's side. He does all this to shroud the loneliness that he feels on the inside."

Her mother sighed. "I understand where you're coming from Mikasa. I too have thought that about Eren's current relationship."

Onyx eyes widened. "You too, mom?"

"Yes. Even I have."

"So...what do you think about them?"

"I feel like Bertolt was waiting for the moment in which your brother wouldn't be with Levi anymore. I also often saw those looks of jealousy and want in that boy's eyes. I'm not as unobserved as someone might think I am, Mikasa."

"You think because he's with Eren...he might think Yami and Sebastian are his kids?"

"Possibly. There are some people who date another with children whom become so accustomed to being around the children and taking care of them, they begin to think those children are their's. It's not uncommon something like that should happen."

"But, those two aren't his biological children, or his at all for that matter. Just what does he think he can gain from this?"

Carla stared at her daughter for a moment. "A family. One of which, was not meant for him to have."

Mikasa rubbed her temples. "He shouldn't even be with my brother in the first place. He was one of the first few people who found out what happened, and not even several months later, he jumps at my brother like nothing happened? Just what the hell was going through his mind? Didn't he know Eren was hurting for so long?"

"He must have know, Mikasa. For a man having to see his lover think about another is painful for them. He must have pushed that thought in the back of his mind. He was so dead set on gaining Eren's love and affection, he didn't see what could happen to him should Eren ever decide to end what they have."

"What could happen?"

"For one, he could be very depressed for some time. And he would more than likely miss the children. Those two little children can become a major part of someone's life nearly instantly."

""I just hope nothing happens..."

The woman brought her daughter in for a hug, her hand idly stroking Mikasa's raven hair. "I hope so too..."

* * *

 

Eren plopped down onto the couch in the living room, exhausted. He had once again taken classes in a college and he completely forgot how tiring that can be. Ugh, he should have just stuck with damn online classes...

His sister walked into the living room several moments later. She smiled and shook her head. Crouching down next to the brunette, she whispered. "Tired?"

The boy nodded. "Like you wouldn't believe."

"Take a nap then."

Eren shook his head. "Can't. I have to look after Yami and Sebastian. I also have to clean their room."

Mikasa pushed him back down. "You don't have to. Mom took the twins out with a friend for the evening, and I already cleaned the twin's room. Rest. You deserve it."

The brunette smiled, closing his luminescent green eyes. "Thank you, Mikasa."

Several moments later, his breathing evened out, and the boy was fast asleep.

* * *

 

Green eyes blinked open hours later. Eren stretched out and slowly sat up. He rubbed his eyes and yawned while getting up. He walked into the kitchen and caught his sister making dinner. "How long was I out?" His voice was still groggy from the sleep.

Mikasa continued cooking as she replied to him. "About 4 hours. It's eight right now."

"Damn...mom still isn't back?" "

No. Not yet. She called and said she would be back in a while."

"So, around bed time for the twins?"

"Pretty much."

Eren sighed, sitting down at the table. "What are you making?"

"Since it's getting a bit cooler here now, I thought I would make some soup."

"Oh, yeah. It's almost November by now..."

"Mhm. Time goes by fast."

"It really does."

"Eren, don't you wish sometimes you could stay in a certain time forever."

The boy shrugged. "I guess. Why?"

Mikasa shook her head. "No particular reason. Just curious is all."

"Do you wish that a certain time didn't pass?"

The raven haired girl nodded her head. "Yeah. There are some times in my head that I really enjoyed that I wish never passed by so soon."

"Like what?" "

Like when you and I were kids and we would stay up late and do nothing but watch cartoons."

Eren smiled at the memory. "Yeah. Mom would really chew us out when we were half-asleep at the table for breakfast."

Mikasa laughed softly. "We used to think just staying up late was the best thing alive."

"We destroyed that theory in high school."

"We definitely did." She turned off the stove and served them two steaming bowls of soup. Carefully walking over to the table, she set their bowls down and both began to eat their dinner.

"Are there any other times you wished would last forever?" Eren asked between sips of soup.

The raven haired girl tilted her head back and thought for a moment. "Hmm, I'd have to say when mom sometimes told us stories at night when a really bad storm would pass."

"I remember that. You came running into my room and I was already holding the covers tight. Mom struggled just to get them off us both."

"Mhm. Mom does that for Yami and Sebastian when a storm goes by. I never thought they would also get that same fear like us."

"I thank her so much when she does that. I'm normally too afraid to leave my room." He rubbed the back of his head embarrassed.

Mikasa laughed softly. "You and me both, Eren."

* * *

 

Later that night, Mikasa sat in her room, paper and pen once again in front of her. Their mother had arrived with the twins some hours later, and now everyone was asleep but her. Sleep, however, was the last thing on her mind. She needed to get something important done first.

_Levi_

_Tonight I had asked Eren if there were moments in his life that he wished that never passed. I wasn't surprised at some. He told me some memories back from when we were kids, growing up together, and some private moments with mom._

_Surprisingly, he also never wanted the time from when he was pregnant to go by. He said that it made him feel all warm knowing he was carrying two lives inside of him, letting him not feel so lonely._

_I would have thought somewhere along the lines, he would have mentioned you. I mean, you two did have something really serious back then. Before what happened, I was expecting him to say one thing about your relationship. But nothing ever came up. I was really surprised at that one._

_I also asked him if he was happy in his relationship with Bertolt. His answer of a shrug left me thinking. Is everything between them truly alright? Or is there something more happening that we don't know about? But, Eren being the stubborn moron that he is, wouldn't let me in one anything. I was hoping to at least hear something, anything really._

_I went ahead and took a picture of the twins for you. I wanted them to be something joyful for you to see, your children can bring you a really good mood. Make sure you set this picture on that desk of yours. Let them make you work hard to make sure they become a part of your life._

_Take care._

_Mikasa._

She set her pen down, and folded the paper up. Opening up an envelope, she placed the paper and picture in there. She sealed it up and put the date on the front. She'd mail the letter to Hanji tomorrow to add to the collection of letters that piled up so far.

Sighing, Mikasa turned off her desk lamp and laid down in bed. Trying to ignore the obvious creaking noise in the room next to her.

* * *

 

End of chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try something a little more different in this chapter, let your feels relax for once. I hope that you liked it. -Waves- Later.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a ton of time skip in this one. Many of you will hate me by the end of it.

My Regret

Chapter 11

* * *

 

Time is all the heart needs to heal. To forget and not forgive those who sincerely hurt us, and never made up for those actions. It's best to leave those moments back and not reopen tedious wounds.

Four years had come and gone within the blink of an eye. It all seemed much too fast in Levi's opinion. He would rather much have time go by slower. He doesn't know why, mind you. It's more or less a personal preference on it really.

Within that time frame a lot of things had happened. Levi had managed to regain all his memories, well, almost. There was something that was constantly nagging him in the back of his mind. He felt like there was something serious missing within there somewhere. He had asked Hanji, Petra, and Erwin if they knew what it was. The raven only received a straight forward no. Apparently he needed to remember on his own, then they would tell him if he was right or not.

Whatever the hell it was, he really needed to get his ass in gear and remember it.

* * *

 

Eren sighed heavily as taped up another box. He stood up and rubbed his lower back, he had been packing things since this morning.

Yes, four years had come and gone already. Far too soon. It only seemed like yesterday they were barely moving in, and now it was time to leave the place they called home and move back into the city. Eren knew the transition from a quiet town to a large city would take him a while to get used to again.

His life had been very generous to him in the last few years. He managed to get a job at a university just like he had wanted, and he had gotten started on some other personal projects of his own. Yami and Sebastian would be attending the pre-school Krista and Marco ran back in the city. His mother would go back to her job as a nurse and his sister would begin looking for a job.

The relationship between him and Bertolt was going well in his opinion. The two barely fought, and the taller man was amazing with his children.

Eren had taken it upon himself to tell his children that Bertolt was not their real father. Those two kids were already walking and talking, better than any four year old their age. He guessed it was because of the genes of their father. Yes, that made more sense than anything really. His mother thought it was a bit silly to tell them this early, they might not understand. Imagine his surprise when the two children responded. He nearly fainted at the answer. Sebastian was the more talkative of the two. The one whom you could understand the most when he spoke. Apparently, it was an unspoken agreement between him and his brother, that they knew the taller brunette was not their biological father.

Well, it was easier than he thought. He had expected some tears and asking why Bert was not their real father. Yet, there was none of that. Damn, his kids were more observant than he gave them credit for.

He also noticed something odd about his sister. She seemed to be more observant in the past few years. Always making sure he was happy, that Bertolt was treating him well and all that fun stuff. He knew she was concerned about his well being, but could she tone it down with being overly observant? Hell, his mother might be the same way with how they've been acting.

He knew they were concerned, but still. He was an adult and he was happy with Bert. That's all that matters, right?

* * *

 

Mikasa sat in her room, notebook in her lap and pen in hand. Her room was almost all packed up, boxes all around the room, all taped up and ready.

She sighed and began writing.

_Levi._

_Time sure does fly by fast, doesn't it? I remember I came home from barely finding out you lost your memory, and look at where we are now. Four years have gone by and I haven't heard a single word of you regaining your entire memories._

_So much has happened in those four years, its impossible to believe how much._

_Your kids, Yami and Sebastian, are already four and are about to start pre-school. Its crazy. I still see those two small infants barely coming inside from the hospital and wrapped up in a blanket. Sebastian really is like you, you know? He's very observant and talks like he's older. So like you. Yami ended up being way more like Eren. Not really talkative, whimsical, but he has his moments of complete seriousness._

_I ended up becoming a doctor, I'm pretty sure Eren and mom told you a couple different times I was in college for that._

_Eren, oh gods, how to tell you about him. He became that teacher he always wanted to be. I'm certain you remember all those times when he talked all about that, how much he loved children, and was a natural at teaching people all kinds of things. He's still a bratty brother, despite him having done some growing up, he's still the same in that sense._

_I've also been observant and watched how my brother's relationship has been. His shoulders are still a bit tense when around Bert, not completely relaxed like he was with you. Sometimes people think they're married, Eren immediately tells them they're not. I noticed that tall brute's fist clench at his side. Its like he's not completely satisfied, not until he and Eren are really married. I know that idiot wants more than what he has now. Can't he understand that Yami and Sebastian will never be his biological children, and Eren won't truly be his because he's really not happy. He thinks he is, but he only does think that because he wants to try and forget all the sadness he had to endure._

_I just want you to remember. That's all I want. I'm damn well certain that's what everyone wants._

_Get well soon._

_Mikasa._

The girl sighed and closed the notebook. It was true. She really hadn't heard anything about Levi remembering who Eren was. The man recalled who Mikasa was. Hanji had told her, the raven recognized her as an acquaintance of his. It was better than nothing really.

* * *

 

Isabel giggled as her blonde brother Farlan carried her into their older brother's living room where the raven sat with a concentrated look on his face. "Big bro, whatcha up to?"

The raven pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "I'm looking over some documents for work. Did you need something, Bella?"

She shook her head, smiling as her brother set her down on the couch gently. "Nope."

Farlan chuckled. "She was begging me to come and bring her here."

Levi smiled. "Did you really miss me that much."

Isabel nodded, tackling the raven into a hug, nuzzling his chest.

The man chuckled, stroking her red hair.

Farlan sat down on the couch next to his older brother and their younger sister, shaking his head at her antics.

"Say, Farlan. I have a question."

"What's up, bro?"

"Do you know anyone whom I'm forgetting by any chance?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I keep seeing this brunette with green eyes in some of my dreams. Any chance you know who he is?"

Farlan stiffened up. Should he tell his brother who Eren was? It was decided that he would remember on his own. But, if he had a question on it, would it be okay to tell him?

"No, I don't know any brunette with green eyes. Sorry, bro."

Levi sighed. "Damn. I thought you would know. Guess I really have to remember on my own."

'Hopefully you can remember Eren, bro. He's a major part of who you are.' Farlan thought to himself as he watched Levi cradle a sleeping Isabel on his lap. 

* * *

 

Mikasa was the first to go back to their old home back in the city. She had properly thanked Armin for looking after their home for so long. She needed to make sure everything was ready for the kids when they got there.

The doorbell ringing made her put down some portraits she as going to hang in the kid's room down. The girl made her way downstairs to the front door and opened it. She smiled. "Petra. Its good to see you."

Petra smiled back at her. "Likewise, Mikasa."

Mikasa stepped aside. "Come in, please."

The blonde nodded and walked into the house.

Closing the door, Mikasa led her to the living room, both sitting down on the couch.

"Petra, how have you been?"

"I've been well, Mikasa. And yourself?"

"As you can see, Eren, mom, the twins and I are moving back here. I had to come back and make sure everything was ready in Yami and Sebastian's room before they got here."

"Mikasa. I came here because I have something important to talk to you about."

"Oh? That is?"

"Levi is beginning to remember who Eren is to him."

Onyx eyes widened, "H-He is?"

The woman nodded. "Yes. I heard from Levi's brother and sister, that he was wondering if they knew anyone who was a brunette with green eyes, and why he was in his dreams so many different times."

"Has he seen any specific scenarios? Or are they purely at random?"

"Levi says that there are times where he feels like the two are very close friends, sometimes even thinks they are lovers when some things happen between them. He's not really disturbed by the thought. I just think...my brother is falling in love with Eren all over again."

Mikasa stayed silent as she registered the information.

* * *

 

Levi sighed as he pushed away his work for the tenth, or was it the twentieth? Anyway, he just couldn't focus on anything related to work, even though he should be paying attention to it.

His dreams about the brunette with the luminescent green eyes happened so frequently, it seemed like every scene that played in his head happened at one point in reality. But, it couldn't, right? He didn't remember ever meeting someone like that charming and attractive boy. Was it stupid for him to say that he was beginning to develop feeling for this person his mind made up. Yes, but he feels like every dream is precious to him. He almost dreads waking up all the more, just wanting to spend more time with the boy that made his breath hitch.

The boy was nothing more than a figment of his imagination. Nothing could really come from this, right?

* * *

 

"He's beginning to fall in love again with my brother?"

Petra nodded, smiling. "Yes. Within due time, especially with his dreams unknowingly giving him the times he and Eren lived together, he will remember who your brother is."

Mikasa sighed in relief. "You have no idea how much that makes me happy to know Levi will be regaining his memories."

"It makes everyone feel like a weight was lifted off our shoulders. We were all worried sick for him."

"When he regains his memories...would you mind giving him some letters?"

"I thought you sent those to Hanji?"

"I do. But, these are more personal, and more like I wanted to have a talk with Levi. You know, before he lost all his memories."

Petra nodded in understanding. "I'd be more than happy to give them to my brother personally once he recalls everything, Mikasa."

Mikasa reached over to the table that was next to the couch, handing her a full notebook. "There is something written on each page. It starts back to when Levi first lost his memories."

The blonde took the notebook and placed it on her lap. "I'll look after it until he absolutely recalls everything. Don't you worry about a thing."

"Thank you, Petra."

"You're welcome, Mikasa."

* * *

 

"Is everything all packed up now?"

Eren nodded. "Yep, we're all good, mom. We can head off now."

Carla smiled as she sat in the passengers seat and Eren in the driver's. The boy glanced up at he mirrors and smiled as he saw Yami and Sebastian absorbed in the movie had he playing for them on the small TV in the car.

Pulling out of the drive way, Eren threw his old home one last glance before driving off.

* * *

 

"Finally...we're all moved in..."

Mikasa nodded, exhausted. "That was too much work, even for me."

Carla smiled as she pat both her children on their heads. "At least now we don't have anything left to do but have dinner, shower and then off to bed."

Eren groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes. "Ugh, but that requires effort..."

His sister nodded. "Mom, even I agree with Eren. And that's saying something."

Their mother sighed. "Its better if you have something to eat, a warm shower to relax you and then sleep. Besides, you two are no where near as exhausted as I am."

The siblings exchanged a look. Their mother was running all over the house, carrying whatever she could to its proper place. She arranged the entire kitchen all by herself as then, she still took care of the twins, and looking after those two was quite the chore.

Reluctantly, both Eren and Mikasa got up from their comfortable spots on the couch and dragged their forms to the kitchen, plopping down onto their chairs.

Carla smiled as she sat down. "Good. Now, eat your dinner. I had to use whatever we had in the fridge, We're going to have to go grocery shopping tomorrow."

Both Eren and Mikasa groaned. Going shopping with their mother, especially grocery shopping, always lasted 3 hours at a time.

"Now, now. Save your whining. Eat up, shower, then bed. Understood?"

"Yes, mom."

Their mother nodded. "Good."

* * *

 

Petra arrived at Levi's house, she was greeted by a hyper active Isabel. The blonde laughed as the red head dragged her inside, Farlan scolding her as she did so.

The man sighed. "Petra, what can we help you with? You said you had something important you wanted us to hold onto for Levi."

She nodded. "That's right. This is very important. Please, do not read them nor look at them. I just ask that you give them to Levi once he regains his memories. Before that happens, I want you to hide these from him. Make sure he knows nothing of them."

Isabel tugged on her sleeve. "What is it?"

"They're letters written to Levi from Eren's sister, Mikasa. They're all written through the past four years of time that have gone by."

"What are they about?" Isabel tried to pry.

Petra shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Mikasa never said what they were about specifically."

Farlan nodded. "Alright. I promise to keep them safe and out of Levi's sight."

The small blonde placed the notebook in his hand. "Thank you. I really appreciate it."

* * *

 

"Ravioli!"

Levi groaned as he looked up from the documents on his desk. "Shitty glasses, just what the ever living fuck do you want this time?" He was busy dammit. There were things that needed to be done in a certain time limit, he didn't need this woman bugging him right now.

Hanji laughed as she closed the door to his office. "I just wanted to come and see you, shorty!"

"Alright, you've seen me. Now get the hell out. I'm busy as fuck right now, and I don't need your shit."

She walked over and sat down in front of him. "What are you working on?"

The man sighed, rubbing his temples. "I'm looking over some documents to check on this month's products that were sold, and how we can better provide our products to out buyers."

"Ugh, that sounds boring."

"No part of my job is fun."

"I'll say. You could be an awesome scientist like me and always have fun and learn new things."

"Oh, yes. Experiments that could damage you and possibly endanger your life. Oh, that is certain the life." His voice was laced with heavy sarcasm.

Hanji pouted. "Its not always like that. Science is a learning experience each time. Besides." She grinned. "I made something for you."

"No."

"But-"

"No. The last time you gave me something, I literally fucking turned white as a sheet. You want me to kill you this time?"

"It's not anything bad. It will actually help you, Levi."

The man leaned back in his seat, suddenly interested. "Oh? And what does that happen to be?"

"Its supposed to make you tall."

"And why the flying fuck do you think I need that?"

"Because you're short. People will actually be able to look you in the eye as you speak with them. Do you know how much it hurts our necks to have to look down just to talk with you?"

Levi's eye twitched. "You really want to fucking die, don't you?"

"But, Ravioli!"

"Fine. Just leave that shit here. Because I know you fucking have it with you."

She grinned pulling out a small bottle, placing it on his desk.

The man reluctantly grabbed the bottle and took off the cork.

"Drink it, Levi."

"Fine." He downed the contents, not trying to taste the concoction itself.

"You should feel the effects tomorrow."

"Oh, joy."

Levi sighed, putting the bottle back on the desk. "I need to take a walk."

Hanji nodded. "Have fun, Levi!" She waved at him as he walked out.

* * *

 

The raven breathed in the fresh air as he walked through a small park near his company building. He smiled a little as he watched some families and children running around. Some even waved at him as he walked by, waving politely back and continuing to walk.

Levi stopped at a bench and sat down looking out at the park.

He was about to pull out his phone when he noticed an eerily familiar brunette. His head throbbed as he felt so many memories flood back to him.

* * *

 

_"I don't want a baby, Eren."_

_"W-What?"_

_"Yes, it would be a burden. You know how busy I am, and if I couldn't spend much time with you, what makes you think that I would make time for that brat. It's not happening, Eren. I'm a businessman, not a damn dad. I'm not cut out to be one. And neither are you._

_For gods sake's, you're still in college, and I'm at the peak of my career. I'm not throwing that all away because I have to look after some kid. I knew I shouldn't have slept with you last time. Then I wouldn't have to worry about you being knocked up. Things would still be the same."_

_"So, you're practically saying that it was my fault that I'm pregnant?"_

_"If you want to call it that, yes. Get rid of the kid and every thing will be back to normal between us. After you do that, we never speak of this again."_

* * *

 

The man watched as the brunette kissed Bertolt, the one whom wanted Eren from the start. Two small children, _his children_ , tugging at their hands, both males laughed, holding hands and running with the two small kids.

"Eren..."

* * *

End of chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hate me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would also like to thank 8fangirl8, on AO3, for helping me pick the song.
> 
> Like We Used To by Rocket To The Moon. Please, play it while reading the chapter. Really sets the mood.

My Regret

Chapter 12

* * *

 

We truly don't know all the wonderful fortunes we have, until they fall into someone else's hands. We sometimes throw those opportunities away without batting an eyelash. It stings later, when you see everything that could have been yours, now with someone else.

Levi watched, numb, as Eren and his children were with another man that wasn't him. Gods, looking at those two kids made him feel something he couldn't even describe. He idly rubbed his temples as memories kept flowing into his head, one by one.

* * *

If there was one thing that Levi loved more than anything to do with Eren, it was the simplest things in the world. Now, this was the main guilty pleasure that the raven had. Cuddling in the warm sheets in the morning, afternoon and night. Levi always found the most peace when he was close to his lover, holding him in his arms. The brunette often burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Right now was no different than the other moments they shared.

Levi had come home early from work, exhausted. He had a rather rough day at work, all he wanted was to shower, have something to eat and then sleep. He was beyond relieved when he walked into his home and smelled something cooking in the kitchen. He dropped his suit case and hung up his coat by the door. Striding over to where the wonderful smell was coming from.

He leaned against the wall between the living room and kitchen, watching as his young lover was so focused on cooking said meal.

Eren had felt someone watching him. He turned around and smiled. "Welcome home, Levi."

The man smiled, it was a lazy one. It showed just how tired he was. He got off the wall and made his way to where Eren was, whom had now turned back to the stove. He wrapped his arms around the other's waist, bringing the young man's body close to his own. "Smells wonderful in here, Eren."

"Really? I just made your favorite pasta and chicken for dinner. I heard from Erwin you got out two hours earlier than normal. I thought I would surprise you with a home cooked meal."

"Thank you for that."

"Of course."

Now that the two had eaten, Levi showered, Eren took one in his home earlier before making dinner, they were in Levi's bed, under the warm sheets, arms and legs tangled together. The raven had his head on top of the brunette's. Eren's face comfortably buried in his chest. The man smiled.

These moments were just for himself...

* * *

  
Many things didn't make Levi's chest twist with pain, hell, he had thought for several years he couldn't feel that emotion ever again especially with how much he had done for himself and his family.

There was just one thing that did. And that, was the sight of Eren crying.

Levi had heard from the boy's sister, Mikasa, that their mother had worked herself to exhaustion all over again. The woman was in a hospital. She had collapsed at work.

The two had swiftly moved and dashed to the hospital. Levi sat a sobbing Eren on his lap, rocking back and forth, stroking the boy's back as he did so.

"Shh...don't cry, love. Your mother will be just fine..." The raven gently whispered to his distressed young lover.

Eren shakily spoke through his sobbing. "I-I was j-just so scared t-that something h-happened to m-mom."

The man's eyes softened. "I know you were. Let's be glad she's alright." He pressed a kiss to the boy's forehead. He felt the boy relax under the tender touch, his sobbing dying down somewhat.

Levi didn't think anything would make him feel pain. But, seeing Eren like that. He promised not to make his lover cry for something that he caused.

* * *

Levi kept watching as his children were content and laughing with Eren and Bertolt. His head throbbing even worse. Not all memories were pleasant. And he had yet to see what he would remember now.

* * *

 

Having fights in a relationship was absolutely nothing new. It was just part of being with someone, there were pros and cons, ones you would eventually learn when you find someone as well.

"Why the fuck didn't you clean brat?!"

"I barely got here from class! I didn't have any fucking time!"

"You could have started!"

"I'm so damn exhausted!"

"But yet you can come here and immediately start cooking and no damn cleaning!"

"If I hadn't made anything for dinner, you'd have a bigger stick up your ass than you already do!"

"Fuck this, worthless brat." He grabbed his things and walked away, muttering. "I don't even know why you're still my lover."

Levi didn't realize how much those words stung Eren until he heard his front door slam shut. The raven cursed loudly, dropping his things in the hallway, dashing out after his young lover.

He ran out of his home and stood in the middle of the driveway, watching as Eren's car made its way out of his neighborhood.

It had taken several weeks before Eren would answer any of his calls, messages and even visits at his home. Eventually, the boy did end up talking to him again, well, after the man had apologized over and over again.

* * *

Both sides of the relationship can both have their moments of hurting the other. Sometimes unknowingly and others on purpose. It all just depends on the timing and how the two are feeling.

The two were laying in bed one night, Eren had no idea what possessed him to ask random questions that night. Especially personal ones too.

"Hey, Levi?"

"Hm...?"

"What kind of things did your mother do for you as you were growing up?"

These were questions the man didn't really like to answer. Even though he knew his mother's death was from natural causes, it still hurt to think about the things that she would never do for him again. "Why do you want to know?"

Eren shrugged. "Just curious is all."

Swallowing silently, Levi took a small shaky breath, hoping that Eren wouldn't notice. He pressed his face into the boy's chestnut locks as he answered.

"My mother would always come and whisper French to me whenever I had a nightmare as a child, and even in my teen years. Those were the most comforting words I still remember up to today."

"Would you mind telling me?"

"Tout va bien se passer, mon précieux. Mère est là pour prendre soin de vous, Rivaille. Rien ne vous arrivera. Vous êtes en sécurité dans les bras de maman. Je t'aime, Rivaille."

Eren blinked. "What does that mean?" The boy didn't know one word of French. He sometimes didn't understand the endearments that Levi often told him in his native language.

"It means, Everything will be alright, my precious. Mother is here to take care of you, Rivaille. Nothing will happen to you. You are safe in mama's arms. I love you, Rivaille."

The boy smiled softly. The words certainly were comforting. His own mother tended to do the same thing for him in German as he was growing up. "Mothers certainly know what to say to comfort their child, huh, Levi?"

Levi nodded, smiling. "My mother was truly amazing. I will never be able to understand how she did all that she did for me as a child. Mothers can make the impossible happen."

"One more question, Levi."

"And that is?"

"...What was your father like?"

"...I think it would be best if we get some sleep, Eren." He never knew his father, the man he has always wanted to meet one day in his life. Levi nor his deceased mother knew where he went after he was born. He spent several years of his life looking for his father, only to never find a single trace of him left. It was completely disappointing, but he felt like it was supposed to be set that way. Why create more problems that way?

The boy reluctantly agreed "Goodnight, Levi. I love you."

"Goodnight, Eren. Je t'aime."

* * *

There was only one movie that Eren absolutely loved, yes, and it was childish. Then again, this was Eren we're talking about here.

It was the nightmare before Christmas.

Yeah. This pretty much told you how much of a kid Levi's lover was. Despite what you say, the man loved to listen to the boy talk about all his favorite parts in the movie.

"Oh, gods. I absolutely love the song they sing in the beginning for Halloween town. Its so catchy, isn't it, Levi?" His green eyes sparkled with excitement, resembling those of a child on Christmas rather than a college student that Eren clearly was.

Levi chuckled. "It is a catchy song, Eren. I've found myself getting into the song as well." It was the truth that was the scary part.

The boy clapped his hands together in his excitement. "I absolutely love Zero! His bright orange nose is so adorable."

The man smiled. "He is a damn cute dog."

Eren laughed. "It almost wants to make me steal Jean's dog for a day and dress him up like Zero. It'll be better than that horse face's idea of dressing him up as a demon dog."

Levi chuckled. Eren would certainly take that idiot's dog. He knew the boy would without a doubt in his mind. He extended an arm out. "Come here."

The boy didn't hesitate and immediately snuggled in his lover's arms. "Can we watch it again later?"

"Sure. Why not?"

* * *

There was one moment in Levi's life, he couldn't ever dream of forgetting. Meeting Eren at the night club one night several years ago.

Spotting a lonely brunette haired boy was the best catch the man had seen in this shit hole all night. Why the hell not talk up that lovely boy and see if he can be the one pleasuring him later?

Taking his glass of whiskey with him, he strode over to the bar and took a seat next to the boy. Apparently the young man had already seen him going over and he held his hand out. "Levi."

The brunette smiled. "Eren." He told the raven as he shook his hand.

Levi took a look at Eren's drink and ordered another glass of whiskey and scotch.

As he had planned at the very beginning when he saw the young man, he was currently leading him to his car and apartment. And who the hell knew that one night stand would progress into something more? Certainly not this stubborn ass raven.

* * *

If there was one moment that was the raven's absolutely favorite, it would have to be this one. Yeah, yeah, call him one of those fucking romantics, and nothing else, he'll kick your ass if you try.

Anyway, yes, this is going to be cheesy for the raven to admit, but, he'd rather you know his all time favorite memory.

Levi sat home completely bored as all hell, he didn't work today, there was nothing for him at the company that really needed his immediate attention. Why bother going if there was nothing to do? That would be a major waste of time. The man had called Eren and told him to cover and keep him company, seeing as he was doing absolute shit at the moment.

The man leaned his head back against the cushions and closed his eyes. He had been missing so much sleep as of late recently.

Eren quietly entered the house when he saw from the window in the living room, that only the lamp was on. He smiled as he spotted his older lover curled up on the couch asleep. The brunette knew his lover had been lacking so much sleep as of late; he noticed the bags under his eyes, sluggish movements and the increase in yawning.

The boy quietly went into the kitchen to prepare his lover his favorite black tea.

When the tea was ready, Eren came into the living room as Levi sat up, rubbing his tired grey eyes.

The raven looked up as his young lover came into the room, cup of hot tea in his hand and loving smile. He sighed relieved taking the cup. "Thank you."

Eren nodded as he sat down next to the older man. "Of course, love."

Sipping his hot black tea in the silence of his home and silent company from his lover made Levi feel completely at ease. Levi without a doubt in his mind, would want more days and nights like this. "Je t'aime, Eren."

The boy blinked. He stared at Levi for a moment, trying to wonder what his lover to told him in French. Finally, after several minutes. "I love you too, Levi." He told his lover with a loving smile on his face.

Levi smiled as he set his cup down, placing his hand under the boy's chin and bringing him closer, their lips connecting.

* * *

The man kept staring as he saw Eren kiss Bertholt lovingly. At one point, he had been the only one to kiss the boy, hold him, comfort him and love him. Everything that the taller bastard was doing, Levi had done before.

Tearing his eyes away from the sight of a perfect family they all made, the raven got up and gathered his jacket, placing it on his shoulder as he began walking. He passed them as he left. Overhearing something that made his heart break.

An elderly woman was walking by with her grandchildren and noticed the small family of four. She smiled kindly at them. "My, what a lovely family you make. Your children certainly take after you both." Eren blushed heavily while his lover simply wrapped an arm around his waist, smiling. "Thank you, ma'am."

Shaking his head, Levi kept about his way back to work, but not to continue with all that paperwork that made him want to shoot his brains out, but just to mainly gather his things and head home. He really didn't have the patience to deal with anyone's bull shit after what he saw.

* * *

 

Opening the door to his home, Levi dropped his suitcase and jacket on the leather couch, plopping down on the other one. He had explained quickly to his secretary that he wasn't feeling well, and to cancel and rearrange all the meeting that were supposed to be held that afternoon.

Grey eyes stared at the cream colored walls. Ever since he saw Eren at the park, the boy had been plaguing his mind the entire time. Gods, he hadn't seen the boy in four years, and then all of a sudden he ends up coming back from who knows where.

A part of him felt like curling up and confining himself to his bedroom and just sit there after seeing the perfect image Eren and that brute formed with his two children. The other half wanted to keep him from going back into his miserable depression and prevent him from fucking up everything all over again.

The man sat up. This was no fucking time to be moping, hell no. This was finally the motivation that he needed to get his ass into gear again. There was absolutely no reason for him to wallow in self pity again. He grimaced, fuck no, the man didn't want to go through all that emotional and mental shit.

Now that Eren and his children were in arms reach, he could do the one thing he's always wanted. Try and get them back. He loved the boy, Yami and Sebastian with his entire being. He had a right as a father to be able to see his twins, no one, not even Eren could take that right away from him. Sure, it might have taken him some time to accept them, but dammit, he absolutely loved those two kids he saw running around.

The raven wanted to seriously kick his own ass for not accepting them. But, hell, just being there for them could do something instead of not being there at all. He would do something that his own father never did for him. Give his children a father to love, look up to, hell, just knowing that he would be present in his kids lives made him want to find Eren immediately. But, there had to be some things done before he could even go there.

He needed to ask Gunther and Eld is he was still allowed to see his children without there being some massive issue there. He really didn't want to deal with all that legal crap. He just wanted Yami and Sebastian in his arms and to be called father. That's all he wanted.

But, there was also something else he knew was missing in his life. Eren. He wanted the boy as his lover again. The boy made him incredibly happy. He made him feel, love, laugh, trust, cry and smile again. The brunette just made him a better person in general. No longer could he remember the man that absolutely refused everything from everyone.

Eren made him believe falling in love was not a complete waste of time. That one night stands would never fill the loneliness he always felt in his heart. The boy showed him had relationships were supposed to be. The man believed he and Eren were fated to meet, as cheesy at that may sound, he does firmly believe in that now.

Levi nodded. He had firm goals set in his mind. Be able to be present in his children's lives, and get Eren's forgiveness, no matter how hard that would be, and his love back. That's all he would need to be completely happy again. He knew all of it would be a tough path, but, hell, for Eren, Yami and Sebastian, he would do it.

He absolutely swore on that.

* * *

 

End of chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Bows- I'm so sorry that I was gone for some time. I was sick for 2 weeks and feeling really crummy emotionally, thus preventing me from sitting down and writing this out. But, I'm all better now, and I hope you loved this chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

My Regret

Chapter 13

* * *

 

Remembering all those memories of someone you truly loved is something that is supposed to be very special. But the moment you see someone that used to brighten up your normally dull days with someone else, to hell with remembering something, you'd do anything to have them by your side again.

Levi held his cell phone to his ear, tapping his foot on the carpet.

"Hello, shorty!" Hanji's voice loudly greeted him.

The raven pulled the device away from his ear for a moment before placing it back on his ear. "Fucking shitty ass glasses, just what the flying fuck was in that shit you made me drink?"

He could hear her laughing loudly on the other side. "Ah, so it worked, didn't it?"

"Hanji. What was in that?"

"Oh, that. Well, it was a concoction I made for you to recall all your memories. Seeing as you were so damn slow at it, I decided to make something for you to remember faster."

"I don't know whether or not to be angry at you in all honesty."

"How about an I love you and thank you for helping my short ass remember?"

"Fuck off."

The man heard her laughing loudly as he hung up. He was sincerely thankful that the woman had helped him fill in the missing spot of his memory, it was certainly a giant help.

Tomorrow he would need to talk to Eld and Gunther about seeing if he could see his children without having to deal with all those legal matters that only made him want to blow his brains out.

First, he needed to contact Mikasa, Petra, Isabel, Farlan and Erwin about him regaining his memory.

Speaking of his younger siblings, his younger sister and brother, mainly Isabel, came in laughing. So much for the damn silence that he loved so much when he first walked into his home...

Isabel hopped over and plopped down on her tired older brother's lap, Farlan scolding her as she did so. He clearly noticed that the raven was exhausted. "Big brother, you look like something is poking you in the mind, not butt as usual. What's wrong?"

Levi wanted to yell at her, but she had some sense. There was something that was on his mind. Why not tell them the good news? "There's actually both good and bad on my mind right now, sister."

The blonde sat down as soon as he heard his brother say that. "And what would that be?"

"I gained my memories of Eren back. All of them."

Both Isabel and Farlan's eyes widened. The red head was the first to react. "Ah, big brother that's amazing! We thought you would never gain all your memories back. How did you though? I thought you were having a lot of trouble with that."

"It was shitty glasses that helped me, believe it or not. She made this strange concoction for me to drink. Originally she said it was supposed to make me taller, but I saw Eren in the park and everything suddenly came back to me."

"Wait, wait, wait." Farlan interrupted him for a moment. "You saw Eren?"

The man nodded, "I did. I also saw my children."

"You did, big bro? I bet one of them looks like you. Eren's sister told us."

Speaking of Eren's sister, it occurred to the blonde that she had entrusted letters to Petra, and the small blonde had given them the letters and could only give them to Levi once he remembered everything about the brunet. "Levi. We have something very important to give to you."

The raven raised a brow. "And what would that be?"

"Go upstairs to your room, check under your nightstand and there will be a yellow envelope under there. They are letters from Mikasa addressed to you."

"Why were they under my nightstand?"

"They had to be in a place where you wouldn't find them. That was the best we could do." He lifted Isabel off their older brother's lap. "Now go."

Levi nodded as he went into his room. He knelt down in front of his nightstand and low and behold, there was the envelope that Farlan was talking about right there. The raven grabbed it and sat down in his bed as he opened it up. He took out the many letters that were inside. His grey eyes scanning over the top one.

_Levi,_

_You really know how to cause some fucking trouble you know that? To forget your memories at the worst time is something I thought would never happen to someone like yourself. You would always freak out over all the little things and now look at what you've caused._

_I thought there was a strong man in there that wouldn't let anything happen. Yet, when I asked you who Eren was that day in the hospital, you couldn't even remember a damn thing. Do you even know how I felt? I may act like I hate you with everything that I am, but a part of me liked you because you made my brother smile. I couldn't even make him that happy like you do._

_Hurry up and remember. I want your short ass to be the only one to make my brother happy again._

_Mikasa._

The man wanted to curse at her something fierce for calling him short, but she sounded so desperate. She obviously tried to cover up all those emotions she was feeling at the moment with something happier to talk about. Levi was an observant man for a reason.

He placed the paper down on the bed and began reading the second one.

_Levi_

_I remember the day that my brother said he wanted to introduce us to his lover. I was completely surprised to say the least. I had known Eren not to be one for relationships. Yet, when I saw him with you, I don't know, you seemed like the type of person that would be perfect for him._

_I'll admit, I was angry at you for taking my brother away from me for a while, but then I realized something. You weren't ever intending to take him away, You were merely giving him the love that I could never give him as a sister. You were also protecting him just like I had done for so many years. I felt like you could read me and see how much I cared and worried for Eren._

_You did so much for him, I can't even to begin to name all of them off. My brother told us some stories of the things you did, and I can only say this,_

_You are a more amazing person than I had even realized._

_Mikasa_

Levi smiled as he finished the letter. He remembered that day as well. He was fucking worried about what Eren's sister and mother would think of him. Their entire first meeting and how they had become lovers was not exactly the ideal way someone would want their brother and son to meet someone. Then when he met them, he could clearly read the worry that was held in both the women's eyes. It was understandable, he didn't feel offended. Rather, he was glad the brunet had people like that for him as family.

He placed another page on the bed as he read the third letter.

_Levi_

_You know today is Christmas? When I saw Eren, mom and I surrounded by all the wrapping paper, I wanted to feel happy. But, I couldn't for some odd reason. I guess it was because you weren't there and I was the only one knew you didn't remember anything. You know how my mother is, how she will notice the slightest hint and ask if something is wrong. I guess I gained something from you, able to keep something well hidden._

_Point is, I felt like something was off because I began to think of you as family. It shouldn't have been just the three of us, it should have been four._

_Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, Levi._

_Mikasa._

_Levi_

_Today is New Years Eve, and I have only one thing I want to happen for this year._

_I want you to remember absolutely everything and get over here with your family. We're waiting for you._

_Mikasa._

The raven sat on his bed for several more hours as he continued reading each page, smiling as he did so. He had pegged Mikasa right. She was a sweet girl with a tough outer appearance. He was glad that he had the opportunity to meet someone like her.

* * *

  
"So, you're saying that I'll be able to see my children without any problems?" Levi sat in his office with Gunther and Eld the following morning. He wanted to know immediately if he could see his children.

Gunther shook his head. "Not that we can tell. Eren nor you ever signed a parental rights sheet giving them all to him. So, you are legally allowed to see your children if you wish."

Eld nodded in agreement. "That's right, Levi. Since there are no legal documents entitling you to refrain from seeing them, you shouldn't encounter any kinds of problems whatsoever."

Levi nodded as the two left when the raven told them he knew everything he wanted to know. Leaning back in his seat, he began thinking. Just what would his children think of seeing their biological father after so much time had passed. He wasn't exactly the best father two children could have already. He wasn't there for their birth, when they began walking, talking, reading, going to school, everything. Would his children accept him or not? Most importantly, what about Eren?

The brunet would be the one refusing to let him see Yami and Sebastian. The two had ended on horrible terms after all. He would understand it if Eren didn't want him around. But, he was the father of those children whether Eren liked it or not. No one, absolutely no one would stop him from seeing those two small children. Not even that brute Bertholt.

But first, he had someone he needed to speak with.

* * *

Mikasa waited patiently inside Levi's living room, the man's younger brother, Farlan, had called her and asked if she could come over. To say she was confused as to why would be an understatement. The red head and blonde had not told her a single thing about the reason as to why she was there.

She looked up as Levi had entered the room. She simply stared at him as he did the same. The man did appear taller, perhaps it was one of Hanji's experiments again. It would be the only explanation as to why the raven was suddenly taller than she remembered.

"I remember now."

Her onyx orbs widened as she got up from her seat and embraced the man, surprising him completely. Gods, she had been waiting so long for him to say that again.

Once he managed to snap out of his shock, Levi gently pat her head. He still had to remind himself that this was not the so emotionally open Mikasa he had read in the letters. She was in control of them now since they were face to face. "I apologize for taking so long."

"Damn right you apologize." She mumbled into his shoulder. "Do you know how long I waited for your ass to remember everything?"

"Three years."

She pulled back, looking up at him. "Exactly. So much happened within that time period. All of that could have been prevented, but unfortunately things happened for a reason, I guess."

The raven sighed. "I know, Mikasa. I am aware so much happened in my absence. But, I intend to make some decisions that will not only benefit me, but my children as well."

Both of them sat down as Mikasa raised a brow. "What are you planning to do?"

"I'm planning on going to meet my children is what."

"Are you sure you're allowed to legally?" If there was one thing that she didn't want to deal with, other than a furious Eren, it was something that involved legal matters.

"I can. Since Eren never requested that I sign a legal document handing over all the parental rights, I'm more than allowed to see them. I am the biological father after all."

"You do know that you'll be dealing with a completely furious Eren, right?"

"Right now, Mikasa, I don't give a damn if he's angry. I just want to be there for my children. I want them to be able to have their real father right there with them. I don't want them to grow up without me. I want to take my responsibilities as a father by choice. I wasn't roped into this. This is my own damn choice. I love those children."

She smiled softly at the man's words. To be able to love his children, through only reading about them in her letters, constantly mentioning them must have given him quite the general idea about what kind of kids they were. "I know you'll be a great father."

The raven glanced at her for a quick moment before his eyes were focused on his walls again. "How did my children take the news of that brute not being their father."

"How did-"

"Isabel told me. You know that girl can't keep a secret for absolute shit."

"That explains it."

"So, how are did they react?"

"In all honesty, much better than anyone would have thought."

"Oh? Care to elaborate?"

"Sebastian, of course the more talkative of the two, spoke up about it first. He surprised everyone when he and Yami had this sort of silent discussion and agreement that Bertolt was not their dad because they said something felt off about him. Sebastian said he didn't have the same grey eyes that he and his brother did. Was completely missing the black hair, and asked if brunette was his natural hair color. Those children found out everything they could before coming to a complete conclusion."

"Damn. My kids are more observant than I would have thought. And not all children are like that. Tell me, are they attached to that brute?"

"They were when they were infants. After that, they pretty much cared more for Eren, mom, me and each other. They just saw Bertolt as someone who was always around and acted friendly with their 'mother'. Other than that, they really don't care for him."

Levi sighed in relief. "That's good to know."

"Eren talks about you to them."

"In a good or bad manner."

"Hmm, more so good. He always tells good things about you. Sebastian is absolutely ecstatic to meet you. He wants to get to know his real father, the person whom he takes after."

"And Yami?"

"I can tell he feels the same. He's the more quiet of the two. He just nodded to everything involving possibly meeting you."

The man had one more important question. "Do you think Eren would ever allow me to become his lover again?"

"I don't know, Levi. What you did caused him a lot of emotional pain. He went through an awful lot because of your decision. So, I can't really ever tell. Even if you do have children together, there is absolutely no guarantee that he'll allow you to get that close again. He'll eventually accept you always around your children. But, I know for sure, he will let you be their other parent without a doubt about it."

"Because of my decision, I went through a fuck ton too. There are so many things that I did, that I wish I hadn't. I let myself fall so fucking low, I couldn't even believe it. I want to make things right again, Mikasa. I want my children with me, to have Eren's love back, just make things the way they were supposed to be. I know they'll take time, but dammit, I'll do it no matter how much time it takes."

The man that had rejected his children so long ago was no longer there. The man in front of her was someone who was ready to take his responsibilities as a father by choice. "You're going to be a fantastic father, Levi. I know it."

"Gods, I hope so."

"No need to doubt yourself. You have my support in this matter. Maybe I can talk to Eren later about him not getting angry towards you when you're around. Unfortunately, I'll have to leave Bertolt to you."

"Good. You leave that brute to me. He needs to get his shit straight and realize my children are not his for shit."

"Exactly. You need to let him know he is not the biological father of Sebastian and Yami likes he thinks he is."

Levi's eyes narrowed. "Oh, that bastard will know for damn sure by the end of it."

* * *

 

Eren laughed as he saw Yami and Sebastian literally arguing over a damn book. One would think the twins would be fighting over a toy, nope, not his children.

The brunet was left alone with his children while his mother went shopping, Bertolt having been dragged along. He didn't really mind spending quality time alone with his sons's. It would have been nice to have his sister there with him, but she had been gone all day and had absolutely no idea where she was.

"Come on, boys. You can go ahead and play outside. I know you've been waiting all day." The boy smiled as the twins dropped the book and ran outside.

He got up from his spot on the couch and was about to follow right after the hyperactive boys when someone knocked on his door. Eren raised a brow, he wasn't expecting someone to come over. His friends usually let him know before they went over. Hm, they must have come here last moment as usual.

Making his way to the door and opening it, Eren's luminescent green eyes widened. There he stood. Levi Ackerman.

The raven simply stared at Eren. He knew this meeting after four years would be tough. But, dammit. He came here with a firm goal set in mind.

Eren only stood there trying to process the entire situation. Well, shit. He was nowhere near prepared for this.

* * *

 

End of chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I wasn't able to update more than once this month, I was working on a special project that I am making for you guys for next month.


	14. Chapter 14

My Regret

Chapter 14

* * *

Coming face to face with someone from your past can be pleasant or the very thing you never wanted to happen. It all depends on how the last meeting took place.

Eren stood there in shock. The man that had hurt him four years ago was now right in front of him. A swirl of emotions ran through his body like a plague. His eyes narrowed several minutes later. "What are you doing here." His words were laced with venom.

Levi couldn't argue with the tone the brunet had taken with him. He created so many problems for the boy who only loved him; while he turned his back on this very person. "I came here to see my children."

Green eyes widened. "W-What?"

"You heard me, Eren. I came here to see my two son's."

The young man's hands clenched into fists. "There is no way in hell that I would allow you to see Yami and Sebastian after what you did."

"Eren, I know far too well you absolutely hate my entire being, the very thought of talking with me must disgust you. But, I'm not here for the sole intention of starting a verbal fight with you. I'm here to see my two son's and take the responsibilities like a father should."

"Oh, so now you are? How do I not know you'll only get them close to you then run away like a coward again?"

"I know you have all these doubts that I'll let these children build affection on my end only to leave them once more. I assure you, it will not happen again. I know you don't believe a damn word that I'm saying to you, but perhaps my actions will. I can show you that I will take on the responsibilities by choice. There is no other person that persuaded me to do this. I chose this on my own. Let me show you that I can be the best father I am capable of being."

Eren simply stared at the raven in front of him. He knew that there was a possibility that Levi was just talking out of his ass, but there was also something there that seemed sincere. Then again, Levi was known to be one manipulative bastard. He stepped to the side, letting the raven enter his home. "Get in. I don't want anyone to listen to this conversation."

Nodding his head, the older man stepped inside and followed Eren to the living room. He took a seat on the couch across from the young man.

"Why did you suddenly decide to appear now?"

"I wanted to take-"

Eren slammed his hands down on the coffee table. "And don't give me that father bullshit! I want to fucking hear the truth from you! I know someone or something must have impacted your answer! There is no way that a heartless bastard like yourself would choose this willingly."

"I realized there was something more precious in my life other than that fucking company that I put on a pedestal for so many years."

"Now you fucking realize it?! It only took me leaving you and four years of not seeing your children to make that shit get through your damn senses?!"

"Eren, calm down. You're going to let your anger take over again." He had seen that anger pointed once when Eren's father tried contacting him again after so long, and he never, so long as lived, wanted that uncontrollable fire in those green eyes to be pointed at him.

"And what if I fucking want it to take over?! That way you can know the damn pain I suffered because of your selfish ass!"

Before Levi could respond, Bertholt walked into the room after announcing he was back. His brown eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here? You have no business here."

The raven sighed. "Quite the contrary. I do have some rather important things to take care of."

"Bullshit. You're just here to hurt Eren again."

"That was not my intention coming here. I came here because I wanted to meet my children."

Bertolt immediately moved over to the raven and towered over him, "They are not your children."

Levi stood up, for once being able to be eye to eye with the brute. "Like you can even say that to me. Whether you or anyone likes it or not, I am the biological father. Or are you dishearted because they knew you weren't their real father? Did you like playing daddy too much?"

The tall brunet's hands clenched into fists. "At least I was there."

"Yes, I am fully aware I was absent from their lives for my own selfish reasons, and I won't hide from that fact. But, I will be there from now on."

"And how do you plan to do that? Eren can legally not let you see them. He's the only parent that took care of them."

"There was never any kind of documents signed. Because of that, I am allowed to see them whenever as their biological father." He narrowed his eyes. "Your time playing daddy is over. Those children have never recognized you as their father."

Eren watched silently from his spot on the couch, he had calmed down some, but the two men who were glaring daggers at each other were not. The brunet knew if he wasn't there, the two would have already done some physical damage to the other, Levi more so to Bertolt. The sound of feet running to the living room had him snapping out of his thoughts and turning back towards the source.

Sebastian laughed as he dragged his twin inside, the small brunet lagging behind some. "Come on, Yami! Hurry it up!"

He panted trying to catch up with his brother. "I'm coming, Sebby!"

Both boys stopped at the couch where Eren was sitting, their attention however, was turned to the tall raven who was glaring at Bertolt.

The small raven turned to Eren, all the while pointing at Levi. "Papa, who's that?"

Levi turned away from the brute as soon as he heard a small child speak.

Eren took a deep breath before scooping up both of his son's. "Yami, Sebastian, that person right there. That's your real daddy."

It was Sebastian who reacted first while his twin simply kept staring at their father. He slid off his papa's lap and slowly walked over to Levi. He watched as the raven knelt down and smiled softly at him. "You're my daddy, right?"

The older man nodded. "That is correct, Sebastian."

"Ah, you even know my name!"

"I do."

Levi watched silently as his son carefully observed himself, seeing if their looks matched. "We have the same colored hair, eyes and skin color."

"We do."

The little boy opened his arms. "Hug?"

Bringing the boy immediately into his arms, Levi stroked the small raven's back.

Sebastian placed his head on his father's shoulder. This felt right to him, not like when Bertolt hugged him. There was something there that the tall brunet didn't quite posses. Was it the feeling of familiarity? Or was it something else that the little boy didn't know of.

Yami silently watched from Eren's lap as his older brother hugged their other father. He too wanted to go over and embrace the man who was their real father, but thought that he would be rejected because of how different he was. His father and brother often told him there was nothing wrong with having two different colored eyes, it made him look unique is all, and that it was more than alright to be that.

The raven felt a pair of eyes in him and his son, grey meeting two different colored orbs. He had noticed that his other son had different colored eyes in the photo that he was shown when he read Mikasa's letters. He absolutely loved Yami's eyes, they held a part of him and Eren more visibly than Sebastian's. He extended an arm out, a silent way of asking for a hug from his other son.

The small brunet waited, staring at the extended arm for a moment before getting up from Eren's lap and slowly making his way towards Levi. Standing in front of his father for a moment, he simply stared at him. This was the person whom he was also very desperate to meet. He didn't voice it as often as his older twin did, but he also wanted this moment to appear within his young life time. He wanted his real father around, not the person whom loved his papa and who was not really related to him.

Hesitantly, he embraced the man, feeling the warm arm wrap around him. This felt right to him. This man was someone who he felt would take care of him and love him despite looking the way that he did.

Levi smiled as he held both his son's in his arms, feeling completely content with himself knowing he had gotten this moment just like he wanted.

Eren silently watched from his place on the couch, staring at his two son's hold their father. He had mixed feelings about this moment right now. He wasn't sure whether this would prove to be good for Yami and Sebastian, but thought about how happy they looked right now. He had never seen these two like this not with him, his mother, Mikasa or Bertolt. Was it supposed to be this way for his kids? Would having Levi constantly around them prove to be good? Or would he simply leave them like he did to Eren? The man looked sincere enough when he spoke about only wanting to be there for his children, but words were nothing compared to the actions that would be taken.

The brunet motioned for Bertolt to follow him to the kitchen and leave Yami and Sebastian with their father. This was an important moment for them, and it should just be the three of them for now.

* * *

"Are you seriously going to let that man back in your life?"

Eren had opted to going outside to the backyard to speak with Bertolt. The taller brunet obviously had something to say about this entire matter. "Look, Bert, he's not going to be back in my life. I'm introducing him to the life of Yami and Sebastian. He is the biological father whether you or I like it or not."

The brunet's eyes narrowed. "Are you siding with that man, Eren? Is that what I'm hearing?"

"In this situation, yes."

Bertolt shook his head as he took several steps away from his lover, sighing quietly to himself as he did so.

Eren rubbed his temples. "Normally, I would want absolutely nothing to do with Levi, but he does have the right to see his children. There is nothing there that can actually prevent him from seeing them. I want to tell him off and not be apart of their lives, I'm terrified he'll merely make them attached to his person and then leave. But, I could see he was sincere, there should be nothing wrong with trying, right?"

"I guess, Eren." He walked back and took the boy's hands into his own. "But I can't trust Levi. He might try to take you from me. I don't want you to get hurt like that again."

"Don't worry, Bertolt." Eren placed a hand on his lover's cheek, stroking the skin with his thumb. "I promise you that won't happen."

* * *

Mikasa leaned against the counter as she listened to the entire conversation through the open window in the kitchen. She felt bad for eavesdropping into such a conversation, but she wanted to know the outcome. Eren would certainly never tell her what they were talking about. She could tell right away why Bertolt was acting so possessive in the first place.

He was terrified that Levi would take Eren away from him. Which was understandable; they were in a long-term relationship beforehand. But there was also one thing that she couldn't help but notice. There was a brief flash of fear in her brother's luminescent green eyes.

One would think it was because of the situation, and how Bertolt was normally calm and not one to get angry like that often, she however, could completely disagree with that statement. There were several moments beforehand that she noticed the exact same reaction coming from Eren. Was there something going on in their relationship these two brunet's were hiding? Just what kind of fights did they have for her brother to feel fear?

She knew that trying to talk to Eren about this would lead nowhere, why? Her brother was a stubborn one. Perhaps with more close observation, she could figure this out on her own. For now, all she could do and wait. Her cards had to be played carefully.

* * *

Levi sat with his children outside in Eren's backyard several days later. The raven had been introducing Sebastian to the game of chess; the boy was surprisingly good at it. His twin, however, couldn't understand it no matter how many times his father explained it. Levi told him not to worry, not everyone understood chess or liked it. Yami more so opted to playing checkers. It was a more simple alternative, one the small brunet loved.

Eren still didn't trust Levi completely alone with their children at the moment, that and he was afraid if Bertolt and Levi got a hold of each other, another fist fight would break out. Mikasa being the one that pulled them apart first. Thus, Bertolt could not be around when the raven came to visit their children.

"Aw, man. Daddy won again." Sebastian pouted as he saw his father makes his last move.

Levi chuckled. "Sorry, Sebastian. This is a game of intelligence after all. Every move counts."

Yami laughed lightly as he clutched onto the brown bear Levi had gotten him days prior. "Daddy's right, Sebby. Now you know why I don't like this game."

"I can't understand checkers. It's too simple. Why do you like it?"

"Its more fun, Sebby, even thought Daddy still beats me."

"Nuh-uh. Chess is fun."

"No, checkers."

"Chess!"

"Checkers!"

"Boys." The man sighed, patting both their heads. "Both games are entertaining. There's no need to fight over which is better."

Both the small raven and brunet turned to their father. Sebastian poked Levi's cheek. "Then which of the two is your favorite, daddy?"

"Neither actually. I have another game that is my all time favorite."

The small raven blinked. "What's that?"

"Cards against humanity."

Yami titled his head to the side. "What game is that?"

"It's a...lovely card game."

"Can we play that game?"

"Not until you're much, much older."

Sebastian pouted. "Why can't we play it now?"

"Your papa would kill me."

"Damn right I will." Eren hollered from his spot on the patio table.

Levi rubbed the back of his head, while the twins giggled.

The brunet turned back to his book, he did not however continue reading it. These were days that he had wished for when he was first expecting their children. He no longer envisioned himself sitting on the raven's lap as they watched their children play. Sitting in the living room as they watched marathons of their children's favorite cartoons, nor opening up gifts on Christmas and celebrating Levi's birthday together. It seemed that the part of himself that wanted all that was gone now. He was more so content with knowing Levi would be a caring father and not after him and making him suffer like he thought he would be going through should this day have ever come.

Had he really changed so much for the better if he no longer thought that?

* * *

"Bertolt, calm down."

"I won't fucking calm down, Eren! That bastard touched you!"

"He was only preventing me from falling down the stairs, Bert. Nothing happened beyond that!"

"Are you sure? Because it looked like you were a teenager meeting the love of their life when he caught you."

"It was either that or me getting hurt, which do you prefer?"

The tall brunet's eyes narrowed. "I would rather you have gotten hurt. No one is allowed to touch you in that manner other than me."

Eren's green eyes widened for a moment. He couldn't believe what his lover had just told him. "I'm not a god damn object, Bert. I'm my own person." His voice was laced with anger.

Bertolt slapped him across the face as soon as Eren said that. He watched as he boy held his stinging cheek, tears glistening in his eyes and threatening to fall. He smiled softly as he wrapped his arms around his lover. "See? You made me hit you as punishment because of what you said. I have told you so many times that you belong to me and no one else. Do you understand now, Eren? You belong to me and I have no intention whatsoever to let you go." He chuckled as he traced Eren's ring finger. "I want to be able to properly call you mine when we get married. I want to see a ring on this finger someday." That was all he wanted. To be able to claim this beautiful brunet as his own in matrimony. To literally be Sebastian and Yami's father. And to be able to take away these precious people away from that bastard Levi.

* * *

Mikasa quietly walked into the house as she heard Eren and Bertolt having a rather heated argument. She silently made her way to her brother's bedroom and watched through the small opening in the door.

Her onyx eyes widened as he saw Bertolt hit her brother. She stood there in shock as Eren completely trembled with fear after being hit by him.

This bastard fucking crossed the line now.

* * *

End of chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I've stated this yet. Mikasa is my favorite character in this story by far. Holy balls. Also, I finally put up the special project I mentioned. Its called Loneliness. Check it out and let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

My Regret

Chapter 15

* * *

They say things happen for a reason. Do they really? Should something really have a reason behind it?

If there was one thing that made Mikasa absolutely livid, it was someone thinking they could take advantage of her brother and think no one will find out. Sure, you could look at her and think she was overprotective. Well, she has her reasons behind her motives. Besides, any siblings would get angry if they found out their younger or older sibling was being physically abused. Even if you try to argue and say say she should let those two solve this out themselves, she would tell you to go fuck yourself. Frankly, I would too. But anyway, off topic.

For whatever reason, if Bertolt think he was going to get away with this, that bastard better prepare himself for one hell of a confrontation.

Now, she would tell Levi that had occurred, but she also remembered how Levi left the brute when they got into that ten minute fist fight. Imagine how he would leave the tall brunet this time. She needed to find out more information leading as to why Bertolt even thought about hitting Eren and the reason behind it. She couldn't immediately make conclusions, just more observations.

Mikasa sat on her bed as she heard no other sounds residing through the house. The twins were over at Levi's and her mother was with one of her own friends. Perhaps the quiet would help her come up with some possible ideas.

* * *

Eren trembled as he sat on his bed that night. He had demanded Bertolt leave and received another slap across the face, and a confusing tender caress on it afterwards.

This had been going on for weeks now. Way before they began having conflicts that were more noticeable to anyone who was observant enough. They were all mainly about Levi. Now, the brunet had no idea why Bertolt was the one to start talking about him. Yes, Eren will admit he did see the raven on several occasions when he went to the store or take the kids to the park. But he never stopped to talk to him or anything of the sort, there was no reason for his lover to treat him like shit and make false accusations.

If anything, the taller brunet should have been relieved to know that Eren wanted to stay with him and not go back to Levi. Things might have changed a little with the raven now being present in Yami and Sebastian's life, but their relationship shouldn't have to change to horribly because of it.

Yes, Eren had been tempted to tell Mikasa and end everything there, but he also owed so much to his lover. He was the one who stayed with him when Levi wasn't there. How could he leave someone who loved him when he was carrying two children. He loved Bertolt with everything that he was, but if the abuse continued, he would have no choice but to let Mikasa and Levi know. Eren didn't care what they would do, or how it would be taken care of, as long as Bert would leave him be.

* * *

Snow now covered the ground in an endless sheet of white, bright lights decorated the outside of almost every home, and snowmen set perched outside on every front lawn.

Sebastian clapped his hands together as he placed another ornament on the Christmas tree.

Several months had gone by since Levi had come to meet his children. Things were going well as of so far, there was were no further physical fights between Levi and Bertolt anymore, something Eren and Mikasa were both glad for. Both were completely exhausted of having to pull those two apart.

Eren was no longer afraid that Levi would leave their children, in fact, he had found out through Petra that he had actually stopped working so much. He actually made an effort to cut down his work ethnic to spend more time with children. The man was completely sincere in wanting to be more present in his children's lives.

He wished that he could say the same with his relationship. Things with Bertolt had gotten to the point where the brunet almost doesn't want him around whatsoever. Yami and Sebastian often asked, much like his mother, where the taller man was. He could only tell them that he was busy in job and doing other things that needed his immediate attention.

Mikasa was the only one who didn't believe his lie at all. She knew what happened behind all those smiles, laughs, and closed doors, and it was nothing she actually wanted to talk about.

"Daddy, I want to put an ornament up there." Yami pointed to the top left side of the tree.

Levi nodded as he picked up his son, who chose a red ornament to put on. Yami laughed as he nuzzled his father's shoulder.

Eren just had one question, is it bad if he thought every so once and a while about him being in Levi's arms? Just once more, and that would be it. He wonders if that's good or bad.

The twins opted to going with their grandmother and aunt to the kitchen, they were going to be helping in making the cookies for dessert for dinner later that night.

The raven joined Eren on the couch. It had taken some time for them to be able to sit next to each other and for Levi not to feel Eren's glare on him. He yawned quietly, he had been barely getting sleep as of late again.

"Sleeping three hours a night again?"

Levi blinked, surprised Eren knew that. "Ah, yes. I've been swamped with meetings at work as of late."

Eren nodded, "You should try to get more sleep. It's not good for you to be getting so little rest. You'll end up collapsing from exhaustion again and cursing out every single moving thing."

The man nodded slowly. "Of course. Wouldn't want that happening again."

"Do you still have black tea in your home?"

"Isabel and Farlan went out and got me a mixture. I'm not really sure which one relaxes me the most. They're all rather good."

"Save the one that relaxes you the fastest for the weekends. You take those days off and often have Yami and Sebastian over with you. I wouldn't want them worried about their daddy and his lack of sleep."

"Of course, Eren. Thank you for the advice."

Seriously, he kinda needs that question answered.

* * *

"Here daddy." Yami handed his father a cookie.

Levi took the treat from his son and placed it on a napkin next to his tea. He picked it up and took a bite, inwardly amused as his children were watching him for his reaction. "Its delicious." He had expected to immediately be hit with sugary sweetness, but the sugar wasn't as strong as he thought it would be.

Yami and Sebastian both clapped their hands. Eren had told the two that their father wasn't very big on sweets, and if there was too much sugar, he wouldn't eat it. The children had prepared another batch along with Carla for the raven.

The man ate the rest of his cookie, idling helping Sebastian decorate more cookies while his twin mixed the batter with Eren.

Carla came up behind him and tapped him on his shoulder. He turned around. "Yes, Carla, can I help you?"

"When you're done helping Sebastian, I want a word with you."

Levi paled as she left. Even if he and Eren were on somewhat good terms, it didn't mean that his ass would be safe from the brunet's mother. No way in hell.

* * *

Sometime later, Levi went to the study to talk with Carla. The woman was busying herself with reading a book. She glanced up as soon as the raven came in. She placed a bookmark on the page she was on before closing it. Motioning for Levi to take a seat, she stared at him for a moment before speaking. "First of all, I want to say, thank you for being present in your children's lives."

Levi nodded, not saying anything letting her continue.

"You don't know how happy you made those children with just being here. I remember when they would constantly ask about you, and why you couldn't be there. Eren simply told them you always had something important to do. There were times in which they cried because they couldn't see you. It would put an immeasurable amount of stress on him. Yami and Sebastian would eventually calm down, hear a good story about you, then they would wait some more for you to come through the front door. Sebastian went through a phase where he sat by the window in the living room and simply stare out, waiting. Waiting to see if his father would come and sit down to play with him and his brother."

Levi took in the information and felt like a complete asshole in the end. Albeit, there was also something that he couldn't do about his situation that he had been going through. But there was also something he could have done before all that happened, and of course, he was still going to be kicking his own ass for it.

"Yami and Sebastian immediately came to me running, telling me their daddy finally came back and how they each looked like him. Both were already telling me what they wanted to do with you. Sebastian was very happy because he could now have you teach him how to ride a bike, he always wanted you to be the one to show him. Yami simply wanted you to help him in his reading and strategy games. Those children wish to experience so much with you. I hope you'll still be around for that."

"Carla, I will always be there for my children. I know I messed up, and I fully accept any blame that anyone would throw at me, I accept my flaws. I'm not someone who will ignore it and think nothing happened, because it won't work that way. I left those kids alone and they had no clue what happened to their father. Just some stories about me would never be enough, it doesn't matter whether the stories left a good image, I wanted them to see me for me and not from someone else. I know Eren hates me, and you do yourself as well as Mikasa, but there is also something as me trying my best. I'm not experienced at all in this matter. I'm simply doing what I think is best. You know for a fact my father was horrid, and never once showed compassion towards me. I am doing everything I can to make sure my son's don't ever doubt I love them."

The brunette smiled at him. Her amber eyes had a calming look in them. "Levi, a mother knows when a father loves his children, when he's disappointed in his own actions, when he wishes that he can go back and undo a past event. I believe that you are already an amazing father and shouldn't doubt yourself. You are capable of great things when it comes to raising Yami and Sebastian. I never had a single doubt in my mind that you would greatly impact their lives."

Everyone has flaws in their life, and that's fine. No one in this world is perfect. There is a small ounce of perfection in every person. Even if you don't believe it, others can clearly see it.

* * *

Mikasa handed Levi a hot cup of black tea as both raven's were sitting in the living room two days later. Yami and Sebastian were both taking a nap right now, having tired themselves out when their father took them both outside to play in the snow.

The raven haired female sat back down. "How is everything with you and Eren now?"

Levi took a sip of his tea before responding. "As well as they can go in all honesty. I know there are some things that we have to talk out, but, for the most part, we're alright."

She nodded. "Good. I was tried of Eren always glaring at you when you were hugging one of the twins. Even they began to ask why he looked so mad at you."

"I remember Sebastian asked me a question or two about that. He ignored it after so long."

"So did Yami."

Levi was hesitant to ask his next question. "How are Eren and the brute?"

Mikasa shrugged. "I don't know, they never tell me. I would assume good."

"That's...fine, I suppose."

She felt horrible for lying to the man. He was simply wondering how Eren was doing with the tall idiot and she slapped a believable lie at him. There was so much more going on that she had most recently found out. Apparently Eren and the brute seemed to be taking a small break from each other. She knew what it was in all reality though. Hell, she was out the other day, and happened to pass Reiner's house, Bertolt closest friend's house, and saw the blonde punch the other in the face. Hmm, perhaps he had found out on his own or from Eren. Either way, he was getting what he deserved for treating her brother like a rag doll.

"Did you get anything for Eren? It's almost Christmas, you know." She really wanted to change the subject, and this was the only thing that came to her mind.

Levi nodded. "I did. Seeing as he still enjoys drawing, I managed to get him a complete art set with three hundred colored pencils, pencils, pens and erasers."

Her jaw dropped. "How the hell did you even find that?"

"Hanji. Need I say more?"

"No, that's fine right where you left it."

"And what did you get your brother?"

"I got him some things for when he begins his job as a teacher."

"Of course."

"Shut up."

* * *

Eren took a drink from his wine as he stared at the Christmas tree, a light pink hue to his cheeks. "Y-You know, Levi. I really like Christmas."

Levi laughed as he almost spit out his drink.

Now, you're probably wondering, just what the hell did these two idiots do this time? Let me elaborate.

Levi came over to Eren's house to be with his children, only to find out when he was there that Mikasa and Carla had taken them to some event for their school until tomorrow. The brunet simply let him stay since he was already there. It was very tense for a while there until he remembered that he had brought over a bottle of wine since Eren's mother requested one, he suggested drinking it so they would be more comfortable and could actually make conversation. To his surprise, the brunet had agreed. He had expected for him to refuse. Hmm, it did make talking easier, although they both had a bit too much wine.

The man took a long drink of his wine, savoring the sweet flavor, finishing it and serving himself another glass. "So, Eren. How are you and the brute?"

Eren sighed, setting his glass in his lap. "He and I are no longer together."

Levi's interest was now perked up. "That's it for you two?"

"More than likely, yes." He was surprised at himself for taking Levi's hand, intertwining their fingers.

The raven was taken back for a moment. He never thought that Eren would initiate something like this again. Wasn't the brunet absolutely livid with him? No, it was the wine that must have been affecting him.

"You know, I have noticed you still are incredibly handsome."

Yes, it was definitely the wine speaking. "Eren, you've had too much to drink."

The boy laughed. "No I haven't. I'm perfectly fine." He embraced Levi's right arm, nuzzling into it.

No. None of this was right. Eren didn't have much control over his own actions at the moment. For this to continue would make Levi feel horrible. He would rather have this occur with the brunet sober, even then he would never do this with him again. He still hated Levi with a fucking passion. He would be taking advantage of his former lover while he's like this, and it didn't sit right with him. Even if Levi was happy that Eren had left that damn brute, it didn't mean that the two would immediately get back together.

Levi pushed the boy away slightly. "No, Eren. This would be taking advantage of the little trust that I managed to get back from you. I am not going to mess it all up because we both drank wine."

Eren ignored him and stroked the man's chin. He simply loved how the raven looked; sharp silver eyes, strong jaw, muscles all over his body, raven hair, everything was so intoxicating about him. Part of him was screaming for him to make a move and make the raven claim his body once more. He had missed the way Levi treated him in bed. Bertolt was too rough, despite his seemingly harmless appearance. He wanted to be in Levi's arms again, he was craving for his touch so much that his body shivered in anticipation.

He leaned up and whispered in the raven's ear. "Fuck me." He didn't care what the outcome would be later, he wanted this now.

Fuck it, Levi threw away all his rationality as he kissed the brunet.

* * *

End of Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing.


	16. Author's note

Author's note

Now, before anyone freaks out, no I'm not going on Hiatus, nor any of the stories. I actually wanted to take the time and thank all you wonderful people.

This year for me, has been incredibly successful, and it's all thanks to you guys. I seriously could have never accomplished all that I have without you guys. It's because of the wonderful comments, bookmarks, kudos and getting to know most of you that made me incredibly happy to be able to write the stories, long one shots and just random little projects.

As most of you know, my writing brings me great happiness, and I get even more overjoyed to know that people enjoy what I write and what I come up with. And most of you are curious, how do I react when I read a new comment? I seriously smile and sometimes feel like crying because of the massive amount of comments with each chapter I update. I know I must be doing something write when you guys are happy with an update from me.

My writing got more in depth as I was writing throughout this entire year because I realized people seemed to love that. I let my mind take over and bring you lovely readers something completely different each time. Whether the characters be selfish, selfless, heartless, emotional, emotionless, or complete jerks (Levi), or something I've never done before. I'll very well give it a shot for you guys because you are all so supportive of my style of writing and what I write.

The same goes for all of my followers on Tumblr. I love each and every one of you anime dorks. Thank you for sticking with me and all the random things that I post on there. (Mainly anime because I'm anime trash like that.)

Seriously guys, thank you for all of your massive support, and I hope to have it with the new year coming in. I'll stick with you guys so long as you'll have me. I'll continue to bring you guys updates and new stories to your heart's content.

I hope you guys have a great New years, and I'll see you all again in 2015. Thanks guys, I love each and every one of you.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that I haven't been able to update. I was swamped with things for school, writer's block, and all that crap. And I hadn't been feeling too great about myself for the time that I didn't update. So, I didn't feel like putting something out there that would mainly be too negative. I hope you guys can understand.

My Regret

Chapter 16

* * *

The hourglass is like the sea of our lives; falling and falling and falling, until there is no more to fall. Our lives are like a book, a new page being written everyday. Remember, mistakes are alright. Some mistakes, however, can never be undone.

Now, if you ask Levi one question, it would be more than likely, is he having a wet dream because of the alcohol in his system? No, my friends, this is the real deal.

Levi pushed the brunet down on the couch, hovering above the tipsy Eren, lips still connected. Letting his left hand wander down to Eren's leg, which was bent up, he ran it up and down teasingly, smirking in delight when he heard Eren moan against their connected mouths.

Eren pulled away, his once luminescent green eyes now clouded over with lust and a shade darker. "Take me to my room and fuck me."

Getting up off the flustered brunet, Levi pulled Eren up by his arm and over the raven's left shoulder, making their way to the bedroom.

The brunet gasped in surprise, clinging onto the raven as best as he could in his drunken stupor.

Levi made his way up the stairs, through a pure miracle, and into the boy's familiar bedroom. He grinned mischievously, his eyes focused on the fluffy white carpet by the brunet's bed. Making his way, stumbling slightly, set them both down on there, watching in glee as Eren's eyes widened in realization as to where they would be doing the dirty deed.

"H-Here?"

"And where else would I fuck that tight hole of yours?"

"I don't know, on the bed maybe?"

"But where the fun in that be?" Levi could vaguely remember at this moment, that before Eren refused to do it anywhere that wasn't the bed or their bedroom. He felt like he would be dirtying the place in where they fucked. You would expect Levi to freak out in this, hell no. So long as he got some, he could care less where it was.

"F-Fine. Here." The boy was left a complete blushing mess.

The raven grinned, immediately making quick work of their pants, haphazardly throwing them in whatever direction. He found the closest thing to lube that he had. Conveniently enough, it was some hand lotion on the boy's nightstand. He squeezed the bottle, covering three of his fingers in the white substance.

Eren panted lightly, his face a bight red as he watched Levi coat his fingers in his hand lotion.

Levi placed his fingers at the boy's entrance, rubbing the ring of muscle to loosen it, once he felt it was alright, he slipped a finger in.

The boy gasped as the finger slipped in, feeling an odd sensation in his lower half.

Levi moved his finger around, stretching the boy's entrance, inserting another finger, scissoring them, feeling the boy's hot, wet walls against the pads of his fingers.

Eren whined as Levi pressed against his insides. "L-Levi, get inside of me now..."

Levi chuckled, his voice dropping an octave, "Who am I to refuse such an offer?" He removed his fingers from Eren's entrance, coating his heated member in the lotion, groaning lightly as the cool substance touch the heated flesh.

Whimpering as Levi pushed into his body, Eren placed his hands on the raven's shoulders, nails digging slightly into the skin. "Levi..."

With his control rapidly slipping, Levi watched the handsome face wreck itself into a mask of arousal and desperation. And god, did Eren whimper, bucking his hips to force Levi into him faster.

Moans and grunts filled the heavy air as well as a loud squelching noise, "Ah, fuck! Levi, right there, fuck..."

"Shit, it's fucking tight." Levi pounded into the boy, their skin slapping.

With every thrust, Levi was listening to ever whisper coming from Eren's desirable elictations.

"Ahh, fuck! Levi, y-you're so b-big...!" Eren thrashed on the carpet, desperately meeting the deep thrusts the raven gave to him.

Levi looked down at the boy with red stained cheeks and drool already trailing out of his slightly parted lips.

Eren wrapped his legs around Levi's waist as the older man leaned down to kiss Eren's plump lips. The boy's lips parted with each gasp as he nipped at the raven's chest for more contact from the raven who was making him feel so good.

Eren freed his hands from the raven's shoulders and slung both of his hands sloppily and hurriedly around Levi's back, nails digging into the hot skin. He could feel sweat glistening on his back and his hands started to cup around his shoulder blades. He wanted to touch Levi more, feel him more.

Levi set his forehead against his own and the warm breath tickled his lips before kissing the tipsy brunet passionately and parting with a flick of his tongue on his top lip.

"I-I'm so close..." Eren breathed out, his breath laced with the faint scent of alcohol. It was getting harder to keep his eyes open- his utmost pleasure was coming.

Levi nodded, moving his hands from Eren's hips to start pumping his heated flesh.

The brunet's breath hitched and soon after quick long strokes, and the bites he kept receiving along his shoulder, Eren yelled out and his body started to rake his shudders of ravishing pleasure as he came into Levi's hand.

Levi started to rock his hips faster, penetrating deeper inside of Eren until he was soon coming undone himself. He groaned at the bliss entering his body once he released and he kept ramming in until his sensuous pleasure dimmed. The raven collapsed on top of the brunet, coming down from his high.

Eren panted heavily, his lungs screaming for air, chest rising and falling rapidly, grunting lightly as Levi's body rested on top of him.

The raven carefully withdrew from the boy's welcoming heat, smirking as he heard Eren whine. He lifted the spent boy into his arms, laying them both down on the bed, lazily throwing the covers over their sweat drenched bodies.

Levi watched as Eren immediately passed out. He wrapped his arm around the boy's waist, bringing him close to his chest.

"I love you..."

The raven then passed out, joining the brunet.

* * *

_"Eren."_

_The boy turned around as his lover addressed him. It was their first date in several weeks since Levi went to France to visit Farlan and Isabel. Eren had been the one to suggest the idea of going out somewhere, just the two of them. The raven immediately took him up on his offer, seeing as they both really needed it._

_"Yes?"_

_"Come here. I know where we can go."_

_The boy raised a brow, but then nodded as he took Levi's hand and let the man lead him to where a nice date would be after so long._

_There was one spot in this entire city, that Levi loved to visit the most. His mother had taken him there after they first arrived. He remembered the smile on his small face as he gazed out, admiring the magnificent view._

_Eren stared in awe at the view before him. His lover had taken him to a beautiful spot in the city, some place he didn't even know existed. There was a full grown Sakura tree, a cliff over looking the city, and the sun set illuminating the skyline._

_"Levi, where did you find this place?"_

_The raven smiled softly, a fond look in his eyes. "My mother took me here after she and I moved from France. My mother's friend said this was a perfect place to reflect on the simple pleasures in life. I came here every time I needed some time alone, or wanted to bring someone very close to me here."_

_"Who have you brought here?"_

_"No one except my mother. Eren, you're the first person I've ever brought here."_

_"Levi..."_

_"There hasn't been anyone else in this shit city that I've wanted to bring here. But you, you're someone who made me think about what I've been doing in my life, how I've worked myself to the ground. Eren, you've made me realize, I can't continue to live my life that way, it's about being with the people who matter the most to you. I hadn't seen Isabel and Farlan in so many years, and you convinced me to see the two siblings whom I care about so much. You've changed me for the better, and I can't find a way to ever repay you for that."_

_Eren cupped the man's face in his hands, "The best way, is for to continue living life on how I've taught you. Continue to think about the people who matter most. Cherish life, be happy, and make sure you look forward to each and every day."_

_"Je t'aime, Eren."_

_"I love you too, Levi."_

* * *

_Pain. That was all he could feel. You know they say that physical pain is easier compared to the emotional. Levi can agree one hundred percent on this._

_Standing in front of the hole in the ground, watching men lower the coffin of his departed mother was the hardest event Levi had to endure in his twenty years of life. His mother was the only person who stood by his side, through thick and thin. Now she was gone, like the wind. Her smile, laugh, the way her eyes softened whenever he felt sad. He would never see his mother physically again._

_The only person who he had, while his damn father left, was gone. Some 'god', just had to fucking take his mother. If there was such a thing as a god, he wouldn't have fucking taken the mother away from a son who needed her._

_Crystalline tears escaped from ashy orbs, blurring his vision. The pain, all of these emotions, had him practically suffocating in it. He didn't have anyone to cling to as he slowly broke. No siblings by his side so he could cry silently in their shoulder, no father to pat his back and tell him they would get through this together, no one. He was alone. A lone figure watching men, men who didn't give a damn and showed fake sympathy, toss filthy dirt on the box that encased his beloved mother._

_Levi leaned down, gripping dirt in his porcelain white hand, lifelessly tossing it onto the sleek brown coffin._

_Never again would he feel his mother's warm embrace, loving touch, hear the name she called him, all of it. It all seemed so foreign within the past twenty four hours. It felt like a life time ago that he was a small boy holding onto his mother's hand, smiling up at her, telling her about the small discoveries he was making._

_Once her coffin was covered entirely with dirt, the men pat his shoulders and left, not throwing the grieving young man a single glance._

* * *

_The shuffling of papers, stapler snapping papers together, the small murmur constantly reminding himself which document went where._

_This was his life now. Nothing but mindless mountains of papers on his desk, the insistent ringing of his phone, and the people talking outside his office. Ever since his mother passed, Levi's done nothing but bury himself in papers, endless sheets of them. He had no reason to go home anymore. The safe, warm, loving atmosphere that used to surround it was now gone. No more 'Welcome home, Levi.' There was none of that. He stepped in and still called out, 'I'm home.' Only to have a realization that his voice would only echo off the walls and come right back at him._

_Levi walked home that night, briefcase in hand, jacket slung over his shoulder, cigarette in his mouth. Inhaling and exhaling, trails of smoke left in his footsteps. Smoking always left a bitter taste in his mouth. Not because of the many harmful things in it, but because his mother always told him to never touch a cancer stick. He always apologized in his head to his beloved mother. Gods, he could already hear her scolding him._

_Taking his keys out of his pocket as he arrived at his front door, the raven slowly opened it. The creaking of the door residing in his ears much stronger than he thought. Removing the shoes from his aching feet, Levi put out his cigarette in the ashtray that was on the kitchen counter._

_He immediately went to the bottom right cabinet, containing the one source that kept him sane throughout these past few months. Whiskey. Grabbing a glass, Levi carelessly filled the glass to the brim and drank it all; grimacing at the sting it sent down his throat. This, this fucking alcohol he was shoving down his throat, was his only fucking companion he wanted around._

_Levi sat down at the table and took out a folded paper from his pocket; one he constantly carried around with him. He sat there silently reading it again and again before he threw his glass at the wall, a loud shatter erupting through the silent kitchen. He buried his face in his hands as he sobbed loudly._

_'Rivai-Chan._

_You know mama loves you more than anything in this earth. You kept me going when everyone else left me alone. But you stayed with me. I love you for loving me. I know I made mistakes in this life, and I openly admit them to you, my only son._

_I remember the day you were born, gods that was so long ago. I cried and smiled as I held a little boy in my arms after giving birth. You were so beautiful. Your small curious gaze looking over everything in the room, sucking on your thumb. I remember when I told you your name, you smiled at me. My baby. The one who I would love and protect my entire life._

_I remember when I brought you to our small home. You smiled the entire way there. I cradled you to my chest as you fell asleep, telling you in a soft whisper how much I loved you._

_I remember when you began talking. The way you would wrinkle your small nose, eyebrows together in concentration, the way your small hands would ball into fists, completely determined to speak. I cried when your first word was 'Mama'._

_I remember the day you began walking. You kept laughing and smiling as you were finally able to move without my help. I watched as you fell down, tears gather in your eyes, and I told you, 'It's okay, Rivai-Chan. It's okay if you fall. Everyone does. Mama is here if you need help.' I smiled as you got up and walked over to me, crying on my shoulder as I kissed your forehead._

_I remember the day you first went to school. You looked so adorable in your uniform. You smiled and told me you were now a big boy, and one day would help mama with everything around the house. I kissed your forehead, waving back as you waved at me, running into your school, so excited to learn something new again._

_I remember when you first learned how to write your name. The letters were crooked, but I can tell you put all your effort into one letter at a time._

_I remember when you first learned how to count from one to one hundred. We used so many different things, from your toys, stars shining outside, flowers, things in the house, and even mama's smiles._

_I remember the day you first went to middle school. The night before you said you would make new friends, work hard and make mama proud. I knew you would. You were always a confident little child._

_I remember holding you while you were upset over your first real breakup. The way you spoke about it, anger, confusion and sadness in your words. You asked me why it all had to end. I told you, your soul mate was not her. She was someone who indeed taught you how to love, but she was not made for you. The person you would spend the rest of your life with was somewhere out there. They could have been born already or be born in five years. You just had to wait for them. When you asked me when that would happen, I told you, you would just know. The heart can't deny what one chooses to._

_I remember the day you first started high school. Everything you did mattered all the more. I, once again, was not worried._

_I remember as I saw you walk across the stage to receive your diploma. The smile you gave was beautiful. I knew you would always become someone amazing after high school._

_I remember celebrating with you as you got accepted into an elite business school. You were so happy and wouldn't stop smiling at the acceptance letter. I almost cried when you looked at me, nineteen years old, and said, 'I love you mama.' I hugged you and hugged me back. You might not have been a small child anymore. But you will always be my baby boy I held in my arms after you were born._

_I even remember the broken look on your face as the doctors said they couldn't do anything for me anymore._

_I know I can't be there anymore to pick you up as you fall, wipe away your tears when you cry, and I'm sorry for that, my son. Mama did her best that she could to make sure you grew up fine. I know you will. I have no doubts that you are a fine young man. You've proven it to me our entire lives together. Know, that I will always love you, protect you, and watch you from the heavens to mane sure my baby is alright._

_Mama loves you, Rivai-Chan. Never forget that._

* * *

Levi groaned as he awoke the next morning to the sound of sheets moving. He opened his steel grey eyes, blinking them to adjust to the light. He sat up slightly as he saw Eren wrap the sheets around his body. "Eren?"

The boy didn't look at him as he finished wrapping the sheets around himself. He got up and went to his bathroom, his next words shattering Levi's heart. "This was a mistake,"

The sound of a door being closed never sounded louder to Levi than it did in that moment.

* * *

End of chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The memories that Levi was having was showing you why he became the way he did. I felt like he needed more back story as to why he behaved the way he did. I hope this makes more sense.


	18. Chapter 18

My Regret

Chapter 17

* * *

They say the sound that destroys you the most is the sound of the heart monitor flattening. Levi completely disagrees. The sound of the door closing after their drunken one night was much worse than that.

It had been several days since the incident, or how Eren likes to refer to it as, and the brunet had barely been keeping it all together. He acted normal, as if nothing ever happened in front of Levi, fooling Mikasa and his mother was a completely different matter all together. He...was confused? No, he regretted it? No, wait...dammit. He didn't know what to think of the whole situation he was now faced with.

A part of himself told him he was an idiot for doing such a thing with someone who hurt him so bad, but the other half is telling him something would have eventually happened between them whether they liked it or not.

Eren sighed as he tried to do some of his work. Levi was out in the backyard with their kids. He was thanking whatever god that their kids hadn't noticed the tension between their parents. Say what you will, but those kids are very observant. The brunet laid his head down on his desk, thinking. Should he tell someone about what happened and see if they can help him. That didn't sound all that bad, but he had to carefully think of who he was going to tell.

Then it hit him, he knew the perfect person.

* * *

"So, what is it that you needed to talk to me about, Eren?" Farlan brought him his glass of water, sitting down beside the nervous brunet.

Eren took a drink of water, setting the glass down on the coffee table. Fumbling around with the hem of his shirt. "W-Well, I'm not quite sure how to say this."

The blonde gave him a reassuring smile. "Just do the best you can. There's no rush."

"Levi and I got drunk a couple days ago and slept together."

Icy blue eyes were fixed on Eren's trembling body. Now, don't get him wrong, he was kind of angry with his brother for even bringing any kind liquor into their situation, but there was also some confusion towards Eren. Just why did the brunet have to accept the liquor and do something he obviously regretted? There was obviously something that made him do it. "Eren, why didn't you refuse the liquor?"

That was a good question. Why didn't he? He could just refused it, and watched Levi drink it. It was that simple to refuse it, yet he didn't. Why? "I'm not really sure myself. I think it was because I was going through some things and that was the best alternative."

"But you could have talked to someone about everything you had on your mind."

That much was true. Eren had multiple people he could have talked to, hell, he could have talked to Farlan beforehand as well. Why did he have to get caught up in the moment of something that was an excuse not to talk?

"Eren. I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to be completely honest with me. No lies."

The brunet nodded.

"Do you still have feelings for Levi?"

He was met with complete silence.

* * *

Levi was in his office, trying to fill out some much needed paperwork. But his mind was elsewhere instead of the text on the white papers. The man sighed, setting them down, placing his head in his hands.

Yes, just as you would think, his thoughts were on his Eren's night together. He knew that the brunet was uncomfortable around him. Hell, who wouldn't be especially with the situation they're in.

The raven glanced up as Erwin entered his office, "What the hell do you want, eyebrows?"

"A little birdy told me you and Eren did the dirty deed intoxicated."

"That isn't a little bird. It's a fucking loud mouth."

Erwin chuckled sitting down across from Levi. "But in all honesty, was there something behind your entire motive to get that alcohol?"

Levi sighed, leaning back in his chair, rubbing his temples. "Eyebrows, I'm not going to lie to you because you'll always fucking find out either way."

"I'm glad you know that much."

"Unfortunately."

"So, what were your reason for doing what you did?"

"I wanted to forget everything for a while."

"You know alcohol never worked for that, Levi."

"I know, Erwin. I know. But you don't feel what I do a god damn daily basis with seeing Eren and not being able to do anything."

The blonde nodded, listening.

"I still fucking hate myself. What I did, can't be forgiven. Eren can lie to everyone's face that he's alright, but I can see that he might break. He can keep that poker face on all he wants, but I can see his real colors behind all that. Erwin, do you think it was a bad thing to get involved with Eren in that sense again?"

Erwin stared at his friend for a moment, "Yes. I do think that it was wrong of you to that. Eren began to gain the smallest of trust in you, and with that action, you destroyed it." He snapped his fingers, "Like that. Honestly, what did you think you could gain from this? Do you think that you could get him back? What about Bertolt? Do you think he's completely out of the picture?"

Levi narrowed his eyes at the mention of the taller brunet's name. It always left a bitter taste in his mouth. "I know that bastard isn't out of the picture, he doesn't ever want to be. I know that he wants to be with Eren and my children."

"And what if he finds out about this situation? If the wrong person finds out, they could easily let their tongue run. What would you do if he came to confront you about this?"

"Let the son of a bitch come at me. I'm more than ready for him. He think that I won't defend myself because Eren doesn't like the both of us fighting. But, this is one of those times where I have to tell Eren to piss off. I can't let that bastard think he has the upper hand because there's something there to prevent me from fucking kicking his ass. I...I love that brat. Always have, always will, and I'll be damned if I let some over confident fucking brat take the love of the my life away from me." There was a fire in his eyes.

The blonde let a small smirk grace his lips. "There's the Levi we all know and love. That's the way that you need to think if you want Eren back. You've come a long way from sobbing in misery, up to not wanting that brute to take Eren away from you. I missed seeing that fire in your eyes. I know it means you're determined and your mind is set on gaining Eren's love and trust again. With that kind of attitude, maybe a touch bit arrogant, you can do it. I'm certain of it."

Levi nodded, "Thank you, Erwin. I knew I would find a way to this with your help. Thank you."

"Think nothing of it, my friend."

* * *

Mikasa arrived home to an empty house. Eren and their mother must have gone somewhere with the kids. She shrugged, sitting down and opening up her new book. She glanced up as the door was knocked on. Getting up from her spot, the raven opened the door, her eyes immediately fighting to narrow. "Bertolt."

The brunet stood with a bouquet of flowers in his arms. "Mikasa, is Eren home?"

"No. But come in either way, I need to talk to you." She stepped aside, allowing him in.

Bertolt, a bit confused, walked in either way. He set the flowers on the kitchen table, going into the living room. "What is it that you need to talk to me about?"

The female stood over over, her eyes narrowing. "I found a couple of bruises on Eren's back while he was sleeping, and some rather faded, yet still visible ones on his wrists. Do you happen to know anything about those?"

Bertolt shook his head. "I'm not sure. I've never seen them."

"Bull. Shit. You mother fucker, I saw you hit my brother."

The man sighed, knowing there was no way around this. "But, Mikasa, can we really call that a hit? Think of it more as a loving touch, then we'll be on the same page."

"How the hell can that be called a fucking loving touch? You left a damn mark!"

"The mark was merely to remind him not to get near that man again. Now, I heard he slept with that bastard." His brown eyes narrowed, "Is that true?"

Mikasa had some knowledge, or mainly was forced by Hanji to listen to her interesting story, and oh how interesting it was to learn about this from a crazy scientist. "If you should know, not that it's any of your god damn business, yes."

He slammed his hand on the arm rest, "That mother fucker! He knew Eren belonged to me, but he couldn't keep his god damn hands off Eren, could he?!"

"Eren wasn't yours anymore the moment he decided to leave your ass." She saw his surprised look, "You didn't think I would be able to tell? He never talked about you anymore, avoided the topic of you coming up into conversation, never answered your calls, messages, or when you came to our house. You don't think one would be able to add up what happened? What do you take me for? Someone whose completely oblivious to something that was screaming it in my face? I'm not a fucking idiot to all this. I care about my brother, and I know he would never willingly come to me about something he wants to deal with alone first. But the moment I saw you touch my brother, in your so called loving touch, I wanted to tell Levi, and make sure the two of us fucking kick your ass for ever laying a hand on him."

"And how the hell do you know that he wouldn't have done the same thing? Hell, he fucking might have." He spat out.

The raven's onyx eyes narrowed, "I know he never would because he loved Eren in a way that you never could. You always had to show your affection physically, and that means you were insecure about your relationship. When Eren was with Levi, the two never had to make physical contact to be able to tell that they loved each other more than anything. Hell, it was hard to get them to shut up about each other. But when I look at you with my brother, I see someone who can hold their own, and another one who needs someone to make him feel secure, assured, like they need someone by their side or they'll drown. That's what you are, Bertolt, you'll drown without Eren by your side. And guess, what? He is never going back to someone who would fucking hurt him and make him feel less than the person that he's with. You'll never be someone great like Levi was to my brother. I hope this entire situation with them resolves itself somehow with them getting back together, because I can't not look at you and not want to fucking beat your ass in."

Bertolt's eyes were focused on the livid raven in front of him. He stood up and towered over her frame.

The only sound that echoed through the house was skin meeting skin.

* * *

Hours later, Eren and his mother arrived home, the twins already in bed. They were tired after going out with their mommy and grandma to the park for the day.

The brunet sat with his mother, talking calmly over a cup of coffee.

"Eren, dear, there's something that I have to ask you."

"Hmm?" The boy set his cup down, "What is it?"

"I happened to over hear a conversation between Mikasa and Hanji, and I want you to tell me if this is true. Can you do that for me?"

"Of course, mom. What is it?"

"Is it true that you slept with Levi after you two drank?"

There are things in life in which you want your mother to know about. This is obviously not one of them for Eren. "So, you know, huh?"

Carla nodded. "I over heard them and found out."

The brunet sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Yes. Yes it's true."

Moments of silence passed between them before his mother took his hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Eren reluctantly nodded. "I don't know why I did that with Levi really. I just think I opened up to him because I was vulnerable in that moment, and he was someone who seemed to be more than willing to listen and not judge my decisions. I knew it was a bad idea to be drinking while I was that way. I knew Levi meant well and didn't want to do anything. I could tell, he didn't want thing to go that way. He simply wanted me to relax and talk to him and get those emotions out."

Carla nodded slowly. "Would you have told him if you hadn't taken a sip of that alcohol?"

"Maybe, I'm not sure. I didn't exactly feel like telling anyone. If I didn't tell you or Mikasa, the chances of me telling him sober would have been very slim."

"Eren, do you...do you still have feelings for Levi?"

"Mom-"

"Honey, I'm just asking. I don't want you to feel pressured or expect getting censured by me. There will be none of that. I don't want you to think of me as the antagonist in what you're going to tell me, if you want to tell me."

The brunet was silent for a moment. "Yes. I tried to stop these feelings from coming back because of what happened. But, when that night happened, everything just came out. I couldn't fight them off anymore. I felt the same way as I did when Levi and I first met. The heart rapidly beating, sensitive to his touch, craved to have him near me, all of it. I wanted all of it back. Mom, I don't know how much longer I can keep lying to his face."

Carla took her son's hands into her own. "Then don't, Eren. The heart can't deny what one chooses to. Your actions and mind tell you to stop, but your heart, tells you something else. If you feel that strongly towards Levi all over again, isn't that a good sign? You've both done so much growing up since your relationship ended. These four years showed you pain, betrayal, love, and forgiveness. You went through an entirely different relationship and I saw that you weren't always happy. Grateful, but not attracted to your partner. I knew Levi was still in your thoughts even when you played it off well. I know that rejection hurt years ago, but you can't keep living in the past. You have to live in the present with your children, and with a possible future with Levi that doesn't seem so foreign now. It's all up to you, Eren. Whether you keep lying or you confess. It's all up to you."

A mother's comforting words is all a son or daughter truly wants to hear to help their lives. The comforting, loving embrace those arms can give, something only a mother can provide. His mother was right. Whether he said yes or no was all his choice. No one else could tell him otherwise.

* * *

Levi glanced up from his computer screen to see his secretary letting Mikasa in his office. The raven had surprised him when she said she wanted to talk to him about something serious that couldn't wait any longer. He motioned for her to sit, facing away from his computer, giving her his full attention. "What is it you needed to talk to me about that absolutely couldn't wait."

Mikasa sighed, "First I want to apologize for keeping this a secret from you for so long."

"Apologize?"

"Yes. I should have told you the moment I found out."

"And what does this involve?"

"Eren."

"Eren?"

She nodded. "There's something that happened with my brother and I want you to know so you can do something about it and help me."

"And that would be?"

"Bertolt has been physically abusing Eren."

Levi's eyes widened at first then turned to slits, slamming his hands down on his desk, standing up, getting ready to hunt the brunet down.

Mikasa stood up, immediately stopping him. "Levi, please, wait, we have to think about all this first. You can't let all this rage make you do something you'll later come to regret."

"How the flying fuck do you expect me to feel? That bastard was abusing Eren. I want to fucking kick his face in."

The raven was terrified with what she was about to show him. "L-Levi, there's something else I need to show and tell you."

Levi calmed down slightly when he heard her voice waver.

With trembling hands, Mikasa took out a wet cloth from her purse, wiping her cheek, cleaning off the well put on cover up, revealing a purple bruise, then her wrists, showing large hand marks.

It immediately clicked to Levi where she got those marks. He pulled the sobbing raven into his arms.

"B-Bertolt...r-raped me and Eren..." She broke into uncontrollable sobs.

The man simply held her tighter, rubbing her back, trying to get her to calm down.

That bastard Bertolt had nothing to protect him now from the blinding rage Levi felt. He would finally get his punishment for touching both Eren and Mikasa.

* * *

End of Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that tag I have inserted should make more sense now, huh? How many of you love me? I'm curious now. Also if you wanna talk to me my tumblr is erenlevijeager.tumblr.com. And check out my new story DROIDS.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know you'll have a good seventeenth birthday when you write something that destroys hearts.

My Regret

Chapter 18

* * *

The worst sin is when you purposely hurt those who meant something to you. Your actions speak volumes over words.

Levi sat on the couch in his office, a sobbing Mikasa still in his arms. The raven haired woman had been crying for quite a while now, and the man made no attempt to tell her to calm down. Sure, you might think he's not the best at comforting someone. But it was best that she let all these emotions out now than bottle them all up.

Mikasa had her face in his shoulder, body trembling, small hiccups occasionally coming out. She clung onto him desperately, not really wanting to let go any time soon.

The man gently stroked her hair, silently comforting her. He didn't tell her to stop crying, to let go, nothing. He knew she needed to cling to someone, a person she could trust, someone who she let her emotions out to, let them see her in a vulnerable state, and it caught Levi by surprise that she told him. Mikasa had already caught him by surprise with her actions multiple times, but this was just another one.

Finally, after what seemed so long, the girl stopped crying, but didn't move from her position, face buried in Levi's chest, arms wrapped around his torso. Levi didn't even have the heart to tell her to move.

"I'm sorry." She murmured, her voice being slightly muffed in his chest.

Levi stroked her hair, "Don't worry about it. I know you needed this."

"I did."

They sat their for another long while. Levi telling his secretary to cancel every meeting he had that day because he was dealing with an important personal matter and to not disturb him the entire day.

Mikasa undid her scarf, letting the large scarf extend, she wrapped it around both their necks, resting her head on his shoulder.

This action caught Levi by surprise. He had only ever seen Mikasa do this with Eren, Sebastian, Yami and their mother. But never once with him. She only did this when she truly cared for someone and wished the stayed safe. She always believed the red scarf the brunet had given her provided protection.

"Surprised much."

"You never once did this to me. Nor ever made an attempt."

"I've always thought of you as a second brother in a way."

Levi's eyes widened slightly, still keeping his calm composure in check. "Have you now?"

"I have."

Levi slowly nodded.

"You always set a good example for me to follow, even if I was three years younger than you. You didn't think of me as a nuisance even though I constantly glared and insulted you. You simply patted my head and told me not to have a child tantrum. And that name, Mika. The name you came up for me. I came to love it. So much so I only let you call me that. I don't even let Eren do that. That alone, should tell you that I never really hated you as much as I played off."

"I knew you never hated me. That much was obvious. In the beginning, yes, I didn't very much like you and I knew you didn't either. But that was completely normal. I was someone your brother met through a one night stand, and the first serious relationship he had in the longest time. I understood your dislike. I never once judged for that attitude when I simply knew you wanted to protect your brother."

Mikasa smiled. "That's why I think of you as a brother."

Levi chuckled.

* * *

After their heart to heart, or brother sister talk, or as to how Levi likes to refer to it now, they both faced each other. Mikasa wanted to explain to Levi what happened with Bertolt and how she knew about Bertolt raping her brother.

"Alright. I found out a couple of weeks ago that there were some bruises on Eren's wrists, and some on his back. I thought it was really strange since Jean hadn't been over in a while, thus completely eliminating that idea."

"What else did you suspect?"

"I thought it might have been because Eren tends to work out too much and get his wrists hurt, its happened before. But I saw the weight that he had, there could be no way that would have created those marks."

"Then you began to suspect the brute."

Mikasa nodded. "While they were both gone, and I knew this was a complete invade of their privacy, but I looked through their room. I thought maybe they were into some kinky shit, but I found absolutely nothing."

"And how did you come to the conclusion to him raping Eren?" He clenched his fists.

"I over heard them sleeping together. But what caught me off guard, was that Eren kept repeating 'No, no. I don't want this. Stop. Pull out. Hit me if you want. Not that.' It really scared me to hear him say that."

Levi grit his teeth.

"Then I got some camera from Krista, Annie and Ymir. I put them in their room and I saw it. I then found out Bertolt was raping Eren without a doubt."

"Do you still have those tapes?"

"I do. I keep them hidden at Krista's. I didn't want to risk Bertolt finding them or anything else that I recorded."

"You do realize that if the wrong people got a hold of that, so much could happen to you and Eren."

"But who would get a hold of it?"

"Annie and Reiner."

"Why those two?"

"Those two are very close with the brute."

"But I thought Annie didn't want to talk to him anymore." She remembered that Annie once talked to her about not wanting to be involved with Bertolt anymore. Mikasa really wasn't sure what happened, no one had really heard anything about it.

"She is quite the mysterious figure. I suspect that with that supposed incident, the brute might try to persuade her to help him."

"Maybe. But Annie can be pretty well read once you get to know her personality."

"For your sake, I do hope that you are right, Mikasa."

"So, what do you plan to do?"

"I want you to give me those tapes."

"Why?"

"Just give me them. Ask all your questions later once I talk to all the people I plan to converse with."

"What do you plan to do?"

"Mikasa. Please, save your questions. I have everything already planned out."

Mikasa reluctantly nodded. "Just go over to Ymir's and tell her that you want to get the tapes. Let her know that I told you about them and I want you to have them."

"I'll get them later."

* * *

Sebastian clapped his hands together as he was happily playing with one of the new games his dad had gotten him, his twin, Yami, doing the same.

Eren watched them with a smile from his spot on the couch. His mind however, was elsewhere. He had been thinking about Levi, his life, everything really. Since he had finally admitted to his mother about his feelings for Levi, he felt like he did when he first met the raven. The brunet smiled behind the cushion he had in his arms. That stupid smile just wouldn't leave his face all day.

He was snapped out of his daze as his kids wanted to play with him. Getting up, he went and played with the twins.

The small raven looked up at his mother, "Mommy, when is daddy going to come play with us?"

Eren smiled softly down at him, "He'll be here in a little while. He had some things that he needed to do beforehand."

Yami nodded at his twin, "See, Sebby, I told you daddy would be here later. He promised he would be here to play chess with you and checkers with me again."

The boy giggled, "You're right, Yami, daddy never breaks his promises to us."

Eren chuckled softly, patting their heads, the three of them continuing to play.

* * *

Levi knocked on Ymir's door. He headed over immediately after work. He had already called her beforehand and she should have everything together for him. The woman was very reluctant to give them to him, he had well, anger issues, especially when it involved someone hurting Eren.

Ymir opened the door, tape in her hands. "You do realize this shit could make you go on a killing spree?"

Levi nodded. "I'm aware of that."

"Yet you still want them?"

"Ymir, I'm not backing down from looking at these. I know what's in here is horrid. That brute fucking abusing and raping him in that video..." He stopped for a moment, picking his words. "I've mentally prepared myself for it."

"It's still going to be a great shock to you. Seeing all that is much different from hearing about it. You can take the words, and put a on a stoic outside, but once those images finally hit your eyes, it's mainly anger that you'll feel. Levi, think about it for a minute. Are you really ready?"

He knew what she was doing. Ymir was trying to talk him out of all this. He could understand her concern, he was...someone who could massively be impacted in the things that he saw. This one could very well send him into a blinding rage, and really, if this was all going to be aimed at Bertolt. So be it.

"I'm ready."

The woman reluctantly gave him the tapes, wishing him the best of luck, and to hide the body very well, she let him leave.

* * *

Levi sat in front of his television for what felt like hours. The tapes were still in his hands, he really didn't make any attempt to start them. It was eerily quiet in his home. He felt shivers go down his back with every small noise.

Taking a deep breath, Levi put the tape in, sitting down waiting for the tape to be read. It immediately began with the two brunet's talking.

"You kept talking to him?"

"What was I supposed to do?"

"I told you to ignore him and only take care of the kids. I never gave you permission to take to him."

"So, I need your permission to take to whoever the hell I want? Do I need to ask you before talking to my own damn mother?"

"You know what I mean, Eren. You can talk to whoever you want, just not Levi."

"I can't talk to the father of my children."

He saw the brute's eye twitch. "Do you have to call him that?"

Eren crossed his arms, "That's what he is, Bert. No matter what, he is the father of my kids."

"You mean, our kids."

"Bert, we don't have kids together, I don't really feel like having kids anytime soon either."

"And why not?

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I want my kids to be a bit older. Did you ever think that maybe raising children isn't the easiest things to do. Especially with a child on the way. I have to be careful for the baby and for myself. None of that is easy!"

"Are you raising your voice at me?"

Eren began shaking, "I-I was just telling you n-none of that was easy on me."

Levi saw as the brute slammed his hand down on the boy's shoulder, making him grimace in pain. "You know what happens when you raise your voice at me. I thought you might have learned from the last time. Or do you like when I punish you?"

"N-No. S-Stop..."

All the raven could hear after that were the screams of pain coming from Eren's mouth, the pleading of stop obviously being ignored by the taller brunet.

* * *

After watching the tapes where Eren...Levi shook his head. He needed to continue watching the other tapes. He put in the tape where Mikasa said the same thing happened to her. This one took on a much more different alternative.

He saw the entire argument take place, but the bastard had Mikasa pinned to the kitchen window, humiliating her. The brute, just like he did before, ignored all the cries that the raven was giving.

Levi sat on his bed, simply looking at the wall, his bedroom light was now on. He really didn't know what to think after watching and hearing all that. You would expect that he would be smashing in the brute's door, ready to beat his ass. Well, Levi had a smarter alternative. One where he didn't need to dirty himself with that pig's blood.

* * *

Eren and Levi were both sitting in the living room alone several days later. The brunet was the one who had invited Levi over, he said that there were things that they needed to sort out. Levi immediately agreed because there were things that they indeed need to discuss.

"Levi, I want to talk about what I felt after we, you know."

The man nodded, staying silent, letting the boy speak.

"After all that happened, I felt like everything was repeating itself. I felt everything that U did when we first got together. I know that's something I didn't think I would feel especially with everything I've gone through because of you and my decisions. All those emotions from when I met you, it came washing over me like it happened all over again. I-I was really confused about everything after we slept together. I felt like I had to bottle up all my emotions because I thought I would be judged for what I did. But, talking with multiple people, and letting them know what I felt, the advice and support that I got, made me feel more assured of what I do feel now." The brunet paused for a moment. "What did you feel after we slept together?" A part of him really wanted to know what the raven felt, and if the same emotions came back to him. He just had to know.

Levi fiddled with the fabric of his jacket, "I felt so many strong emotions come over me. I thought things had stopped during that time where I was feeling all that. I wanted nothing more than to rush to your side and hold you in my arms. But, I knew you needed time. And the words that you told me, it broke me. I simply told myself I was imagining them and that you didn't really say that. I thought you said I love you and not this was a mistake." He took a silent deep breath. "I regret everything I've done. I son't know how you can look at some scumbag like me and not want to fucking curse me out with all the hate that you have. I don't know how you do it, Eren. You've been a strong parent for four years, where I told you my two children, whom I love more than anything in this world, are nothing more than a burden. You don't know how much I wish I could take that all back. I wish I could have just opened up my arms and made you feel safe and secure. Instead, I made you feel like you were nothing to me and that some god damn papers and stupid job, to which I don't give a shit about, was more important than you."

Eren gently took the man's trembling hands into his own. "I believe you when you say all that. Your actions in the past few months have showed me that you really care about me and our kids. I've seen how happy you are with us, and that lets me know that I didn't do anything wrong when I let Yami and Sebastian meet you. I knew you would be a great father, and you beat all the odds tat said you weren't going to be a father. I know that I can fully trust you with our children and not worry about anything anymore. I've actually wanted to tell you something very important for a while now."

Levi tightened his grip on the brunet's hands. "Yes?"

"I've wanted you to hold me for so long, to stay by my side, to tell me everything is alright, to hold my hand, whisper to me when there's a thunderstorm, tell me you love me, wake up together, everything. I want to do everything with you again."

"Eren." Levi breathed out.

"There's so many things that I want us to experience all over again. Would you be willing to experience so many different things with me again?"

"Yes." Levi gently cupped the boy's face, "Yes, a million times yes." He felt a warm feeling spread all through his body. He never thought something like this in his life would happen again.

Eren smiled, placing his hands over the raven's. He felt so happy again.

The raven glanced up at the boy. "Was there something else you had to tell me? I can tell there's something there."

Eren looked away for a few quite moments, "T-There is something that I've wanted to talk to you about. I just didn't to know how to tell you. It took me quite a while before I could actually accept the idea again."

"What is it, Eren. You know you can tell me anything." He spoke to the boy in a soothing tone.

The boy sighed softly, "Are you sure with what I'm about to tell you, you won't get mad or leave?"

Levi gently stroked Eren's cheek with his thumb, "I'm completely certain."

"I'm pregnant, and I don't know if you're the father of this baby."

* * *

End of chapter 18.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go celebrate my birthday. -Prays to freckled jesus for an Eren neondroid-


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I was gone for so long. I had some personal things to hash out. Hope this chapter makes up for it.

My Regret

Chapter 19

* * *

Fear. It's an emotion we all feel towards a situation or a person. It's unfortunately an inevitable feeling.

Levi stared at Eren in shock. He almost couldn't believe what the brunet had just told him.

The brunet was shaking horribly. He thought now that Levi knew this, he wouldn't want to deal with someone so used as him. Hell, who would? He was either carrying the child of the person he loved, or someone who physically and mentally abused him.

Taking the boy's hands into his own, Levi looked at the brunet straight in his eye. "Eren, it doesn't matter if this child is mine or not. I will love and care for them like my own."

Eren buried his face in the raven's shoulder, quietly sobbing in relief. He had thought that Levi wouldn't want this child. Whether this child would be his lover's or that bastard's, the brunet was reassured that Levi would have his arms open ready for this child to be born. "Thank you. I'm really glad you'll accept this baby."

The raven nodded, "You know I would Eren. Without a doubt in my mind. I will open my arms whole heartedly for this child. I want them to have a mother, father, siblings, everything. I want them to have everything so they can grow up to be a happy child."

"I love you so much."

"I love you very much as well, Eren."

"You're an amazing father and partner. How did I get so lucky?"

"I should be asking that, Eren."

"Hmm, no. I'm pretty sure I'm luckier."

"I have to disagree there, Eren. I'm the luckiest."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are-" The raven haired man was silenced with a sweet kiss.

"How about now?"

"...You win."

The brunet grinned, "I always do somehow, love."

* * *

"Levi, you look like shit."

Levi glared up at the brunette female in front of him. "You always look like that compared to me."

Hanji rolled her eyes. "Come on, shorty. What's got a pole up your butt?"

"And why the hell would I tell you?"

"I'm the next best thing."

"What makes you say that?"

The woman sighed. "If you were to tell someone else, I can tell you their exact reactions to it."

"And those would be?"

"Erwin would freak out and go into dad mode. Petra would be incredibly concerned and coddle you, being a mother. Farlan would simply suggest a drinking game. Isabel would tell everyone. Mikasa would kill someone. Eld and Gunther would get all awkward trying to help."

"...You win."

"Exactly. Now lay it on me."

"Fine, if you must know, it's something involving my lover."

"Eren?"

"Who the fuck else? Cupid?"

Hanji rolled her eyes, "Well, what's wrong with that cutie?"

"He's expecting a child."

"Damn, you're already expecting number three. You two work fast."

"Well, I would be rather happy about this situation, but there's one problem."

"And that is?"

"If I tell you, you have to stay quiet. Or so help me god, I will cut out your fucking tongue."

"Don't worry, shorty, I won't tell a single soul."

"The child could either be mine or the brute's."

Hanji slowly nodded, "And do you still plan to accept the child whether it be yours or not?"

Levi nodded. "I do completely. It doesn't matter if that child is mine or not, I'll raise them like my own. I don't care. So long as I can have that child in my arms after they're born and be with Eren, why should it really matter?"

The woman smiled, "The Levi from before wouldn't have cared so much, he would have turned his head at the child. But now, since you've suffered, which I feel like was something you needed, as twisted as that sounds, it made you a better person and treasure your children more. Essentially, what I'm trying to say is, it got your head out of your ass."

"Normally, I would have kicked your ass for saying something like that, but for once, you said something that didn't sound completely stupid."

"When have I said something stupid?"

"Every time you spat something about science."

She started talking about her latest science project, to which the raven began to ignore her.

* * *

Eren sat beside his sister while the twins were taking their nap. The brunet tapped on her shoulder.

Mikasa turned her attention to him, "Need something, Eren?"

"Yeah, actually. There was something that I wanted to know. But, well, I never had the chance to ask with everything going on."

"What's that?"

"If you knew that Bertolt wouldn't be good for me then why didn't you tell me anything?"

The raven sighed, "Because I felt like you would think I was jealous of him."

"Why would you think that?"

"Eren, you know I care for you very much, and if I were to act like that, you would think I wanted all that time to come back to me and not to him."

"I...I suppose I would think that. I mean, you and I are very close and when Bertolt came along that time between us was reduced, especially since I had two children."

"Exactly. I didn't want you to think anything bad of me. I really wanted to tell you that Bertolt would only hurt you, I had that feeling early on that he would do something like that. But I felt like you would think I was jealous and wanted him out of the picture because of jealously. And I can understand that, really, I can. But, I couldn't help be protective of you."

"Mikasa, I know you have an amazing judgement, hell, I think you were ten steps ahead of everyone. You're just that observant. But, why did you never tell me everything that you thought?"

"Because I would think you would dismiss them all until I could actually prove to you everything was right. I felt like that would distance us more than anything, and I didn't want that."

"Sister, I would always believe your word over everyone else. I know you're an honest person and would never dare lie to me on purpose. Yes, I know all you want for me is to be happy, I trust you so much, and yet, you have yet to realize just how much I do trust you over everyone else."

The raven smiled, "Thank you, Eren."

"Of course, sister. As smart as you are, you can be dense sometimes."

"I can say the same for you, brother."

"What makes you say that?"

"When did you get back together with Levi?"

The brunet's eyes widened. "You knew?"

Mikasa nodded, "I saw the hickey's on your neck," She grinned as he blushed, "That and Yami and Sebastian told me practically jumping in excitement."

"But who told them?"

"I'm guessing their daddy told them."

Eren sighed. "I swear, despite having one of the best poker face's I've ever seen, that man cannot keep a secret about anything happy in his life. He's like a damn kid all over again."

"Can you really blame him? You acted like that for days."

"Was I really?"

"Eren, it was painfully obvious what happened."

"How bad?"

"Mom could tell just by glancing at you. Hell, even our neighbors noticed."

"Well shit."

"Yeah. Next time, don't have that shit eating grin."

"I'll try."

* * *

"Daddy?"

Levi glanced down at Sebastian, the two children being over at his apartment while Eren, Mikasa and Carla were out on a family day. Sebastian's twin currently sleeping on their father's couch. "Yes, son?"

"Why does mommy walk funny now?"

The raven picked up his small son, setting him on his lap. "What makes you say that?"

"Mommy walks like a penguin sometimes. Yami told me mommy does."

Levi rubbed the boy's back, "Maybe mommy's tired is all."

Sebastian cocked his head to the side, "So you eat really yucky stuff when tired? I only have warm milk." He rubbed his tummy.

Chuckling softly, Levi kissed the small boy's forehead, "Mommy must be really tired." He would talk with the brunet some time later and see when it was best to tell their children they would be having another baby.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Mommy said you can speak another language. What is it?"

"It's French, Sebastian."

The boy looked up at his father, "Fwench?"

"Yes, Sebastian."

"Can you teach me some?"

Levi nodded, smiling. "What would you like to learn?"

"Hmm..." The small boy hummed quietly in thought, idly kicking his legs. "How do you say mommy and daddy in Fwench?"

"Mere. It means mother in French."

"M-Mere?"

"That's right."

"How about daddy?"

"Papa."

Sebastian giggled, clapping his small hands together. "Papa."

"How do you say I love you?"

"Je t'aime."

"J-Je t-t'aime?"

"Very good, Sebastian."

The small boy blushed lightly, snuggling into his dather's warmth. "Daddy?"

"Hmm?" Levi wrapped a warm blanket around them as he adjusted himself on the couch to get comfortable, bringing the other boy into his arms.

"J-Je t'aime, papa."

"Je t'aime, mon fils."

Sebastian smiled sleepily as he fell asleep in his fathers' arms, snuggled up close with his twin.

Levi glanced down lovingly at his two kids, drifting off himself.

* * *

Eren laughed as he and Levi were in his room, the raven reading a book to his stomach.

Levi grinned up at the happy brunet, "Something amusing, Eren?"

"There is, daddy."

Levi leaned up and kissed Eren's cheek, "And what would that be?"

"You reading to the baby."

"Not just the baby, our baby."

The brunet smiled, "Exactly."

Levi gently closed the book, a book from his childhood, and laid down beside his young lover, wrapping an arm around him.

Eren snuggled up close to him, "I love you, Levi."

"I love you too, Eren."

"You know, I dreamed of all the things that we do now."

"Like what?"

"You reading to our unborn baby for one."

"Really now? What's another?"

"Carrying the baby, rocking them to sleep. You giving them a bottle, teaching them how to walk, how to read, listen to their first word, all of it. I dreamed of it all."

"So did I, Eren. There was so much that I wanted for us to share together. I've wanted to do so many things together with our children. I've started teaching Sebastian French and Yami Italian."

Eren smiled, "So, our boys wanted to have worldly knowledge just like their daddy. I'm really glad that you're teaching them something different."

"They've heard me talking before in those languages and I guess they wanted to learn them and maybe have conversations with me in the future."

"You never know. Sebastian and Yami do want to very much want to be like their father."

Levi smiled, "Maybe Sebastian more so."

"You're telling me. He's always asking if daddy likes this or if daddy like that. He's constantly curious about you."

* * *

Several days later, Eren and Levi were sitting in the doctor's office to see how the baby was doing. The brunet however felt very strange, their real appointment wasn't until another few days, but he couldn't shake this feeling like there was something bothering him with their baby. He asked Levi to take him sooner since he felt paranoid. Upon hearing the news, Levi immedately took him. The raven thought it might be hormones or something else, he wished it wasn't something serious.

"It's alright, love. You'll see there's nothing wrong here. The doctor will calm your nerves."

"Gods, I hope so, Levi. I can't shake this feeling like there is something wrong."

Levi kissed his lover's hand, gently rubbing it with his thumb. "There's nothing to worry about, Eren. You'll see that's it's really nothing."

"How can it really be nothing? I've felt something completely off for the past four days."

"Maybe it's stress, Eren."

The brunet sighed, "I don't know. Maybe."

Levi kissed his lover's cheek, "Everything will work out, Eren. I promise."

Eren rested his head on the man's shoulder, whispering softly, "Thank you."

* * *

Rico had told them they would get the results in a few days, they simply needed to check everything so that they could confirm with absolute certainty there was nothing out of the ordinary with Eren or their baby.

Levi had been trying his best to get Eren to calm down, but the brunet was simply a ball of hormones. The raven sometimes was forced out of his room, even the house because Eren thought Levi was a bother.

Mikasa told Levi she would constantly keep him updated on how her brother was doing. She knew the man was only trying to help, but it seemed like nothing would get Eren calm until he knew for certain nothing was wrong. Until then, they would have one moody bruent around with them.

* * *

"Mikasa, how's Eren been doing?"

The raven haired female had come over to Levi's apartment so she could let the man know how her brother was. "He's been doing the same. Not much change."

Levi sighed, rubbing his temples, "I was a bit afraid of that."

"I'm sorry. I've been doing everything to make sure that he's been comfortable, but Eren always seems to be more stressed out by the time we have to sleep. Haven't you gotten a call from the doctor yet?"

The man shook his head, "No. I called Rico and she's still working on looking at the information that she gathered. She justs wants to make sure that's she's able to pinpoint everything."

"But does it really have to take that long? This is only causing my brother more stress."

"I know, I've been on my nerves as well. I've wanted nothing more than to know what's wrong with our baby."

Mikasa placed a hand on the raven's shoulder, "I'm sure everything will work out just fine. Maybe it's mainly stress or the hormones. One of those two."

"I hope you're right, Mikasa. I'm about to punch the wall out of stress."

"Let's hope you don't do that."

"Let's hope so. I've been under a shit ton of stress waiting for one damn phone call. How's your mother been comforting Eren? He idly told me his mother was helping him."

"She's been taking on looking after the kids more, lessening the work load on Eren, made sure he got enough rest, ate what he was supposed to, basically she's been making sure he's not under any stress whatsoever."

"That's good. I'm glad to know that your mother was helping immensely."

"She has been helping out so much. She knows what it's like to be under so much stress with a child. So, she's merely been doing what she did when she was pregnant with Eren."

"I think I should thank your mother for helping out so much. I've also tried to help Eren, but he's only been snapping at me."

"He's only like that because he's scared."

"I know, Mikasa. I'm not taking it to heart. I know he'll calm down once everything is all said and done."

"He will. I know it."

* * *

Days later, Eren and Levi finally got a call from Rico about the examination, and told them it would be best if the two come to her office and talk about what she found out.

Rico adjusted her glasses on the brim of her nose, "Throught those examinations I was able to find out so much. I've noticed stress, exhaustion, and anxiety."

Eren was lightly shaking as Levi wrapped an arm around him, "What does that all mean exactly."

The woman sighed, "I'm not going to lie. As I looked at the examination there were a lot of things that made me alarmed. I thought I was seeing things, so I had other doctors come and see if they came with the same results as me. I had them come to the same conclusion as me, and that was something I was not satisfied with at all. What we noticed, is sometthing...something very, very unforutunate."

Levi simply tightened his hold on the shaking brunet, "Rico, just tell us. What's wrong? Is there going to be some complications with the baby?"

"Lance..."

"No, Rico! We've waited long enough to know what's wrong. Be blunt if you have to. Goddammit, I want to know what's wrong with our baby."

"Lance, it's a lot more complicated than that then to just say it bluntly and with no emotion. Even I can hardly believe what we found out."

"Rico. Quit beating around the goddamn bush. You've made us wait long enough. We didn't go through those days full of stress just to be more anxious based on what you know. Tell us, please."

The white haired woman was quiet for several moments. She could tell them bluntly as the man had suggested, but seeing Eren shaking on simply knowing, she couldn't do that. She cared too much about the two of them. Such information that she carried could not be given in that manner. Rico needed to choose her words carefully to make sure nothing too serious would happen. But in the end, she knew nothing would change the outcome.

"Lance, Eren, I'm most sorry to give you this information but...the baby..." She took a deep breath.

"The baby...?" Levi repeated back to her.

"The baby...unfotunately passed away inside his mother. I'm...I'm so sorry."

In that moment, Eren and Levi knew no greater pain than this heart wrenching news. Neither knew if they could ever get passed this.

* * *

End of chapter 19.

Don't forget to check out my new story, '[On the run.' ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3796426/chapters/8453446)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...so...that tumblr post I made was a real nail biter since the votes were really close. So...yeah....


	21. Chapter 21

My Regret

Chapter 20

* * *

They say the heart breaks within moments when bad news is given. Eren's destroyed within mere seconds.

The brunet had isolated himself from everyone in his own room. He needed time to think about the thing that most recently happened. Such a thing what he was going through...was not something every single person went through.

Eren had imagined repeatedly a child in his arms after nine months, seeing Levi's face light up with happiness as he began showing, (though he would never voice it. The brunet knew he would take that observation to the grave.) Getting to see Levi read to his over sized stomach, gently rub circles on his stomach, feeling the baby kick against his raven haired lover's hand, there was so much that Eren wanted to see this time around...yet he would never get what he wanted.

Before you all have heart attacks and throw a temper tantrum cursing me out, yes, Eren can still have children. It just wasn't something said brunet wanted anymore at the moment. He knew he could very well have children again in the future, that he is well aware of. But this child...the small life that was growing inside of him...was no longer there. He wouldn't get to see the small body move on the ultrasound screen, hear the small heart beat, feel the kicks of those tiny feet, none of that would be happening.

There was one thing that Eren did appreciate; Levi's understanding of his feelings. The man was completely understanding of how he was feeling. He would sometimes come and spend time with him, and leave whenever Eren asked him to. Levi didn't talk about it, and never brought it up. He knew this caused Eren great pain, and didn't want him to suffer all the more.

Eren also understood the man was hurting immensely over this situation himself as well. Levi had dreamed that he could hold his child and would be able to watch him or her grow up. But, as fate, or whatever the hell Eren called it, didn't think they should have a child together at the moment.

* * *

Levi thinks it was some sort of punishment from 'god'. Not that he believes in one, but because Eren thought that god was responsible for every good and bad thing that happened to every person on earth. The man was mentally seething at that answer. This one definitely one thing he would never voice to his young lover. He felt that no god could foretell any outcome. Levi just simply thought it worked that way. He told Eren his opinion on life once, it got him a slap and an apology afterwards. Don't blame him on congratulating philosophers who actually got their shit right. Now listen up.

"Life, I've conducted after much thought, is meaningless. There is no sense in what happens around us. There's no meaning to our existence. Our lives, our reality is merely something controlled by the laws of physics."

There's no magic in life.

"Everything that us, conscious creatures, have created is imperfect, and cannot surely be compared to the grandness of 'Mother Nature'. After all, 'she' has a good eternity ahead of us in perfecting her skills. How could we possibly make up for the 'time' we have lost just reaching this pitiable level of consciousness we have now?"

We're imperfect.

"Good and bad, sin and virtue, light and darkness; these are merely concepts that humans have created to have some sort of balance, something to hold onto, something to stop them from galling in that spiral of confusion and insanity. A lifeboat if you will."

As our old Shakespeare said so many centuries ago: There's nothing either good or bad, but nothing makes it so.

Now that we think about it; isn't he right? Almost everything we believe in, with maybe the exception of science had absolutely no real meaning unless we give it significance?

"When you say everything, do you refer to religion too?" Erwin cautiously asked him, taking a sip of his whiskey, both men sitting in the raven's living room. Three bottles scattered on the floor.

"Why of course, do you truly believe that something as grand as _god_ can be understood by the likes of _us_? Humans are truly laughable, aren't they?"

"Does that mean that you do not believe in god?" The blonde inquires, trying and failing to hide a skeptical look.

"It depends on what you mean. If by god you refer to something like he who created us along with all our beliefs, then no."

"That doesn't make much sense."

Levi quietly laughed to himself, "We're way too young. Not to mention I wouldn't expect much from this society. To speak your mind seems like a plague no one wants to get once everything is said and done. Then, we can only deal with the aftermath."

"You're a strange man, Levi."

"So I've been told."

* * *

"Aunt Mikasa?"

The raven haired woman looked down at the two small children at her side, both boys holding each other's hands. She smiled softly at the two, "Yes, do you need something?"

Both twins gave each other a short glance, the older twin finally spoke up. "Are mommy and daddy upset with me and Yami?"

That caught Mikasa off guard. She pushed her textbook away, turning to the kids, "Now why do you think that?" She removed her glasses, folding them carefully in her hand.

The small boys sat down on the white carpet in their aunt's room. "Well..." The young brunet spoke up. "Mommy is always in his room and daddy doesn't stay to visit us for long. Did we do something wrong?"

Mikasa shook her head. She got off her chair and sat down in front of her nephew's, legs crossed, "Mommy and daddy are simply going through something tough not all adults go through. They both need some time to think about what happened."

Sebastian tilted his head to the side, "What did happen?"

"...You're much too young to know and understand."

"But why can't you tell us now?" The small brunet's voice quietly asked.

"Because what happened made your mommy and daddy very sad. Small children like yourselves don't understand how something like this can effect you."

"What happened made mommy sad just like daddy?"

"Yes, Sebastian. Mommy and daddy simply need time to get over everything. They're at not upset at the two of you. You and Yami are their precious young children, they could never be mad at you for something you didn't cause in the least. If anything, they still love you a lot. Just like they always have. So, don't you worry about a thing. Mommy and daddy will get better in time. You'll see."

Mikasa couldn't really believe those words herself. Everything did need time, yes, that much she knew. But...how much? She knew that losing a child was painful, her own experience could certainly relate to Eren's. Both lost a child. She knew that pain, but was able to mask it as per usual. She just...wished she could have showed it and gotten comfort for it. That was the only thing she was ever jealous of. The comfort Eren got...was something she wanted.

The raven haired woman absentmindedly rubbed her flat stomach.

"Aunt Mikasa? Why are you rubbing your tummy?"

She glanced up at them, giving them a small smile. "No reason."

"Are you hungry? We have cake Grandma Carla made."

"You know, that might just be it. Let's go have cake with milk."

The twins nodded enthusiastically, both helping their aunt up, taking her hands and leading her downstairs.

* * *

Isabel sighed as she yet again failed to get Levi out of his room. She knew he was upset, but could he at least shoulder some of that pain with his brother and sister?

The blonde came up from behind her, "Nothing again?"

"No."

"He can't stay in there forever."

"I know he can't. Farlan?"

"Hmm?"

"How long did it take you to get over the loss of your son?"

"Isabel."

"I know you hate talking about it, but, how long?"

"Never."

"What?"

"I never got over it. One cannot ever get over the loss of their own child. Such a thing is unheard of."

The redhead dragged her older brother to the living room, she wanted to make sure Levi didn't hear anything. She sat them both down. "Are you still hurting over it?"

"There isn't a moment where I don't think of my son. You know the moment when I saw Levi with his kids, I felt jealous, envious even. I really wanted to be able to hold my own son and share all those amazing moments with him, just like our brother is able to with his own kids. I really wanted that, more than anything Isabel."

"So, when I found you again, you barely lost him?"

Farlan nodded, "I was depressed about losing both my wife and son, and angry at myself when I left with them, and told you that you didn't belong with us. I was looking for you, Isabel."

"What would have done had I told you to get lost?"

"I...I don't know. But, what I do know is, I have to help Levi right now. He needs to talk to someone who can understand him."

The girl nodded, "I think that would be a great idea."

Getting up from his seat, Farlan made his way to their brother's room, knocking on his door. "Brother, can I come in?" He waited patiently for a few moments before the door opened.

Levi sat back down by his bed, reopening up his book, resuming from where he placed his bookmark.

The blonde sat down beside him and glanced at the book his brother was reading. 'Romeo and Juliet.' The raven was a fan of classical romance stories, and that was his favorite of all. "So, how are you feeling?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

"Yes actually. You and Erwin downed six bottles of whiskey the other day and I thought you would have one hell of a hangover."

"Well I don't. Now, what do you want?"

"What? I can't spend some time with my brother and comfort him?"

"There's a reason behind all this, isn't there?"

"Now why would you say that?"

"It's because of the current situation at hand."

Farlan sighed, "Fine, yes. I wanted to see how you were coping with things."

Levi closed his book, setting it to his side. "Let me guess, you all want to know when I'll get over my own child dying."

"I know you never will."

The raven stared at his brother in surprise.

"One can't get over the loss of their own child, I don't know anyone who ever has. I know such a thing is incredibly difficult, and I don't expect you to ever get over such a thing. Sure, I'll understand if you don't express the emotion externally, but internally, that's a pain that never fades. Think of that pain as a fire if you will. It's still burning there, not once flickering. I know by experience that pain never goes away, those thoughts and feelings are still going to be there ten, fifteen, even twenty years down the road. An eternity could pass and that pain will not cease to be there."

"...What do you think about Eren's part on this."

"I think of them as the same. Both mother and father grieve, both find their comfort in different people and objects, but the comfort should mainly be with each other. You can do whatever the hell you want to help the pain go away, but your best bet is being with the person you love. Only you two can give each other the support and comfort the other needs, because no one knows you better than yourself and the love of your life."

Levi stared down at his numb hands, "All this time I thought Eren only needed his mother and sister."

Farlan placed a hand on his brother's shoulder reassuringly, "I can understand why you would think that. They're family, family will always be together through good and bad times. You have both me and Isabel, _your_ family. But just know one thing, brother."

"What?"

"Eren's family and our's, are one family together. We'll be united so long as we keep that strong bond between all of us. You, Eren, Mikasa, Carla, Isabel, me, Sebastian, Yami, all of us. We're family until the very end. No, we'll be family to the tops of heaven and bottoms of hell."

Levi cracked a small smile, "Since when were you so good with words."

"The moment you forced me to read Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe is when."

The raven laughed softly, "I told you some literature would make you smarter."

"I would damn well hope so. I didn't spend five hundred dollars on books to still be dumber than horse face."

Both brothers laughed.

Isabel poked her head through the doorway, "Everything alright now?"

Levi nodded, "Perfectly fine. Sorry to have worried you, Bella."

The redhead smiled, "So long as you're smiling, that's enough."

Standing up, Levi looked at his two siblings. "Come on, I'll make dinner tonight. I know you two must have been dying for a home cooked meal."

Both Isabel and Farlan nodded.

"That and I can't fucking stand the smell of Chinese food anymore."

The girl glanced up at her blonde brother. " _Farlan_."

He raised his hand in defense, "Hey, it was either that or that thing you pass of as cooking. Besides, I'm sure Levi didn't want to redecorate his kitchen after a fire."

"That was one time!"

"More than enough to tell me cooking is not your forte."

Levi rolled his eyes at the two, "Will you two stop bickering and come to the damn kitchen?" He walked out of his room.

Before they followed him, Isabel tugged on the blonde's sleeve, gaining his attention. "What did you do to make big brother feel better?"

"He just needed someone to reassure him that it's alright to feel what he's feeling, and that his family, both our's and Eren's, are there whenever he needs us."

Isabel nodded, smiling, linking her hands behind her back, "You're right. Brother is sometimes dense when it comes to noticing the people always willing to help him."

Farlan let out a small chuckle, "He might be the smartest man I know, but sometimes he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed."

"Unless you both want dinner, get your asses in the kitchen, _now_." Levi's voice called out to them.

Laughing as they left the room, they called back to him, "Coming big brother."

They heard Levi's fond mumble of, "Little shits."

* * *

Days after having his heart to heart with Farlan, Levi immediately made up lost time with Eren and his kids. Constantly reassuring the brunet he would be there, and apologized more times than Eren could count. He also apologized to Carla and Mikasa for not being there and thanked they while they took care of Eren in his absence.

Currently Levi was sitting outside in the backyard, reading from where he left on 'Romeo and Juliet.' The twins were sleeping while Mikasa, Eren and Carla all went out to spend some time together.

The silence was very much welcomed by the raven, sipping away at his warm lavender chamomile tea, holding the cup by the rim in that peculiar manner of his. Propping his feet up on the chair in front of him let him relax more and be swept away the meaningful and intense writing of his favorite book.

Levi pulled out his phone, setting it on the glass table, playing his favorite song. The soft yet intense tune residing through the air. Closing his eyes, he leaned back in his seat, relishing in the notes of the music, letting the wind ruffle his hair.

Listening to this song brought back so many fond memories. His mother playing this song for him when he went to sleep, how he listened to it when he had a bad break up, listening to it with his mother one last time, playing this song for Yami and Sebastian for their bedtime. This song helped Levi cope with so many things, and made others happy at the meaning behind such a song.

He never found out where his mother found this song, or why she even let him listen to it. He remembers what she thought about it like it was yesterday.

_"Rivai-chan. This song is so special to mommy because it made me feel better. It's so beautiful, yet so sad. I would very much like to know why the composer meant for it to be so. But, one cannot change what's been written into notes. We can only bask in the beauty of this music we can listen to. I especially love the end where it's so calm. The soft notes, it reminds me of you, Rivai-Chan. Why? Because you are my light, my life, my everything. You are the one person who keeps me going when I'm tired, sick or lonely even. Let this be our song, Rivai-chan. Yours and mommy's song."_

Levi opened his eyes again reluctantly as he heard someone knock on the door and ring the doorbell. He got up from his comfortable spot and went inside. He opened the door and stood there in shock. There stood the one person who he searched for his entire life, the person he wanted in his life as a child, adolescent, and adult. The one person who made him think he was a shame, the only person he ever resented with his entire being.

His father.

Staring at him in shock, Levi could faintly hear the final notes of the song as they echoed and carried off with the wind.

* * *

End of chapter 20

If you're curious what song Levi was listening to, this is it. [X](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFaCxpXsWkU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not even gonna lie, I always tear up when I write something Levi's mother said. Not even gonna lie.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't done this in a long while, but, here's another update. Don't cry too much with this one.

My Regret

Chapter 21

* * *

A father is to love his son the moment he's born, the moment said baby boy is placed in his arms for the first time, watch them as they grow up, scold them for doing something wrong, praise them for doing something good or discovering a hidden talent in their small life, be at the end of the carpeted floor, arms open when the baby boy learns to walk, hear their first word, first day of school, everything. Every moment is precious for a father and his baby boy.

Levi stared in disbelief at the man in front of him. He remembered as a child before his father left, the small hazy memories they shared together. The moments of smiles, laughter, hugs, all of it. The raven was so happy back then as a child that he had his father, the man he admired most. That admiration was butchered the day he left. Soon it became nothing but hate. He grew to hate his father for leaving, no, hate is too weak of a word. He _despised_ his father.

Narrowing his eyes, Levi glared at the man in front of him, "What the hell do you want, _Vincent?_ " He absolutely refused to call him the word he did as a child.

The man sighed, "Look, son-" He was cut off as Levi snapped at him.

"You have _no_ goddamn right to call me that!"

Flinching slightly at the malice behind the young man's voice, Vincent regained his composure. "Levi, I'm sorry I abandoned you all those years. I was a fool to do that to my own child."

"Yet you realize this almost twenty years later. Tch, some _father_ you are."

"Levi, please understand, my work required a lot of my attention."

Work. That word was one that Levi hated with his entire being.

"My work was something I devoted my entire life to, Levi. I wanted to be able to pursue my dream. You understand that much, right?"

"So, was work there for you every god damn moment you needed comfort? What about the fucking moments where I needed a father?"

"Levi..."

"Where were you when I fell down and scraped my knee as a boy? Where were you when I first started school? Where were you when I learned how to speak French as a little boy? Where were you when I learned how to read? Where were you when I drew a picture of me, you and mother? Where were you when I first learned how to ride my bike? Where were you when I started walking to and from school alone? Where were you when I had to stay home alone at night because mother worked late? Where were you when I scored at the top of my class in reading at age nine? Where were you when I first fell in love and wanted advice? Where were you when I wanted to speak and seek comfort after my first break up? Where were you when I graduated high school? Where were you when I got my diploma and looked out at the crowd and only saw mother? Where were you when I got the acceptance letter from college? W-Where were you w-when m-mother got s-sick?" His voice wavered slightly at mentioning his mother. "W-Where were you w-when m-mother p-passed away?" Crystalline tears ran down his pale cheeks, "W-Where were y-you when I-I was a-alone at t-the f-f-funeral? W-Where w-were y-you as I-I went t-through depression r-right a-after?" Levi let out a small sob, "W-Where w-were y-you...?" His shoulders lightly began shaking from the small sobs escaping his quivering lips.

No longer could Levi keep this sadness hidden anymore. It was an enormous weight on his shoulders. Holding in those emotions caused a strain on him, he never once let these feelings out, until now. The man who caused such horrid sadness needed to hear the damage he'd done on an innocent boy who only wanted to love him and wanted him around.

"L-Levi, my son, I-I'm so sorry...I-I..."

The raven didn't want to hear excuses anymore. He stepped back inside the house and slammed the door shut. Locking it, he put his back against the cool wood, sliding down, tears streaming down his cheeks. He faintly heard footsteps slowly leaving.

"Daddy?"

Levi glanced up, seeing his two small boys staring at their father in concern.

The small raven approached his father first, his favorite blanket in hand, dragging behind him. "Daddy? Why are you sad?"

His smaller twin stood beside him, holding onto his brown bear, "Daddy? Why don't you smile? I like it better when daddy is happy and smiling."

Levi sniffed lightly, opening his arms for the small boys, both immediately going into his arms. Sebastian covered them all with his blanket and Yami letting his father hold his bear, insisting that his bear would make daddy feel better.

The man smiled softly down at his two sons, tears still lightly running down his face.

Sebastian reached up, wiping away his father's tears with his sleeve, "Daddy, I dunno what happened, but, Yami and I promise to make you happy again. Right, Yam Bam?" His brunet twin nodded.

Levi kissed the boy's foreheads, "Thank you. The both of you. Daddy feels better already." He got up, taking them to the couch, sitting sideways.

Both twins snuggled up to their father, constantly telling him I love you and being glad their father was smiling again.

"Papa?"

Levi glanced down at Sebastian, "Yes?"

"Can you teach me more French later?"

"Of course."

"Daddy?"

Levi looked over at the brunet boy, "Yes?"

"Can you show me how to draw good like you later?"

"Of course."

Both boys giggled sleepily, snuggling more into their father, falling asleep within moments.

Levi gazed down fondly at his two children. He would do everything these boys asked of him. Be it either completely educational down to something down right childish. But for these boys, he would be at their side at an instant as soon as they called for him.

Where his own father messed up, Levi would do much better. The places and moments where his father wasn't there, Levi would be there for his own children. Yes, he would do that.

The man whispered softly to the two sleeping children on his chest, "Daddy promises to be there whenever you need me. I promise to be there for everything. You'll always have daddy right there beside you, smiling and encouraging you for whatever you want. Daddy loves you more than anything in this world. Well, right after mommy. Mommy would throttle me for not being on my list first. It's then you and grandma Kuchel." He stared up at he ceiling, "Grandma who looks after us all every passing moment. She loves you both so much." He turned his loving gaze back down, "Mama Kuchel loves us all very much. She promised to do so." He eventually drifted to sleep thinking about his mother's soothing voice as she spoke to him before bed time so he could feel safe, and most importantly, loved.

* * *

"And just why the fuck should I help you?" Farlan was sitting across from his brother's father in a small coffee shop in town. He merely went there to get some high quality tea for his brother when he ran into Vincent.

Vincent sighed, "Because I wanted to try and make amends with my only son."

"Why now? You had twenty years before and you choose now of all times when he doesn't want you at all?"

"I know I messed up a lot in life, I lost my wife and son because of my stupid decisions. It all finally hit me when my coworker did the same thing that I did most recently. He told me he was a complete wreck now that they were gone. I might have realized this very late, where my former wife is now gone and my son has his own life and hates me. But, isn't it better that I realized it then not at all?"

Farlan stared at the man for a moment, "You're a fucking piece of work, aren't you?"

Vincent frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Do you think that now acknowledging this now will change anything or rewrite the results your decisions left behind? It won't, not one bit. What you chose is now said and done. There's not a damn thing that you can change now that you walked along that lonely path for so long. You weren't there when my brother needed a father most. He did have me and our sister, but that's nowhere near the love a parent can offer their child. He needed you so much, yet he never found out where you were." He paused for a moment, looking down at his hands on his lap. "Why did you leave my brother and his mother alone?"

The older raven was silent for several minutes. "I don't know. Some bullshit reason because I thought my work was more important than my family at the time. To which I do know by now was one of the most pathetic reasons to leave your family behind. You don't know how much I wish that I could go back and take back my decision to do all that."

"Did you think about them a lot?"

"Every moment of every day. I went back once when Levi was in school. He was barely starting second grade. I went to try and make amends with his mother."

"What happened?"

The man sighed, "His mother was furious at me, which was expected. She kept yelling at me that she and Levi didn't need me anymore. That and she didn't want me hurting our son anymore. Kuchel said I would only make Levi feel obligated to forgive me and live on pretending like nothing happened."

"What did you do?"

"I wrote a letter to Levi to ask him whether or not he wanted his father back."

"What did you say?"

Vincent reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. He took out a folded up paper and handed it to the blonde.

Farlan took the paper and began reading.

_Levi,_

_You know that papa loves you very much, right? I wanted to know whether or not you wanted me back in your life. I went to talk to mama and she said that I would only make you sad, but do you think you would really be sad? Didn't you always say that papa was your hero, number one? Do you still see papa that way or do you hate me for what I did?_

_I want to know because I want to be there for the rest of your life. I want to be able to see you do all the amazing things I know you will do. Tell me if you want papa back or not. I will understand if you want to or not._

_Papa_

The blonde glanced up at the man, "What did he say?"

"I never got letter or call back. I would imagine his mother never gave him the letter or told him."

"Do you think Levi would have taken you back as a father?"

"I would like to think so. But, I would imagine not."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. I live here now, so, there are chances where I will see Levi. I got a new job as well, so, I would only be able to see him outside of work."

Farlan stood up from his seat, "Just watch it. If I so much as hear you made my brother sad, I will find you and kick your ass. I don't give a damn if you're his father or not." He grabbed his bag and left.

* * *

Levi was signing papers in his office when he caught word there would be someone knew working for him. He calmly sipped his tea, "When will they be here?"

Petra stood in front of him, looking over her clip board. "Hmm, they should be here in an hour. They passed the interview with Erwin with flying colors."

"I hope this person doesn't have their head up their ass if they passed that interview with eyebrows."

The blonde rolled her eyes at the name for the male blonde, "Erwin said they were very well experienced in this area of work. They would be working in the same department as you, Levi."

"I hope they can take my harsh critiques."

"Critiques or more so you yelling at them to get their heads out their asses?"

Levi grinned, "You know me so well."

"More than I would like to."

The raven laughed. He got up from his chair and walked out of his office, going over with Erwin, Petra and Hanji to talk in the staff room.

"Say, Erwin. Who was the person that you hired?"

"I believe his name was Vincent Ackerman."

Levi froze at the name. Everyone then noticed his odd behavior.

"Levi?" Petra waved her hand in front of the raven's face, "Are you alright?"

"That man is my father who abandoned me."

Erwin scowled, "Do you want me to fire him?"

Levi sighed, "No. He got the job fair and square. No need to mix personal matters with work. Makes shit easier that way."

The blonde nodded, "If you say so."

* * *

After getting the older raven settled in his new office, that and avoiding any kind of conversation with him, everyone was called into the conference room for a meeting on the goals they needed to meet for next month.

Levi was busying talking with everyone when Petra told him he had a very important call on the phone wanting to speak with him. "Put it on speaker."

Petra smiled as she did so. "You can speak now, dear."

"Daddy!" Two voices squealed into the phone on the other side.

The raven smiled, "Hello Sebastian. Hello Yami."

"Yam Bam I told you daddy would pick up! Daddy always has time for us."

Levi chuckled softly, "That's right, daddy always has time for you. What did you boys need?"

"Mommy wanted to know if you could come with us to the park after work, daddy." The brunet's voice spoke softly.

"Of course. I would love to go to the park with you two and mommy."

Both boys squealed in excitement. "Thank you, daddy! We love you!"

"And I love you both as well."

The looks on his coworkers faces was almost too comical. How could these two children talk to a man they all practically feared more than anything else so easily? And the way his voice softened and features relaxed was a look no one had seen on the man's face.

"Now, daddy has to get back to work. I'll see you boys at the park with mommy."

"Okay, bye daddy!"

Levi's smiling face vanished as he went back to talking about the meeting.

* * *

"You know, I finally saw what an amazing young man he's like."

"Did you now? Did he end up good like you thought he would?"

"Better. He got a call during the meeting and I heard the voices of his kids. They sound like they love and admire their father very much."

The woman beside Vincent smiled lovingly, "I would imagine so. Boys always look up to their father most."

Vincent nodded, "Rivaille still is that way."

"He is. He loves you very much, even if he acts like a child at twenty eight years old."

The raven laughed softly, wrapping an arm around his second wife. "I thought he loved his mother more."

Flore smiled, "No. It was always his father more. But, a mother's love is made up in that sense."

"Mother! Father!"

Both looked up and saw their son running towards them. Still clad in his doctor's coat.

Rivaille panted, his shoulders slumped as he rested his hands on his knees, panting.

Flore laughed softly behind her hand.

The young raven rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he stood back up. Then turned a deep red as his mother pinched his cheek affectionately. "Mother!" He whined.

"What? I'm not allowed to pinch your soft cheeks?

Rivaille rubbed his cheek with his hand, "Not in public. No."

The woman sighed playfully, "Fine. But the moment you get home I'm pinching the crap out of your cheeks."

"Fine, fine."

The three walked calmly around the city, making comments about the new beautiful city they lived in. They decided on going to the park and rest for a while. Flore mainly wanted to see the park so many people were calling so lovely and relaxing.

Sitting down on a park bench, the female admired all of the beautiful scenery. She then looked down blinking as a small ball rested by her feet. She picked it up and then glanced up as two small children, twins, came up to her. She smiled, "Would this happen to be your ball."

The small raven nodded, "Yes. Thank you, we thought we lost it."

Vincent smiled, "What are your names?"

Sebastian grinned, "I'm Sebastian. And this is my twin, Yami." He pointed to the small brunet at his side.

The man chuckled softly, "And who are you with?"

"Mommy, daddy, aunt Mikasa, aunt Isabel, uncle Farlan, and grandma Carla."

Yami tugged on his twin's sleeve, "We better get back before daddy gets worried again."

The raven nodded, he then turned to the three. "Thank you for finding our ball." He grabbed his twins hand and both ran off to their family.

Flore sighed softly, hand on her cheek, "My, what nice boys. Reminds me of when Rivaille was a baby."

Both men sighed, both ready to hear another one of her rants on how she wished she had another baby.

"Oh, my."

Vincent and Rivaille both looked up and stared at what the woman was looking at.

It was Levi playing with the two children they just saw. He was accompanied by a blonde. Levi smiled as a brunet came close to them, kissing his cheek and laughing as the boy blushed.

Flore leaned over to her husband, "Is that...?"

Vincent nodded, "It is. That's Levi." He glanced over at his son to see his reaction.

Rivaille was silent as he stared at the raven. They looked...so alike. On some part that was to be expected. And their lives, they were different as well. The raven smiled, he would meet Levi, finally. He'd been wanting to since the moment he found out about him.

_We'll meet soon enough, big brother._

* * *

End of chapter 21.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little teary eyed there in the beginning, or was that only me?


	23. Chapter 23

My Regret

Chapter 22

* * *

The strongest of ties are always there, some fade through time, and others through mistakes and regrets. Some are forged without a second thought. They say the strongest are ones made through brothers, but are they really as strong as they say?

Rivaille was idly writing in some files of patients before setting down his pen and sighing. "I don't know why I thought it would be good to come into work today. I can't get anything done. Why is that?" He murmured to himself, stroking his chin idly.

Of course he knew the real reason. He had seen his half brother yesterday and all he could think about was wanting to meet the other. When he was young he always envied his friends who had an older sibling; male or female, he envied them. The raven wanted an older brother who he could talk with, go to places with, or just do something. He often asked his mother why he didn't have an older brother like his friends did, he was far too young to understand those words she constantly told him.

_'You already do, my little raven. You just haven't seen him yet. But, I promise you, the moment he sees you, you'll feel as though you've known each other your whole lives. You just have to be patient.'_

Now it finally clicked. He did have an older brother, the one his mother told him he had. Just, why did he never get to meet him as a child? Perhaps he should ask his father, he would know why they were never allowed to meet.

Getting up from his chair, he grabbed the important files and put them in his messenger bag, hanging up his white coat and headed for home.

* * *

"So, Rivaille, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Vincent sipped away at his coffee, "It must be something important. You have that twinkle in your eye when you desperately want to know something."

Staring down at his hands in his lap, Rivaille took a moment to search for the words on how he would ask his question. "Father, I have a question."

"And that would be?"

"Why was I never allowed to meet Levi, my brother, when we were children?"

The man sighed, "His mother wouldn't allow that to happen."

"But why?"

"She didn't want Levi to think I cared more about you and mother than I did him and his mother. Rivaille, their life, was harsh compared to ours."

"How so?"

Setting down his cup, the man stared at his son. "Levi was, for the most part, raised by his mother. Since I wasn't around anymore, she took on several jobs and extra shifts to keep a roof over their heads. Kuchel was a strong, independent woman. She cared so much about Levi, more so than I think any mother I've ever seen. I heard from friends of ours that she talked so fondly about Levi, the things he did, how he did at school, how he learned to cook just so she didn't have to worry, how he taught himself how to drive, how the moment he turned sixteen he got a job instantly to help his mother, how he would stay at home with her whenever she collapsed from exhaustion, how he would go and take her shifts despite not knowing what to do, how he would also work himself down to exhaustion just so he could provide for his mother and himself."

Picking up his warm coffee, the raven took a sip, idly swishing the brown beverage in his cup, "Levi was a strong young man, despite his height, he could stand up for himself very well. Kuchel told stories about how Levi would come home some days with cuts and bruises, he got into fights sometimes. He only did because people were talking bad about his mother. It became known around his school that if you were to bad mouth his mother, he would go and find you and make you pay for so much as insulting his mother. He made friends through the student council, right after he became vice president. There he met Petra, Hanji, Erwin, Rico, Gunther and Erd. They stuck with him for the rest of high school and college."

Rivaille fidgeted nervously in his seat, "How's his mother? Does she live near here?"

"She passed away nine years ago."

"Father, I-I'm sorry, I didn't know..."

"I know you didn't. Levi told me that the day his mother got sick, was when he felt his world falling apart. He stayed with his mother a good majority of the time, bringing her home cooked meals, reading Shakespeare to her, bringing her flowers, and even got a tattoo of her name on his shoulder blade. The nurses still remember all those long visits he made at the hospital, often bringing those tired women something to wake them up, it was often homemade tea and cookies. He helped out at the hospital sometimes when the doctors were running tests on his mother, the nurses said he loved to go to the children's section the most. He made them all treats and often made paintings for them to brighten those otherwise dull rooms. People say he has that look that could scare anyone, when really, he was a giant teddy bear for those children."

"Levi...did all that?"

Vincent nodded, "He first did it to take his mind off what was going on with his mother, but it soon started being something he did every week. Then, his visits suddenly decreased. The children there asked why their older brother wasn't going as often anymore. The nurses told them his mother was at the hospital sick, and that she needed her son with her. Then...the day Kuchel died, it was like a part of Levi went with her. The nurses who took care of Kuchel went to the funeral because they cared for her so much. They described Levi's facial expression as complete misery. They had never seen a look like that on a son's face. The nurses also watched as he broke down crying in front of Kuchel's grave. The words they used to tell that moment was this..." He closed his eyes as he told his son the words he memorized.

_"The thick tears and sobs that wracked his body was a sight to behold indeed. You could feel the immense sadness radiating off of him. Never had we seen a son who loved his mother so much like Levi. We heard him mumble 'Mama don't leave me, mommy, please. Don't leave me alone in this world, please, mommy, I love you.' Our hearts broke at that moment. We've seen so many people cry over the deceased body of their loved ones in the hospital, but never did such a loss impact us so much. Kuchel was a wonderful woman, friend and above all; mother. Levi was a young man who loved his mother more than anyone else in the world, you could tell by the way he talked with her, smiled at her, hugged her, called her mother so lovingly, and when he was kneeling down in front of her grave, sobbing like a newborn boy. If there was one thing that Levi was honest about and could never lie about, it was his immense and undying love for his mother."_

The man opened his eyes again and saw that his son was quietly sobbing. Pulling the young man into a hug, he gently rubbed the boy's back.

Rivaille sobbed into his father's shoulder. "B-But we c-could have s-saved her..."

"It was far, far too late. There was nothing no one could do anymore for Kuchel."

"W-What did she d-die from?"

"Her family had a long history of heart disease. Kuchel didn't begin to show signs until Levi was ten years old. There was very little she could do on her own, she could barely afford to keep herself and her son fed. She ignored the treatment she needed. Kuchel knew Levi was more important, she wanted him to become that excellent young man she knew he would be. She was right, all the way to the very end."

His cries finally ceased, pulling away slightly from his father's shoulder, the raven spoke softly, "Father, I want to meet my older brother. Do...do you think he would accept me?"

"I don't know, I couldn't say for sure if he would or wouldn't. But I do know one thing is for sure."

"What's that?"

"He would never pin the blame on his father leaving on his half brother. He knew you were innocent in this entire situation. I know Levi couldn't blame someone who had no fault in this. He's a good young man."

"But how can you be so sure, father? You told me your reunion with Levi was nothing but bitter. How can be so sure that he won't let out his anger at me?"

"Because I could just tell the moment when he held his two son's in his arms and smiled at them, and I could tell when he was talking to them. He's a reasonable person. You'll see, you just have to trust my judgment."

Rivaille nodded, "Alright. I'll meet with him tomorrow."

* * *

Thinking about tomorrow and how he would meet the brother he always wanted kept him up that night. He laid down on his back, sheets on his waist, looking up at his ceiling. The raven was terrified on how Levi would react to finding out he wasn't an only child. Some part of him felt like this should be done, and the other half was telling him to leave Levi be. Good and bad things could come out of them meeting one another. They could have a good relationship as brothers, or a very bitter one where his brother doesn't want absolutely anything to do with him.

Sighing, Rivaille turned on his side. He stared at a picture of his mother, father and him when he was five years old. Levi was nine years old at that time when they were all so happy, while his brother was having a very tough and lonely childhood. It seemed stupid that he complained about not having an older brother to play with, while Levi was probably sad his mother wasn't there at night and wouldn't be home until the next morning if he was lucky to see her before he left for school. Rivaille had a very happy childhood, yet Levi's was nothing but struggling, hard work and loneliness.

Yet, Levi wasn't alone. He had his mother who loved him so much, and Kuchel had a son who loved her more than anything in this entire cruel, yet beautiful world. Rivaille felt like he took everything he got for granted, all the friends, treats, toys, new clothes, everything. Maybe Levi only got to see that on special occasions. Their lives were so different, like light and darkness. There was such a big gap in different between both brothers. Rivaille was a spoiled child and Levi was a child who barely got enough. Rivaille felt like he stole his brother's father, the man Levi once admired. Then his, no, _their_ father left his brother. There was so much resent and sadness there on Levi's half, and pure happiness on his.

He whispered softly to himself, "Levi, I feel like I've taken a lot of happiness out of life the moment I got to keep father and while you went on to hate him for leaving. I know father's done a lot wrong, but he's also trying his hardest to get on your good side and give you a father back, the one you used to admire so much." He turned to lay on his back again, "Brother, I want to become family, brothers, like I've always imagined we would be. I just want to be on good terms with you, I love you, brother. Even though we've never met, talked or seen each other face to face, I've already learned to love you as a brother. Could you ever do the same for me? Or was it all for nothing? The stories I heard from father today, I can say I admire you so much. You've done so much good for yourself, others, your family, son's, and your mother. Brother, I do hope that you can accept me as a brother, and more importantly, as family."

The raven eventually drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Rivaille tapped his foot nervously as he went up the elevator leading up to the floor Levi worked on. He was beyond nervous, so much so, his mother was able to tell the moment he woke up.

He could fully understand her concern, she was simply worried about him. Rivaille had a feeling that things could go either good or bad. Hey, it was an improvement. All last night yesterday he thought things would go horribly wrong, but now, he felt like there was a slight chance things wouldn't be so bad.

Taking a silent deep breath he watched as the elevator doors opened and stepped out. He glanced around as he walked out, seeing people stare at him and cower or run away. Just why were they running away? They didn't even know who he was. Then again, they might be frightened to see a second Levi wandering around, so, he supposed he could let this one slide.

"Levi! Short shit!"

Rivaille kept walking, then was almost knocked down by someone tackling him from behind. He saw it was a brunette woman, whose hair was in a ponytail and had glasses on her face, sporting a large grin.

Hanji roughly pat the raven on the back, "Levi, good morning, how is my short angry elf?"

The young man raised a brow, "Um, how are you?"

She snorted, "Sure, act like you don't know me, whatever suits you and gets that stick out of your ass." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Come on, we have work to do, Erwin is waiting for us."

Before he could protest, the woman had dragged him off to what he could assume was Levi's office.

* * *

Rivaille felt incredibly uncomfortable with these people talking about things he didn't have a single clue about. He simply shrugged his shoulders or shook his head at everything they asked him. Hell, he couldn't even understand some things they were saying, Levi must have taught them some complicated words, he could barely understand a good majority of them.

"Levi!" Hanji snapped her fingers in front of the dazed raven, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Erwin frowned, "Levi are you alright? Did you sleep well? Forget to drink your morning tea because of the kids?"

Rivaille rubbed his cheek, "Uh, well..."

"That's not me you fucking idiots."

All their heads snapped up as Levi, the real one, was standing at the door way, an annoyed look on his face.

Hanji and Erwin were beyond confused. The woman scratched the back of her head, "Wait, if you're right there, then who's this?" She pointed to the nervous raven.

Levi shrugged, "Who knows? Now, who are you and why the hell do you look so much like me?"

"W-Well..."

"Spit it out, kid. I don't have all day."

Rivaille sighed, "Fine, if I tell you, can I tell you in private." He gestured to the brunette and blonde still in the room, still looking very confused.

Levi nodded, getting the hint, "Eyebrows, shitty glasses, out."

Hanji whined, "Aw, do we have to? I want to find out who this guy is too and why he looks so much like you."

"If he wants to tell me alone then that's his choice. Besides, I don't think he would want to tell me why he looks like me in front of an annoying loud mouth like you and captain America's shitty clone."

Both sighed, grumbling as they left, not at all happy at the names that Levi gave them.

The raven turned back to face the other, still quite puzzled as to why they looked so alike. "So, why the hell do we look alike? People were confused as to why a second me walked in."

Rivaille rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah, sorry about that. I was more curious as to why people were cowering in fear the moment I stepped onto this floor."

Levi grinned, "Never you worry about that. Work for me and you'll find out."

"Eh, think I'll pass. A doctor would do you no good here."

"Now, quit beating around the bush. Who are you and why do you look so much like me?"

Rivaille bit his lip, this was his chance to tell his brother of who he was and the relationship they had between them. Yet, standing in front of Levi was completely intimidating. The raven had something about him that demanded respect and stirred the smallest, no a large amount, of fear in him.

Levi tapped his foot against the carpeted floor, waiting. This raven...somehow he felt like he should know this person. Levi inwardly shook his head, no, they have never met before. He's pretty damn sure he would remember the person who was almost an exact copy of himself.

"Well, I came to tell you that..." He fidgeted with the end of his shirt.

"You came to tell me what?"

"That we're brothers!" Rivaille blurted out.

Levi's eyes widened.

The raven then realized what he said and began apologizing, "I''m sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I-" He was cut off as a pair of arms wrapped around him, bringing him into a warm embrace.

Levi tightened his embrace. "It's nice to meet you, little brother."

Rivaille felt tears come to his eyes, wrapping his arms around Levi, leaning into the embrace, "It's nice to meet you too, big brother."

* * *

End of chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? This ending was happy. And some of you thought it would be sad.


	24. Chapter 24

My Regret

Chapter 23

* * *

 The sacred bond of brothers can either be immediate, take birth for example. They are together from that moment on. Others don't have that luxury. Some are near adults while others are barely born, never having a very strong tie with the other, the word brother being the only thing binding them together. Some spend their lives searching for the other, coming up empty handed, or finding exactly who they were looking for.

Rivaille couldn't contain the smile off his face after he and his brother had their heart to heart. Both males were incredibly happy to be able to meet each other and start to make a bond between them. He was only worried about one thing, even his brother's words couldn't soothe it. Just why did Levi accept him so easily and still hated their father. The words still rang in his mind.

_'I cannot hate a brother who had no fault in all this. Where he failed horribly as a father, you can succeed as a brother. You shouldn't take any kind of blame whatsoever based on what happened. You were innocent in this entire matter. Why add more fire to burned wood?'_

The raven sighed, his older brother was an enigma he thinks he could never peg.

* * *

"You have a brother?"

"It would appear so." Levi and Eren were sitting in the living room that afternoon, the kids were out with Carla. 

"And you said he almost looks exactly like you."

Levi nodded, "Oh yeah, right down to the black hair and grey eyes."

"Kind of hard to imagine that there's another person that looks like you. I always thought that such a thing would never be possible."

"Neither did I. Hanji and Erwin thought that he was me. They said they were mainly caught off guard because of his pleasant persona and aura that he seemed to give off, nothing at all like me when I'm at work."

Eren chuckled softly, "So you're always a grump at work?"

"Like you wouldn't be? Imagine this, Eren, and imagine this real good."

The brunet did pay attention, highly amused.

"There's Petra trying to convince Erwin that she's not interested in getting into a relationship with him, although she fucking blushes like there's no tomorrow, and I often have to force eyebrows back to work and leave her the hell alone for the rest of the day. Eld and Gunther are fine for the most part, except for when it's break time. Imbeciles, you have forty five minutes, not two fucking hours. I caught them asleep in the accountants room, when really, their fucking break ended three hours ago. Hanji comes over to bug Molbit when he's busy talking to the partners, and she just has to fucking talk about science when no one could give a rat's ass. Molbit has bigger balls than anyone for marrying that train-wreck. Oluo's just a huge fucking idiot, enough said. Eren, I work with all that. How can I not be a grump?"

Eren was quietly laughing into his hand, shoulders shaking.

Levi's eyebrow twitched in annoyance, "You think that's amusing, brat?"

"Very much so."

"Damn brat."

Eren grinned as he heard the door open.

Sebastian and Yami walked into the room, holding each other's hands. The young raven smiled at his father, "Hi daddy."

Levi smiled down at the boy, "Hello, Sebastian. Were you and Yami good for the others?"

Both boys nodded, "Marco taught us how to make flower crowns. We made some for Aunt Mika."

Levi ruffled the boy's hair, "Why don't you go and give them to her? I'm certain she's in her room."

The twins ran upstairs to the girls room.

* * *

The girl had been quietly sitting in her room, staring at the wall as if it were completely fascinating.

A lot of things had happened in the many months that went by. Just how the hell could she tell Eren what happened? There was only a certain amount of time before her brother would figure things out and know that she lost a baby. Gods, she could still feel that disgusting man's touch as if it only had happened yesterday.

Annie and Reiner had been the ones to take care of Bertolt after learning what happened. The blonde female had been the one to reassure her that they would take care of Bert and make sure he never came in contact with Eren or Mikasa again. The two were livid when they found out about the physical and emotional abuse their friend had caused two amazing people.

The blonde female was the only person Mikasa told about her losing a baby. Annie was someone who Mikasa very well trusted with her life. The woman had told her that things take time, and that's the only thing that could heal her wounds. While Annie might seem like someone who is very cold and downright cruel, Mikasa was the only person who saw straight past that defense mechanism.

Sighing softly, the raven laid down on her bed. There was so much that she had to think about and to make sure this secret was kept for another while. If there was another person who could figure this out like the back of his hand, it would be Levi. The man was completely observant and he would have figured it out sooner had not his kids interrupted their conversation. Mikasa wasn't one to take a scape goat, but hell, she took that one to her full advantage.

Glancing at her door as it was knocked on, Mikasa lazily called out to let them enter.

Sebastian and Yami peeked in, "Aunt Mika, we have something for you."

Sitting up, she smiled at them, "Oh, really? And what would that something be?"

The boys presented her with the flower crowns they made in kindergarten.

"My, they are very beautiful indeed. Thank you so much."

Sebastian and Yami smiled, getting on their aunt's bed and took turns placing their own crowns on her head.

Mikasa smiled softly at the two boys. Would her child have done the same and made a flower crown just for her? They might have, every child always wants their mother's attention, right?

"Aunt Mika? Why are you crying?"

Blinking, she lifted up a slender hand and gently touched her cheek, surprised to find her fingers soaked.

The small brunet glanced up at the raven haired woman, "Do you not like the crowns?"

"No, no, I did. They're very lovely and I very much love that you made them for me."

"Then why are you crying?" Sebastian glanced up at the woman.

She smiled, "Because you two make me very happy with all your gifts."

Relieved, the two twins hugged her. "We love you, aunt, Mika."

"I love you too."

* * *

"Rivaille."

"Yes father?" The young man glanced up from his patient files that he was going over after getting home from work.

Vincent took off his reading glasses, "How much do you know about your brother's life?"

Taken back by the question, the raven placed his pen down, crossing his arms over his chest, thinking for a moment, "Hmm, not much if I really think about it."

"And how much does he know about you?"

"Nothing, if we're being completely honest here."

"You know for a fact he had a very harsh life."

"Yeah, you've told me as much before."

The man sighed, "I don't know much about Levi's life in full detail after I left. Sure, I've told you stories, but I don't know what led up to them or what his reasons were behind all his actions."

"Wasn't it all because he wanted to help his mother?"

"I'm certain there's more to it than that."

Rivaille hummed in agreement, "I think I see you're point. Levi is a rather complicated figure. Right when I thought I understood him, he comes out with words or actions that make me think otherwise."

"My point exactly. I feel like you should get to know him more, and tell him more about yourself as well. Maybe you could connect through your past experiences with him."

"Maybe. But we're almost polar opposites, how can you expect two people like that to connect in some sort of way?"

"I know you've both worked hard not only for yourselves, but for a parent or parents. You both have goals you sought out to succeed and did. There are more things that you have in common than you think. My examples might have been obvious, but, there might be more than I did not catch onto."

His father did have a point in what he was saying. Even though the two now acknowledged each other as brothers, they were still drawing up blanks about the other. There was so much he wanted to be able to share with Levi, and he wanted to hear the raven's stories. There was something about Levi that screamed intriguing to him. Was it because the man had gone through hell? Was it because of his lover? What motivated him through his life? There must have been something else other than his deceased mother that made him push forward despite all those obstacles. That, he wanted to hear for himself.

"Alright. Let me call him real quick and maybe he and I can talk." He pulled out his phone and made the call.

* * *

"I'm really glad you accepted my offer for us to get together and just talk about each other, Levi."

Levi nodded, "I was also wondering if we could do the same. I still don't know much about your life as you don't know much about mine."

Rivaille gently swayed his glass of water, letting the water move side to side, "So, who should go first?"

"I think you should. Mine's a bit on the lengthy side."

Rivaille sighed softly, "As you know, I was born four years after you were. My birthday is on December twentieth. Almost a Christmas baby like yourself. I was born to Flore and Vincent Ackerman. I thought they were the greatest parents in the world. Mother used to be a florist before she was with child and father was a business man." The raven set his cup down on the coffee table.

"Father wasn't really around much when I was younger, so, I too know what it's like to not have him around much. But, he was there for the important parts. When mother told him I started to walk, talk, crawl, he was always there. I ended up forgiving him because even though he wasn't there, he was when it really mattered."

"I didn't really have a lot of friends growing up, so it was mainly me, Nifa, Mike, and Nanaba." He laughed softly, "People didn't get near me because Mike was so tall, Nifa had the attitude of a firework, and Nanaba was quiet. They are the greatest of friends I could ever ask for."

"I was known as one of the smartest kids in my class and that was the reason people didn't really talk to me or wanted to be my friend. They thought that I would make fun of them for not being smart like me. I didn't care if they were smart or not, I just wanted a friend."

He grabbed his glass and took a drink of water, staring back at his brother sitting across from him in the living room, "Nothing really happened in my middle school years. Went out with my friends, studied, all that boring stuff. It wasn't until I got into high school, things got more serious. Mother and Father finally told me about you and your mother. I was confused as to why father would do such a thing to two amazing people. Needless to say, I was angry at him for the longest time. Mother tried to reason with me that certain things happened, but I didn't want to listen to it."

Rivaille's head lowered, "I got anxiety after that. I felt my chest clench up whenever I had to talk with father, I hated it so much. That feeling came as well when I was in large groups of people. I started going to therapy behind my parents backs, I wanted to talk to someone about everything that I was feeling. And no, I didn't go to my friends. I felt like they would think differently of me because of the things that I was going through. Then I got those anxiety pills once it was confirmed by a doctor that I did indeed have it. They were help, yes, but I wanted that feeling to go away completely. But...then mother collapsed one day."

Levi noticed there was a crestfallen expression on his face and his eyes dimmed. Hmm, he knew that feeling all too well when his mother was sent to the hospital.

"Mother had a tumor in her stomach. The doctors said they could remove it, but that didn't mean that made the process any less difficult. Mother had to stay in the hospital for four months. She was incredibly weak and father never came to visit her. She, for whatever reason, was not angry. One day, two months after mother was in the hospital, I went over to father's company and went to yell at him. I told him he was a good for nothing father and husband. He left two sons, a former wife, and current wife alone. When all he did was stare at me, I told him I hated him. I don't know how he could just stare at me while I was alone and mother was sick. I felt like my world was caving in and no one was there, my safety line was gone. I had nothing to pull me up onto the surface."

The young man was quiet for several moments, "I tried to kill myself after that. I felt like mother was going to be fine since she stopped allowing people to visit, and father got home so late, it was a rarity that I even saw him at night and in the morning." He took a deep breath, "It was three days before my seventeenth birthday and I was home alone. Father was out on a business tip and mother was still going to be in the hospital for another month to be sure. I was so alone, I sat in my room alone, staring at the anxiety pulls in my hand. I don't know how many of them were in my hand, the whole bottle I think."

"I took them all...and I felt bliss, as fucked up as that is to say. I felt like all the weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I didn't have to worry anymore. I was cutting my wrists as I felt my vision leave me. I made about ten scars on each arm, they were all drenched in blood. I have no idea what happened after that. I only remember waking up in a hospital bed a month later. Mother and father were there crying relieved that I had finally woken up. My friends were there as well, and no one blamed me for the thing I did. They were all just glad that I was awake again."

"I was messed up for a while after that. I didn't want to be left alone for too long or I would cut myself. People at school found out about it, some left me alone and others gave me shit for it. My friends told me to ignore it, but it was hard. People told me I should have died in that month, I wasn't important at school, I wouldn't be missed. It got so bad, my parents sent me to a private school near around there, and things cooled down a lot. I felt a lot better after that. I still had massive trouble with my anxiety in college but, it wasn't as bad as it was."

"Father and I still don't really get along quite like we used to. Things are still trying to be fixed between us. Mother does all she can to make sure nothing gets too out of hand with us."

He glanced up at his brother, "So while you may think father was there a lot more for me, he wasn't really. I don't know why, but where things get tough, he's not the right person to call. I had mother, but, there's nothing like a father's presence that really calms you down." The raven sighed, "Well, that's all that happened. Nothing else."

Levi nodded slowly, sipping his tea.

"What? Nothing to add about what happened? Not going to judge?"

"And why should I?"

"I don't know."

"I have no reason nor right to. You went through hell and still came out alive. I don't think that needs judgment, more so praise."

"Praise?"

Levi nodded, getting up from his seat and going to sit where his brother was, wrapping an arm around him, "Yes, praise. Because you don't know how many people would have given up completely after all that. Yet, you didn't. You still saw through all your goals and look where that got you. You're building a relationship with your father again, you became a doctor, we met. A lot of good came out of you keeping your head held up high. I would never dare judge you. All that hardship formed who you are now, and it made you a stronger person in the outcome."

Rivaille embraced his brother tightly, sighing softly when it was returned. He felt lucky to have a brother like Levi.

He pulled back, "Thank you for listening. So, how was your life like?"

"It went a little something like this..."

* * *

 

End of chapter 23.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is all about Levi's childhood. Get a box of tissues ready. Trust me, you'll need it. (Sorry if the chapter was crap, my mind hasn't been in the right place for the past month. Hope you can forgive me for that.)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. I didn't expect this to come out at 9K words, oh well. Try not to cry too hard, yeah?

My Regret

Chapter 24

* * *

A mother's love. It's like the warmest blanket in the world, something you should treasure. Never hold a grudge against her. You'll regret everything the day you see her coffin lowered into the ground.

"Very good job, Rivai-Chan. You're learning how to walk so easily. My, such a smart boy I have." Kuchel picked up the giggling little raven, cradling him in her arms.

Levi giggled happily as he held onto his mother's shirt. This little raven had a very loving and young mother by the name of Kuchel. The woman dedicated her whole life to her son, always playing with him, calling him her little raven, making the child laugh adorably.

His father on the other hand, was an absent figure in his life. The man much rather preferred to be at the office then with the two people who mattered most in the world. He stayed there longer because his and Kuchel's marriage was practically over. The two argued more and hurtful words were exchanged. They mainly argued when their child was sleeping or over at his uncle Kenny's house.

The small raven glanced up as he felt a tiny splash of water hit his cheek. His mother was crying as she held him to her chest.

Reaching up, Levi placed a small hand on her cheek, "Mama no cwy."

Kuchel held the boy tightly, quietly sobbing.

* * *

 Levi, now four years old, was confused as to why there were so many boxes in the house with things in them. He asked his mother if something important was going on, and she simply said to not worry about it. Nothing would be changing.

The boy went outside and saw his father putting boxes in the truck. He walked over and tugged on his father's jacket, "Daddy."

Vincent glanced down at the small boy, "Yes?"

"Why are you putting things in the big twuck?"

"Because daddy is taking his things to his home."

"But, doesn't daddy live here with me and mommy?"

The man knelt down in front of the boy, "Daddy and Mommy...we...we think it might be for the best."

"Why?"

"You'll understand when you're older, Levi." Vincent stood back up, "Now go on inside with mommy."

Levi went inside and sat by the window in the living room. When his father was all done putting the boxes in the big truck, his mommy cried alone in her room, and his daddy didn't wave back when he left. But, daddy always waved to him when he left somewhere.

As the days rolled on, Levi would sit by the window in the living room everyday. He would skip nap time because he thought his daddy would come home and see him. But daddy never did.

Uncle Kenny came over a lot after that. He always came to play with Levi and talk with mommy.

When Levi asked his uncle why daddy didn't come home, his uncle got very quiet.

"Papa Kenny, why isn't daddy back yet? He promised me he would show me how to play the piano."

"Because kid, look, I know Kuchel wouldn't want me to tell you in my own way, but..." His voice faded for a couple minutes, "Your dad isn't coming back because he and your mom don't like each other anymore. This has nothing to do with you. You're a good kid, Levi."

And gods, did Levi cry. He held onto his papa Kenny the entire time he did. His mother would often have Levi sleep in her room at night because the boy thought his mommy would leave to and never come back.

Levi never saw his father anymore after that day...

...Nor did he learn how to play the piano.

* * *

 "Hey, papa Kenny?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"When is mommy coming home from work?" Tonight was one of those nights where mommy would work late and he and papa Kenny would stay up late to wait for her, only if it was a weekend of course.

"Not until another three hours kid."

Levi sighed softly, "I wish mommy didn't have to work so much."

"I know, kid. But when you're a single parent, you have to do a lot of shit to keep a roof over your heads."

"But uncle Kenny, why doesn't mommy accept your help?"

"Because kid, she wants to do everything on her own and prove that she can alone. Kuchel is a strong woman and mother, don't you forget that, alright, kid?"

"Okay uncle Kenny."

The two fell asleep some time later, the television off and only a small lamp on.

Kuchel walked in two hours later, smiling softly as she saw Levi and Kenny asleep. She picked up a small piece of paper off the floor by the boy's small hand.

_Mommy,_

_Sorry Uncle Kenny and I couldn't stay up, we were really tired because uncle took me to the park today. I know you had to work today mommy, so I asked uncle to take me instead. Uncle and I made dinner and he said it was really yummy! We left you some in the oven. I hope you like it mommy._

_Rivai-Chan._

The woman smiled at her sleeping brother and son. She leaned down and softly kissed the raven's forehead, "Mama hopes you had fun, my little blue rose." She murmured to him softly as to not disturb his sleep.

* * *

 "And what the hell made you think it would be a good idea to urinate our window with Levi, Kenny?"

The man shrugged, "The kid and I were bored, what else could I do?"

"I don't know, take him to a park?"

"The kid would get bored fast."

"So the next best thing was to piss out my living room window? And still somehow loose to a nine year old?"

"Hey, shorty cheated. He had something to drink and I didn't."

"Kenny, your dick is smaller than my son's. Let that sink in for a minute." The woman tried to hard not to laugh as her brother paled.

"Shut up, Kuchel." The man grumbled.

Kuchel grinned, "Sure thing tiny dick." She went into the kitchen where her son was doing his homework. She sat down next to him, "Now Levi, what did we learn today?"

The raven looked at his mother, "Not to pee out the living room window."

"Yes, and?"

"Uncle Kenny is smaller than a nine year old."

"The both of you go to hell!"

* * *

 Levi's birthday, in a way, was always very simple, and meaningful to him. His mother would make a small meal for him, herself and Uncle Kenny. His mother was always allowed to have the day off, both because it was Christmas and her only son's birthday.

When his mother asked him what he wanted this year, he wanted to go with something simple; there was only so much that his mother could afford after all. So he asked for a book he really wanted. They had it at his school and every time he wanted to read it, someone else already had it. With his own copy, he could read it at home and at school.

"A book? Is that all you want, Rivai-Chan?"

"Yes, mommy."

Kuchel nodded, "Okay, I'll send your Uncle Kenny to get it for me while I make dinner." Calling for the older man to go get it, he left grumbling about going into the cold, only to be stopped at the door.

"Make sure that you get this book, this is all he wants this year, it would mean the world to him to have it."

"Yeah, yeah. You'd think I'd come back without what the kids wants? He's my only little nephew. You bet your ass I'll get it for him." The man left, closing the door behind him.

* * *

 "Mommy? Where's Uncle Kenny?"

The woman sighed, hugging her son closer, a blanket draped over the two, and their small fireplace on. "I don't know." Kenny should have been back three hours ago. She didn't think it would be too hard to get a simple book.

"I don't think Uncle Kenny got the book."

"What makes you say that, Rivai-Chan?"

"Because Uncle Kenny takes forever to come back when he couldn't keep a promise."

"I'm sorry, Rivai-Chan."

The small raven lowered his head, "Its okay, mommy. I kind of didn't expect anything this year."

Kuchel kissed her son's forehead, "Maybe next year." Although she wasn't too sure herself about next year.

"Maybe next year." Levi whispered softly.

* * *

 "Kuchel, Levi."

The two ravens were shook out of their sleep at the sound of a male's voice. It was Kenny standing over them.

"What took you so long?"

The man pulled out a neatly wrapped box, showing it to Levi, "Here, kid."

Receiving the gift his Uncle got him, Levi carefully took the wrapping paper off, only to come face to face with the book he wanted, a brand new stuffed bear, and a small black wrist watch.

"I know you only asked for the book, but since you've been a good kid, thought I'd get you more than you wanted. Happy Birthday, kid."

Levi's smiled happily, "Thank you, Uncle Kenny." He took the bear out and hugged it tightly. It was a soft brown bear with a green and red stripped bow.

The man ruffled the boy's dark hair, "Yeah, kid. You're not a complete pain in the ass."

* * *

 "Why were you gone for so long?" After eating dinner, Levi fell asleep on the couch, holding his new bear tightly.

"Don't worry about it, alright? I came back and the kid has some new presents."

"Kenny, where did you get the presents? Where the hell did you even get the money? You told me you couldn't be paid until after New Years."

The man sighed, "You want the truth, fine. Truth is, I went to my boss and begged him for some money. Told him it was for my nephew's birthday and the kid wanted a book, but I wanted to get him something more. I ended up driving to a book store out of town because they didn't have any copies here. The bear I got from a coworker who overheard everything, and the wrist watch was something I got Levi months back."

Kuchel had a gentle smile on her face, "You do care."

"Of course. He's my only nephew. In a way, I think of him as my own kid. Gotta spoil the kid while he's still young."

"You claim so much to be this intimidating man, when in all reality you're a giant softy towards one little boy."

"Again, I think of him as my own kid. Vin didn't appreciate him enough, so, I feel like he needs a man he can look up to when he's still a kid. Helps em or something like that when they're teenage brats."

"You're just a giant teddy bear. Face it, Levi turned you into one."

"Maybe the brat isn't so bad."

* * *

 "Alright. I've got to head off, been nice staying with you two over the holidays."

Kuchel nodded, "I hope you can stay over again sometime soon. Remember, you have to look after Levi next week."

"Yeah, I know."

"Uncle Kenny."

The man glanced down at the small boy, "Yeah?"

"Thank you for the gifts. I really liked them." He held out his arms, wanting a hug.

"Ah, what the hell?" He picked up Levi and hugged him. He wasn't a fan of hugging others, but he'd make an exception for his nephew.

* * *

 Levi sat by himself in his home one night, his mother still working, and uncle Kenny hadn't been in the mood to babysit him. Something about needing to take care of some personal things, which usually resulted in something illegal. Not that he cared anyway.

The raven sighed. It was times like these he wished he had friends. He couldn't help it, he wasn't good with people, and kids didn't really seem to like him. Well, he was with something as intimidating as Kenny every time he went out, of fucking course no kid would want to get near him.

"Dad, why did you have to leave? I liked how things were." Levi would never admit this to his mother, but he sent letters to his father's work, in hopes that his father would want to talk to him. Each letter came back unopened and with a sticky note attached, telling him he had no son and didn't want some other kids things that had no relation to him.

It was well over his bedtime and yet the young boy had no desire to sleep. He was too concerned about his mother. Uncle Kenny said he would keep an eye out for his beloved mother, but there were still times where his mother would come home, a bruise on her arm, or on her face. It made the young boy seethe with anger. He wanted to help his mother, but he was too weak to do so.

Maybe one day, he would be strong enough to do so. Like his mother and his uncle Kenny. He would become strong like them.

* * *

 The moment Levi's father left his life, he thought that would be it. No more father, no more talks, no more memories with him. This was something Levi had come to terms with for years, but did it lessen the fact that he _despised_ his father? _No_.

Did Levi get a lot of shit because his father wasn't there? Yes. He was constantly told his father didn't want him because he probably wasn't his real son. That his mother wasn't woman enough for his father, and whatever other bullshit people spat. It didn't effect his hate towards the one man that let him down, he has his own reasons for hating him.

So when he heard the door being knocked on, he thought it was his uncle Kenny coming to look after him like his mother told him he would. When he opened it, his grey eyes widened. Years of being gone, feeling alone, feeling like he wasn't enough, it was all caused because one person couldn't accept their responsibilities. His father, Vincent Ackerman.

The man smiled down at the boy, "Hello, Levi." That smile used to be so soothing to him, now it just pissed him off to no end.

"What do you want?"

"Are you not happy to see your father?"

"No."

Vincent frowned, "Levi, son, I know I upset you by leaving."

The boy scoffed, "You did more than upset me. You left me alone."

"Levi, I didn't come here to argue with you, more so ask you a question."

"Say it and then leave."

"I want to be part of your life again, will you allow me to?"

And there is was. Sitting innocently on his father's finger, a simple golden band. "You're married."

"Yes, I am."

"Leave and never come back."

"Levi-"

"You'll cause more trouble than you already have. Leave." The raven slammed the door in his face.

That's the story behind Levi's constant scowling and glaring.

* * *

 When Levi got into middle school, it was a large transition for him. There were more new faces, and the ones he was used to seeing weren't there, or they changed over the break.

The raven wasn't really paid attention to in school. Sure, people knew he was smart and knew not to fuck with him after what happened. There was some kid that bad mouthed his mother, and shit. As you can imagine, the kid got what was coming to him. No one messed with Levi in fear of that very thing happening to them. But there was one person, a female to be exact, that didn't give a shit about the reputation Levi formed for himself. Hanji Zoe.

The brunette was everywhere Levi went. Now, Levi being the person he is, would never admit it, but he did appreciate the presence of someone else with him. Hanji was a loud mouth to put it bluntly. She would come over to Levi's house uninvited, sometimes staying the night because she was too lazy to leave home, or wanted to stay home for the hell of it. You could say that she was a pain in the ass, because quite frankly, she could be. But she was also the only friend Levi had made in years, so, he tended to excuse how annoying she could be.

"Levi, did you finish your science? I can help you if you want?" The brunette nudged her friend's side.

"No. I'm working on my math."

"Are you sure you don't need help?"

"Hanji, when you start talking about science, it's hard even for me to get you to stop talking about it."

The brunette sighed dramatically, "Fine."

Both continued to study in the library for another short while, only to be interrupted. "Look, it's the shorty and the science nerd."

Levi calmly looked up at him, "Something you needed, fuck face?"

"Yeah? Is your mom still gonna be at the corner? I've needed a good lay."

The raven's eyebrow twitched dangerously.

"And what about you, science nerd?" The boy leaned over and got too close for Hanji's liking.

"You have five fucking seconds to get the fuck away from her." Levi calmly set his pencil down.

The young man scoffed, "And what are you gonna do about it?"

Now, the entire memory is still fuzzy to him, but according to Hanji, there was so much rage in his eyes, yet his face was still nonchalant.

* * *

 "Levi, another fight?" His mother sighed softly, placing her hands on her hips.

"Now, now, come on, Kuchel. He was standing up for you and that glasses girl." Kenny had been trying to convince his sister that she didn't need to punish Levi as harshly as she did. And well...

She turned to him, eyes narrowed, "You should be the one telling him not to fight. Yet every time I tell him not to, you go behind my back and you tell him to keep doing that."

"What do you want me to tell the kid then? Hey, Levi, when someone talks shit about your mother and only friend, you sit there like a dumbass and listen to it. No, Kuchel. Your kid is doing the right thing for standing up for the people he gives a damn about."

Levi was sitting quietly the entire time his mother and uncle were arguing. In all reality, they both had their points. Kenny always told him to stand up for those he cared about, because they could be there one moment and gone the next. His mother also had a point. Violence would get him involved with the wrong people, and it could affect him later on in life.

Kuchel turned to her son, "And what do you have to say for yourself, Levi?"

The raven sighed, looking up at his mother, "I don't regret fighting that guy."

His mother was quiet as was his uncle, both wanting hear the young man's reasoning.

"I don't regret kicking his face in. He was talking bad about Hanji, my only friend. And he was talking horribly about you as well, mom. Uncle Kenny said to treasure those who are close to you, because who knows? They're there one minute and gone the next. I want to stand up for you and my friend. I don't care if people punch me in the face and say things about me. I'll take it all for you."

Kuchel sighed heavily, "I feel like everything I tell you about not fighting goes through one ear and comes out the other." She knelt down in front of her son, "Just be careful, okay? I couldn't stand anything happening to you."

Levi nodded, "I'll be careful, mom. I don't want to worry you."

The woman hugged her son, stroking his back soothingly. Every bruise that made it's way to her son's beautiful face hurt her in a way she couldn't describe. It was like someone was stabbing her repeatedly. Her love for her son was so immense, sometimes, when Levi got hit, she swore she felt the hit as well. She prayed nothing ever happened to her son.

* * *

 After being friends with Hanji, Levi felt like he was more used to different kinds of people. What he wasn't used to, were two kids, a redhead and a blonde to start calling him big brother.

Farlan was the blonde. He was the kind of boy who was the voice of reason to help out with Levi's rash decisions. The raven liked him because he was quiet and calm.

Isabel, the redhead, was the more of the loudmouthed kid. She would constantly tell Levi about small things that she managed to accomplish, or just went to bug him until she got his attention.

Now, mind you, they weren't bad kids. Levi did really like them. They put up with his crude humor, temper and glares.

"Big brother, guess what?!" Isabel jumped in her seat on the couch.

"Stop jumping and what?"

The redhead grinned, "I got a kitten. Mommy got me one."

Farlan raised a brow, "But I thought your daddy didn't like them."

"He just said that because he was too busy with work to get me one. He actually really likes it."

They all jumped when they heard a loud clap of thunder outside.

Levi answered the phone when it rang, "Hello?"

"Rivai-Chan, it's mommy."

"Mommy, did you need something?"

"Yes, my little blue rose. It's going to be raining very hard and I unfortunately have to stay here at work until it passes. Are you alone?"

"No, Isabel and Farlan are here."

"Good. Get some snacks, blankets, pillows, and that one mattress we use and go to the basement. Make sure you take a flashlight or candles with you. Take some games so you won't be bored, make sure you also take the battery powered radio to listen. Make sure everything is locked and don't go back upstairs until the storm has passed, can you do that for mommy?"

"Yes, mommy."

"Okay, Rivai-Chan. Mommy loves you very much."

"I love you too, mommy." The boy hung up. He went and told his friends what they needed to do, immediately getting it done. They told Isabel to stay downstairs while the two boys ran and got all windows and doors locked. Levi locked the door to the basement as they went down, the redhead already making sure everything was locked down there as well.

The trio played board games, laughing and eating their snacks. The storm outside a thing of the past.

When it was time for bed, Levi and Farlan were the only two awake, Isabel the only one asleep.

"Hey, Levi?"

"Yeah?"

"You know we care about you like a big brother, right?"

"I know. I care about you two like the brother and sister I never had."

The blonde smiled, "Good."

"I'll always look after you two. You'll never have to worry with me as a big brother."

Farlan leaned against the raven's shoulder as he fell asleep. Levi looking after the two.

Levi has still kept that promise to this day after all those years ago.

* * *

There were times where Levi felt like he was weak, and there were times where he felt like he was on top of the world. There was only one time, involving one person, where he didn't give a damn if he was either.

Levi came home once again, nursing a bruised cheek and a cut lip. He was icing the bruise down with an ice pack from the freezer. There was some kid that tried to insult his mother, saying that his father only left because his mother wasn't enough, he found someone better than his used up mother, and that his mother spread her legs for anyone.

There was a lot that wasn't true, especially the last one. Levi had gotten so angry, he broke the kid's leg and arm in the process. He looked at him with cold eyes, and he didn't care that he was begging for mercy. No one insulted his mother, no one. His mother gave up so much for him, so much that no one would ever know about. Did Levi care if anyone knew how much? Not really. It was his life, only his mother, Uncle Kenny, Hanji and himself would know. No need to involve someone who didn't matter in his personal business.

Levi cursed under his breath as he was treating himself in the bathroom, being careful about the cut mainly. If his mother saw him like this…he couldn't bear to see that look on her face again. So, it looked like he was making a call to Uncle Kenny. That man for whatever reason, always knew what to do about things like this.

He picked up the house phone and dialed his Uncle's number. After a moment, the man answered. "Yeah? Need something kid?"

"Do you by any chance know how to hide bruises?"

"….What's the reason?"

"I got into a fight at school."

"God dammit, Levi. Hold on, I'll be there in twenty minutes. Get a first aid kit ready."

"Alright." He hung up and went to get what his Uncle requested.

* * *

 

"So, what caused you to fight at school, kid?" The man was gently dabbing some ointment on the boy's bruised cheek.

Hissing slightly at the sting, Levi looked at his Uncle straight in the eyes, "Someone was talking horrible about mother."

"Ahh, I see."

"…You aren't going to yell at me?"

Kenny sighed, lowered the cotton swab he was using, "For what? Just because you were defending someone you care about? Levi, you'll be surprised at the amount of people who don't do what you do for your mother. I know she looks mad on the surface, but, she's really touched to hear her kid sticks up for her. She's only got you and me. We've got to have her back at all times. And while I don't agree with you fighting, you do the right thing."

The raven lowered his head, "They suspended me from school."

"What kind of horse shit is that? You know what, tomorrow, I'm going with you to talk to that shitty school of yours. We've got to get shit straightened out."

"So…you aren't going to tell mom?"

"I've got to, otherwise, both are asses are going to get kicked. Don't worry, I'll take most of the hit."

"Hey, Kenny?"

"Yeah?"

"You're pretty cool."

* * *

 

"Is your head that far up your ass that you would suspend a kid protecting his mother?"

The principal sighed, "Sir, please refrain from using such language. And yes, although we know his heart was in the right place, he cannot use violence."

"So if someone was to stab you with a knife, you give him a flower in return. Very nice."

"Sir, we know that Levi is very fond of his mother, but violence isn't the answer."

"And what about that fucking brat that provoked my nephew?"

"He's at home, no homework until he recovers. He won't receive any harm."

That set the man off, "You're fucking tell me, that piece of shit brat got away with bad mouthing my sister? No, fuck you and this piece of shit school. Fucking doing something about it. He got his ass kicked by Levi because he couldn't fucking keep his mouth shut. Send that little prick back here and keep him the fuck away from my nephew. And I don't give a shit if the kid's injured, fucking suck it up. Now, make it so Levi can come back next week."

"B-But today's Tuesday."

"I said next week. Got it?" A creepy smile made its way to his face.

The principal nodded, "Y-Yes, sir."

Taking his nephew out of the school, Levi was oddly quiet. "Something on your mind, kid?"

"Yeah. The principal thought you were my dad."

"And? Does that bother you?"

Levi shrugged, "I don't know. I never had a dad that was around long enough to feel like I had one."

Kenny stopped, making the boy stop as well. He knelt down in front of him, placing his hands on the boy's small shoulders, "Look, I think of you as my kid. Even if I didn't want one, you're the only exception, alright?"

The boy nodded, "Alright."

Standing back up, Kenny took the boy's hand into his own, "Come on, I know Kuchel will kill me later, but let's go get some ice cream. You earned it for kicking that kid's ass."

Levi grinned, "Thanks, papa Kenny."

"Anytime, kiddo."

* * *

 

"Levi, I want you to hear a song."

The raven glanced up from his book, "What's that mom?"

Kuchel inserted a disk into their CD player and pressed play, sitting beside her son, "Listen carefully and close your eyes."

Levi closed his eyes as the music began playing.

The soothing piano at the beginning made all the tense feelings in the boy's shoulders disappear. It was the most soothing tune, almost as if it were bathing him in the relaxation in the music. The calming beginning, the picking up middle, and the beautiful ending. He especially loved the last notes of the piano at the end, fading away.

"That's our song, Rivai-Chan."

Levi looked up at his mother, a serene look on her face, "It is?"

"Yes, my little blue rose. This song reminds me so much of you."

"Why?"

"Because you can be so calm and relaxed when you're at home, with me or uncle Kenny. Yet, you have your temper when someone messes with someone you love. You and this song are so alike. This song became my favorite because I always thought of you and how happy you make mama."

"You make me happy too, mama. I know it's hard for you to raise me alone and with uncle Kenny around, I see that it takes stress of you. I know you want to be here more, mama. But, I know you work a lot so we can stay in this house. Mama, when I get old enough, I'll work really hard so you can rest more." The boy clenched his fists in determination.

Kuchel smiled down fondly at her son. Levi was such a thoughtful boy. He studied for hours on end because he wanted to get into a good school that would pay him just for attending, help his mother slowly stop working, made sure she was safe and had everything that she needed. Her son was someone she was incredibly proud of, no matter if he did something little or something major. Levi was always one who wanted to show his mother first. Kuchel absolutely loved her son to death.

"I love you, Rivai-Chan."

"I love you too, mommy."

* * *

 

When Levi entered high school, he took things more seriously. He barely missed school, even when he was sick. His mother was the one who got more sick than him. Despite being young, he would often take over his mother's shifts so she didn't have to worry, and they could still get some money for what they needed.

"Mother, I brought you the soup I made." Levi carefully placed the tray on his mother's lap.

Kuchel smiled, dark circles under her eyes, her skin a bit more pale than usual, "Thank you, Levi. You know, you shouldn't have missed school today. Your uncle Kenny could have stayed here with me."

The young man shook his head, sitting down beside his mother's bedside, "No, mother. I know uncle Kenny has to work as well, and I wanted to personally make sure that you got better. I already told myself I wouldn't go to school because you needed me. It like those times where I got sick when I was younger, and you stayed home from work. I wanted to do the same for you."

"Thank you, my little blue rose." Carefully picking up her tea, she began to eat the meal her son prepared.

"Anything for you, mommy."

* * *

 

Levi sighed heavily as he came home at almost midnight. Since he turned sixteen, he had been working to help his mother with some bills, even his uncle started helping them out as well. Said something about wanting to help out with Levi's schooling as well, but that was a matter to later be discussed.

Kenny glanced over his shoulder, "Hey, kiddo. Rough night?"

Dropping himself on the couch next to his uncle, the young man nodded, "Oh yeah. I barely had enough time today to finish all my homework. It wasn't until eight that I finally got some time to finish things up. I didn't want to pull another all nighter again." Levi rubbed his sore eyes, dark circles beginning to form.

"Don't work yourself so hard, Levi. You'll collapse in exhaustion again. Kuchel will be on your managers ass again."

"I know." Levi glanced around the room, "Where is mother? Sleeping?"

Kenny shook his head, "Nah. She's reading in her room wondering when you would get home. I stayed here because she was nervous."

"Sorry. I couldn't get out earlier because everyone needed to do more today."

The man ruffled his tired nephew's hair, "It's alright, kid. I know you're a young adult, it's natural to get caught up in work."

Levi sighed, leaning back against the couch. He was asleep within minutes.

Kuchel came down a little while later, sighing in relief when she saw her son, "Thank goodness he's home."

"Don't you worry too much about it, Kuchel. You need to focus on getting better and seeing a damn doctor. You know, Levi's going to find out soon at this rate that everything's going."

The woman sighed, sitting down beside her sleeping son, draping a blanket over him, "I know, and it breaks my heart. I know Levi, he'll break down crying the moment he finds out."

Kenny sat up, "Then why don't you go to the fucking doctor like I've been telling you for years?"

"It would cost too much money."

"Dammit, Kuchel. For once in your life, forget the fucking money, I can handle that. The real cost here, is Levi and I loosing you. I don't give a fuck about the money, I'll make ends meet somehow. You need a doctor."

Placing a hand on her brother's, the woman nodded, sighing softly, "I'll make an appointment for this week. And you're right. Money is not the real cost. I know you can make ends meet somehow. I want to be able to spend my entire life beside my son and know he's safe."

Kenny glanced down at the sleeping young man, "Yeah. The kid really needs you, Kuchel. He loves his mother to death."

"I know. He's my whole life."

"You raised him practically alone, Kuchel."

"I didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"You were an immense help in raising Levi. Vincent wasn't around, and my son needed a father figure, and while I still question some things you taught him, he came out to be a wonderful young man."

"He came out to be like this because he had a mother who took a lot of shit. Worked her ass off, and yet still made time for her kid. That's all you, sister."

Kuchel smiled softly, "Thank you, Kenny."

"Anytime."

* * *

 

Through his years in high school, Levi met many people. Erwin, captain America, Petra, mother hen, Eld and Gunther, idiot duo, Rico, the fucking genius, and Oluo, the moron who always tried to imitate Levi, Isabel still the hyper girl as always, and Farlan still the voice of reason. Both still fondly calling him big brother.

Levi smiled as he was taking pictures with his mother and uncle after he graduated. This day was something he waited for. He would soon be starting at a college that wasn't too far away from home, still living with his mother.

Kuchel kissed her son's cheek, "I'm so proud of you, Levi."

Kenny pat the raven on the back, "Yeah, great going, kid."

"Thank you. The both of you. You helped me out more than I can even imagine anyone could."

The woman laughed while his uncle grinned. Yes, things were good for the small Ackerman family...

...For now.

* * *

 

Levi had a fairly calm life in college. His uncle Kenny had kept his promise and said that he would help out. His mother didn't work as much because she kept getting sick, which Levi found odd. He offered Rico, a medical student, his friend to look at her health. Kuchel had always told him no, she had her own doctor. Levi felt like his mother was hiding something from him. So one day, he decided to get to the bottom of it.

"Mother?"

Kuchel looked up at her son, she was currently resting up in her room, "Yes, Rivai-Chan?"

Levi sat beside his mother on her bed, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything love."

"Why do you always get sick?"

"It's because I work a lot and I guess the lack of sleep and exhaustion are getting to me."

Levi was silent for a moment, "I took note of everything that's happened when you get sick, and the symptoms, how you felt before you were bed ridden and I gave them to Rico."

Kuchel's eyes widened, "Why would you do that? Rivai-Chan, I told you I have a doctor already looking over me."

"Mother, I know. I just-"

"Rivai-Chan, I know your heart is in the right place, but this is also my own personal business, and while I hate myself to say this, this is none of your concern."

Levi scoffed in disbelief, "None of my business?"

"Yes."

"So what if you get sick and die on me? It's still none of my business." Levi's hands clenched into fists, the nails digging into his palms.

"Levi-"

"Mother, you're all I've ever had. I don't want to lose another parent…" The young man's voice cracked at the end as small sobs came out, his shoulders shaking.

Kuchel wrapped her arms around her son, "Forgive me, mon amour. I just don't you to know. I know you'll cry. I'll tell you when the time is right. I want to try and figure this out, I don't want to see your crying face. Your eyes and face are beautiful without all those tears." She gently wiped her son's tears, kissing his cheek, "Je'taime, my little blue rose."

"Je'taime aussi, mommy."

* * *

 

Running through the halls of the hospital, looking for his mother's room, Levi's heart was pounding in his chest, fear coursing through his veins. The young man wanted nothing more than to find his mother and collapse in her arms sobbing.

Seeing his uncle Kenny leaning against the wall by a door, Levi ran up to him, "Is she alright?"

The man looked away, "I don't know, kid. I really don't."

"What happened?"

"I got a call that Kuchel collapsed at work and was running a high fever. They called both me and you as soon as they could. They're looking after her now.'

Levi leaned against the wall, sliding down, his knees brought to his chest, hugging them, hiding his face.

It felt like hours before a doctor finally came out of Kuchel's room, "Are you both waiting for Kuchel Ackerman?"

"Yes." Kenny answered for them both, Levi standing beside him, an arm wrapped around his trembling nephew.

The words the doctor spoke to Levi seemed…like they weren't really being said. He felt like he was in a horrid nightmare, and when he'd wake up, his mother would be sleeping peacefully, uncle smoking a cigar outside, and the three of them would have breakfast as per usual.

Levi collapsed on the floor, sobbing heavily, the doctor leaving with his head bowed, Kenny on his knees, trying to calm his nephew down.

_"I'm sorry. Kuchel only has three months to live."_

* * *

 

Each day was treasured, each moment was a memory, and every tear shed was full of sadness and pain. These moments, would last forever.

"Mother, I had my job interview today."

Kuchel smiled at her son from her place on the couch, "Oh? And how did that go?"

Levi grinned, "I got the job."

The woman smiled as she stood up and embraced her son, rubbing his back. "I'm so proud of you, Rivai-Chan."

Hugging his mother back, Levi smiled, "Thank you, mommy."

* * *

 

"Is everything ready?"

"My god, where's the cake?!"

"Petra, calm down. It's in the fridge."

"Rico, she just wanted to make sure everything was set."

"Look who's talking captain America."

Isabel huffed, "Come on, guys. Big bro will be here soon."

Farlan raised a brow, "That's a new one, Isabel being the voice of reason."

"Hey!"

Hanji motioned for everyone to hide, "Get in your places! Here they come!"

Everyone went and hid, being quiet while the door opened.

Kuchel laughed as her brother took her jacket from her, "Thank you, the both of you. I very much appreciate the dinner for my birthday."

Levi smiled, "It was nothing mother." He flicked on the lights.

"SURPRISE!" All of Levi's friends jumped out, smiling, throwing confetti everywhere.

The woman smiled, "Thank you so much, all of you." She laughed as all of them hugged her, wishing her a happy birthday.

* * *

 

It was harder than Levi and Kenny thought kicking out all of the raven's friends. But, they still thanked them for coming, and making Kuchel's last birthday a memorable one.

His uncle passed out on the couch from drinking too much, Levi draping a blanket over him.

"Mother?"

"Yes, my little blue rose?"

"I wanted to give you your present." Levi held out a nicely wrapped gift to her.

Kuchel smiled as she took the small box, "Thank you, Rivai-Chan." She took off the wrapping paper and opened the box, gasping softly. It was a golden necklace in the shape of a rose, the petals outlines with cobalt sapphires, and the leaves embedded with emeralds.

Levi had a gentle smile on his face, "Open it up, mother."

When the woman did open it, she felt like sobbing out of the immense meaning in the gift. There were two pictures. One was when Levi was ten, holding onto his new bear he got, sleeping in his mother's lap, Kuchel holding the boy, a blanket around them. The second one was when Levi was a young man, arm wrapped around his mother, fond smiles on their faces. That day was when the raven was accepted into university and Kuchel was able to quit her job and mainly stay at home, resting up and enjoying the piece.

"Rivai-Chan…"

"I…I know this is your last birthday, but I wanted to get you something that will make you remember all the good times we had together. I got it in a rose, because you always call me your little blue rose. You mean the world to me mother, and I know I will miss you so much, it won't be the same for me ever again without you here in this world."

Kuchel brought her son into a tight embrace, "Even if I'm not in this world, know that I'll always look after you and love you, no matter where I am. Because no matter what, you'll always be my little boy, and I'll always be your mother. I love you so much, Levi. You brought so much happiness into my life."

Levi wrapped his arms around his mother, "I love you very much, mother. More than anyone in this entire world."

"Rivai-Chan, you know, I was very happy when you were born a boy. Do you know why?"

"No, why?"

"Because I got the honor to be the first woman in love with you."

The young man smiled, tears gathering in his eyes, "And you're the woman I've loved the most in my life. And it will always stay that way."

"My little blue rose, make sure you keep on living. Alright? Even if I'm not here."

"…Alright, mother. I'll keep living for you and myself. I promise."

* * *

 

When Kuchel had only four weeks left, she got very sick and had to be taken to the hospital. The doctors said it would be best if she stayed. Kuchel was heartbroken that she wouldn't get to pass in the comfort of her home, and through much persuasion, she was allowed to return home on her last two days.

The days rolled by just like they always had. Levi going to work, Kuchel resting, and Kenny looking after her. The warm atmosphere slowly leaving the house with what would soon come.

On the last day, Levi and Kenny were seated by a very pale Kuchel, the woman giving them a loving smile, "Thank you, the both of you."

She turned to look at her brother, "Kenny, you were always there for me when I had no one, when mother and father kicked me out for choosing Vincent and having a baby, when I decided to quit school to be a full time mother. You helped me raise my baby boy, and guided me through that tough time when Vincent left. I can never find the right words to properly thank you. I love you, brother. Please, look after my only son, my love, my little blue rose, my Rivai-Chan. My life."

Kuchel faced her son, seeing crystalline tears streaming down his pale cheeks. She gently brushed them away, "Rivai-Chan, I don't ever regret raising you alone when your father wanted to take you with him. You made me love life, even though I worked a lot, I did it for you. You've made me the proudest mother in the world. I see nothing but happiness in your future, my little blue rose. I loved every single moment that I was able to share with you." She gently touched her pendant Levi gave her, "Do not lose sight of who you are. You are my amazing son, Levi. Je'taime, my little blue rose."

"J-Je t'aime, m-mommy."

...Kuchel passed away that night.

* * *

 

Funerals are the most difficult thing a person has to go through in their life. Seeing their loved one being placed in the ground, never getting the chance to see them again. It was something Levi didn't ever want to happen again, but life doesn't work that way.

Listening to all those people talk so fondly about his mother, made him feel not so alone. There were people who cared a lot. His uncle didn't go up to talk because he said that he wasn't comfortable enough to do so, Levi on the other hand, was.

The young man stood up at the podium and cleared his throat, "My mother, Kuchel, was quite frankly, the best mother anyone could ask for. I know everyone says that about their mother, but I know for certain she was. My mother raised me alone when my father walked out on the both of us. Things were hard, my mother working late, and telling my uncle Kenny to look after me because she wanted to know I was safe with someone she trusted. My mother gave up so much for me. She could have easily left me and went about her merry way, just like my father did, but she didn't. She chose to raise me, despite all the hardship we went through together. There were times, where she and I would wonder what life would be like if my father was still there, but when she and I would share a fond memory together, a father didn't seem like a major necessity."

Levi stopped to take a deep breath, slowly exhaling, "My mother was a completely strong woman who I looked up to. You know when they say a father is someone a son looks up to most, hell no. Even when he was around, I looked up to my mother the most. She might have been overprotective and while now I might question some of her parenting, she did it so I could come out just fine. And as you can see, I am a responsible adult my mother was, no, is proud of. Yes, I'll admit to some extent, I am a mama's boy." Everyone laughed at the remark, "But I'm damn proud to be one with Kuchel as my mother."

Stopping for a moment, Levi continued, "My fondest memory of her was when I was nine years old. It was during the winter, and the power and heating went out because of the storm going on outside, mother and I had a fireplace in the living room. She brought out a mattress, blankets, books, our battery powered radio, and we spent the entire night there. She and I were wrapped up in the blanket, her reading to me, music idly playing in the background. When we fell asleep and woke up in the morning, she and I were still in the blankets, nice and warm. Mother wanted to get our day started, but I told her I was too comfortable with mommy and didn't feel like doing anything. My mother smiled, and we spent the entire day by the fireplace, making smores and just being together."

The young man bit back some sobs that threatened to leave him, "If there was one thing I could say to my mother. It's that I love her with my entire being, and thank you for raising me. You're one hell of a woman."

At the burial, Levi was the one one that threw in a blue rose.

* * *

 

"Are you sure you can handle this?"

"I'm certain uncle. Mother would have wanted me to do this. I'm an adult now."

Kenny sighed, "But Levi, so soon? I mean, it was only two months ago."

Levi rubbed his temples, "I know, uncle. The memory is still fresh in my head, but I need to find my happiness like mother said."

"Well, if you think so, I'll support you in this." Kenny pat his nephew's shoulder.

"Uncle, can I ask you one favor?"

"Anything."

"...Can you look over this house for me until I'm ready to come back."

"You didn't even need to ask for that one."

* * *

 

Living in America, in an apartment alone, didn't make Levi feel comfortable in the slightest. There was a warm atmosphere that the young man felt like he didn't have with him anymore.

His friends were here, sure. But did that mean this feeling went away, certainly not.

In the past six months that he'd lived in America, he got a job, sometimes went out with his friends, kept constant contact with Isabel and Farlan, and talked with his uncle in France.

Levi sighed as he was dragged out to a club by Hanji.

"Oh come on, grumpy. It can't be that bad." The brunette grinned back at him.

The raven scoffed, "You think I'd come out and see nothing but drunk idiots out here? I could be at home enjoying a cup of tea and finish reading my book."

Petra pat his shoulder, "Don't worry, Levi. This night will get better."

"Yeah right."

While all his friends went out and danced, if you can even call it that, Levi himself was sipping away at his whiskey, eyes aimlessly looking around the crowd. He froze when one young man caught his eye.

Levi took a moment to calm himself before going over, "Hello."

The young man turned to him, smiling, "Hello."

"What's your name?"

"What's yours?"

"Levi."

"Eren."

Never did Levi expect to find his soulmate and the mother of his children at a club in America, oh well, you know what they say. Unexpected things happen in unexpected places.

* * *

 

"...That's how things went." Levi finished his story, looking down at his hands in his lap. He waited for his brother's response.

Rivaille stared at the raven in front of him, not sure what to say. He got up, walking over to his brother, made him stand up and hugged him tightly.

Levi froze, then his shoulders began shaking as he returned the embrace, sobbing into his brother's shoulder.

...Levi still grows blue roses in his garden to this day...

* * *

 

End of chapter 24.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I ever mention that Levi's an enormous mama's boy? What? He's cute as one, don't judge me. (Be sure to check out my new story Fate or Will!)


	26. Chapter 26

My Regret

Chapter 25

* * *

 

To feel the warmth of another person who cares, be it friend or family, it means the world.

After Levi finished sobbing, he was leaning against his brother's shoulder.

Rivaille was gently rubbing his brother's back in a soothing manner, "Feel better?"

"Kind of."

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"Why didn't you want your kids in the beginning? Looking at you now with them, you'd think you'd want them the moment you knew."

Levi sat up, clearing his throat, "I did want them, and because I thought I would end up like my father."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that…I would end up leaving them. When my mother died, work was all I thought about. I wanted something to help take my mind off what happened. What I did, it was unintentional. I wanted to be there, but I felt like I would fuck up because I didn't know what it was like to be a father. I had my uncle yes, but there were many flaws in what he taught me. I couldn't tell my children, hey, if someone fights you, it's alright to kick their shit in. No, I realize…being a parent, not many people can do it. The amount of responsibility that comes with it. I didn't mean to come off as harsh to Eren at that time, I just didn't know how to react. I was a young man who didn't know what it was like to have a father, only a mother who I couldn't talk to for advice."

"You were scared."

"Yes."

"You were scared you would make the same mistakes as father. You were terrified you'd end up worse than him. You were down right terrified that you'd make such a horrid father, that your kids would hate you."

"Exactly. Those are my fears. I'm not afraid to admit them anymore. I love my children with everything that I am. Being with them and Eren, it's worth all the troubles in the world if I can come back here, and be with them."

"Does Eren know how you feel?"

"Yes. I told him a while ago."

"And what are his thoughts?"

"He doesn't blame me for what I did. He was scared too about being a parent. He had his mother and sister, but parental skills don't come to you naturally. You might have the world's greatest parents, but you're a new parent. You'll make different decisions than they did. He said I can make up for everything, by being there now and in the future."

The raven slowly nodded, "Eren's really understanding, huh?"

"Very."

* * *

 

After bidding farewell to his brother, Levi sat in the living room, drinking a cup of tea, Eren in the kitchen, making himself some coffee.

The brunet sat down beside him, "You alright?"

Levi shrugged, "You know I don't really like to talk about what happened. But he deserved the right to know."

"Your right. Rivaille needed to be filled in and not be kept in the dark."

Sipping his tea, Levi glanced over at his younger partner, "He asked me why I didn't want the kids in the beginning."

"Did you tell him the real answer?"

"Yes. He would have seen through my lie."

Eren kissed his cheek, "I'm glad."

"How have you been feeling?" Eren had a stomach virus for the past couple days, his brother looked him over and said it was because of the climate change. Nothing to worry about, but this is Levi, of course he would worry.

"A little light headed, kind of nauseous, and my lack of appetite."

"You should have Rico check you out."

"I have an appointment set up with her. She said it might be a stomach virus like Rivaille told us. But knowing both you and me, I want to hear it from a doctor before I say it's all alright."

Levi nodded, "When is it?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No. You have that meeting tomorrow."

"Alright. I'll pick up the kids from daycare then."

Eren smiled, "Thanks love."

* * *

 

"So, how did it go with Levi?"

Rivaille sighed, his mother and father seated in front of him, "It was hard to hear some things he went through, but, I had to hear it sooner or later."

Flore gave him a reassuring smile, "Did he tell you about Kuchel?"

"Yeah. She was one hell of a woman. To do all that for one child…is amazing. I also heard about his uncle Kenny."

"He has an uncle?"

"Yeah. He helped raise Levi as a kid."

"Does he live anywhere near here?"

"No. Levi told me he lives in France, looking over his childhood home."

"But why would he leave his uncle to look over the home? One would think it would have been sold.'

Vincent set his glass of water down on the table, 'Knowing him, he plans to move back to France one day."

His wife looked over at him, "What makes you say that?"

"Levi has many memories in France, and maybe he wants to let his children and lover to experience something new. Perhaps he'll move back there one day."

"You say that because you want to move back as well."

"I won't lie, yes. France is a place with very nice manners, respect for your elders, and lets you take in more knowledge about the world around you. I loved it there. Maybe my grand kids might as well."

Rivaille sighed, "Before making up your mind moving to France, why don't you try repairing the broken relationship you have with my brother?"

The woman beside him nodded, "I agree. You and Levi need to talk out a lot of things before you can calmly say that you want to move to France."

"You're right."

The young doctor sipped his water, "You might want to make it fast too."

His father raised a brow, "Why?"

"His uncle Kenny is coming to visit. And from what I've heard, the man will tear you apart if he sees you."

"Dammit."

* * *

 

Levi was sitting at home later that evening. Eren was out with his mother and sister getting groceries, and the twins were sleeping.

Sipping his black tea calmly and nursing one of his favorite books, the man groaned out his displeasure when someone knocked on the door.

Getting up from his seat, the raven opened the door, "Yeah?" He was rubbing the back of his neck, eyes closed, brows furrowed.

"If you keep up with the scowling you'll get wrinkles fast, kid."

Levi chuckled as he opened his eyes, offering a small smile to his uncle, "Look who's talking, uncle."

The man grinned, hugging his nephew, "How've you been, kiddo?"

Pulling back from the hug, Levi allowed his uncle inside, "Not bad. Dealing with work, kids, family, lover. Things like that."

"Damn. You've got kids already? I didn't plan to see them for some more years. Levi, you've been keeping me out of the loop. Fill me in on what's happened, kid."

Giving his uncle some whiskey, Levi filled him in on everything. After some laughter, gross sobbing, a punch to the face, three glasses of whiskey and tea later, here they were.

"Your mother would have kicked your ass if she heard about that."

"I have no doubt in my mind that she would have done that."

His uncle sighed, "You ever gonna tell the kids what happened?"

Levi shrugged, "I don't know. Eren told me I should. He said the kids should know everything, and he means everything. He said when I do decide to have that talk with them that he would be there with me to make sure that I don't leave anything out."

"I get the feeling like he only wants to make sure that if you did leave something out, he'd get an excuse to kick your ass."

"He said he would even if I left something irrelevant out."

"I didn't take you for the type to be whipped."

"Neither did I."

Levi turned his head when he heard small footsteps come down, the twins came down, holding hands, both rubbing their eyes with their unoccupied hands. "Have a good nap, you two?"

The two nodded, then stared at the man beside their father, "Daddy, who's that?"

"That's my uncle Kenny."

Kenny waved to the kids, "Hey, kiddos."

Both boys simply kept staring.

Levi chuckled softly, "Now, now, boys, you know it's rude to stare. Introduce yourselves."

The small brunet waved to the man, "My name's Yami."

His brother held a hand out, "My name's Sebastian.'

Shaking the small hand that was offered out to him, Kenny smiled, "As your dad here said, I'm Kenny."

"We didn't know daddy had an uncle." The small brunet told him.

Kenny glared at his nephew, "He didn't, huh? That's rude Levi. And after everything I've done for you, the least you could do was talk about me to your kids."

"And tell them about your questionable parenting? No thank you."

"Hey some of it was good."

"And a lot of it was bad."

"You turned out alright. I was the one that got you physically strong."

'I was already working out at a gym to get rid of stress. You just kept being a pain in the ass until I agreed."

"But it helped you kick people's shit in."

"I'm not even going to lie there. Yes, it did help."

"Good. Now, I don't know about you, but I wanna get to know my little grand kids here."

"Technically not your grand kids."

"They're still my grand kids."

While Kenny played with the two children, Levi watched them, sipping his tea.

* * *

Eren was calmly waiting in one of the room's at the clinic, a nurse having already looked him over.

Rico knocked on the door and opened it, walking in, closing it behind her, "Hello there, Eren."

"Afternoon, Rico."

The white haired woman smiled, adjusting her glasses as she set her files down on the small table, taking a seat in her chair, "Now, I've heard from Rivaille you have a stomach virus?"

"Yeah. I don't know where I got it from. Maybe from one of the kids at the school? I don't know."

Rico hummed softly, getting up and examining the brunet, "Any nausea? Headaches? Trouble sleeping?"

"I kind of have trouble sleeping, sometimes headaches."

The woman nodded, writing down his symptoms, "Anything else?"

"I kind of have lack of appetite. I don't know if that's common, but I only really have yogurt or oatmeal Levi makes."

"It's good that you're eating light foods. And it is very common that you don't have an appetite with a stomach virus." She kept checking on him. Taking his temperature, looking at his weight, asking him what he ate, everything necessary like that.

"Alright, I know of some medicine that can help with stomach viruses and help increase your appetite by a little bit. But it's better if you stick to a soft diet until you're all better. Now, do you prefer liquid medicine or a pill?"

"Pill."

"Okay, I'll be right back with the medicine, sit tight." She grabbed her files and left the room.

Eren got up to get a tissue and accidentally knocked over some files. He knelt down and organized them as best as he could. He stopped when he came across a file with Levi's name on it.

Standing back up, Eren opened it. He knew he shouldn't be looking through it, but he was curious about how Levi was doing.

There was a list of fights from when he was in school, when he got sick, came in for some kind of injury. But there was one that caught his attention immediately.

_Amnesia._

But, how could Levi have had that? The man never told him anything about that. They were the couple who told each other just about everything. He looked at the date more closely.

_Three years ago. Patient did not regain his memory for two years. The reasons for why his memories suddenly came back are unknown. He could only remember his name, when he awakened, but it took several days in order for him to clearly remember his every surrounding._

Thinking three years back, Eren tried to remember where he was. Wait...he was with Bertolt and the twins were barely two years old. So, for two years, Levi didn't have a clue who he was? That...that couldn't be possible.

_We asked the patient a series of questions, only to find out he could not remember the faces and names of certain people. The patient did not seem to recall his trip to the hospital, nor his accident._

What accident? What could have caused Levi to get hurt so much that he lost memories? Did he have them all back? Or was there some he was still trying to get back? He kept reading on.

_The patient could remember his days as a child very well, we asked him questions as to what he received for gifts, what his mother and uncle's names were. We asked him if he knew who his friends were. He seemed to be doing fairly well. There were some complications and flaws in his check ups, such as his having migraines when he tried to remember someone or something he forgot._

_We put the patient on some medication so his headaches would lessen. There were numerous complaints on his part about him having worse pains even with the medication. We recommended him to someone who could help him out._

_The doctor informed that he made little progress in the sessions. Levi would tell him that he would faintly see the shadows of those people, but he did not have a clear image._

_He could only remember the following list of people: Petra Ral, Hanji Zoe, Erwin Smith, Mikasa Ackerman, Kuchel Ackerman, Kenny Ackerman, Isabel Magnolia, Farlan Church, Rico, Eld, Gunther, and Aurou._

Eren was still reading through the files when Rico came back.

The woman stopped in her tracks, noticing the files he was holding immediately, "Eren, where did you find that?"

Staying silent for a moment, the young man glanced over at her, "I accidentally dropped them and I came across this. Why did none of you tell me Levi had amnesia?"

"Eren, please, try to understand-" She was cut off by his harsh reply.

"Did none of you trust me to tell me this? He's my goddamn lover, the father of my children. I had a right to know!"

"We didn't tell you for this exact reason. Levi made us all promise not to tell you until he had the right moment."

"When was the right moment, huh? Years from now or never? Because looking at it more closely he doesn't want me to know at all."

"Eren, he did plan to tell you. But how could he tell the love of his life he lost his memories and felt completely worthless? Huh, how could he? He said the moment when he got his memories back, he felt downright horrid for forgetting who you were. He hated himself for it."

"Then how did he get his memories back? Or are you not allowed to tell me that either?"

Rico had to bite her tongue. How could she tell Eren that Levi regained his memories when she saw him and Bertolt together with his children? She glanced away from him, head lowered, "It's not my place to say."

"You were his doctor, you looked after him! You should be able to tell me what happened!"

"Eren. Stop."

The young man did when he heard the tone in her voice. It was painful, sympathetic, and cold. "I have you medicine ready for you. If you want to know more about this matter, you'll have to ask Lance. I can only say so much, you want to know more about this personal matter, you'll have to ask Lance." The woman handed him the paper, gathered Levi's file and left.

* * *

 

Levi was calmly sitting in the living room. Kenny had taken the kids out with Carla, who for some reason got along very well with him. Mikasa was out with some of her friends, so he was sitting home alone.

Glancing up at the ceiling, Levi closed his eyes, _"Mother, it's been a while since I last talked to you like this. I miss you very dearly. I cannot think of a day in which I do not miss you. Say, mother. You remember when you said I would have a family I'd come to love? You were right. I have two children. Sebastian, who takes more after me, and Yami, who is more like my lover in more than one way."_

_"Eren is the love of my life, he is compassionate, loving, gentle, understanding, he's everything I've ever wanted. I know I want to spend my days with him. Say mother, do you mind if I give him the ring you left me? I know he would love it. You made it after all, I wish you could have been here with us when I announce the proposal to everyone, walk me to the alter, dance with me at the wedding, hear your gentle voice as you praise me, hold my children, look after them, seeing you smile at them having so much fun with you. Mother, would you give me your blessing to marry Eren?"_

He was startled out of his thoughts by the door slamming open and shut. He looked up at his lover, who looked too calm for his liking, "Eren?"

"Why the hell did you never tell me you had amnesia for two years?"

All Levi could think was,

_Oh shit._

* * *

 

End of chapter 25.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated this a lot sooner because I feel like complete shit. Been sick for a couple days, and I have surgery next week, So, I thought it would be better to update sooner than later.
> 
> Also, did I not say that I would get to this topic sooner or later? I think I did.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so you can see, I'm not dead. I managed to live through said surgery, all I want is for the damn burn in my torso to fade.

My Regret

Chapter 26

* * *

 

Hiding the truth from your spouse is never a good thing. They always find out eventually.

Now, Levi having lost his memories was a touché subject, he didn't like the thought of him forgetting people that were important to him. Something about it never sat well with him. So, now that Eren knew, what could he say? It didn't seem like he knew the truth about his he gained back his memories. Satan help him Eren wouldn't ask how.

"Well?" The young man crossed his arms over his chest.

You know how Levi isn't afraid of anything. Scratch that, a pissed off lover scares the shit out of him. "How did you find out?"

"When I was getting a tissue, I accidentally dropped some files off and found yours. Because you know how I always worry about you, I checked it and saw all that. Did you ever plan to tell me?"

While the raven wanted to tell his younger partner something about invading his privacy, he felt like he would lose the things in his pants if he did. "I did plan to tell you, Eren. I just didn't know how. Hell, I still have trouble accepting that it happened to me."

Eren sat down beside him, "What happened that caused you to lose your memory?"

Levi sighed, "Well, I was either getting out of the shower or heading to bed, I can't remember all that well, but, I think I was drinking beforehand, and I tripped over something and hit my head on my nightstand. All I remember after that was waking up at the hospital."

"You really don't remember anything else?"

"No. You'd have to ask Petra, Hanji or Rico."

"There is one question that I do have."

"What's that?"

"Why was Mikasa someone you remembered?"

"In all honesty, I don't know."

"Really? Because I find it strange that you could remember Mikasa and not me."

"Eren, I really can't explain it. I knew who Mikasa was, yet, when she asked me if I knew who you were, I was drawing a complete blank."

"How did you feel when you couldn't remember a lot of things?"

Levi sighed, leaning back into the couch cushions, "I felt horrible. I thought that there was something wrong with me for forgetting about so many people. Whenever I tried to picture someone's face, I couldn't at all remember them. Everyone told me that the people I missed were important, understanding, and that they wouldn't judge me for forgetting about them because of some accident. But there was some part of me that told me they were only saying that to not make me feel like shit."

"Levi, it was a complete accident. No one could blame you for anything when it was all an accident and you couldn't help what happened."

The raven's nails dug into his palms, 'I know, Eren. But just thinking that I'd forgotten so many people that were important to me, makes me sick to my stomach."

Eren placed a hand over Levi's, making him take away the pressure, intertwining their fingers together, "I don't blame you for what happened, and neither does anyone else. You need to know that, okay? I still love you just the same."

Levi sighed softly, kissing the young man's cheek, "Thank you."

"Course. Just make sure you tell me everything and don't keep it bottled up, okay?"

"Alright."

* * *

 

"Catch me if you can, Sebastian!"

"Hey, no fair, you had a head start, Yami!" The small raven cried out, running after his twin, making him laugh.

It wasn't Levi who was with them this time, it was actually Kenny. He owed his nephew a favor, and well, here he was, looking after the twins. The kids weren't that hard to look after anyway.

When he was randomly looking around, he caught sight of that bastard that left his sister and nephew, Vincent.

The raven haired man cursed, his son had warned him beforehand, he just didn't think he would find him in a place like this.

Getting up from his seat, Kenny told the kids to behave as he went to talk with someone. He stood in front of the other male, "Vin."

"Kenny."

"How many years has it been since I last saw your sorry ass?"

"About 28 years now."

"Why the hell did you come back?"

"I came back because of my son."

"Why now? You have your own kid and second wife. Why need Levi now? The kid grew up just fine without you."

Vincent sighed, "I know, Kenny, I fully well know. Levi turned out to be a fantastic adult without me. I know that. And if Kuchel was still alive, she would have kicked my ass the moment she saw me."

"Without a doubt she would have. You know she cared about Levi more than anything."

"Kenny, I know you and Levi are both angry at me, but you both have to understand, I'm trying to make amends with you both. I want to be able to have Levi in my life, have me in his. I want to be able to have that father and son relationship I threw to waste with my first son."

"You said you would care for Levi when he was born, four years later you left him, Vin. Did you see that kid's face when I told him you wouldn't be coming back? Did you see all those tears, see him cling onto Kuchel for days before he got over it? Hell, he still isn't over it if I think about it properly."

"I didn't expect him to. I know he's on good terms with Rivaille, and I want to be as well. He's even on good terms with his step-mother."

"They are?" He had never seen the two talk.

"They most certainly are. They're talking at a café right now. She wants to a motherly figure for him. She knows she could never replace Kuchel as a mother, so, she wants to be at least like a second mother figure."

Kenny stared at the man in front of him, "You better be damn serious when you say you want to be in my nephew's life. Kuchel told me to look after him. And I'll be damned if you hurt him again. I'll kick your ass if you do that again, got it?"

The man nodded, "I understand."

* * *

 

True to the man's word, Levi was currently seated with his step-mother in a café nearby the playground.

Sipping his tea, Levi set his cup, "So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Setting down her own cup, Flore spoke up, "To not beat around the bush, I wanted to be more involved in your life. Not because I want to get you to trust your father more, just because I want to know you better on my own."

"Well, how do you plan to make this work?"

"Hmm," The woman tapped her chin, "I know mostly everything about you because your bother told me a lot. So, how about you ask me things?"

"Seems fair. Where were you born?"

"I was born in the Netherlands."

"Birthday?"

"April 12th."

"When did you marry…Vincent?" No part of him wanted to refer to him as his father.

"Thirty years ago."

That made Levi freeze mid sip of his tea, wait his father left him twenty eight years ago, that would mean…

The woman must have realized the error of her ways because she froze too.

"Thirty years ago? Then…you were married to my father for two years before he even got divorced from my mother?"

"Levi, l-listen…"

"So, you mean to tell me, two years before my father left, and two years after I was born, he already had a second wife?" There was so much disbelief in his voice. The raven could understand if his father married sometime after getting the divorce with his mother.

"Levi, please, try to understand…"

"Understand what? That my mother and I weren't enough for him? That he needed to cheat with someone else for god knows how long? That while my mother and I were waiting for him to get home, he was with someone else?" Levi stood up, "I'm sorry, I just really need to think some things through." Paying for his drink, he left the table.

* * *

 

"Hey, brother, need something? You sounded real stressed on the phone." Rivaille hugged his brother in greeting as he walked into his doctor's office.

"Yeah, I really need to talk some things through with you." Levi sat down in a chair across from his brother.

Taking his own seat, the raven poured them both some tea he had made before Levi came here, "So, what's on your mind?"

"To be blunt, did you know that your mother was married to father for two years before he really divorced my own mother?"

Choking slightly on his tea, Rivaille held a shocked expression, "What?!"

Levi sighed, nodding, "Yeah. Your mother let it slip when we were talking not too long ago."

"But how could father do something like that?"

"Hell if I know."

"But he was still married to your mother and you were two years old. He was supposed to take care of you and your mother. While I respect my father, and I pardon my language, but that's fucked up. He had a responsibility, not go off and be with some other woman, even if that woman is my mother."

"Just how could he do that? I needed him and so did my mother. I just…don't understand what led him to go with someone else like that and leave us behind."

"I hold a lot of respect for father, but if we're going to find out anything at all, we need to ask him properly. "

"Wait, so, you're suggesting that we go and talk to him now?"

"Knowing you Levi, you'd rather just hate him more than confront him about this. So, I thought I would take initiative about this matter."

Levi sighed as he set down his tea cup, "Fine, call your old man up."

Taking out his phone, Rivaille mumbled, 'He's your old man too…"

"Shut up and dial the number."

"Yes sir."

* * *

 

To say he was surprised that Levi and Rivaille were both glaring at him, Levi much more harshly, would have been an understatement.

"W-Well, boys, what can I do for you? You called me so suddenly, it has to be something important." Something important indeed, still, how did Levi get that glare? Must have been from Kenny.

Levi's glare didn't falter, "To be blunt and get my point across fast, why the hell were you married to another woman for two years, before divorcing my mother?"

The man froze, just how did Levi come across such information?

"Well? I'm waiting." Levi crossed his legs, waiting somewhat impatiently.

"Levi, there's a very good explanation."

"There better be. The only thing keeping me from kicking your ass is Rivaille. Start talking before I break your jaw."

Vincent took a deep breath, "The truth is, before you were born, your mother and I barely talked to each other, much less even slept in the same room together. It was nothing but bickering between us, and after so many fights, you just want to escape that and find out how you can make things go back to the way they were. Well, when Kuchel told me we were going to have a child, I was completely happy like any other soon to be father. I saw that as an opportunity for your mother and I to make things right again, something we both wanted."

Fiddling with his watch, the man continued, "Your mother and I worked on your nursery together, getting gender neutral things since we didn't know you were a boy yet. Things were going along fairly well. Then, the fights suddenly started up again when your mother was close to giving birth. I figured she only fought with me because she was under large amounts of stress, worried, and the pains were getting to her again. After you were born, everything was back to the way it was. Our relationship improved, no one fought, Kuchel taught me how to properly take care of you, having you in our lives, made everything better. But as you know Levi, things didn't stay that way forever."

"You met your current wife after that."

"I did. She and I met through one of our mutual friends. I was on a business trip, and she most recently started working for one of our smaller companies. She and I at first talked about how my marriage was struggling, and how I didn't know how to make things right. Flore did try to help us out, but, over time, she and I, we began to see each other as something more. Both she and I knew what would happen if Kuchel found out, and we knew the consequences very well, but, we started seeing each other despite all that. Flore and I got married several months later, and for the first time in a long time, felt completely at ease. Kuchel did find out on her own a year later, but because she didn't want anything to do with me anymore, she let the divorce happen, and well, you stayed with your mother because I was a selfish bastard and didn't really see that I had an amazing son. I know, no apology can make up for what I did, but I just want you to know, I would very much like to be a part of your life know. And as well a part of my grandchildren's lives. I'll only be there, if you want me there."

Without looking up from the clasped hands on his lap, Levi gave him his answer, "You're a fucking piece of work, you know that? You easily fucked around with someone else and didn't give a shit about what mother and I would think. I remember how less your time at home became, how mother cried as she and I slept on the couch waiting for you. Uncle Kenny wanted to go out and kick your ass so many times, and mother agreed. I was the only reason he didn't beat your sorry ass in. I didn't give a shit about you anymore. Even if you had stayed, I wouldn't have looked up to you anymore. I would have only seen a father who couldn't commit to two people he's supposed to give his life to. I'm glad you left because my life would have been filled with disappointments because of you."

The room remained quiet even as Levi got up and left.

* * *

 

Needing some time for himself, the raven went to the very place his mother took him to when they visited for a holiday.

Sitting next to the cherry blossom tree, Levi felt the wind ruffle his hair, the calm sound of bird chirping. No noise from cars, people, and any kind of technology.

This place held so many memories for him and his deceased mother. He leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the serene calm claim him.

* * *

 

"Rivai-chan." His mother's soothing voice called out to him.

The small raven turned around, "Yes, mommy?"

Kuchel reached out and stroked her son's soft hair, "You know, this is one of mommy's favorite places."

"It is?" He got up and sat on his mother's lap.

"Yes. It's so soothing here. I could just take a nap and wake up feeling new."

Levi looked out at the wide open fields with his mother. The lush green grass swaying slightly, pastel colored flowers, exotic colored butterflies, and one of the smallest waterfalls Levi had ever laid his young eyes on. This place felt like a dream to him, and yet here he was, with his precious mother sharing one of her most favorite places with him.

Glancing up at his mother, the small raven saw that she had fallen asleep. Her dark circles seemed lighter, the small wrinkled on her face a thing of the past, and whatever stress was in her shoulders seemed to fade away. His mama worked so hard just to make sure they could vacation here just like she promised him. To be completely honest, even if his mother couldn't get the money, he wouldn't have minded. She still got her days off, and it would be amazing just to be together at home, watching cartoons, taking naps, going to the park, and helping his mother make dinner. That alone mattered the world to him.

"Mommy," He whispered softly as to not wake up his mother, "One day, I'm gonna take you to my favorite place and see you happy. I really like when you smile and when you don't have to work. I'll do my best to grow up fast so I can help out. I love you, mommy." He grabbed the blanket from beside his mother, carefully wrapping it around her back, he was able to get it around them both. Snuggling close to his mother, the small boy fell asleep.

* * *

 

Levi was snapped out of his sleep when he felt his phone ring in his pocket.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Levi took out his phone and unlocked it. His blood ran cold when he saw it was from Rivaille.

_It's dad. He had a heart attack, it doesn't look like he'll make it._

* * *

 

End of chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, my hand slipped.
> 
> Also, I'm starting to track the fic on tumblr. The tag is- fic: my regret-ereri. (Shitty name I know, but there it is.)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it seems like my creativity level is up there and my studying one is really low right now. Another chapter after three days? Damn, I'm good. Thank god for boredom.

My Regret

Chapter 27

* * *

 

A father is what every child wants in their life. Someone who's strong, someone who you can look up, someone who is supposed to be there. Any man that dares leave his child, is the scum of the earth.

While staring at the message, Levi felt so many emotions, he didn't know what to call them. Was he a bad person for not getting up and hauling ass to the hospital? You could say that.

So, there he sat. Looking at the text over and over again until his eyes were sore.

Levi was torn with what to do, should he go or should he stay where he is and let that man die?

God had a fucked up sense of humor.

* * *

 

Rivaille set his phone down on the empty chair next to him, his knee bouncing from the relentless tapping his foot was doing on the floor.

What if his father died? What if he made it through? The other doctors didn't allow him to be his main doctor. Their family relation would cloud his judgment and cause something horrible to happen.

"Rivaille?"

The raven looked up as his mother stood in front of him, a sad look on her face. "Was there something you needed?" He kept his gaze averted, biting his tongue.

"I know you know what I did all those years ago."

He couldn't anymore, he just couldn't. "How the hell could you mother? You fucking destroyed a family!" His grey eyes narrowed, pure anger in his eyes.

"R-Rivaille, please try to understand..." She was cut off by his harsh voice.

"If you hadn't come along and ruined my brother's family, he could have had his father his entire life, his mother wouldn't have fucking suffered all those years, he wouldn't have been alone!" The raven's voice wavered a bit, "...He wouldn't have tried to kill himself after his father left." That comment obviously hit a nerve; a massive one.

"W-What?" Flore's eyes were wide with shock.

Rivaille let out a bitter laugh, "Yeah. He tried to a couple years after dad left him and his mother. He couldn't handle the fact that his father didn't want him and had other people easily replace him." His brother's words were like a knife to his side.

_"I wanted to kill myself because I saw that ring on his finger. I thought he would have wanted to be a single man after that, but he wasn't. I got the feeling he only came to me because he felt nothing but pity. I felt...so unwanted. I saw you with him and your mother one day when you were eight years old. You three looked so happy. I wanted that to be me and my mother in your places. I fell off the cliff, the very last place he took me to before he left. All my ribs were broken, my leg bone was sticking out in a weird direction, I had cuts all over my face and arms, my right shoulder was dislocated, I had damaged my neck, and had scratches all over my back. It's a damn shame it didn't take my life."_

_"Why did you want it to take your life?"_

_"Because I didn't want to see my mother get sick, see her die, see the heart broken expression on Eren's face, there's so much I've done in this life...I really want to end it all."_

_"What about your kids and Eren? Don't they matter to you?"_

_"They are the very reason why I'm sitting across from you and telling you this story."_

"He almost killed himself when he lost his memories. He said he couldn't stand the empty feeling in his chest, he couldn't stand the memories of his final moments with his mother, given that enormous disappointment with father and how he left like a bastard."

The woman shakily asked him, "I-If your f-father died t-today...what w-would y-you feel?"

Rivaille stood up, "If he lives, great, we have him around. But if he dies, he can die knowing he never got my brother's apology, and how he never got mine." He left his mother standing there, tears rolling down her cheeks.

* * *

 

Eren was sitting outside with the twins playing on their swing set. He had gotten a message from Levi's brother telling him what was going on with their father. The brunet wanted to call Levi and tell him to be there, because it might be the last time he ever sees him, but he also knows what his father did to him and his mother. He couldn't tell Levi what to do.

The brunet sighed, leaning back in his seat, closing his eyes.

"Eren?"

Peeking through one eye, he saw Levi standing over him, "Hey."

"I can tell by your facial expression Rivaille sent you the message about what's going on right now." He sat down in the chair next to his younger partner.

Sitting up, the brunet nodded, "Yeah."

"I'm going to be straightforward here, what do you think I should do?"

Eren took his lover's hand and held it carefully, "To be honest, Levi, I don't know. You have more than enough right to hate him and to not want to be there. Then on the other hand, whether you like it or not, he is your father."

Levi sighed heavily, "I hate dealing with all this shit. I wish this could be something I could decide immediately."

"The main question is, what do you really want to do?"

"…I kind of want to not go and go at the same time. Does that make sense?"

"Not really. Why do you feel that way?" The young man was gently stroking the back of Levi's hand.

"Like you said, he is my father. At one point in my life, I admired him more than my mother. He was the very person I always wanted around, and then he was gone. I don't want to be there because he left when I was young and got married behind our backs. He made me go through hell and feel fucking lonely for a long time and made me feel like I wasn't enough for him to stay with me and my mother. I just…I don't know, Eren. Does that make me a bad person?"

"God, no Levi. You have your reasons behind everything you do, everyone does. No one can blame you if you choose to stay here or go to the hospital. That man was the one that messed up everything that he had. He chose to leave you and your mother, he got married behind your backs. But he also loved you enough to come back to make amends with you. What you choose, I'm sure you'll have no regrets."

"And what If I regret not going to the hospital and Rivaille ends up telling me he died?"

"Then I don't know. But hey, at least you have your brother, uncle, our kids and me to help you through it. You're not alone on this, Levi. You have a lot of people that care about you and love you." Eren reached over and kissed the raven's cheek softly.

Levi sighed softly, "Thank you, Eren. I don't know what I would do without your help."

"I'm certain you would have gone through two packs of cigarettes by now."

"I was tempted to smoke, but I remembered you kicked my ass for smelling like it last time."

Eren grinned, "Damn right I would have."

"Hey, Eren?"

"Yeah?"

"I made my decision."

* * *

 

Mikasa was currently sitting in Rivaille's living room; the raven called her over saying he really needed to talk to her.

"Sorry to call you on such short notice." The young doctor handed her a glass of water, sitting down beside her.

Taking the cold glass, she smiled at him, "It's alright. What was it you wanted to talk about?" Mikasa took a sip of her drink, setting it on the coffee table.

Rivaille looked the woman in the eye, "How do you feel about me?"

Mikasa raised a brow, "Like, how I generally think of you?"

"Yes."

Fiddling with the end of her blouse, Mikasa lowered her gaze, "Well, you are an amazing doctor, and I've heard nothing but good things from Eren and Levi about you. You're an interesting person. You can be so calm and open one moment, and so quiet and mysterious the next. You are a complete gentleman to me whenever we talk, and I feel very comfortable about you."

"A-Anything else?"

The girl felt her nerves increase, "W-Well, you are a very captivating person. Whenever you come over, I just want to talk to you for a very long time. I…somehow get sad whenever you have to leave back home. I'm not sure why. I mean, we talk for hours on end through messages, yet it doesn't seem like it's enough." Carla had once accidentally read one of the many messages the two exchanged and once classified it as flirting. It wasn't, let's get that straight.

Rivaille was trying his best to conceal his blush, "I-I didn't realize you thought like that." He was expecting to hear something along the lines of a good friend kind of thing.

"W-Was I not supposed to say something like that?"

"N-No, you were. Just…caught me by surprise is all."

"O-Oh, um…" Mikasa rubbed the back of her head, "What do you think of me?"

"You, Mikasa, I almost can't put into words, but I will try my best." The raven took a deep breath, "You are absolutely captivating. Every time we would talk late into the night, I can't help smiling like a complete nerd. You are so open yet very guarded. Your eyes, god, your eyes, they're so beautiful. I feel like they're the only main attraction wherever you are. I look for you every time I go to see you, you're the main reason I always go with my brother to your home. I too feel like even though we spend the entire night talking, I feel like it's never enough." The raven lowered his gaze to his lap.

Mikasa's face was completely red. She had never once had someone say all those things to her. Rivaille was a complete gentlemen, even when he talked completely flustered right next to her.

The young doctor was never really good with words. He was surprised he didn't stutter or stumble over his words when he was talking with Mikasa. He would have died of embarrassment if he did that in front of this beautiful girl.

"W-Why did you want to know what I thought about you?" She had a feeling, but she didn't want to get her hopes up.

"I asked you because I wanted to be absolutely certain before I asked you something."

Mikasa's heart was beating in her chest rapidly, "And that is?"

"I wanted to ask you…"

* * *

 

The sounds of the hushed voices of doctors and nurses, the constant beeping of a monitor invaded the man's ears.

How did I get here?

"What's his heart rate?"

"He's much more stable now."

"Let's patch him back up and get him transferred back to his room."

The man felt the fine point of a needle and was temporarily blinded as the bright lights came on, choosing to keep his eyes closed for now, falling into a deep sleep.

* * *

 

"Vincent." A familiar female voice called out to him.

Sluggishly, the man opened his eyes, rubbing them to get the blurriness out of his vision. His eyes widened when he saw the very familiar woman sitting at the end of the bed. "Kuchel."

The woman gave him a small smile, "Vin."

Despite the slight pain, the raven was able to sit up, propping himself up against the pillows. "Gods, it's been so many years since I last saw you."

Kuchel let out a soft sigh, brushing her bangs to the side, "Time does go by fast, doesn't it?"

"You still look lovely as ever."

The woman scoffed lightly, "Please, age caught up with me. I'm not the same young woman that you met a long time ago."

Vincent smiled softly, "Doesn't matter. I still see that young woman in front of me."

"You do know flattery will get you nowhere with me."

"I know."

Kuchel looked over at him, "I saw what happened. Did Levi's words cause that or was it something else?"

The man sighed, "I'm going to say it was my own fault. Levi has no blame in this. My actions caused all this, and I was the one to cause the heart attack."

"He's angry about you getting married behind our backs?"

"Immensely."

"He does have a lot of right to be. You left when he was very young. He cried for days on end wondering when you would come back. You remember what Levi wanted to learn from you?"

Vincent thought back to that time, "The piano?"

Kuchel nodded, "That's right."

"Did he ever learn?"

"No. He said because dad never taught him and broke his promise, he would break his promise to dad on not learning it. He would tear up every single time he saw a piano."

The man lowered his head, "Oh, I see."

"Kenny tried teaching him once."

"How did that go?"

"My little blue rose refused to learn anything. He gave Kenny such a hard time until he outright told him he had no interest in learning anymore. He said it was something that should be left alone. No one's told him anything about learning to play the piano, despite him wanting to."

"I remember when he was little, he was always happy when I sat him in my lap to let him listen to me play. I thought he would still learn even when I left."

Kuchel stared at the man for a moment, "Why did you do it?"

"I don't know."

"Don't give me that bullshit."

"I'm not lying."

"We dated for eight years and were married for five. I know you like the back of my hand. What's the real reason?"

Vincent sighed heavily, "It was the fights that you and I kept having. Home didn't feel like it if we were only to argue with each other, and I was to sleep on the couch for who knows how long? I couldn't pretend everything was fine when it wasn't. When Levi was born, I thought everything would go back to the way it was, but it only got worse."

"So your solution was to marry another woman behind my back?"

"Flore was simply a friend in the beginning."

"And then she was something more."

"Yes, I won't lie there."

Kuchel let out a soft sigh, "I had a feeling you were with something else when Levi and I were waiting up late for you. I knew it all along."

Vincent raised a brow, "How did you know?"

"You were always a bad liar. When you said you would be going on business trips, I knew it was really to go on vacation with Flore. You always gave me a schedule of your trips. Each time you said you were leaving, there was nothing planned for months to come. There were always holes in your lies."

"I'm sorry."

"I wouldn't have been angry had you just asked for a divorce."

That caught the man by surprise, "You wouldn't have been?"

Kuchel shook her head, "No. I too was not very much fond of you anymore. I dreaded every moment we were together. I didn't feel like the happily married woman I was the day we got married. I just felt like someone who was tying you down. What did make me angry with you, was that you left when Levi loved you so much."

'"I know. I regret that so much."

"Throughout all those memories that I made with my precious baby boy, I always felt like he wasn't completely happy. He wanted you there with us too. I felt that if I was both his mother and father, he would eventually forget about you. But he never did. There was always some part that longed to have you say you were proud of him. I could tell even if he never said it. Levi became a wonderful young man, one both of us, his parents, can be proud of."

"He did turn out to be a fabulous young man. I am immensely proud of him. He came out much better than I thought. Levi is the father he never had to his children. One day, when they called him at work, he put it on speaker, there was such a fond look on his face, one that said he would do anything for his children. He is an amazing father, those children are lucky to have him as their father and Eren as their mother."

"Vincent, do you regret what you did?"

The man nodded, "Every single day of my life. I wanted to go back and tell Levi I was sorry, even get down on my knees if I had to. I just want my son in my life and I want to be a part of his. I want to really show him I mean well and that I only want to be the father he always longed to have in his life since he was a child."

"You better be serious Vincent. I will not allow anyone to hurt my son, the light of my life. I don't care if you are his father, his friend, I don't care. I will not hold back on anyone that dares try to hurt my precious little blue rose."

"I know Kuchel. You always loved Levi with your entire being."

"That is one thing that has never changed. I've always watched over him ever since the day I wasn't among the living anymore. I know he is in good hands because of the people he chose to get involved with."

"You're an amazing mother Kuchel."

"And you can be an amazing father, Vincent."

"How? Levi hates me with his entire being."

"Do you really want his forgiveness and want to be a father to him?"

Vincent nodded, "That's all I really want."

Kuchel leaned over, "Tell him this…"

* * *

 

_Should I remain with the living or die?_

_Will you be mine?_

_A choice with no regrets, huh?_

* * *

 

End of chapter 27.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's the one ship no one asked for. But you know, I really should be sleeping.
> 
> You can now track the fic on tumblr. The tag is, fic: my regret-ereri. You can leave comments, questions, suggestions for next chapter and fanart.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must be doing something to get all these ideas and chapters posted up so fast. Not really sure, things have been so mundane lately.

My Regret

Chapter 28

* * *

 

Make a choice you will regret the least.

Mikasa's eyes widened, "W-What?"

The young doctor's face was flustered yet firm, "I asked you if you would be mine."

"B-But why me?"

"Why not you?" Rivaille gently took a hold of the girl's hands, "You are so captivating to me, I only wanted to be with you more than we already were. I wanted to safely say, this beautiful girl is with me, and no one else.'

Mikasa's face was completely red, this man would be the death of her. He did seem sincere enough, and didn't at all seem like… _him_. Rivaille never did anything that would make her suspect of him, he was only honest. So, why shouldn't she finally leave everything behind and be with someone who actually cares.

"Okay, I'll be yours."

The raven's face held a soft look, "Thank you, Mikasa. I promise to make you very happy."

She smiled, "I'm sure you will."

Rivaille leaned over and kissed her cheek softly.

Yes, she made the right call.

* * *

 

_Should I remain with the living or die?_

_You even dare die, and I'll make your life a living hell, Vin._

_I had a feeling you would say that Kuchel._

Flore had been on her way to see her husband, the man having been asleep for over three hours. She stood there in the waiting room, telling Rivaille how his father was, and how he was holding up.

"You on your way to see him too?"

The woman's eyes widened, "Levi?"

Levi nodded, "Thought you wouldn't see me here?"

"I didn't expect you to come here at all. I thought you didn't care about the outcome of what happened to Vincent."

The raven sighed, "I didn't give a shit at first, and then I realized, being angry is fucking tiring." He got some glares by some people walking by at his vulgar language, 'But this doesn't mean I forgive him."

"But what made you change your mind on coming to see him?"

"My mother's words. Make a choice you will regret the least. If I didn't come here, I would regret not talking to him one more time, and all that anger would be kept with me until I eventually snap. I'd rather give this a shot, and if this shit doesn't work out, I have no regrets."

Flore smiled softly, "Kuchel taught you well."

"Yes, mother did teach me it's better to try and make amends than to stay angry your whole life. I can forgive, just not trust. She herself held grudges longer than I have, and she hated that those ties were nothing but poison. She said she was satisfied knowing she got an apology. While I can't exactly forgive you or Vincent, I'm willing to give this a shot."

"I can tell that's not all that made you change your mind."

Levi chuckled softly, "You got me. It was Eren that kind of convinced me. He didn't really say anything, but I felt like Eren would want me to be together with my family and not alone and bitter about it."

"You are so whipped."

"I don't mind. With someone like Eren as my lover, hell, I'll be as whipped as any other man in this damn world. I love him more than anything in this world, well, the kids are a close second."

Flore smiled, "Come on, Vincent is waiting. You go on ahead, I'll talk to him after you've talked with him."

Levi nodded as a nurse came and led him to the room.

* * *

 

The man was sitting up in his hospital bed when his older son walked in, "Levi…"

Levi shut the door behind himself, "I can tell you didn't expect to see me here."

"I didn't really. I only expected my wife and Rivaille."

"Well, I came here because I wanted to try and make amends."

_Levi will find it in himself to be able to forgive you. He'll only come on his own accord._

Kuchel's words rang through his ears as he heard his oldest son speak.

"Mother told me a lot growing up to make the choice I will regret the least. This is my choice. Do not misunderstand me, I still don't forgive you, I just want to push back all those unpleasant memories and make better ones."

The man gave him a tired smile, "I know, Levi. You still don't trust me nor forgive me. The moment you walked through that door, I didn't expect either. I'm just so relieved to hear you want to try and make amends."

Levi nodded, going over to stand by the man's bedside, "I'm glad to know you made it through alright."

"Thank you."

The young businessman held out a hand to him, "Here's to making amends."

Taking the offered hand, Vincent shook it, "To making amends, son." He was hoping Levi wouldn't snap at him for using that word at him.

"I hope it works out…father."

* * *

 

Weeks had come and gone, Levi now having a somewhat decent relationship with his father and step mother, and Rivaille and Mikasa announcing their relationship.

Levi was currently sitting across from his father, getting more answers out of him. He wanted to know more about him and what happened after he left.

"I left France obviously, and I came here to America. I wanted to have more opportunity and expand my knowledge."

The raven nodded, "When was my brother born?"

"Four years after I left." He was done saying after he went to America. The man was now more accepting of his mistakes.

Levi appeared a bit reluctant to ask his next question, "If you hadn't left, would life be different?"

Vincent was taken back by the question, "Why do you ask that?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

The man thought for a moment, "I think it would be very different."

"How so?"

"For starters, you would have grown up with me in your life. But, if you really think about it, I still would have been working those long hours and you'd still be alone most of the time with your mother."

Levi was about to speak when his father raised a hand, signaling him to be quiet and listen to him.

"Despite having me physically there, you really wouldn't have seen me much. You still would have met your friends, but through different circumstances. You met Hanji because your mother was working, and you were at the library alone. You met Farlan and Isabel because you were at the park alone because your mother was sleeping and Kenny was at work. You met Erwin because of a fight defending your mother. You met Petra, Rico, Eld, Gunther, and Aurou because of the reputation you had to protect your mother and they admired that. Levi, if you look at it, your persona was formed because of the hardships you faced. Yes, you can easily say, my parents were working a lot and I didn't really get to see them, a lot of people can say that about their childhood, while said thing does create not very fond memories, it's true."

"Hmm, I never realized that one event would have changed so much about life."

Vincent nodded, "And here's another thing."

"What's that?"

"You more than likely would have never moved to America if you had both parents there, and didn't see any reason to leave. You would have never met Eren if you hadn't done that. Do you now see how things are in a chain reaction now?"

The raven did now. Because of his father leaving, that made his mother work more and him see her less and see his uncle more. That was sort of a good thing because he couldn't really remember a time before that where he saw Kenny so much. They were sort of distant at first, then grew very close after all that happened. It got up to the point where he saw his uncle like a father figure, not the best example sometimes, but a father figure nonetheless.

Then holidays. Before when his father was there, he would ask for things, sometimes things he didn't really need. Yet, when he left, he began to appreciate things that he got, small or grand, he loved them and kept them in great condition. He still had the bear his uncle got him for Christmas, which now belonged to Yami and the watch belonged to his brother Sebastian. And the book he got, still even to this day, reads it when he has free time.

Family time. He learned to really appreciate that one. Since his mother was normally working and his uncle was doing god knows what half the time, Levi learned that family time really isn't so bad. It was actually something he came to love now. He loved hearing about how his kid's day was at school, listening to what they had learned, and all the friends they made. He really enjoyed listening to Eren talk about his day, it was oddly comforting for him.

Yet, when he really thinks about it, his father is right in that sense. He would have never learned to appreciate everything, more so become a spoiled rich boy. He wouldn't have met his friends, never met Eren, and never had his kids. It's amazing how everything starts off, from one event.

"I do see it."

"Would you want things to change, or would you rather keep them the same?"

"The same without a doubt."

The man chuckled, "I didn't doubt you for a second."

Levi didn't doubt his answer either.

* * *

 

Several weeks later, Levi was out with Eren, the twins, his father, step mother, brother, Mikasa, uncle, Farlan, Isabel, and Carla. They were all currently at his father's home celebrating.

The raven was seated by the pool, arm wrapped around Eren as his brother was teaching the twins how to swim.

Rivaille smiled as he encouraged Yami to float by himself in the water, "See, it's not so bad."

The small brunet giggled, "You're right uncle Rivaille."

Glancing at the other boy, Rivaille raised a brow, 'You're not coming in Sebastian?" It was rather odd because the boy knew how to swim.

Sebastian shook his head, wrinkling his nose, "No, the pool could be dirty, uncle. Do you know how many things could be in there?"

Levi broke out laughing at that, making Eren face palm and Rivaille roll his eyes, "That kid is way too much like you, bro."

The small raven went and sat down in his father's lap, a small pout on his face.

Isabel grinned as she slowly crept behind the two ravens, she quickly pushed them in and heard a string of curses in French and Sebastian squealing.

Everyone broke out laughing, Levi looking like a pissed off cat, and Sebastian a drenched kitten.

"Aunt Isabel." The small raven whined out.

Both Levi and Eren covered their children's ears, the raven glared at his sister, "I'm going to fucking get you later, Isabel."

The red head grinned, "Oh, how?"

A devious smile made its way onto Levi's face, "Moist."

Isabel shivered unpleasantly, "You mother fucker. You know I hate that word."

"You know I only use it when you piss me off like that."

"Who told you I hate that word?"

Levi casually let his eyes fall on Farlan, who was looking anywhere but his brother and sister.

"Farlan!"

The blonde shrugged, "What?"

"I trusted you!"

"And I trusted you with my brand new limited edition figurine from Japan. You had it coming."

The red head pouted, "It was an accident."

Farlan gave her a deadpan expression, "If it was, why were you cheering that it was finally broken?"

"It was creepy."

"So are you when you have your face mask on."

Isabel scoffed, "You two are so mean to me."

Levi got himself and his son out of the pool, "You had it coming to you." He received a towel from Mikasa and began drying his son off.

Rivaille grinned as he swam towards his brother, Eren taking his other son from him, "You looked like a cat in the pool, bro."

"Fuck you."

"No thanks, not into incest."

"I can tell. Just look at those marks on Mikasa's neck. I didn't take you for a biter."

Said raven haired female buried her face in her hands while Rivaille had the decency to blush like a virgin, "Hey, hey, you do the same with Eren."

"Unlike you, I have no shame. Besides, Eren really likes that." The brunet at his side blushed heavily, swatting him in the arm.

Flore called out to them, "Everyone, dinner's ready." She already had the table set.

Everyone moved over to the table, chatting away and laughing.

* * *

 

Later that night, Levi and Eren were laying in the brunet's bed, neither one able to sleep, and as you can imagine, they were talking. Nothing serious, more so being dorks.

The topic about moving in together came up.

Eren laughed as Levi suggested they get a dog. He could already imagine his older lover training the dog, cursing the damn dog for digging holes and ripping things apart.

"Hey, but our kids would love that. Of course, you know me, I would curse the shit out of that dog."

"Poor dog." The brunet snickered.

Levi leaned close and rubbed their noses together, "You shit."

"Your shit."

"Gross."

"And you call me the shit."

"Hey, Eren, every time I look at a toilet seat it reminds me of you."

"How?"

Levi grinned, "Cause you're the shit."

"Oh my god, Levi."

The raven laughed, kissing the younger's cheek.

Eren hummed softly, "You know what I really want?"

"What?" Levi's voice was muffled as he buried his face in Eren's neck, tightening his hold slightly.

"I want a television in our room, like not one of those cheap ones, like a big ass one to watch movies and my soaps."

"I didn't take you for the type to like that sappy shit."

"I like you."

"…You got me there."

Eren grinned, "Damn right I do."

Levi kissed the brunet's neck, "You know Eren, I've been thinking."

The young man nuzzled his lover, "About what?"

"What do you think about going on a vacation. You, me and the kids."

Eren smiled, "Really?"

"Yes. Somewhere we can have some quality time together. We can take the kids to a zoo, you know they've been asking forever."

"We can also go an amusement park."

"The aquarium."

"Museums."

"The ocean."

The raven's gaze softened, he knew the brunet simply loved their last visit to the ocean years beforehand. "Of course, we can't forget to go to the ocean. Perhaps we can collect some sea shells."

"Levi Ackerman, you always said you would never touch sea shells because of the endless amount of germs that must be covering them."

"That was before. I realized they're actually nice. I wanted to get them mainly for the kids, they've never seen a real sea shell before, only the fake ones in the stores they try selling. This would be a great memory for them."

Eren smiled, "They would be so happy to show them in school."

Levi grabbed the brunet's hand and intertwined their fingers together, "We can have some private time together. One of my old friend live up there and they can look after the kids while we do something together."

"Oh? Like what?" The brunet simply loved the idea of spending some much needed alone time with Levi.

"Have some nice dinner at your favorite restaurant, take a walk on the beach, lay a blanket on the sand, look up at the night sky, point out some constellations, something along the lines of that."

"That sounds absolutely wonderful. But where would we go?" The two had traveled a lot when they were younger, so he was curious as to where they were headed.

"Why don't you pick that one out? You decide where we go, and I do the planning from there."

Eren pouted, "Why can't I help?"

"You are already."

"How?"

"By looking beautiful."

"You sap."

"Your sap."

The brunet smiled, "I love you, giant sap."

"Love you too, bright eyes."

"Now I feel bad for not giving you a much more fitting pet name."

"You can try. Just don't tell shitty glasses."

Eren thought to himself for a moment, then a soft smile graced his face, "My lovely blue rose."

_My little blue rose._

The name sounded so familiar to what his mother used to call him. It brought him a sense of love and security. "I love it."

"Do you really? Or are you saying that because you know I'm not good at names."

"No, love. I really do love it."

"Good. But you do know I really suck at names."

"It's a miracle you were able to name the kids."

"I had help from mom and Mikasa."

"Thank Satan for their help."

Eren laughed, nuzzling Levi's chest, "The names weren't that hard to choose. I knew you always liked the name Sebastian and I always liked the name Yami, so when I was expecting twins, it made so much sense."

"But who knew Sebastian would turn into a little mini me and a clean freak."

"You pretty much had a field day after that."

"I did when he scolded you on not cleaning up their toy room to his and my standards."

"I thought you would crap yourself laughing."

"I almost did."

Eren rolled his eyes, then glanced over at the clock, "It's getting late, we should get some sleep."

Levi nodded, "You keep thinking about where we should head for vacation, then let me know where you would like to go."

"Alright. Goodnight my lovely blue rose, love you."

"Night, bright eyes, love you too."

When they both drifted off to sleep, Levi was looking forward to the upcoming vacation. And he would be damned if he didn't put a ring on Eren's finger by the end of the vacation.

* * *

 

End of chapter 28.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know where you guys would like their vacation to be, I don't know myself.
> 
> You can now track the fic on tumblr using the tag: fic: my regret-ereri.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to update. I had some stuffs going on for a while.

My Regret

Chapter 29

* * *

 

Savor the moments with family, they're amazing memories.

"Daddy, I can't believe you got it!"

"Thank you, daddy!"

Levi chuckled softly as he was setting up the safety net around the twin's new trampoline. The boys had been asking for some time now and the raven had promised when he had some time off, he would set it up.

Eren smiled as he came out from the house with some drinks on a tray. He gave the boys their juice and stood by Levi, "I got you some iced tea."

"Let me just finish setting up this net."

The brunet nodded, keeping the boys busy until it was all set.

Levi jumped down off the metal bars, "All set. You boys can go ahead and have fun." The raven grabbed the small step ladder and helped the boys take off their shoes, letting them jump around.

While the boys were jumping around, Levi and Eren were looking through some websites online, choosing which place or places they wanted to go to for vacation.

"Hey, Levi?"

"Yeah?"

"How long are we going on vacation?"

Levi smiled, wrapping an arm around Eren's shoulders, drawing him close, "I can tell you this. I talked with Erwin and my father about it, and I got the whole summer off."

The brunet's eyes widened, "R-Really?" The Levi in the past would have never done something like this. It was normally only one to two weeks of vacation, and some of that time, Levi used to work, leading to many arguments and going home early.

"Yeah bright eyes. You, me and the kids are going to spend this entire summer together. And Eren?"

"Hmm?"

"I know I suggested this once before, but could we document our entire time together there? I want this to be a good memory for the kids when they get older."

Eren was in complete awe. He didn't think Levi would want to do this again after the last time.

The raven waved his hand in front of his younger partner's face, "Bright eyes? Love? Baby? Erebear?" The last one got his attention.

Tackling his lover into an embrace, Eren nuzzled him, "You are such the perfect lover and father. I didn't think you'd want to do this video recording thing again."

Levi chuckled softly, planting a kiss in the ruffled mess of Eren's brunet locks, "I know you and I love our kids without a doubt, and I'm sure they'll appreciate this when they get older. That, and I also want something from their days as kids when we're much older and want to see that again."

"You are such a sappy dad, Levi."

"I'm allowed to be. They're my two boys."

Eren smiled, kissing the raven's cheek, "I love you, blue rose."

"Love you too, bright eyes."

* * *

 

"So, I heard you and Levi are going on vacation with the kids for the entire summer." Carla was seated across from her son as the two were home alone. Mikasa was out with Rivaille, and Levi took the kids out with his uncle and father.

The brunet smiled, "Yeah. I'm really excited for it."

"I was a bit surprised to hear that he was the one that suggested that you go on vacation. I thought you would have brought that up."

"Nope, I had nothing to do with it."

"I didn't think he would ask for the entire summer."

"Neither did I. But it does allow us to have some quality time together alone and with the kids."

Carla raised a brow, "But who will take care of the kids while you spend some time together alone?"

"Levi said he had some friends in one place he already chose going. They'll be the ones looking after them while we're out."

"What place?"

Eren shrugged, "I don't know. He chose that place on his own."

"I hope you have fun. Make sure you don't give the twins another sibling."

"Mom!"

* * *

 

"The twins told me you and Eren are taking them on vacation."

Levi nodded as he ate a small spoonful of ice cream. They were eating some by the request of the two boys. "Yes. I felt like we didn't spend enough time together, so why not?"

"Good. You needed some time together."

His uncle hummed in agreement, "So, where are you taking the fam, Levi?"

"I'm letting Eren decide. We know for sure some place with an amazing beach so the twins can see the ocean while we're there."

Vincent chuckled, "I'm assuming it's more so because he wants to see the ocean."

"You know Eren so well already."

"That's because you never stop talking about him."

"I don't talk about him that much."

"Levi, your old man's right. You don't shut up when it comes to the person who had your kids, loves you, and gets you laid. You have it bad."

Levi stared at his uncle for a moment, "That started out real nice, then it took a hard left turn."

"When have I ever said anything nice and not make it do that?"

"I don't know. The day of my college graduation."

"That's because Kuchel was there. Had I not, I would have asked you how many people you banged in college."

"Why does everything have to be sexual with you?"

Kenny shrugged, "Makes things interesting."

Vincent shook his head, "Anyway, stepping away from all that sexual topics, you caught me off guard when you asked for the entire summer off."

Levi raised a brow, "Why?"

"You didn't seem like the kind of person to leave his work alone for so long or leave it with someone else."

"Well, before I didn't want to be away from work for so long. But now, I have two children and my lover to think about. If there was one thing my mother taught me when I was younger, it was that you have to treasure the time you have together. Every single moment is precious, so savor it and make the best out of it." Levi got up and helped the twins wipe their mouths free of any dried, sticky ice cream.

Both Kenny and Vincent stared at the young man, "How much do you want to bet my nephew comes back with Eren knocked up?"

Vincent shook his head, "No, I say they come back engaged."

"Two hundred says Eren comes back knocked up."

"Only two hundred? A grand says they come back engaged."

"Damn, okay Mr. big spender. I bet a grand too."

The two men shook hands, already making a silent promise to keep this a secret from Levi. Both knew if he caught word, he'd more than likely make both things happen within one summer.

* * *

 

The days came and went, Levi and Eren having already purchased tickets to where they would be going, bought clothes for themselves and the twins, made a list of people they knew they wanted to get a souvenir for, did work in advance, got some SD cards for their cameras and video recorder, Levi contacted a friend in the special place he wanted to take Eren and the twins.

The only thing that was left, was for the twins to finish Kindergarten, then they would leave. The two parents were currently seated in a small gymnasium for the ceremony.

Names of the children were called out, then when it came to the names of their children, Eren went crazy snapping pictures, Levi smiling as he recorded the moment the twins got their certificates, Carla and Flore shouting congratulations to the boys, Mikasa and Rivaille waving at them, Isabel shouting at the top of her lungs, proud of her nephews, Farlan shaking his head, but smiling at the boys, and of course, Kenny and Vincent trying to be all quiet, but really, they would congratulate the boys once they got home and spoil them with gifts.

Sebastian and Yami rushed to their parents and squealed in joy as they were picked up. The young parents taking numerous pictures and many minutes of recordings with them.

Levi carried Sebastian on his shoulders, and his twin resting on Eren's hip.

When they got back, all of Levi and Eren's friends were there to celebrate the twins graduating kindergarten.

The small raven was mainly playing with Krista, making Ymir jealous. You could tell just from Sebsatian's small grin, that he was doing everything on purpose.

Scowling at the young boy, the freckled woman turned to the small blonde, "Why are you holding that brat and not me?"

Krista sighed, hugging Sebastian closer to her chest, making him nuzzle her, "He's a small boy, Ymir. There's absolutely no need for you to be jealous."

Ymir's scowl didn't falter as the young raven seem to give Krista even more affection just to see her ticked off.

Yami, on the other hand, was simply fascinated with Annie, who was surprisingly Mikasa's close friend. He loved it when the stoic blonde taught him some fighting moves. His daddy always helped him practice, told him those fighting skills would come in handy one day, but for now, they were only to be practiced at home.

Eren and Jean were having an argument, as per usual, something Levi and Marco didn't even bother trying to figure out anymore.

"I told you it was fine, horseface!"

"No it wasn't Jeager! You didn't add enough salt to the avocado!"

"I know where I wanna shove that dip now!"

The raven finally had enough. He set down his drink, went over, and kicked Jean in between his legs.

Holding his nether regions in excruciating pain, Marco rubbed his back, hoping to get him through the pain.

"Finally, you shut the fuck up. Couldn't enjoy my drink in peace." Levi wrapped an arm around Eren's waist, taking the brunet with him.

Sometime later, Carla brought out a cake she made for the boys. It was a cake shaped like a character from their favorite cartoon.

The twins immediately ate their cake, getting a small scolding from Eren because they didn't really eat much before they got their sweets.

* * *

 

Packing can be hectic, it always is. Eren can say that with confidence every single time.

He wasn't packing for something that only needed clothes for a week or two weeks, no, this was for an entire summer. So, if he's a bit rushed in what he does, no one can blame him.

Luckily, Levi already did his own packing and was able to get Sebastian's done too. Eren had to take care of himself and Yami.

Speaking of Levi and the twins, they were outside in the back yard to let him work in peace and quiet, they didn't want to disturb him.

The brunet always counted silently to himself, checking the number of shirts, shorts, pants, socks, pajamas, underwear, jackets, toys, books, chargers, camera, he certainly didn't want to forget anything. It also helped that Levi taped on a check off list on their wall.

The places they were visiting were; California, Florida, Spain, Italy, Germany and Levi's secret place of choice.

Eren had already made arrangements with the school he worked at, he taught online courses, and he'd told them he might want to take a few days after summer to get accustomed to the time change and into his regular schedule.

Sighing heavily and falling back onto the bed, the brunet wanted nothing more than to be done packing and get some rest.

The young man stared up at the ceiling, he could manage a ten to fifteen minute break. He closed his eyes and drifted off.

* * *

 

"Eren, Eren." Levi gently shook Eren awake, the kids had been asking for their mother and the raven had dinner almost ready.

Groaning softly, Eren opened one eye and looked up at his lover, "Hmm, what time is it?" His voice was a bit hoarse from sleep.

"It's seven o'clock."

Yawning, the brunet slowly sat up, "I can tell you have dinner ready?" His voice was still hoarse with sleep.

"Yeah." He helped the brunet stand up, "Come on, it's all set up."

Eren nodded sleepily, letting Levi lead him out.

Levi wanted to laugh at the sleepy and calm expression on Eren's face, but knew his younger partner was completely exhausted.

"How long have you been packing?"

"Hmm, since this morning. I fell asleep around…four in the afternoon?" And that was merely a guess on how long he slept.

Levi gently rubbed the boy's back as they made it to the downstairs living room, "You should let me finish the rest of the packing tonight. You can go ahead and get some sleep."

"No, no, I can-" He was cut off as Levi spoke.

"Eren, you look like you can fall asleep any moment. After dinner, let your food settle for a bit, shower, and then get your ass back to bed. I'll bathe the kids and put them to sleep tonight. You can rest."

Someone should give Levi a fucking reward for best dad and lover ever. "Alright. Are you sure you can? Don't you have to work tomorrow?"

Levi shrugged, "They can blow it out their ass if they expect me to come in tomorrow. Don't worry, I'll check over everything numerous time so we don't have to second guess ourselves."

Eren sighed in relief, "Thank you so much." He smiled as the boys ran over and hugged their mother's legs.

* * *

 

Levi was up later that night, packing in the living room. Eren wanted to sleep in the guest room, but the raven had argued with him to sleep in their own room.

His uncle, Kenny, came over because he couldn't sleep, so he decided to come and help his nephew pack.

"So, you gonna propose of what?" The man casually asked him while packing up some cameras and SD cards.

Levi hummed softly in response, "I think I might. Do you think I might be rushing this?"

"With two kids? And you two practically living together, I don't think you're going too fast. If anything, we all think you went slowly as hell."

"I wanted to propose earlier, but you know that we had some problems."

"Yeah. You kinda over what happened with…you know." Said topic was still very sensitive for Eren and Levi to talk about.

Levi sighed, "I want to say, I have it in the back of my mind, but I can't lie like that. Whenever I see my kids, I think of that other child that could have been here. I feel like that child would have brought so much joy and not sadness over what happened."

"Was that part of the reason you wanted to go on vacation?"

"Part of it. Eren and I have been depressed over it for months. And with this vacation, I hope we can forget about that for a while and enjoy time with the twins."

"Your old man said not too focus too much on the past. Even that is considered the past."

"I know, look, I know." Levi stopped for a moment, "But losing a child isn't something you get passed. It's just not that simple that it can be done."

Kenny reached over and placed a hand on the raven's shoulder, "I know you don't. But you gotta think more for your partner and kids. You know they can tell when you're sad, right?"

Levi nodded, "Yeah. Sebastian usually brings his blanket and sits on my lap, Yami turns on some cartoons and lays by my side. Eren might talk about some good memories we had."

The man stared at his nephew, "You want to keep them happy, right?"

"More than anything."

"Then you have to be happy first. You know Eren and your kids look up to you the most, right?"

Levi nodded, "I know that."

"They mainly focus on if you're happy or not. They act the way they do because of your emotional impact on them."

"Hmm, never thought of it like that."

"You gonna try and be happier then?"

Levi nodded, giving his uncle a small smile, "Yeah."

Kenny wrapped arm around the young man's shoulders, "You know, I told this once before, I think of you as my own kid."

Levi wrapped his own arm around his uncle, "Yeah. You told me that a lot when I was a kid."

"Well, I do. You were the only brat I didn't mind. I mean, your brats are fine, but you're my all-time favorite brat."

The raven snickered, "Thanks, Kenny. And you're my favorite all-time uncle. I mean, yeah, your parenting sometimes was shit, but it helped."

"But you had fun."

"I did. Like that time when I was still in elementary or middle school, and you got me ice cream for beating the crap out of this other kid."

"It was middle school."

"Was it? I can't remember that part."

"And you say my memory is going to shit."

"It is, old man."

"Hey, you're not so young anymore either."

Levi pushed his uncle away, turning back to packing, ignoring the other snickering at him.

* * *

 

The raven finished packing some hours later, his uncle sleeping in the guest room, and Levi currently making tea.

Yawning into his hand, Levi glanced at the clock;

4 o'clock.

Shit. It's fucking late. No way in hell was he going to work later. He would rather get some sleep then keep packing with whatever is left.

Levi still needed to look over some places the kids would love visiting, and he had to make sure his order got back in time to him. There was no way he would go to vacation without said thing. He really needed it in time to do what he planned.

"Daddy?"

The raven snapped out of his thoughts and glanced down, "Sebastian? What are you doing up?" He picked up the warm, sleepy boy.

Sebastian nuzzled his father, "I got thirsty and wanted something to drink." The boy clutched his bear, the one Levi got him, to his chest.

Levi chuckled softly, "I'll make you some warm milk then." He got out some milk, poured it in a mug, and set it in the microwave. Bouncing his son gently in his arms as it heated up.

Adding some honey to the warm milk once it was all done, Levi let the boy drink it, having his own tea in the process.

Putting the now empty cups away, Levi went over and laid them both down on the couch, pulling the blanket over them, tightening his hold on the little boy in his arms.

The raven smiled as his son fell asleep on his chest, kissing his forehead before falling asleep himself.

* * *

 

End of chapter 29.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, check out my new story, Lluvia!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Beta Reader said I write too many sad things. So, since it's Christmas, I thought I'd make it a little less sad and humorous. Enjoy me at oh what, 4 AM, and writing something sad and being a smart ass.

My Regret

Chapter 30

([X](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTPaUpg3No0))

 

Temporary good byes aren't as bad as the real ones.

"Do you have everything you need, bro?" Isabel stood beside her brother in his room. The raven had been packing some of his own clothing.

Levi rubbed the back of his head, "I think I do." He placed his index finger on his chin, humming in thought, 'I just feel like I'm forgetting something."

Farlan looked over his brother lazily from his spot on the couch in Levi's room, "Condoms? Lube? S-" He was hit in the face with a cushion before he could finish his next word.

The raven glared at the blonde who gave him a shit eating grin in return, "Don't you fucking dare finish that word. Isabel's virgin ears will be tainted."

Isabel scoffed, 'Virgin ears? That went to hell when I heard how much Eren likes your dick. Honey, he's a screamer."

"Dammit, I told Eren to bite the pillow."

"Not much of a pillow queen. More so a screamer, a loud one at that."

Farlan shifted positions on the couch, arms propped up, hands cupping his jaw, "So, bro. How did you f-" He got another pillow tossed at his face.

Isabel giggled into his hands as her two brothers argued with one another.

But you know that temporary sadness you get when someone leaves? Yeah, the red head was feeling that.

Yes, she knows Levi will come back once the summer time is over. But she was kind of looking forward to spending a nice summer with her brother, Eren and her two nephews.

"Farlan, Isabel."

Both the blonde and red head turned their attention to their older brother.

"Why don't we go to the carnival in town tomorrow? We can spend some time together before I go on vacation." Levi casually brought this up as he was folding some long sleeved shirts.

Isabel nodded, smiling, "Yeah, just the three of us."

"Just like the good old days." Farlan added.

"And just like last time, no riding the animals at the petting zoo."

Levi face palmed as the two whined.

 

 

The raven tapped his foot against the mat by his front door. He was waiting for Isabel and Farlan to get ready.

Some part of him told him that Isabel would be decked out like a little girl, and Farlan with something he would wear on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Oh, he couldn't have been more right.

Isabel, of course, wearing her polka dot shirt, black shorts, and white knee high socks and her pink converse.

Farlan, just like he predicted, a loose white t-shirt, grey shorts, and his old black shoes.

"Big bro."

"Yeah?"

"You look way too nice to be going to a carnival."

Levi looked down at his attire. Black V-neck, black skinny jeans, and the silver chain necklace his kids got him, and his normal black shoes. What of this looked way too nice?

Isabel looked up at her blonde brother, "Think we should get him changed?"

Farlan grinned, "You know it."

 

 

After fighting with his younger siblings for twenty minutes, the raven, against his bitter judgment, changed into other clothing.

Quite frankly, it reminded him of the clothing he used to mow the lawn with. Loose white long sleeve shirt, black shorts, and his dirty as hell grey shoes.

"I hate you both."

"But are you comfortable?"

Levi looked down in defeat, mainly ignoring Farlan's shit eating grin, "Yes."

Isabel clapped her hands in joy, "Alright! To the carnival!" She locked the door after dragging her brother's out of the apartment.

 

  
Maybe Isabel and Farlan were taking advantage of Levi's good looks and his luck. You might be wondering why?

Well, when you have a red headed sister carrying four large stuffed animals, a brother with seven boxes of candy, and unlimited tickets because Levi was flirting, more like forced to, with the lady in the front, then yes. Yes they were.

Isabel grinned at Levi, "Thanks bro! You're the best!"

"You two are devils." Levi bit into his cotton candy. He wouldn't normally eat it, but since it was free, again, they forced him to flirt, kinda worth it.

The blonde and red head broke out laughing while Levi rolled his eyes.

"Bro, can we go on the Ferris wheel before we go?"

"Sure. Lead the way."

"Wow! It's all so pretty!"

"Isabel, don't lean over the edge too much."

"Alright big bro."

Levi gazed out at the brightly lit up city. Other than Isabel and Farlan's excited talking, It was very peaceful.

Secretly taking out his phone, the raven quietly snapped a picture of Isabel and Farlan laughing and the city in the background. Saving it quickly, he put his phone away.

"Levi."

Glancing back at his younger siblings, he hummed, signaling for the blonde to talk.

"Make sure you talk with us as often as you can when you're away again, okay?"

Seeing that look in their eyes reminded Levi of when they were younger.

The raven left France quite young, leaving his younger siblings behind, whom were not yet ready to leave their home country, and promised to keep contact with them. This moment reminded him of what happened all those years ago.

"You're damn right I'll call you as often as I can. I want to share everything with you two. I'll send you pictures so you can see."

Both Farlan and Isabel carefully got up from their seats, sitting on each side of Levi's seat, smiling. "Thanks, bro. Bella and I will be sure to look after everyone here while you're away." The red head nodded, a proud smile on her face.

You know, Levi never used to like the Ferris wheel.

"I'll miss you both."

"We'll miss you too, bro."

Maybe, just, maybe…

...They aren't so bad after all.

 

 

It was a few more days before they would leave for vacation. Everything was packed, tickets were purchased ahead of time, new clothing and shoes purchased, work was dealt with, errands taken care of, and now all that was left, was for the day to come when they headed off.

Levi was with his father and uncle, all dealing with something personal.

…The day Kuchel passed away.

For the young man, it seemed like forever since he last talked to his mother, saw her smile, felt her warm embrace and heard her soft voice.

None of them really knew what to say. It was a tough topic for them all just to talk about.

Levi was the one having the hardest time. He was the one closest to his mother; every year it only got harder to live knowing his wonderful mother was no longer alive.

His uncle reached over and pat the young man's back. For once, he couldn't think of anything to comfort his nephew.

"You know, your mother would be very proud of you, Levi."

The raven turned his attention to his father when he began speaking.

Vincent gave him a soft smile, "I mean, look at what an amazing son you are. Look at the man you've become; a doting father and lover, a hard worker, yet you've always stayed true to yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"You have what you always needed and wanted as a child; the money, large home, and big family. Yet you haven't let that change you. If anything, you care about others before you even think about yourself." He stayed quiet for a moment, "Kuchel would have been so proud of you. As am I."

A father's comforting words was something Levi grew up without. And really, that was always one thing he was bitter about. Now with his father here, it seemed like his words were enough to help.

Levi wrapped his arms around his father, hugging him as a silent thank you. The action spoke more than he vernally could.

Returning the embrace, Vincent gently pat Levi's head; something he'd wanted to do again since Levi was small.

Kenny watched in silence as father and son embraced. The man was right; Kuchel would have been proud of her son. She always loved hearing about any achievements the raven had made, big or small, it mattered the world to her.

Since Kuchel was no longer with them, Vincent would be taking over in comforting their child…

...And he wasn't half bad already.

 

 

The soft melody of the piano playing echoed throughout the study, giving the room a warm and meaningful feeling.

Vincent's fingers moved swiftly over the keys, his mind clearly concentrated on making the melody the best it could be.

Levi sat beside him, watching his father's fingers dance along with the music. Something about hearing pianos always made him want to learn. Unfortunately, he couldn't play a single key whatsoever.

This piece that his father was playing was apparently something he made for Levi when he was around sixteen years old.

When the melody grew softer, Levi closed his eyes and listened as it faded off.

Slowly moving his hands off the keys, Vincent glanced over at his son, feeling relief flow through him at seeing the relaxed look on his son's face. "Did you like it?"

Levi opened his eyes again, smiling at his father, "It was a very nice song. Where did you think of the idea?"

"You know, I don't really know myself. I just one day played this tune out of random. It had its calming moments, and then high points. I felt like you would be like that around the age of sixteen. You were beginning to work, getting ready for college, and studying all the time. I don't know, I just through you would be like that at that age."

Come to think of it, Levi was exactly like that when he was sixteen. Always working, studying, and taking college courses. "You aren't wrong."

When he was playing the piano, the man saw Levi's envious look. He recalled that when he was younger, Levi wanted to learn how to play the piano from him. Which obviously fell through when he and Kuchel got a divorce. He was surprised that the young man didn't learn from someone else.

"Do you want me to teach you how to play?"

The look Levi gave him reminded him of a child.

"Yes."

 

 

 

"Mommy?"

Eren glanced down at Sebastian, the small boy tugging on his apron. "Yes, Sebastian?"

The boy held out a small bracelet made of yarn. "I made it for you today in school."

Smiling, the brunet picked up his small son, "Thank you, Sebastian. It's very nice."

Sebastian giggled, nuzzling his mother.

Eren smiled, nuzzling him back.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

The small raven glanced up at him, "Why did daddy look so sad today?"

Kids, they never beat around the bush. Maybe that was why Eren tended to like them so much. The subject of grandma on daddy's side was always a tough thing to talk about. They didn't know that Levi's mother passed away when the raven was younger, and they could only ever hear stories about her.

Before Eren could speak, Levi came in, hearing his son's question. "I'll tell you, Sebastian."

The small raven immediately held his arms out to his father, who picked him up, all of them going to the living room, where his twin was already sitting on the couch.

Levi let out a long sigh, the twin's attention on him, "Daddy was sad today because," He paused, trying to find the right words, "Because today, grandma Kuchel passed away."

The small brunet on Eren's lap tilted his head to the side, "Passed away? What does that mean daddy?"

You can now see why Levi wanted to wait for this talk later in life, but, oh well. "It means she isn't alive anymore." His voice kind of wavered at the end.

Sebastian glanced up at his dad, "Why isn't grandma alive anymore?"

"She got sick when daddy was younger."

It seemed like the boys somewhat understood and were still kind of lost as to what really happened to grandma Kuchel. Levi wasn't upset, no, he knew the boys were still too young to understand something like this.

The two boys crawled into their father's lap, nuzzling him, both boys looked up at him, smiling, "We love you daddy."

These were the moments in which Levi loved being a parent. His children were an amazing source of comfort.

He extended an arm out to Eren, the brunet immediately snuggling into his side.

For a moment, the small family of four enjoyed their moment of peace and silence. Dinner long forgotten.

 

 

 

Levi and his brother, Rivaille, were busy loading up their father's car with the suitcases. Today, Eren, Levi and the kids were going on vacation.

"You know, you have a lot of stuff."

"I know."

"Let me guess, Eren?"

"Eren."

"Figures."

"Figures what?"

The two brothers stiffened at the sound of Eren's voice. The younger of the two immediately hid behind Levi, "Nothing, dear."

"Damn right it better be nothing."Eren glanced into the car, "Do we have everything now?"

Levi nodded, "We do. Just need to get the kids, my father and we're ready to go."

"Alright, just let me go get him." Eren turned and went back inside the house.

Rivaille came out from behind his brother, grinning, "Aww, big brother protected me from the wrath that is your wife."

Levi rolled his eyes, "Unlike one of us, I don't blush like a virgin when someone refers to Eren as my wife, ring a bell?"

"Shut it."

Levi chuckled, opening his arms, "Just get over here you shit."

The raven grinned, embracing his older brother.

Both brothers were then thrown down to the ground by the force of Isabel and Farlan coming to join the hug.

They all laughed as Levi sat up to wipe dirt and grass off his shirt, "You shits."

"Now, now, Levi, you don't want to say things like that in front of my two nephews, right?" Farlan pointed to the two children running towards them.

Levi stood up, picking up the two boys as they ran towards him. He smiled at them both, "Ready to go?'

Yami and Sebastian nodded, both practically dripping with excitement.

While his father got the kids in their car seats, Eren and Levi were hugging their friends and siblings goodbye.

Levi told his brother and Mikasa to be careful, use protection and make sure he doesn't get a nephew by the time he came back. He held his gut in pain when Mikasa punched him there.

Eren tried not to laugh as he took his older lover to the car, waving goodbye to everyone.

 

 

 

"Now, make sure to behave for mommy and daddy on the trip, okay?"

Both boys nodded, "We will grandma."

Flore smiled, kissing their foreheads, standing next to her husband.

Levi's father patted the young man on the back as they both moved a bit away from the others, "Keep calm, you can do it."

The raven nodded, still a tad nervous, "I know. It's just, I plan to do it there."

"There?"

"Yes, it has more meaning that way. I've always wanted to do that with Eren there."

Vincent nodded, "I hope everything works out the way it's supposed to. Who's been looking after it?"

"Nifa. She said everything is exactly the same."

"Well, if it's her, you'll be just fine."

The intercom announced their gate was almost ready for departure. "Well, you best be off."

Levi embraced his father and step mother as they left to get on the plane.

Flore leaned against her husband, "You think everything will work out there?"

"I'm certain it will."

"You think Levi will be ready to go back there? It's been so many years since he was last there."

"Levi is a strong young man. I know for certain, with his kids and Eren with him, he can easily stand going back there."

The two watched in silence as the plane left.

 

 

 

You know, people complain all the time that kids are the ones who are the main problem when it comes to flying somewhere; did people ever think it was just the asshole adults?

Levi sat in his seat comfortably, Sebastian on his lap, Eren and Yami curled up sleeping by the window.

The small raven sat on his father's lap, watching some children's movie on the small television available on the headrests on the back of the seats in front of him.

Levi rubbed the boy's back, occasionally kissing the top of his son's head, and talking softly with him.

Reaching into the bag, the man pulled out the small container Eren had filled with separate fruits for the boys. "Here you go Sebastian."

Taking the offered fruit, the boy quietly ate.

While his son was watching his movie, Levi looked over at his other son and Eren.

You look at him like a strong man, when really, he had some bad thoughts going through his head. The things that he planned for himself and Eren, what if the brunet didn't like them?

Oh gods, especially the main gift he had for him. What if Eren ended up hating it?

"Mommy will like it, daddy."

The raven was pulled out of his thoughts when his son on his lap began speaking to him, "What Sebastian."

Setting his fruit on the tray table in front of him, the small boy turned around on his father's lap, looking straight up at him, "Mommy will like anything you do daddy."

When your five year old son makes more sense than your own thoughts, maybe Levi really needed to think things through.

"Mommy loves you daddy. Just like Yam Bam and I. We like anything you do for us, daddy. We know you love us so much. Don't worry." The small boy embraced his father tightly, hoping this would calm his nerves.

He's right. His son is more than right. Eren would love absolutely anything he did for him. Down right to the kind, romantic, sappy and dumb things he did for him. The brunet would always accept it with a smile on his face.

Glancing down at his son, Levi had an amazing thought in his head, "Say, Sebastian. Want to help daddy in his big surprise?"

Nodding his head rapidly, the small boy practically bounced in his lap, "What is it, daddy?"

Leaning down to whisper in his son's ear, Levi was damn sure his surprise would pay off in the long run.

 

End of chapter 30.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy birthday, Levi.


	32. Author's note.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, just like last year, not a hiatus. More so, let me tell you a story.

The story of me becoming a writer was actually, to put this bluntly, a mistake. But, a good one nonetheless.

Let's start from the beginning shall we?

I never had the best childhood growing up. For those of you who don't know, I was born in Mexico, a small poor town in Guanajuato.

There was my father, my mother, my oldest brother, sister, second older brother, third older brother and me.

Things were simple back in my home country. The head of the family, my father, would work in the farm or in the fields, my mother would sometimes stay at home, cook or clean, but often times, she would be out in the fields working, just like my father. And my siblings would attend school. I would more than often not find myself with my aunt and uncle, showing me the farm that my father owned, introduced me to the animals, showed me the large fields, and let me play with our dog we used to have.

Now, whenever we had the opportunity to buy paper, not for school or work purposes, it was a luxury. Don't even get me started on crayons. But when paper was purchased, it was amazing. I was able to make absolutely anything I wanted. Since crayons were kinda out of our reach, I'd often borrow a pencil my siblings said I could have.

My parents would praise me on my drawings, not many were able to make them because the lack of money, but they would allow me to put them on our small fridge.

I was four when my grandfather unfortunately passed away, and I left drawing alone for a very long time after that. There was a lot of ugliness involved with that situation, and I'm not comfortable admitting further detail on that.

So, after the unfortunate death of my grandfather, my father thought it would be nice to move the family to someplace else. Now, my father went to America before many times. He first went there when he was fourteen, and we often wouldn't see him for months when he left the country.

My father was able to get us all papers fixed up, and months later, we all went to America. Since my dad still wanted to live in a small place, he chose Nebraska. You don't know how many times I've heard the stories of my dad getting his ear chewed off by my mother with choosing such a small place and not some other state with more opportunity for us all. But later, my mother saw the reasoning in his choice.

Again, as a child, my siblings, the older three, were busy working, and my fourth older sibling, my brother, was more interested in being with his new friends. Leaving me alone a good majority of the time. My parents thought it would be a good idea to get a dog. It was a female lab, and she would play with me and look after me when no one else could. I didn't really go to the park much because of that. I found my backyard more entertaining.

So, once again, I didn't really experience a real childhood, not many memories of the park with my parents nor my siblings. More so just those times when I was allowed to take the dog out. And we got our second dog because my parents noticed I was lonely. But, I didn't really want that, I wanted memories with family. But, I would have to make do.

When I first attended school here in America, I was viewed as different. The girl with the thick accent, deep tan skin, and didn't understand English at all. Kids are assholes, you know? Make fun of you every opportunity they get.

There, I first found out what discrimination was like. I would often get yelled 'stupid Mexican', go back to Mexico, we don't need your kind here, and excreta. I was maybe in fourth grade when I got all that said to me. Luckily, my friend that I made back in Kindergarten was still with me and stood up for me. Which people thought was odd because she was normally a quiet person.

Throughout my time in school there, I desperately wanted to learn English. Sure, I loved to speak Spanish, and am not at all ashamed of where I come from and loved my accent, I knew others disagreed.

So, I spent my time checking out books in English, asked teachers to help me, and spent time online, which was like winning the fucking lottery to have a computer and internet at home. I would go to these online websites teachers recommended to me, had my older siblings help me, who knew how to speak English like nothing.

Within time, about the start of fifth grade, I learned how to fluently speak English and write it perfectly too. I thought I was the best for finally being to uphold a conversation in English. Unfortunately, along the way, I ended up losing my accent. Which is weird, I know. I mean, yeah, I can still muster up my accent, but it just sounds like a pubescent boy. No one wants to hear that.

And it was right around the time when I entered middle school that I really got into writing. When we had these writing classes, you could write about whatever you wanted. I really liked this class because it could let me finally let some of my thoughts out. My cousins, whom I spent a lot of time with, thought this was weird. They didn't like writing, and would tease me about it endlessly. But I didn't care, it was where my happiness was.

Throughout middle school, I also got back into drawing. I realized, that too made me happy. Sure, it was stick figures back then, but it put a smile on my face. So I was like, why the fuck not?

It soon became where I made characters, gave them their facial features, back stories, and their design. I practiced my drawing more, and I spent hours and lots of money on colored pencils, but it was well worth it.

Again, I was a child with an overactive imagination.

Also in middle school, I noticed that something wasn't quite right. I started looking at girls the same as I did boys. Which threw me completely off guard.

The reason being, sexuality, was, well, something that wasn't talked about in my family. You see, my family is incredibly religious. Something that unpleasant wasn't talked about. And I couldn't exactly go up to my mother or father, especially not siblings with this. I was completely terrified of what they thought. It also scared me because there was no one else ever in our family that wasn't heterosexual.

I did what any one who was curious would do; talked to one of the teachers I trusted the most. During this time, I wrote down my thoughts on this entire matter. The writing, it helped me keep my sanity. I know for sure, that if I hadn't wrote down my thoughts and fears down during that time, I'm certain I would have lost it.

So talking to my teacher, I found out about different sexualities, specifically mine. He told me that it was perfectly okay to be attracted to both genders. Just not everyone would accept me being that way. I'll be honest here, I got depressed after that. Why? Because after I found out I was bisexual, bi-curious really, I couldn't really trust anyone with that information. Its middle school, you try to be accepted, and you live for the attention. And at the time, it's what everyone wanted.

Writing and drawing was my sanctuary. No one in that world judged me. I was the one that made things go the way they did.

Enter high school, and writing more than ever, was important to me. Let me explain that one,

You see, towards the end of middle school, I started to self-harm. This led to me constantly being depressed. And it was also right around that time my anxiety developed.

The pressure of my parents and siblings pushing me to have high grades was immense. I didn't give a damn about getting into higher AP classes, I just cared about passing and making it fucking through alive.

I had so many suicidal thoughts, it was kind of like a sinner walking in a church.

Friends, well, people who I thought were friends, ended up telling me they didn't like me, and that I was a nuisance.

Self-harm, anxiety sky rocketed, depression hit me like a bitch, and pills were my best friend. Writing what I felt at the moment, was the best thing I had. I couldn't go to people and tell them what was going on. I was young and they would think it was merely a phase. I just thought it would be best to keep it all to myself. Smart, right? Fuck no.

As things slowly got worse, writing was my only consolation.

As many of you know, I started writing back in 2014, I believe it was. Hey, my first story, My Regret, came out in February, and it was shit, lay off.

Yeah, I can freely say this, the first copy of My Regret back then, was worse than Jean's face and game with Mikasa. It was so bad, I left it alone for four months on hiatus, wondering what I could do to make it better.

Through that story, I met one of my very good friends, who is my beta reader. He talked to me on what I needed to improve on, and then it hit me, I knew how to write this fucking story.

The second version of My Regret first came out on FanFiction. I'd heard about AO3, and I was intimidated because of the amazing stories that were on there. So, I wanted the other website to see what they thought. In June, the story, My Regret, was published.

I was so happy when the story got 100 kudos within the first two weeks it was out. Six chapters and 100 kudos? Fuck yeah I was happy.

Working on the story really let my creative thoughts out. The sad scenes inspired in the story, was merely me, being sad. There was nothing about me being happy and trying to make those scenes depressing. I was merely fucking sad, and I used those feelings to make the characters behave the way they did.

All the other stories and works I made were all inspired by things I felt and learned.

Not gonna lie, in the beginning, the stories were mainly for my own sanity and my own survival. A very selfish act for me.

Then I ended up meeting Sora. A name she loved to be called. She was the first person to make me realize, that my own works, weren't just for me and to make my shitty day better. There were a lot of other people it did well for. My writing made her see the things in reality more clearly, made her think on a deeper level, and even saved her life. I didn't think I could do that for someone.

Then those comments of me saving their lives, making their days better, helping someone through a situation without knowing, helping them cope with past events, restoring rocky relationships, and even helping them find their partner that they love so much.

I wrote all those things, and didn't even know I was capable of doing that. So, I was more than happy to keep writing not just for myself anymore, but for someone else now.

I share my life lessons, and am recognized as the first young writer online who didn't dare shy away from those topics of harsh life. I embraced them. I didn't want people to be ignorant during things like that that can happen. I wanted to shed some clarity on you all.

My goals as I continued writing have changed through the people I've met, the topics I've written about, and even changing my own life too.

Before I was some suicidal moron with no hope for the future, cutting myself without a second thought. Now, now I think about the future. I think about one day publishing my own book, traveling, and hell, maybe even getting married. Things I never thought I would give consideration to.

I still deal with problems, and I'm not gonna lie. I've been yelled slurs at by my family for coming out as Pansexual, my family being ashamed of me for not being religious, for pursuing a career in writing, and not meeting their expectations.

You know what, to hell with expectations. You wanna see yourself doing something else than what your parents want, go ahead and do it. Because in the end, it's your life, and you can dictate it however the fuck you want.

I'm not saying ties won't be broken, things you regret will be said, actions with mistakes, those are all part of what makes us human.

It doesn't matter what your gender is, your sexuality, race, your religious beliefs, because at the end, you're still human. And no one can take that away from you.

And you know what? Because of the massive support I got from you all, I even took the risk of submitting a manuscript to schools within America and other countries. I didn't think I would ever do that.

As we speak, I have been accepted into Tokyo University, gotten into a University in Germany, France, Spain, and Italy, have a scholarship that allows me to travel Europe for two years and got into one of the elite writing schools in America. And you know why all that happened? Because of you all.

I could have never gotten where I am today without you all. The friends I talk with, the friends who I don't very much anymore, thank you. You saved my life, inspired me to not cut anymore, search for help, and help others along the way too.

Guys, really, thank you. I really, really love you all. To the readers and followers I speak with, to those who simply read my stories, I really love you all.

My readers, thank you for your support, kudos, comments, I really appreciate it.

My followers on tumblr, thank you all for tolerating my nerd ways.

You wanna know why I became a writer?

To save my own life, and someone else's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for three wonderful years. I hope you can take care of me for another. I love you guys, Merry Christmas, and I'll see you again in the New Year.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so its my first update of 2016. I hope you all had a happy new year and an amazing Christmas. Please enjoy some adorable Ereri family times to open this year!

My Regret

Chapter 31

* * *

 

Today's events are tomorrow's memories.

Carrying their sleeping son's into the pleasant air of Florida.

Getting into their rental car they asked for back home, the brunet and raven were careful as they put the sleeping boys into their car seats. One slip up, and they would both be awake the rest of the night.

Yawning into his hand, Levi got into the driver's seat, Eren sitting down beside him. "That plane was fucking tiring." His voice was quiet enough to not wake the twins.

Eren groaned in agreement, "Did that lady not know how to discipline her children? Like, shit bro, calm yo fuckin kids down."

Levi knew all too well what Eren was talking about. Some bitch, woman he means to say, would calm down her fucking kids who were kicking seats, almost tripping the flight attendants, and throwing their shit everywhere. All while that bitch, _woman_ , was on her phone, probably having a fight on Facebook, because fuck, who the hell doesn't do that?

The brunet hummed in thought to himself as they began driving, "I wonder what made the kids behave for the last three hours though."

You wanna know what did? _Levi_. Nuff said.

His lover's questions was left unanswered as Levi drove them to the hotel.

The raven carried in their bags, while Eren held the boys in his arms.

Once they were all in bed, the two adults immediately fell asleep, already knowing the boys would drag them all over the place.

* * *

Now, the only person who hates sunburns just as much as Levi is Sebastian.

While Eren and Yami were waiting at the door for the two, at fucking seven in the morning, the other two ravens were thoroughly checking to make sure they got enough sunblock on.

The brunet checked his watch, "Levi, Sebastian, come on, we have to go. I'll drive so you can finish applying the sunblock."

Reluctantly, Levi picked up his son, _still_ applying that damn sunblock.

The boys were practically bouncing in their seats on the drive there. Eren probably shouldn't have mentioned they were going to Disney World.

Levi himself was busy looking over the places that seemed good enough for them to get some breakfast, and then took a look at some of the rides, blocking out the ones that would be too much for the boys, or what he deemed dangerous.

Hey, he's a doting father, don't fucking look at him like that.

Finding a parking spot was a goddamn nightmare, Eren was kind of forced to park a good ways away. Nevertheless, they held the boys hands as they practically radiated excitement.

Now during breakfast, Levi wouldn't normally allow such things, a fucking thick Mickey Mouse shaped pancake with powdered sugar on top, French toast, and chocolate milk to drink, yeah, you can see why he rarely allows those together. But since they're on vacation and they're walking a lot today, he supposes he can make an exception.

The twins were holding onto each other's hands and their parent's as they pointed out some fun rides and toys as they walked.

Many puppy dog eyes were flashed just within that one hour. The boys always asking for toys, to go on rides, get candy, and of course, their parents filming the whole thing.

If there was one damn ride Eren and Yami absolutely refused to go on, it was the tower of Terror. Levi and Sebastian however…

* * *

 

The small raven looked up at his father, "Daddy, can you put this on your camera?" He held out his father's black camera to him.

Taking it, Levi looked down at his son, "Are you sure? You might get scared."

"I'm sure, daddy."

The raven turned it on as the ride started, and he had to give it to Sebastian, it was a good idea. He might seem like a bad dad in that moment, but hell, would it be amazing blackmail in the future.

He had never heard someone scream so loud from someone so small. Sebastian even put some women on there to shame when it came to screaming.

When they got off, the small boy was clinging to his father tightly, which resulted in Levi getting smacked in the arm.

* * *

 

At this point, the two parents were glad they all had backpacks on. Why you ask? It would have been a pain in the ass for all of them to carry all those toys and boxes of candy.

Levi had Sebastian sitting on his shoulders, and Eren carrying his twin.

The small brunet glanced over at his father, "Daddy, there's supposed to be fireworks in a little bit. Can we go see them?"

"Of course. Then we'd better start looking. You and Sebastian pick a spot, kiddo."

Clapping his hands together, the small boy started looking around for a place suitable to his tastes.

They all ended up in a nice small grassy area, all four sitting down on a blanket Levi had with him.

The twins were eating their candied apple their father had gotten for them.

Eren leaned his head on Levi's shoulder, the two quietly talking.

One loud boom in the air had them all looking up.

The two small boys were in awe, pointing at all the bright colors in the sky. Telling their parents what shapes they were able to spot. They got up from their spots and plopped down on the brunet and raven's laps so they could see slightly better.

Levi was quietly filming his two excited son's, making sure to catch Eren's amused look on the camera, the fireworks, all the character's walking around, and all the brightly lit up buildings.

Even though the day left him tired, feet sore, with a ton of candy and toys, but you know what, if his boys and lover were happy, what other reason did he need to be happy too?

* * *

 

Waking up to two excited boys early in the morning was something Eren completely expected, Levi, not so much.

The raven turned to his side, facing the wall, pulled the covers over his head, and attempted to fall asleep.

Yami and Sebastian pouted at their father. They wanted to have breakfast and then go to the beach just like their father promised them they would do today.

If you thought it was the twins who were the most mischievous, then you obviously thought wrong.

Eren quietly shifted over, careful not to make the bed move, and moved jumped on the raven.

The raven kind of expected it would be Eren to wake him up this way, so obviously one must be prepared. He turned around just in time to catch the brunet and be the one to pin him down.

Whining, the brunet sighed, "You always get me when we go this."

Levi chuckled, letting go of the brunet and sitting up, "You just have to be faster, brat."

The twins silently watched the exchange. Finally, one of them spoke, the small brunet to be exact, "Daddy?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you kiss mommy?"

"Because I love mommy very much." He wrapped an arm around the blushing young man.

His twin also had to ask, "Do you only do that to people you love?"

Levi nodded, "That's right."

Sebastian turned to his twin, kissing his cheek, making the brunet blushing heavily, causing his parents to laugh at their cute display.

The small raven really saw nothing wrong with kissing his twin's cheek. Daddy said you only did that to people you love, so hence, he did. Well, not quite.

He reached over and kissed his mother and father's cheek, his own cheeks a light pink.

While Eren was beside him squealing how cute his son was, Levi pat his son's head lovingly, making him whine at the attention on him, "Daddy, can we have breakfast?" His tummy rumbled.

"Sure, kiddo. Let me get it ordered then. In the meantime, you and Yami go ahead and take a bath. Mommy and I will call you when it's here."

Taking his twin's hand, the small raven took them to the bathroom, where he set up the water, something he was damn well proud of.

Levi rubbed the back of his neck, getting the menu to order breakfast. He glanced back at Eren, amused to see the brunet shamelessly staring at his bare back. "Enjoying the view."

Eren hummed, "Immensely."

"While you have your fun, mind telling me what you want for breakfast this morning?"

"What did I have yesterday?"

"Eggs, toast and orange juice."

"Hmm, than pancakes and bacon."

"Drink?"

"One percent milk."

"Okay, seriously, what is the difference? There's one percent, two percent, whole milk, and fucking organic milk. What is the different?"

"Levi, we are not having this debate again. What next? Is chocolate milk really chocolate? Is strawberry milk really strawberry?"

The two stared at each other for a solid minute. "So…one percent milk?"

"You know it."

Levi walked over to the bathroom door, opening it, and poked his head inside, seeing the two boys already bathing, "Boys, what do you want for breakfast?"

The two boys threw their arms up, "Pancakes!"

"And to drink?"

"Chocolate milk!"

Levi chuckled at their enthusiasm, "Alright boys. Remember, make sure you get yourselves nice and clean."

"Okay daddy."

The raven closed the door and let the boys bathe.

Eren was still lazing around in bed. He glanced up as his lover came back, "What are you gonna have?"

"I'm gonna give those cinnamon pancakes a try with some bacon."

"Drink?"

"Milk tea." He sat down beside Eren, making the call.

The brunet sat up slightly, resting his forehead on the raven's shoulder.

Levi idly ran his fingers through the young man's hair, hanging up as he placed their breakfast order.

* * *

 

After their breakfast, which made the raven want to learn how to make cinnamon pancakes, because damn were they good, they were getting all packed up to go to the beach.

Holding onto the boy's hands, the two parents walked them to the beach.

The twins were in complete awe with the beach. The sand was such a nice light brown color, soft and kind of hot on their small feet. They practically dragged their parents into a nice shady spot, which was rare to find, and began setting everything up.

Levi was currently getting sunblock on the boy's skin and Eren got their umbrellas set up.

Sebastian turned to his father, "Daddy, can you teach me how to swim?"

Yami glanced up at his mother, "Mommy, can you show me how to make a sandcastle."

The raven took his son's hand and led him over to the water, and Eren got out some buckets for them to use for the water, sand, and little shovels.

Levi made sure to get some floaties for Sebastian as he wanted to make sure his son was safe.

The businessman gently eased his child into the water, making his small son shiver when the water was somewhat chilly.

"It's cold, daddy."

"It is. Can you see all the little fish by your feet?"

The boy looked down into the water, giggling when he did see the small fish by his feet. "It tickles, daddy."

Levi chuckled softly, "We can play with them later. Right now, let's teach you how to swim."

"Okay, daddy."

He then proceeded to show his son how to swim. How he needed to kick his legs, how to move his arms, and how to calmly float on his back.

"That's it, Sebastian. You're getting it now." The proud father watched as his son was quickly learning how to swim.

* * *

Back over with Eren, the brunet and his small son were currently in the process of making their sandcastles.

The young man had poured some water into the sand, giving a clay like consistency, and then added more sand, making it thicker.

"Why did you add water mommy?"

"Because Yami, it helps the sand become thick, so we can use it a lot easier." He reached over to grab their small shovel and another bucket.

"Now, we quickly flip it over onto the sand," The brunet did so, making sure the sand inside hit the ground safely and securely, "Then we slowly lift it up." The two carefully lifted up the bucket, leaving a nice sturdy shape of it on the sand below.

The small boy simply stared at the small building of sand they made, "What do we do next, mommy?"

Eren stuck out his pointer finger, "So, you know how castles have windows, stairs, and all that, right?" Yami nodded, "Well, I'm gonna show you how to make them, simply using your finger," He held up the broken shovel, which was now only the handle.

He quickly carved out the stairs and a couple windows, leaving his small son in awe.

"Can I try, mommy?"

"Of course."

The two made several more small towers of sand, making more stairs and windows. Yami even picked up a small stick, found some oddly clean cloth, which Eren thoroughly checked, and made a small flag out of it.

Yami even wrote the castle's name in the sand, making Eren inwardly aw so much when he misspelled it a little.

_Castle Akerman._

While Eren was inwardly squealing, Sebastian and Levi came back from swimming in the ocean, and saw the sandcastle.

The small raven hugged his brother for a job well done and Levi pat his son's head lovingly, himself finding it adorable that his son misspelled his last name.

* * *

 

After eating lunch, Levi laid on his back, one arm under his head as a makeshift pillow, sound asleep. Sebastian napping on his chest, his father's arm holding him securely.

Eren, being the little shit he is, decided he would take a picture and send it to everyone back home. To which messages immediately blew up his phone.

The common ones involving: _That's so cute! Levi is such a good daddy! Big bro is too cute! SEND ME MORE OF THIS CUTENESS._ Fucking Hanji.

Snickering, he and Yami went back to building some more sandcastles to surprise Levi and Sebastian when they woke up from their nap.

Gathering all their things together, the small family of four headed home, Levi carrying everything in a small wagon, with the boys in their mother's arms.

Returning to the beach house Levi had rented for them, the boys continued sleeping on some clean towels Eren laid them down on.

The two parents got set on making a simple dinner, both tired from the long day at the beach.

"I saw you taught Sebastian how to swim." Eren was putting some ground beef to cook.

"I saw you taught Yami how to make sandcastles." Levi had some noodles boiling, currently putting some garlic bread in the oven.

Eren smiled over at his lover, "The boys had a lot of fun, huh?" He briefly glanced over and saw both boys still asleep.

"Yeah. Kiddos have been wanting to see the ocean so much. Just like their mother." Levi tone took on an amusing one.

The brunet blushed, "Shut up." He mumbled, embarrassed.

Levi chuckled, which earned him a smack on the arm.

* * *

 

Once the boys woke up, they all had dinner together, watched a movie the kids picked out, showered, and then went off to bed.

Well, the twins did.

The raven had other plans for him and his younger lover.

While Eren was still showering up, Levi went out and set up the first part of his plan.

"Levi?"

He turned around and saw the brunet's surprised look on his face at what Levi did.

Since the beach house was very close to the beach itself, Levi had some torches lit, a clean grey blanket laid out, and a small fire going. They were also given a fantastic view of the ocean, the gentle crashing of the waves serenading them.

"Levi, what's this…?"

The raven gave him a small, gentle smile, making Eren's heart beat faster, "I simply wanted to reenact out first date."

Eren vividly remembered how their first date went. Levi had been very awkward, having been on very few dates where he was heavily interested in the other person.

Originally, what he had planned went to shit. Their reservation had been lost, the movie they were to go to closed for the night, and Levi had nothing left.

…or so Eren thought.

There was a beautiful lake by where Levi used to live. There he set up a small fire, a grey blanket for them to sit on, some food he quickly whipped up at home, and they talked the entire time without disturbance from anyone or anything.

The brunet loved it so much, he instantly agreed to another date.

Eren smiled as he took his lover's offered hand, feeling himself being pulled close to Levi's chest, the two now face to face, thank fuck for Hanji and her potions.

Levi placed a soft kiss on the young man's nose, leading them both to sit down.

They drank wine as they calmly chatted by the fire, both sneaking in some kisses, sweet words, and smiles.

"How many pictures of the boys did you end up taking today?" Levi's voice was quiet enough not to break their relaxed atmosphere.

"Way too many." Eren's voice was slightly muffled, his face in Levi's chest.

The raven chuckled slightly.

Several more moments of silence passed them, and just when Levi thought that Eren fell asleep, the brunet spoke, "Hey, Levi?"

"Yeah?"

Eren seemed hesitant for a moment before he asked his question, "Do you want more kids?"

"If its with you, of course, without a single doubt in my mind." When Eren didn't look convinced enough, the raven took his lover's right hand into his own, "I want to be there when you take that test, and it comes out positive, hugging each other in happiness. I want to see how your stomach changes and grows over the upcoming months, holding your hand as they do the ultrasound, pick out things for the nursery, finding out the date when the baby will be born, laying in our bed, thinking of baby names, spending time with the boys, being with you as you deliver our child, introducing our child to the world, I want all of that, Eren. Every single minute of it, the good, the bad, all of it. I want to live through all of that with you."

The brunet was flushing a deep red, his heart beating faster at the pure sincerity in his lover's words. "Have I ever told you how perfect you are?"

"Just about as many times as I've told you."

"You big dork." Eren tackled him down to the ground, kissing him softly.

He was definitely ready for another child.

* * *

 

End of chapter 31.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know life's good when you can have a debate about milk. Also, this fic now reached 1,000 kudos, thanks guys!


	34. Chapter 34

My Regret

Chapter 32

* * *

 

Making precious memories with those you care about, means the world.

After spending some time in Florida, the small family had packed up their things and were currently waiting in the airport to head to California.

Since it was still early in the morning, Eren and the twins were currently catching some sleep, and Levi was finishing up some reading.

The raven had gone to get some snacks for the boys and the brunet quickly, then put them in their individual bags.

Once again, the flight could have been better. If you can count on the damn brat that was busy kicking the back of his seat, then yes, he's had better.

Levi being Levi, gave the child a death glare, making him cower to his mother the rest of his flight while he watched a children's movie with the boys.

Like last time, the raven had went ahead and rented them a beach house for them to stay in. His father recommended this small place because there was so much for them to do.

First thing's first, go to the board walk.

With Sebastian sitting on his shoulders and Yami holding onto his mother's hands, they walked around in search of some food.

The boys received many balloons just on the way to the restaurant.

* * *

 

Due to the twins asking for months now, Levi and Eren took them to the zoo, where the raven's ears may or may not have been damaged due to their loud squeals of joy.

Levi snapped many pictures as he saw his son's interacting with so many different animals, all the while ignoring Eren for calling him the sappier of the two parents.

The boy's paid close attention as the zoo keepers told them information about the animals. Where they lived, what they mainly ate, how big they could get, and which animals were important to keep others alive.

"Look, daddy! A zebra!" Sebastian had tapped his head lightly to get his attention.

The raven turned to where his son was pointing, the boy practically bouncing in joy on his shoulders.

Levi took his son to go near the animals, taking pictures as his son was waving to the animals.

He ended up buying him a stuffed animal of a Zebra.

* * *

 

Dragging their parents all around the zoo, the boys were then later grateful their mother insisted on resting for a while.

Eren was gently wiping away the sweat on the boys forehead, fanning them with his plastic fan to get them cooled down.

Levi came back, four cold bottles of water in his arms. He opened the ones for the boys, holding the bottles for both as they drank as much of the cold beverage as they could to cool down.

The two parents smiled when the boys sighed in relief.

Levi leaned over to his partner, "Think we should call it a day? They've seen all the animals twice." His arm hurt from being dragged around by two six year olds.

Eren nodded, "Yeah. We can relax at the house for a while." If he was lucky enough, he could convince the raven to let them have ice cream.

Picking up the two tired boys, they made their way out of the zoo.

* * *

 

"Daddy?" The younger twin, Yami, came up to his father, still somewhat drowsy from his nap.

Levi chuckled at his sleepy son, picking up the boy and setting him on his lap, "Need something?"

The small brunet snuggled up into his father's arms, "Mommy said there would be lots of fireflies around here. Can we go watch them later?"

Despite what he looked like, Levi was actually completely fascinated with bugs. The boys usually went to him when they wanted to go bug catching, Eren tended to stay back when bugs were mentioned.

"Of course. It's been a while since I last saw fireflies." He made a mental note to get a jar and poke holes on the top. The boys would be happy to see the bugs being used as makeshift lanterns.

Yami clapped his hands in joy, "Can I tell Sebastian?"

"Hmm, maybe you should keep it as a little secret and surprise him with it." If there was another person, who loved bugs as much as Levi did, it was Sebastian.

"Okay, daddy."

* * *

 

Keeping it a secret from Eren and Sebastian was actually very easy. Levi simply made up a small lie that there would be a full moon tonight. He mentioned there was a perfect spot for them to watch it.

The brunet was the one carrying the bag with all their things in it. He was certainly confused when Levi had placed in several empty jars. When he asked what it was, the raven simply said it was better that it remain a surprise.

Levi had Yami on his shoulders, the little boy had the flash light in his hands, guiding the way to their spot.

"Daddy, where are we going?" Sebastian was in his mother's arms, he too was confused as to where their father was leading them to.

"You'll see in several moments, kiddo."

Finally, they all came across a wide hilltop. There was a tree at the top, the branches gently swaying to the breeze, making the leaves rustle.

They were all left in awe at the amazing view. They were all able to see how bright and big the moon was, and the stars seemed to stand out more than they did back at the beach house.

Eren turned to his lover, "Where did you find this place?"

Levi had a fond smile on his face as he looked at the scenery, "I came here with Mother and Uncle Kenny once. This was the first vacation I ever went on, and they wanted me to remember it as long as I lived. I found this place purely by accident, and we stayed here at night to watch the meteor showers." Such a memory is what inspired him to take his family here.

The raven laid out the blanket when they got to the top, sitting right next to the tree.

Sebastian and Yami were pointing out the shapes they could make out with the stars, asking their parents if they were right.

Levi smiled when he caught sight of the real reason as to why they were here.

"Daddy, is that a firefly?" Sebastian turned to his father, jumping in excitement.

"It is."

The two boys ran after them, giggling as the small bugs landed on their fingers.

Their father took out the jars he had put in the bag prior to them coming here, poking small holes in the top and handing them to the boys.

"Now be careful when you catch them. You wouldn't want to hurt them." Levi did a quick demonstration of how to catch the bugs, being very gentle with them.

The two boys laughed as they ran after the bugs, carefully getting them into the jars, and running over to show their mother.

Eren smiled, "They're very beautiful." He did very much enjoy being around fireflies. They stood out beautifully because of the green light they emitted.

As the two boys ran off to play once more, Eren and Levi huddled up very close.

"You know, Eren."

"Hmm?" The young man looked up at him.

"Those fireflies are kind of like you."

"Why?"

"Because, they do whatever they like, yet, they bring happiness to people all around them. They have this beautiful green to them, like your eyes, yet, they're very gentle. Some people think they might hurt you, but they couldn't be more wrong. They're actually very loving, and they capture your heart immediately, just like you captured mine." He gently stroked the blushing young man's cheek.

Levi continued on, "I was simply a young man coming from a completely different country, a heavy accent to my English." Eren chuckled at the memory of when he met Levi, the accent often making him stumble over his words.

"But you loved me even if sometimes I had to repeat myself. I was a young man, just like you, whom happened to be in that club that night, being dragged by his friends, and yet, I never imagined I'd find the love of my life there as well. I thought that night would have been completely pointless, but now that I look back on it, I was more than glad my friends decided to drag my ass out that night. Because if they hadn't, I never would have met you."

He wasn't lying with the last portion. Levi really might have never met Eren. He was someone from a new country coming to another, hell, his accent made him stand out immediately. But he thanks Erwin, Hanji, Petra, Rico, Eld, Gunther, Oluo and all those other fuckers for dragging him out that night.

"You know Eren, you really are like a firefly. They light up the night, and you light up my life."

When Levi was done speaking, the brunet was blushing so much, he had to hide his face in the older's chest.

The raven wasn't usually someone who voiced out his feelings, thoughts, yes, he normally did, but for him to tell him how much Eren mattered to him, which was something new.

"You…freaking dork."

"You're stuck with this dork."

Eren lifted his head and smiled at him, "I wouldn't have it any other way honestly. Hell, years ago I wouldn't have seen myself here. I would have more than likely still been single, working at some shitty school, and wondering what I can do to improve my love life. Then I met you. I seriously didn't think something so serious could have formed through our one night stand. But I couldn't have been happier that something did happen between us."

The brunet placed a soft kiss on his partner's cheek, "I thought someone like you was only in stories some hormonal teenager would write, but when I saw that you were real, I wanted to be with you even more. We've made our mistakes over the course of the last few years. And look at where we are now. We're here on vacation with our two sons, who look up to you so much, it's amazing. You're a wonderful father, always making time for them, and for me too. And now we're thinking of another child. Levi," He placed a hand on Levi's cheek, "You made me so happy, and, I honestly couldn't ever see myself with anyone but you. As you said, like a firefly, you light up my life."

Levi pulled his lover to his chest, holding him there, basking in the warmth and security he felt, "I love you so much, bright eyes."

"Love you too, blue rose."

Their two children stood off in the distance, watching as their parents hugged underneath the tree, surrounded by fireflies.

Sebastian hurried to get the camera, he and his twin capturing the moment perfectly.

Daddy would certain thank them later for this.

* * *

 

"Alright, boys, now, your mother went out for a little while."

The twins looked at each other for a moment before looking up at their father, "Where did mommy go?"

"Daddy knows a very good friend here, and he's giving mommy a massage." Eren had been telling him for a while that his back had been hurting. So why not call up one of his friends and set up an appointment for him here? Flagon was too damn good at his job.

Sebastian and Yami hugged their father's legs, "What are we gonna do then, daddy?"

Levi smiled down at his two sons, "I'm going to do something special for mommy. Will you boys help me?"

The two boys nodded, giggling as their father picked them up and hugged them.

* * *

 

Eren walked out of the spa, waving goodbye to Levi's blonde friend.

He felt so much more refreshed and relaxed. His lover went out of the way to set up this appointment for him.

The brunet smiled to himself as he was walking home, the sun starting to set. He walked up to the beach house and opened the door, his jaw dropping.

In the kitchen there were wine colored candles lit, a vase holding white roses, the porch sliding door open, letting in the breeze, and the sound of the waves drifting in.

"Do you like it?"

Eren turned around and saw Levi leaning against the door frame. He was dressed in a simple white button up, black pants and socks. This attire was somehow familiar…

Realization suddenly dawned on him, "This date, this was when you asked me to be with you, huh?"

"More specifically, I asked you to be mine."

The raven remembers that day as if it were yesterday. He and Eren had gone on a couple dates, they hadn't really established what they were to each other. So, Levi decided to be take the initiative. He likes to think of it as the day he was made the happiest man alive.

Placing his things down, the brunet took his lover's hand, letting him being guided to the table, where Levi pulled out his chair for him to sit, and pushed in his chair for him.

Eren smiled as he looked out the back door. Levi had been so romantic lately on their trip. Perhaps he wanted to make up for the times when he was stuck at work or when they had to take care of the twins.

"I made your favorite, love. I know how much you love having salmon when we're by the beach." The raven came in carrying two plates of food.

"You really are too good to me." The brunet kissed his older lover's cheek as he placed down his plate.

Levi chuckled softly, "I do it all because I love you." He sat down in front of the brunet.

The two calmly ate their dinner, talking about the things they wanted to plan for the kids and for themselves.

"How many pictures did you take of the boys today at the zoo?" Eren took a drink from his water.

"More than I'd like to admit." Levi says that because he knows if Hanji got a hold of that information, she would never let him live it down.

Eren laughed softly, "You are such a sappy dad, Levi." Kind of still surprises him that out of the two, his lover would be that kind of parent.

"I just want to give the kids everything I never had, but at the same time let them know they have to appreciate everything they have." Levi wiped his mouth with his napkin, finished with his dinner.

"Yeah. We want to raise our boy's right."

The two got up and put their dishes away, Levi bringing out their dessert. "The boys made them." They were Eren's favorite sugar cookies.

They sat down on the porch, watching the ocean waves, and eating their dessert.

"Eren."

His young lover turned to him, "Yeah?"

"I love you. Will you continue to be mine?"

"Do you even need to ask? Of course, you big dork." Eren smiled at the raven, placing a hand on top of his.

Levi chuckled softly, "Thank you, love."

"No, thank you."

"No, thank you." Levi gently poked Eren's cheek.

The brunet laughed, "No, thank you."

"No, thank you."

Both males gently poked at each other's cheeks, eventually setting the cookies to the side.

When Eren moved in to poke Levi's cheek, the raven leaned in and kissed him softly.

The brunet was never a big believer in fairy tales. You know, the ones where the prince comes in fancy clothing, on his white horse, telling you you're the love of his life that he spent years looking for.

He's come to know that the love of your life won't be waiting on your doorstep the moment you're ready. No, if you're really serious about your future, you have to go out there and find what you're seeking for.

Meeting Levi taught him many things. Happiness, anger, sadness, confusion, hurt, and betrayal. Many of these emotions seem like they'd never hit him with how perfect things were now.

The raven showed him he has to treasure his family, friends, and anyone who really cares about him. How memories, although sad or happy, have shaped him into the person that he is today.

Being with someone like Levi, showed him he has to be more assertive in what he wants and needs in this life.

And through everything that Levi taught him, it showed him how to love someone with his entire being.

As for Levi, he never thought he would love someone as much as the brunet right next to him.

When his mother passed away, he felt like a good majority of his happiness died along with her. But his uncle was the one that kept him strong throughout that dark time in his life.

His mother's words ran through his ears, telling him to never give up and to keep fighting through whatever fog may get in his view. There would always be a light to guide him back to the main road, seeking out the results he wanted.

Growing up with only his mother and uncle around, it made Levi treasure all his friends, siblings, kids, and his lover.

He never had a father in his life, but he wanted to be the best god damn father figure he could be to his children.

Both had their flaws in this life, and had accepted them. They each had things they excelled at. Everyone has things like this. One has to accept how they are, and try to mold themselves into people they can proudly look into the mirror, and confidently say it's them.

They want the best for their children, and although they know they can never be perfect, they will try their hardest to mold their children into people that can be successful.

And as the two laid down beside each other, staring into their partner's eyes, they thought this, this was true bliss.

* * *

 

End of chapter 32.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I wrote all this with a 6 week old puppy on my lap. And sorry I wasn't able to update sooner. I've been sick for a week.


	35. Chapter 35

My Regret

Chapter 33

* * *

 

Going back to your home country, it’s a nostalgic feeling, isn’t it?

Eren felt this way immediately when they got on the taxi, having landed in Germany, and to see everything again after so many years, it was amazing.

The boys were seated on their mother’s lap, listening to the brunet as he pointed out all the buildings he was still familiar with.

And Eren being Eren, knew that there would be a fun festival going on soon. So, he made a mental note to take the boys and Levi there.

Levi smiled, quietly laughing to himself seeing the childish glint in the brunet’s eyes. He knew it was a good idea to bring his lover back to visit his home country.

Now, to get his plan underway completely.

* * *

 

Eren’s cousin, IIse, had offered to look after the boys after they arrived at her home. Since the brunet had family there, they saw no reason to look for a hotel.

She had sent off the two lover’s to take a walk through the forest that wasn’t too far away from the house. It was a place Eren was very familiar with.

With the two now gone, IIse could help out Levi with the help of the boys.

The freckled girl smiled down at the twins, “Alright, boys, now, your daddy needs help with something.”

Sebastian and Yami shared a look before looking at their aunt, “What does daddy need help with?”

“You know that he’s doing something very special for your mother, right?”

The two boys nodded. Their father had talked to them about something he wanted to do for their mother. He said that mommy would be very happy if it was done right.

“Well, your daddy asked me to do something to help out too.”

Sebastian tugged on her shirt, “Like what?”

IIse smiled, “You two are going to help me make a cake for mommy. Then, we’re going to go pick out mommy’s favorite flowers.”

“Then what?”

“Well, let’s take a look at the list…”

* * *

 

“Its been so long since I’ve been here. It feels like nothing’s changed within that time.”

The two males were walking through the woods, following the pavement, holding hands, and Levi mainly listening to his younger partner go on about what changed and what didn’t appearance wise.

“Thank you for bringing me here. I feel like I’m a kid again.” Eren smiled at the raven.

Levi leaned down and pressed a kiss to the brunet’s forehead, “Anything for you, love. I love seeing you smile.”

The young man blushed, then smiled as he spotted something familiar up ahead, “Look.”

Seeing the sight before him was spectacular. It was a small waterfall, rocks surrounding the area, and the tree giving off a pleasant rustling.

“It’s beautiful.”

Eren had a fond smile on his face, “Mikasa, IIse and I found this when we were kids. We often came here when he all wanted to relax.”

Of course, the real reason why they came here was because his cousin noticed how sad he and his sister were whenever their mother and father fought. This was often where they found themselves when the fights got too bad for them to listen to.

This was also the place where Eren came a lot through his teen years. With his father absent, and his mother, sister and himself working a lot, he came here when the stress began getting to him.

“I really missed coming here. It still has the same calming effect that it did back then.”

The two males sat down on a rock, well away from the water.

“You remind me of a little kid.”

Eren turned to his partner, an eyebrow raised, “Why do you say that?”

Levi chuckled softly, “Because everything here fascinates you. You look really excited to see a tree still in the same place, a new flower garden somewhere, the same store, park, and this place, you look like you’re a little kid again.”

“W-Well, you know me Levi, I get excited over the littlest things.”

“It’s cute.”

“You damn tease.”

* * *

 

After arriving back at his cousin’s house, Eren was taken to some local café with IIse, while Levi went inside to look after the twins.

Apparently Levi’s logic was that he needed to spend some time with his cousin, while he’d gladly look over the boys.

How can Eren say no to spend some time with his cousin?

“Tell me, Eren, how have you been over the last few years?” The female had a cup of coffee cradled in her hands.

“Well, IIse,” Just where should the brunet begin with the rollercoaster that has been his life over the last few years.

“How about you start with that handsome devil that is your children’s daddy and your lover?” She grinned at the flustered look on the younger’s face.

“Levi, huh? Well, I met that handsome bastard a few years back. He had barely moved to America when I met him. And yes, not proud of it, but he and I met at a club, spent one night together, realized we both wanted more, and we started seeing each other after that.”

“Oh really? I would have thought Mikasa or your mother set you up with him.”

The brunet laughed softly, “Yeah, most do think that. No one would have thought we met through a club. People tend to think we met on some dating site or a blind date.”

IIse nodded, “I can see that. Levi strikes me as the type that wouldn’t go to clubs unless he was pestered for hours.”

“Oddly enough, yes. Levi’s friends did pester him for hours until he did go.”

“Wow. Hey, at least they can say that they took some part in you two meeting each other.”

“I suppose.”

The red head took a sip of her coffee, “So, how’s life now with two kids?”

“Uh, definitely more busy.”

“Oh yeah? How?”

“Well, I have to wake up every day at seven in the morning, get the boys up, set out their clothes, go and make breakfast, make their lunches for day care, take them to day care, clean when I get back, begin my tutoring sessions with college students, call Levi to make sure he eats his lunch and doesn’t work through the hour again, make my own lunch, finish my tutoring lesson for the day, go get the boys, run errands with them, because they like getting candy from places and being anywhere with me, go home, help the boys with any homework from daycare, play with them outside for a while, get dinner started, greet Levi when he gets home, plate our dinner, wash up and put any left overs away with Levi’s help, give the boys a bath, put them to bed, watch some television with Levi for a while, and then we go to bed.”

While that may seem like a lot to someone who doesn’t have children, Eren was quite used to it at this point. It was his everyday routine and for something to be out of place, it certainly did feel odd.

IIse stared at her cousin, “I could honestly never do that much in a day.” Hell, an accomplishment for her was simply getting out of bed and working from home.

“Well, I am not going to lie, it was a lot to do in the beginning. I had mom and Mikasa help me out a lot, but then I realized, if I set things up in a certain way, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. So, I planned out my entire schedule, and eventually, this became my everyday routine.”

Eren was still envious that Levi could make his busy set up look like nothing. Literally, the man could get almost all of it done before the kids got home.

“That lover of yours looks like he’s a doting daddy. That true?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He takes all the pictures. For some reason, he’s really good at it. Not a single one has come out blurry at all.”

The red head chuckled softly, “How many rolls of film has he gone through?”

Eren stopped to think for a moment, “About a good three or four by now. He told me he wanted to stop by the stores and pick up some more.”

IIse smiled, “You landed a keeper there, Eren.”

“Yeah. I sure did.”

* * *

 

When Levi and the boys had gathered everything they would need for tonight, and for _that_ day, they found themselves back in IIse’s house.

Apparently the red head decided it would be good to take Eren back into town and explore together for a while.

Obviously, Levi had no problems with that. Eren would spend time with his cousin, and he could finish getting the supplies on his list in no rush.

The raven was laying comfortably on the couch in the living room, the twins upstairs taking their afternoon naps.

Gently stroking the fluffy black cat on his chest, Levi nearly drifted off to sleep himself.

However, the click of a camera broke him out of his sleepy haze.

Tilting his head back, he saw Eren and IIse both grinning. Those shits.

“You damn brats. And here I was thinking of taking a nap with your cat on my chest.” Said cat simply snuggled further into his warm chest.

The red head came over and gently stroked the cat, “You know, she doesn’t normally allow people to touch her, let alone snuggle with her. Was she good for the twins?”

Levi nodded, still fighting back some sleep, “Yeah. The cat was busy playing with the twins while I got some laundry done. Thanks for letting me use your washer and dryer by the way.”

“Course.” IIse went into the kitchen to put some groceries she bought away.

Eren sat down on the couch in front of the raven, seeing him lightly falling asleep, “The twins taking their nap?”

Levi simply nodded, almost all the way asleep.

The brunet chuckled softly, “Take a nap, Lee. I’ll wake you up later.”

It didn’t surprise him when the raven fell asleep when he said he could.

* * *

 

“Wow, mommy this is so cool!”

The twins were in complete awe when their mother and aunt IIse took them to a carnival.

Everything there looked so familiar yet so foreign to them.

The different language the people spoke, the way they dressed, treats that were out on display, and the rides that were out seemed to be new to them.

“Mommy, can we go on that ride first?” Sebastian pointed to the old looking merry go round.

Eren stared at the ride for a moment, then smiled, “Of course.” He and Levi got in line while his cousin stayed on camera duty. No doubt wanting Levi to get in some fun while she took care of handling his camera.

* * *

 

After numerous rides, the adults decided to take the boys to get some traditional German lunch.

While the twins had been digging into their lunch, the adults were full from sampling so many different foods, courtesy of IIse.

Eren and IIse were drinking some German beer, while Levi opted for water.

“You sure you don’t want me to order you a stein, Levi?” The red head took a drink from her beer.

“No thank you. I’m not one for alcohol. I’m fine with water, thank you.” He was however eating some cookies they had bought earlier.

“Alright, suit yourself. You’re missing out.”

* * *

 

When the twins had finally gotten in their fill with the treats and festival, they were taken home.

IIse and Eren both wanted to head back to the small waterfall the two lovers had been to earlier.

The raven opted to stay with the twins, having made himself some tea, the cat curled up to his side when they left him.

“How are you enjoying being back home?” The red head sat on the grass next to her younger cousin, the two staring at the waterfall.

“Everything is so nice here. It feels like a lot changed but somehow stayed the same.”

 IIse stayed quiet for a moment, debating on whether or not she should share the news with her cousin.

“Something on your mind there?” Eren had seen the conflicted look on her face.

The female sighed, “Yeah. But I’m not sure whether to tell you or not.”

“What’s it about?”

“Your father.”

Eren completely froze. He hadn’t heard anything concerning his father since the day he and his mother divorced and left them.

“I recently heard some news about him. I don’t know if you care of not to hear it. It’s your choice completely. I’ll respect whatever you choose.”

Should he bother to listen? The man did after all treat his mother, sister and his own son like dirt. His father was an absent figure in his life after he left, never having heard anything anymore after he abandoned them.

Eren could be the same angry boy he was back then when his father left.

Or he could be the bigger person and wonder what happened to the man. For a good majority of his life, he did wonder what happened to his father.

This was his golden opportunity to find out. Why not take the chance?

“Alright. I want to know what happened with my father.” Thank goodness he mentally prepared himself.

IIse sighed before starting, “When your father left, he left Germany completely. I heard he went to Spain. Since your father was already a good doctor, it didn’t take long for him to find a job.”

That really wasn’t all surprising to hear. His father always did take his medical career rather seriously.

“He was known as one of the best doctors Spain had. Grisha soon met his assistant, Hitch. I heard that she had a face that pretty much screamed that she wanted a better life, so when she met your father, it pretty much all clicked to her. She and your father began a relationship not too long after that.”

Eren slowly nodded, “Was he happy?” He couldn’t find it in himself to vocally call the man his father.

“Yes, he was apparently. So happy, that a year later they got married.”

So, in that year while Grisha was happy, his abandoned family was struggling.

“They had a son two years later. He’s a blonde by the name of Flagon. He’s your half-brother, Eren.”

_How ironic._ Not too long ago Levi had figured out that he too had a half-brother, and now the brunet was in his same position.

But looking at Levi and Rivaille, one wouldn’t think they hadn’t known about each other up until their adult life. You look at them and suggest they’ve been close since childhood.

Would he be the same with his half-brother? What was he even like?

“What kind of person is Flagon?” _Please be someone he can grow to like._

“I actually met him, so I can tell you what I think completely.”

That surprised the brunet, “Oh yeah? What is he like?”

“He’s surprisingly nice. Flagon has this look like he would be a complete douchebag, but he’s a really nice guy. Eren, he barely had his parents in his life. Grisha was always putting work before his family, and Hitch cared more about making money and getting things she wanted. I thought he would be a spoiled rich kid, but he actually appreciates everything that he has. Eren, I told him about you and Mikasa.”

“Y-Yeah? What did he say?”

“He wants to meet you. Flagon thinks that you two can be really close siblings. He said it might take time for him to get to know Mikasa, and be friends with her, but he knows for sure that he would be close with you. He said that if you ever wanted to meet up, to let me know. I can easily contact him and try to make a date for you two to properly meet.”

Now Eren could completely relate to his lover. Levi had a tough time deciding to connect with his brother, so is this what he went through?

“I’ll think about it.” He’ll talk with Levi about the situation. His lover should be able to help him immensely.

“Alright. You gonna tell Mikasa and your mother?”

The brunet sighed, “I don’t know.”

His mother went through so much sadness when his father left. She had to provide for them by herself for so many years before her children could even work. That man brought her nothing but sadness. Was it really worth mentioning what happened to him?

Oh god, then Mikasa. She absolutely hated Grisha after he left them. She scowled at the sound of his name. The raven made sure that there was nothing from him in her room or her life in general after that. She made sure the man was completely dead to her.

Eren inwardly grimaced. Rivaille better have a really good method to calm down Mikasa.

He really needs to talk to Levi.

* * *

 

“Turns out you have a half-brother, huh?”

Eren arrived home and sat with Levi in the lounge. The two had been talking about the brunet’s half-brother IIse mentioned earlier.

“Yeah. Grisha got married not too long after he and my mom divorced.”

“So he’s about what, two or three years younger than you are?”

“Something like that.”

Levi picked up his tea, “You have any thoughts about the matter?”

“Well, I was shocked at first. I didn’t know what happened to Grisha after he and my mother divorced. So, to hear from my cousin what happened, and how he got married again just kinda, shocked me.”

“It would for anyone.”

Eren thought this situation was completely ironic. The raven also dealt with learning his father remarried and had a son.

“How did you deal with it?”

The raven set down his cup, sighing, “Well, I too was shocked. I never thought that my father would have married someone else. But you also have to remember that they are their own person after they leave unfortunately. They can easily choose what to do after that.”

“But don’t they think about their family?”

Levi nodded, “My father said he thought about mother and I all the time. As you remember me telling you, I did tell him to leave me and mother alone when I was growing up. He said it hurt when I told him that. I don’t know whether or not your father thought about you as often, given how he treated your family.”

“It all matters based on what they did before they left, huh?”

“Oh certainly. Eren, our situations were completely different, yet they were similar in some manner.”

“How?”

“Well, both of our fathers left. My father left because he and my mother didn’t love each other anymore, and I was left with my mother and raised by her. I was angry because my father promised to love my mother her entire life. So obviously I was bitter because he broke his promise to his only son at the time.”

“And mine?”

“Your mother and father divorced because your father treated you all like dirt and didn’t seem to be guilty about his actions from what you’ve told me. You were angry at your father, but you were also raised by your mother alone, and you came out great as a person and didn’t let that bitterness get the better of you.”

Eren thought about it for a moment. Levi was right. They were the same because their father’s left and they were raised by their mother’s.

But they also had a sibling that wished to connect with them.

“I think I’m gonna talk to him.” He’d give his younger brother that much.

“You want me to be there?” Levi took hold of his lover’s hand, intertwining their fingers together.

“No. I should be fine. I’ll tell IIse to tell Flagon if we can talk here.”

“Alright. I’ll stay in the backyard with the kids and IIse if you need me.”

“Okay.”

* * *

 

Getting in contact with Flagon was actually quite simple. IIse contacted him the moment Eren said he would talk to him.

No doubt she didn’t want the brunet to chicken out at the last minute.

Eren sat in the lounge waiting for his cousin to come back with his half-brother from the airport.

Levi was outside with the twins playing together. The raven said if anything happened to holler out his name.

IIse gladly would let his lover use her combat knives she kept in her house if anything did happen.

“Eren.”

The brunet was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his cousin suddenly speak.

“This is Flagon.” She gestured to the blonde standing next to her.

He most certainly wasn’t what Eren was expecting. His golden blonde hair, brown eyes, pale skin, and the facial features were nowhere near even somewhat similar to him.

He stood up and offered the male a small smile, “Flagon, nice to meet you.”

The blonde gave him a small smile back, “Yeah. Nice to meet you too, Eren.”

“Well, I’ll be outside with Levi and the kiddos. If you need anything, let me know.” The red head then excused herself.

Both males sat down, an awkward silence between them.

“You know, Eren.”

The brunet turned to the other, “Hmm?”

“Growing up, I did hear about you, Mikasa and Carla. It was no secret that father abandoned a family to be with me and my mother.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Dad made you out to be some really angry kid, who didn’t have a filter on his mouth and was really disrespectful.”

“I was only like that because of how he treated my mom and sister.”

“I thought so. I didn’t believe him one bit. I felt like you were a better person than what he made you out to be.”

“What’d he say about Mikasa and my mom?”

The blonde sighed, “He said Mikasa was a really weird kid. He said he regretted taking her in. Had she not come into the picture, his first marriage might have made it.”

_That bastard_. To blame Mikasa for all his own faults. Tch, no wonder Eren still resented him.

“And he said Carla should have tried harder. But you know what I think, Eren?”

“What?”

“That our father is a bastard who can’t own up. He didn’t care about you, me, Mikasa, mom, and your mom. He only cares about his job and the money he makes. Eren, I don’t know if IIse told you this, but my mom didn’t care for me much either. I was raised by the butlers and maids at the house. They’re the only family I’ve ever known. But I want it to be different this time around. If you’ll have me, I’d like to one day be able to call you my big brother. And maybe for you to call me your younger brother.”

Those butlers and maids most certainly raised Flagon right.

Even though he received so many lies based on Eren and his family, he decided to wait and see for himself what they were like.

Flagon is someone whom Eren will more than gladly call family.

“Growing up in a rich family isn’t as amazing as everyone makes it out to be. The higher class think the more you have, the happier you are. That’s not true at all. I think it’s better to grow up in a middle class family. You seem to be closer that way.”

Flagon smiled, “Dad didn’t have much pictures of you, Mikasa and Carla around. But when he and mom left for trips, I’d always sneak into his room and look at the very few he had.”

The blonde fondly recalled on those memories. He often wondered what it would be like to grow up with that grinning brunet brother, strong, yet gentle looking raven haired sister, and that loving brunet mother.

“I never heard anything about Grisha when I was younger. But you know what, I wish I had.”

The blonde raised a brow, “Huh? Why? I thought you hated him.”

“I do. But I also would have gotten to meet you a lot sooner.”

Even though they’d only just met not too long ago, Eren felt like he had known Flagon a life time. Was it always like this when meeting a new sibling?

The brunet now completely understood why Levi was so close with his brother.

They seem to understand you better on some sort of level. It almost felt like you’d always been together.

“You know, Flagon, growing up without a dad was tough on my mom. She always had to work a lot of hours just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Mikasa and I tried to help out any way we could. But mom always told us our schooling was more important and that we should focus on that. But you know, I wouldn’t have changed the way I was raised at all.”

“Why? I would have thought you’d want a dad in your life.”

Eren chuckled softly, “I thought that too at first. But then I realized a mother can easily take on both parental roles. My mom was loving and a provider for our small family. She did the best she could on her own, and I will always be grateful to her. She could have given up at any time, but she believed that she could do it, so she did. And, I can never find a way to repay her back for all she’s done.”

The blonde placed a hand on the brunet’s shoulder, “I know how you can.”

“How?”

“Continue being this amazing person is how.”

The brunet smiled, “Thanks…little brother.”

“Anytime, big brother.”

* * *

 

It seemed like Eren and Flagon meeting was the best thing for the both of them.

The blonde told Eren their father wasn’t worth him being angry. Their father wasn’t worth anything really. He simply told Eren to cherish those who care about him and those whom he cares about.

What really caught the brunet and his cousin off guard was how well Levi and his younger brother bonded. Perhaps they had some things in common because the raven left his brother grinning, and them sharing a side hug before the blonde went to the guest room that night.

The brunet was told to wait in their own guest room by Levi, and then come downstairs in thirty minutes. He said he had something special planned for them.

So when the time passed, which felt like an eternity for the young man, he slowly made his way down the stairs.

Several candles were lit, forming a path leading outside to the porch.

Eren gasped softly at the surprise his partner set up for him.

Lanterns were hung from the roof edge, the black rope connecting and curling around several tree branches, illuminating the small table in the middle of the yard, where a vase sat in the middle with his favorite white roses.

“Like it?”

The brunet saw the raven was seated on the swing that hung from the tree.

“I love it.”

Levi smiled, getting up and walking over the young man, bringing him into a hug, “Happy anniversary.”

Eren’s eyes widened, “Y-You remembered?” And here he was desperate trying to find something to plan for them.

“Of course I remembered. This day is important to me. It’s the day where I met the love of my life. How can I ever forget this?”

_Literally best lover ever._

“Come on, love. I made some of your favorites.” He gestured to the table.

IIse must have helped him out. These were some of his favorite dishes from when he was growing up here in Germany.

“Thank you, I love you.” Eren kissed the raven’s nose.

“Love you too.” Levi led them over to the table, pulling out a chair for the younger male.

The two conversed over their meal, many of the comments, sappy not lewd, left Eren blushing at how romantic Levi was.

“Thank you for doing all this. I really love it.”

Levi chuckled softly, “Well, I can’t take all the credit. IIse helped me with the recipes, Flagon recommended the lanterns, and the boys took part in this as well.”

“Oh?”

Levi carefully took out two cards from the box next to the table. He handed them to Eren.

The brunet opened the cards and smiled fondly.

Sebastian had drawn them gazing at the stars, and Yami had them holding hands on the beach. Both read ‘Happy Anniversary, Mommy and Daddy!’

“The boys wanted to let mommy and daddy know they were happy for us, and they were glad we were so happy together.”

Sebastian and Yami had told him they were very content knowing their parents were happy together, both on and off the vacation. The boys wanted their parents to be together forever.

“They also picked out the roses for you tonight.”

“Aww, my boys are so sweet.”

“That’s not all.”

Levi went into the house quickly. He came out carefully carrying a cake. “I made this with the boys earlier today.”

Eren smiled, “I have such amazing three boys.”

The raven chuckled softly, “Well, us boys are lucky to have someone amazing like you in our lives, love.”

Both males dug into the cake, drinking some wine, and enjoying each other’s company.

When they were done, the two went to lie in the hammock that was hanging on the tree.

The brunet had his head on Levi’s chest, listening to his heart beat, the crickets making noise in the background.

“Levi.”

“Hm?”

“I love you so much. Thank you for doing this.”

Levi glanced down at the young man, “Of course, love. You know I would do anything for you. I love knowing that you are happy with me.”

Eren smiled, kissing the raven softly.

Finally, he can set the last plan into motion.

Oh boy, Eren. You better prepare yourself.

* * *

 

End of chapter 33.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy that I was able to get this chapter out in time for Eren’s birthday. Literally spent all day working on this chapter, and well, I guess this is my gift to that precious cinnamon roll. Now, I shall go and cry internally because this story is over in 2-3 chapters. 
> 
> (Also, imagine Flagon waayyyy younger looking, Okay, bye)


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, when you see an X, like so with a link to it before a paragraph starts, click the link. You'll understand why.

My Regret 

Chapter 34

* * *

 

Making life decisions is the most terrifying thing one can do. They can help form your future. Be absolutely certain you want to do something, there's no going back once it's done.

Spending some more time than what they originally planned in Germany was rather fun.

Eren was able to spend more time with Flagon, both finding out their common interests, and more about their childhoods.

Levi took the opportunity to get the blonde's help with the last part of his plan. Let this be said, even though he is Eren's younger brother, he has one scary glare and sounds like he can go through with a threat.

So when it was time for the raven to take them to their last location of their trip, which he kept very well hidden the entire time, and yes, he applauds himself, he had IIse and Flagon take them to the airport.

While Eren and the boys were getting their luggage checked in, he was left with the brunet's cousin and younger brother.

The red head smiled, "So, you're gonna do it there, huh?"

Levi nodded, feeling the nerves creep up on him, "Yes. I've been planning this for months on end now. I hope that I can go through this without getting too nervous."

Flagon placed a hand on his shoulder, "You can do it, Levi. You seem like a pretty straight forward guy. I know you'll find the confidence. Besides, you'll be making three people real happy."

The raven chuckled, "True. I have a promise to keep to four special people."

They kept reassuring Levi that he would do fine until they had to go to the gate.

Eren embraced his brother and cousin tightly, "It was really amazing to spend time with you two."

IIse smiled, "It was real nice seeing you too. Take care, yeah?"

Flagon ruffled his brother's hair, "Have a fun trip, big bro."

"Thanks. I'll talk to you two later." The brunet waved to them as he went with his family to board the plane.

His cousin and brother watched as the plane took off.

"You think he'll do it, IIse?"

"He has the devil's own luck. Of course he will."

"We should start packing if we want to make it in time over there."

The two set off back to the red head's house, immediately preparing for the surprise Levi came up with.

* * *

"France?"

"That's right, Eren."

"How many years has it been since you went back home?"

Levi thought about it for a moment, "Too many years. I missed home so much. So, I thought, since I'm taking you back to your home country, why not take you back to mine and show you around?"

Eren smiled, "That seems like a lovely idea."

The brunet did have that lingering fear in the back of his mind. This was the first time Levi would be back in France since his mother's funeral. Just how would he react to the place where he grew up and lost so much?

He could only hope the reaction wasn't as bad as he was thinking it would be.

"Daddy."

Levi glanced over to Sebastian, his twin sleeping beside him, "Yes?"

"Are we gonna go to the place where you grew up?"

"We are."

"What's it like there?"

"You'll see when we get there. We're staying at the house where I grew up."

The boy clapped his hands in excitement, going back to his game.

* * *

When they landed, Eren and the twins were stuck in awe at all the amazing historical work. The entire city was decorated in pastel colors, yet it had its own unique attraction.

Taking the taxi to Levi's former home was quite the nostalgic one for the man. He saw so many familiar homes and faces as they drove through the neighborhood.

Arriving at the home, the boys were eager to see what their father's house was like. Levi had only spoken fond things about the home. Now they could see what their father liked about it so much.

The raven took out his old keys, opening the door.

Everything had been left exactly the way he remembered it. The picture frames with the pictures of him, his mother and Kenny were still proudly on display.

"Daddy, who's that?" Yami was pointing to an old baby picture.

Levi placed a hand on his son's head, "That's me when I was learning how to walk. Grandma Kuchel took that picture because she was so happy."

While the raven was explaining more pictures, Eren took the opportunity to look around the living room.

There were pictures of Levi from all ages, so many memories.

One photo in particular caught his sight.

It was Levi, Kenny, Kuchel, Isabel and Farlan all at the beach. There was genuine happiness on their faces. The woman had a bright smile on her face, Levi hugging his mother from behind. It was titled 'Levi's eighteenth birthday'.

"That one is my favorite."

Eren jumped at the sudden voice. He turned and saw Levi had a very fond look on his face, no doubt remembering that day.

"Mother insisted that we finally do something special for my birthday. Uncle Kenny, Isabel and Farlan managed to pay for it."

"You look really happy in it, love."

Levi chuckled softly, "I was. It was the first time we ever did anything that big for one of my birthdays. I got to see the ocean for the first time with those who mattered the most."

Eren smiled, "I'm glad you had so much fun."

"Me too. Come on, let's put our things upstairs. I can show you all around the house properly once we get that done."

The brunet nodded, taking the twins with them to get situated.

* * *

"Wow, daddy, your room looks amazing!"

Levi's room too remained the same over the years. His light blue walls decorated with awards and certificates hanging, pictures pinned to the wall, drawings from when he was younger, and his bear he got for Christmas from his mother as a child on the bed.

The raven rubbed the back of his neck, "You know, I haven't felt this old in a good while. Being back in here does make me feel very old."

Eren laughed, kissing his lover's cheek, "I think you looked really handsome and cute in these pictures. I didn't even know you had half of these awards."

There were so many academic awards it was amazing to see how intelligent his lover was. Many of them were for people who were so much older than the age Levi was in them.

"Wait, you went to Harvard for a year?!" The brunet was left with his jaw open.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I did. That's how I found out Hanji and I were attending the same college." He _literally_ ran into her on his way to one of his business classes.

"Daddy, you look so young here." The small raven was currently looking at the photo in which it had Levi graduating from high school.

Levi chuckled, "Yeah. I was still a baby faced brat back then."

_Uh-huh, baby faced brat. Honey, you were wet dream material._ Not that Eren would ever say _that_ out loud.

The raven spotted his old Rolex watch on his nightstand. He went over and picked it up.

"What's that daddy?" The small brunet stared at the watch in fascination.

"It's the watch I got from grandma Kuchel when I got accepted into college." He still remembers hugging his mother tightly as a thank you.

"I thought I lost this. I meant to take it with me when I moved out." Levi almost had a mental breakdown when he couldn't find it. It was one of the rare things his mother purchased for him, and he wanted to keep something he got from her close by.

He put it on his left wrist and smiled.

"Daddy, can Yami and I get one when we're older?" The twins stared up at their father.

Levi smiled, ruffling their hair, "Of course. I'll get you both one when you're older." Maybe when they graduate from high school or get into college, somewhere around that area.

Sebastian walked over to his father's nightstand and pointed to a picture, "Daddy, who's that?"

"That's grandma Kuchel."

"Why does she look so skinny?"

"Because that was when I found out she was sick. I wanted to cheer her up and take a picture." Hey, he did get her to smile for the camera. Although, he thinks she was really smiling at him.

Eren managed to get the boy's attention off the picture, it seemed rather obvious they wanted to ask why she got sick, and he didn't want Levi to get sad remembering that again.

"Come on, boys. Daddy says there's a park nearby. Why don't we go see that?"

The twins immediately nodded, dragging their parents out of the room.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to go alone?"

"Yes. I want to talk to her again like we used to."

Levi had been telling Eren, both sitting on the park bench, watching the boys play, that he wanted to go his mother's burial grave.

The brunet placed his hand over his partner's, "If you're sure, I'll stay here and look after the boys."

"Alright. I'll be back." He gently kissed the brunet's cheek before he left.

* * *

"Mother, it's…it's been a long time, hasn't it?"

Levi stood in front of his mother's grave. There was a tree that was beside her grave, its branches were gently swaying to the wind.

The raven carefully sat down in front of the grave, "Mother, so much has happened throughout these years, I'm not quite sure where to being." He chuckled softly at his own nerves.

Why should he be nervous? This was his mother. The woman that raised him and loved him.

"Mother, the last time you saw me, I was a complete emotional wreck. Losing you was the hardest thing in my life. I thought that you would always be there for my physically, and help me through some tough times. But as you said, I'm an adult, and whether you be there or not physically, you definitely are there."

The raven stayed quiet for a moment, "When I'm with you, I feel as though I'm a child once more. Even though we aren't physically having a real conversation, I still do feel the warm feeling I always got whenever we talked."

Levi smiled, "I met someone whom I love more than anything, mother. His name is Eren Jeager. I met him in a way in which you'd get me for. I met him at a club and well, I won't go into detail about what happened that night, but the important part is that he and I started a relationship after that."

"Mother, I've never felt like this with someone else before. It feels kind of foolish that back in high school and college I was crying over someone else. Maybe they were placed in my path to get me stronger for when I would meet that love of my life."

He chuckled softly, "I have two sons, mother. Their names are Yami and Sebastian; they're twins. Sebastian looks more like me, and Yami takes after his mother. They are my life, I love them so much."

The wind gently blew in his face. For some reason, it kind of felt like his mother's gentle chiding. Kind of like when she knew he had something more to say, something important he wanted to get out in the open.

"Ah, Mama, you always know I have something more to say, don't you?"

Breeze brushed through his hair, kind of like fingers running through it.

"Well, I am here for something. Your permission."

Levi stayed quiet for several moments, "Mama, you know I always had a dream where I could present the love of my life with your ring. I want to know, do you approve of me proposing to Eren?"

The wind was so gentle it reminded him of his mother's embrace. It almost seemed like an immediate acceptance.

"I'm doing it tonight. I'm so nervous, but I know Eren will be happy. I love him so much, mother."

Pulling out the ring from his back pocket, he smiled down at it. It was a simple silver band and an onyx gem was placed in the center. Inside it was engraved, A mon amour, meaning to my love in French.

"You said to give this ring to the love of my life, someone who will always make me happy. The person whom I'll see every morning, smile at as soon as I open my eyes, cherish them and have them cherish me back too. Mother, I found him. You had confidence in me when it wavered on my end. Just like you said, flowers don't bloom in winter, they only do when you've achieved spring."

Levi smiled, leaning over to run his fingers across his mother's name on the grave, "Mother, I can truly never find the mere words to describe the amount of love I have for Eren. But as you know, actions speak volumes over words."

The raven sighed softly as he got up, "Mother, thank you so much for everything you've done for me. I love you, mommy. I'll see you soon. Wish me luck."

As he left, he could have sworn he heard his mother's voice.

_I love you too, Rivai-chan. Good luck, my little boy._

* * *

Levi chuckled softly as he saw Eren pushing the twins on the swings.

"Mommy, daddy's back!"

The brunet turned to where the twins were pointing, smiling as he saw his partner come over.

"Hey."

"Hey, love." Levi gently kissed the younger males cheek.

"How did it go?"

"Rather well. I always feel more at ease when talking to my mother. You know, Eren, when I was talking to her, I really felt like she was there."

"Yeah?" Eren leaned his head against the tall raven's shoulder.

"Yes. I felt like she was listening to the whole thing. Gods, if she could only physically and verbally speak back to me, I would have gotten a scolding."

"Oh god, what did you tell your mother?"

"Just how I met the love of my life." The raven broke out laughing when Eren turned a deep red.

The brunet grumbled, his cheeks still red, "Literally not how I imagined you telling your mother."

"Oh? And how did you expect me to say it?" He wrapped an arm around Eren.

"I don't know, just not saying how we did the do on the first night."

Levi chuckled softly, "Sorry, love. I could never lie to my mother."

Eren looked up at him, amused, "You are a complete mama's boy, aren't you?"

The raven grinned, "Hell yes. Proud of it too."

Both the parents stood and watched as their children played, content with nothing but the laughter of their son's to put them at ease.

* * *

When everyone else went to bed for the night, Levi was in his old bedroom, talking with his father via video chat.

"Do you have everything set up, son?" His father was drinking some coffee, his reading glasses on.

Levi nodded, a small sigh escaping him, "Yes. Everything has been placed in order, and I feel like I can do this. Are you still holding up your end of the deal?"

Vincent hummed in agreement, "Of course. You asked me to do this for you. I would never break this promise."

"Did you play the song I sent you?"

"I did."

"What did you think of it?"

"It was absolutely stunning. I know Eren will love the song you came up with."

The piece of music they were talking about was something Levi came up with several months back. He wanted the song to represent all the up's and down's they faced in their relationship, and his father feels like he was able to do it justice.

Levi let out a breath of relief, "Thank goodness."

Vincent stared at his son for a moment. His son was a grown man now. No longer was he the innocent son he left many years ago. He missed so many important events in his life; and now he could be there for this one. The man couldn't even begin to describe the amount of happiness and pride he held for his older son.

"Father?"

"Hmm?"

"You've been staring and haven't been speaking for the last several moments." He hadn't realized he had been doing so.

The man chuckled softly, "My apologies. I was just thinking how proud and happy I am for you. You've become one hell of a man, Levi."

Levi smiled, "Thank you, father."

"I love you, son."

"I love you too, father."

* * *

"IIse? Flagon? What are you two doing here?" Eren was pleasantly surprised when his cousin and younger brother were in the living room the next morning when he woke up.

His cousin grinned, "Well, since blondie and I didn't get to spend much time with you in Germany, we thought we'd come to France for a while and see you."

The blonde nodded, "Yeah. I wanted to spend more time with my big bro."

"With responses like those, how can I even refuse?"

Levi came into the living room, a cup of tea each for their two guests, "You can go ahead and spend the day with them, love. I don't mind."

"You sure?"

"Completely."

"Thanks love." Eren kissed his cheek and went back upstairs to get ready to leave.

IIse smiled up at the raven, "There. We did as you asked. Until what time do you want us to keep him occupied?"

"Eight O'clock should be fine."

The blonde grinned, "You can count on us."

Levi chuckled, "I know I can. Thank you both."

* * *

"Hey brother, good to see you're doing well." Rivaille gave his brother a warm embrace.

The raven hugged him back, "Nice to see you too, baby brother."

When they separated, Levi gave Mikasa a hug, "He been behaving well for you?"

She smiled, "Of course. Always the gentlemen." They both pulled back.

"Good. I would have kicked his ass if he slipped up in any way."

The two laughed while the other male paled slightly.

"Now, now, boys don't be mean to each other." Flore gently scolded them.

"Sorry, mother." The brother apologized.

"You boys are smart to not upset her. She's been anxious since the moment we got on the plane this morning." Vincent stood beside his wife.

"Of course I am. Today is a special day."

"Yeah it is." Rivalle placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, "How are you feeling?"

"Fucking nervous."

His father ruffled his hair, surprising him, "It's normal to be nervous, Levi. But the moment Eren says yes, everything will be amazing from there on. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"The kids will be out of the house for the night. Because everyone knows what happens right after said event."

The man flinched under the glares from his two sons, wife and his son's girlfriend.

Levi sighed, "And that's where my crudeness comes from."

* * *

"Man, you two weren't kidding when you said you wanted to see the town. I don't think we missed anything."

IIse laughed, "You can thank that lover of yours. He told us we'd love these places." She waved the list in front of his face.

The blonde grinned from behind his glass of water, "The man sure knows which places keep a person entertained."

Eren nodded, "He really does. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use the restroom real quick." The brunet got up and left the two at the table.

Flagon glanced over at the red head, "He send you the okay, yet?"

"He said that everything should be ready within an hour."

"Tch, that guy is killing me with making me wait." He took a drink from his water.

IIse smiled, leaning back in her seat, "The guy is doing something special. He should be allowed to make sure everything is going to go as planned."

"I guess."

"Just wait an hour."

"Fine."

* * *

"Why are we going here before we go home?"

Eren had been lead to some secluded little place by some park that was about twenty minutes away from Levi's childhood home.

"Because cousin, Levi said this place looks really nice at night. Said there's a Sakura tree here that looks purple at night." Well, the man was right. But there was another reason they were headed there, and Eren was about to find out what it was.

"Well, if Levi says so, then-"He was cut off, staring at the entire scene before him in shock.

The Sakura tree bark had fairy lights wrapped around it and the branches, candles stuck within the ground, each lit up with a trail of white rose petals near the cliff, where a beautiful view of the city was visible, the Eifel tower standing out, and the twins were sitting by the tree, both dressed in white button up shirt, black pants and shoes, a smile on their faces.

Both boys came over and grabbed their mother's hand, IIse and Flagon taking out the cameras from the red head's bag.

"Come on, mommy."

"W-What's going on?" The twins simply smiled and kept showing their mother to where the surprise really began.

His mother and sister, Carla and Mikasa, smiled at him, both wearing beautiful pale rose dresses, matching the Sakura petals on the tree.

"M-Mom? M-Mikasa?"

The two women smiled, pointing towards the cliff.

Eren turned and his eyes widened.

Rivaille and Flore were both holding a single white rose, both dressed up as well.

Vincent was seated at an elegant black piano, smiling at him.

Levi stood beside his father, smiling, "Hey love."

"L-Levi, what is all this?" He gestured to the scenery around them all.

"Like it?"

"I love it. But, why are you doing this?"

The raven left his father's side and went over to the brunet, his father began playing the piano.[ (X) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0axUfwDWT4)

"Eren, since the moment I met you, I knew you were something special. I felt drawn to you, and for the life of me, I didn't know why. Sounds a bit cliché doesn't it?" He chuckled softly,

He smiled softly at the young man, "But I wouldn't change my decision to be with you for the world. Eren, because of you, I learned to love life. I didn't think such a thing would be possibly after so much heartache. But when you smiled at me, I knew there was still some light yet for me to find."

Levi took the brunet's hand into his own, intertwining their fingers together, "You have given me happiness that I thought could only ever happen in a child's fairytale. I never imagined myself as a father many years ago. I never thought I would be kissing my children's foreheads at night, seeing them learn another language to speak just because I can, I never thought I'd be called a father, and you gave me that amazing gift."

Eren felt tears come to his eyes, a loving smile on his face.

"You are so wonderful in so many ways, I don't even know if you know that. Eren, because I met you, I was able to meet with my father and brother. I didn't ever think I could gain family after everything I went through. It just goes to show when you find the love of your life, they bring more than just love, and they bring you salvation. You brought me that Eren, and I'll never know how to repay you."

The raven knelt down in front of Eren, making the brunet's eyes widen, "Eren, you are my light, my life, my love, and my salvation." He motioned for the twins to come over and they brought the black box in their hands, giving it to their father, standing beside him while Levi showed his lover the ring, "Eren Jeager, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Eren stared down at his lover, tears sliding down his cheeks, smiling, trying to hold in the happy sobs, "Y-Yes. I'll marry you."

Levi smiled as he stood up, slipping the ring onto his love's finger.

The end notes of the song playing in the distance.

* * *

End of chapter 34.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, um, now I'm debating another chapter or the epilogue after this. Whatever you guys want to see let me know immediately, please and thank you.


	37. Chapter 37

My Regret

Chapter 35

* * *

We must cherish those moments we share with those we care about. They mean the absolute world to us. It doesn't matter if a camera doesn't capture every moment, so long as we're there and experience it that should be more than enough.

After the proposal that left Eren absolutely speechless, their family remained with them longer in France, staying in Levi's childhood home.

"Wow, bro, and how many awards do you have?" Rivaille and his father were looking around his room.

Levi thought about it for a moment, "About fifty. There are more in the storage." Growing up, he didn't have enough room around the house for his awards, so he simply sealed them properly in a box.

"Sheesh. Genius over here." His younger brother was looking at some of his old photos.

His father was unusually quiet.

"Something on your mind there?" The raven stood beside him.

"Just…staring at all these pictures and awards, made me realize just how much I've missed." He could barely look at the pictures of Kuchel.

"Father, you have to start letting this go."

That certainly got his father's attention, "What?"

"Everything that happened should be placed in the past where it belongs. I admit I was bitter for a very long time, but if that's always on your mind, it was cloud your judgment whenever we are together. You should try asking me about some of these memories instead of beating yourself up about it."

"I can just ask?"

Levi nodded, "I'll be more than happy to explain the story behind each picture, award and toy in this room. Everything in here is precious to me, so much so, I want to take a picture with you and Rivaille." He already had a picture with Eren and the kids on his nightstand.

His brother and father smiled, "Then let's do it."

The picture now rests beside the last one he took of his mother.

* * *

Isabel and Farlan came to visit France and stayed with them, all of them reminiscing in the kitchen.

The red head looked around the kitchen, "Man, nothing really changed here."

Farlan hummed in agreement, "Yeah. Looks exactly the same as when we were kids."

Levi chuckled as he poured them all tea, "Very many things about this place haven't changed since we were brats. This house especially."

"That's good though, big bro. Cause we had so much fun here." Isabel picked up one of her cookies and took a bite.

"Hey, Lee, you tell everyone else about the big surprise?"

"The one with me and Eren?"

"Yeah."

"Not yet. I was planning to do so sometime later." The mere thought of it made him smile so much, his cheeks hurt.

"Aww, big bro is smiling, Farlan. We should take a picture. You know, of this instead of his normally grumpy face."

She pouted when the camera was taken away.

* * *

"What exactly made you come up with this idea?"

"Just thinking about the way our lives turned out."

Farlan had requested that Levi come and help him with something. Turned out that it was something was wanting his older brother assisting him in writing a book.

"And you said you wanted the characters to be somewhat like us?"

"Exactly. I want the same headstrong, stubborn, mama's boy, and father that you are." The blonde laughed when his brother threw a cushion at him.

"So long as we capture the same bratty, stubborn, and smart writer you are."

"Done deal."

* * *

"Are you certain you trust me with this?"

"Of course, father. You deserve to let everything go now."

Levi had taken Vincent to go and see Kuchel's grave. He at least owed it to her to let her know what happened throughout all those years.

"Very well." The father and son walked over to Kuchel's grave, Vincent sitting down in front

"Hello, Kuchel, it's been many years since you and I have last spoken to each other."

The wind blew harshly for a moment.

"Yes, yes, I know, I was a complete jackass. But I've come here because our son talked some sense into me. He said that I cannot allow the past to hold me back any longer. Although that time was painful, we must look past that all. If we allow for that to restrain us now, it always will. Kuchel, I'm sorry, and, I honestly do not think even this one apology could make up for a life time's worth of them."

He looked back at his son, then turned back to the grave, "I missed so much in our son's life, but I know you made him feel like he never needed a father. You did an amazing job with raising Levi, Kuchel. He grew up to be a fantastic son, nephew, friend, brother and father. You are one hell of a woman to be able to raise a child on your own, which is something I could have never done. I want to thank you for raising our son through all those tough times, and I wish I was there for the both of you when you got sick. I know it would have meant something to our son, to you, and to Kenny if you all had that extra shoulder to lean on."

He sighed, "But, if I do think about it properly, I know it would have only caused all the more trouble and stress on you all. The man who suddenly abandoned his wife and son came back, while his former wife was very sick. I know you would have been wondering why I was there and not with my family, you were one woman who wasn't afraid to yell at me especially when someone deserved it."

"I know that Levi over here won't ever verbally voice it, because he still thinks it's a bit embarrassing, him being a mama's boy and all, but I love my son more than anything in the world. I want to be the parent I should have been to him now. I know that he will need my guidance from time to time, and I'll be more than happy to assist him in anything he might ever need, big or small, I'll always be there for our son. Kuchel, I promise you this without fail."

Levi placed a hand on his father's shoulder, "Thanks, dad."

Vincent nodded as he stood up, "Thank you for listening to me, Kuchel. I'll look after Levi very much for the both of us."

The father and son left the cemetery, an arm over each other's shoulder.

_Thank you. I always knew you would._

* * *

Levi and Eren managed to gather their family together in the living room, making them all wonder why the couple got them all here.

The brunet smiled at his partner, then looked back at their family, "We wanted to tell you all something very special."

They all waited patiently and quietly for the two to announce their special something.

The raven and brunet smiled, "We're getting married early. Four months to be exact."

"Wait, what?!"

Levi's step mother was freaking out, "W-Wait, but what about picking out everything carefully, looking at detail!"

Carla was doing no better, "E-Eren, my god, give me a warning before you drop the ball on me like that!"

Isabel was shaking her head, "Oh, bro. You know how excited I got for this."

Mikasa sighed, "And here I wanted to carefully pick out a dress for Eren."

"Should we tell them?" Levi wrapped an arm around his fiancé.

"Yeah?"

This caught their attention, "Tell us what?"

The two smiled, "We're having a baby."

Everything stayed silent for several moments, everyone needing them to pick their jaws back up.

Carla and Flore were the first two to embrace Eren and Levi, both squealing in excitement for their new grandchild.

The raven laughed when his father and uncle both pat his back, both grumbling when the bet was over.

"Hey, father, uncle."

"Yeah?"

"I win the bet."

Both men's eyes widened, "You knew?"

"You seem to forget my hearing is really good."

"Damn. I forgot, kid." Kenny rubbed the back of his neck.

Carla held her son's hand, "How far along are you?"

Eren smiled, "A month now."

Farlan whistled, "Man, you two are fast."

The raven laughed as he embraced his blushing fiancé from behind, "Blame Eren. Could not keep his hands to himself."

"Levi!"

"What? It's true."

Eren whined, his face turning a deeper red, "You don't have to tell them."

Mikasa placed a hand on her brother's shoulder, "We would have easily figured it out."

The brunet buried his face in his hands as everyone laughed.

If they didn't have a lot to complete before then, they most certainly did now.

* * *

Levi sat in the living room, on the last night in his childhood home, staring up at the ceiling as everyone else was asleep.

Being back in this home brought back so many memories, and it was able to help him create so many as well.

His children were able to see what their father looked like back when he was younger, seeing pictures of grandma Kuchel, uncle Kenny, Isabel, Farlan, and many others.

Vincent, his father, was able to make amends with his mother, and made his sons smile more than enough in this home.

Rivaille got a closer look at what his life was like back when he was growing up. The raven was happy knowing he got closer to his brother.

Eren was the happiest out of all of them. He learned things about his fiancé that the raven hadn't ever casually mentioned.

The brunet was able to help him get through some tough things he ended up remembering being back in his home. Eren offered him nothing but comfort, most of the time silent since he wasn't the touchy feely type, and he really appreciated it.

Levi sighed, would Eren be opposed to moving here one day? He talked it through with the twins, and they were ecstatic.

But what would his fiancé think?

The raven chuckled softly, he really would love to move back to his home country, Eren could see IIse and Flagon more often, but there was one thing that wouldn't permit them.

_Family._

I mean, his father, step mother, and brother did mention they would love moving back here, and Mikasa even went with it.

Now, if only he could somehow convince Carla, then they would be solid. But hey, it was all up to his fiancé.

* * *

Eren sighed heavily as he plopped down in his bed back home, "I…am so tired…!" He buried his face in a pillow, his temples lightly throbbing.

Levi groaned in agreement, rubbing his own temples, "You're telling me."

Their flight took so much out of them, the boys were now sleeping after not being able to on the plane, and their parents with headaches, borderline migraine for Levi, and mood swings from Eren.

Setting their things down carefully on the floor, Levi went over and sat down on the bed beside his fiancé, rubbing his back, "You alright?" The brunet didn't really have much of an appetite on the plane, and didn't really seem all that interested on the fresh fruit Levi had packed him.

"Yeah…I should be fine." Eren lifted his head up, looking over at the older male, "We have tea in the house?"

"Yes. I told Mikasa to buy you some."

"…is it cinnamon tea?"

"Yes."

"I love you."

"Hey there, daddy."

Levi held up his hands, "Whoa, Mikasa, I don't have a daddy kink."

The girl cringed, "Not like that you perv." She meant it as a simple greeting.

He chuckled, "I know, I know. Just wanted to be a little shit." He started making the tea for Eren.

"How's Eren been holding up?"

"He's been doing well, just has a headache right now, and he wanted some tea to try and calm it down."

Mikasa nodded, lifting her cup up to take a drink.

"Wait, is that what I think it is?" He caught a flash of something on her finger.

The girl blushed, "Yeah, it's a promise ring."

Levi gently took a hold of her hand, looking at the ring, "You two are that serious?"

Mikasa nodded, smiling, "Yeah. Rivaille thought it was too soon but, I felt like we were ready emotionally and mentally. I've never felt this way about someone. I just…loved him too much to say no to the ring."

Her boyfriend was so shy about it that it was so endearing. Rivaille had taken her feelings into consideration and said he would save it when she was ready. He would gladly wait for her until she was ready.

"Damn, my baby brother works fast." He let go of her hand, going back to the tea.

"Can you keep this between us? I want to tell mom and Eren on my own."

"My lips are sealed." The raven finished making his fiance's tea, waved Mikasa goodbye, and went back upstairs.

* * *

"I never knew how much went into picking out a single suit." Levi flopped down onto his father's couch, his brother nodding beside him.

Vincent chuckled at seeing his two son's tired, "Well boys, and take satisfaction in knowing that if Rivaille gets married, you'll have to do this all over again."

The two groaned.

"Then take into consideration your own kids, Levi."

Levi grabbed a cushion and buried his face in it.

His brother and father chuckled at his reaction.

The man sat beside his two sons, "At least know this, Levi."

"What?" His voice was a bit muffled due to the cushion his face was buried into.

"Your job is much easier than Eren's. That boy is a trooper to be wearing a dress for you."

Rivaille whistled, "Yeah. Especially since he's got mom, Carla and Mika with him. I wish him the best of luck."

He's gonna need it too.

* * *

"Mom, can we please take a twenty minute break?"

Eren was currently sitting in the living room, giving his mother, sister, and soon to be mother in law a pleading look.

His mother sighed, "Fine. Twenty minutes then we get the cake picked out." All the women sat down.

"How have you and the baby been Eren?" Flore was curious how her son in law was doing.

The brunet placed a hand gently on his stomach, "The baby and I have been doing really good. Levi's always looking after me."

"How are the twins coping?" Carla would imagine they would be somewhat alright not being the absolute center of attention anymore.

Eren smiled, "They've been great. They said they want to be the best big brothers for their future brother or sister."

Sebastian and Yami had been behaving very well, like always, to make sure things were easy on their mother. But let him tell you this, to have a clean freak fiancé and child, certainly did come in handy.

Mikasa laughed softly at her nephew's antics, "That sure seems like them. Those boys are always thinking of other people."

"They're not jealous or sad because they said they know mommy and daddy still love them the same, and they always have each other."

All the women awed.

"Eren?"

"Yeah, mom?"

"Do you have your wedding vows all written up?"

"Almost. I kinda wanna include some humor in it so it's not so serious. You know, include some things people don't know about Levi." He'd pay close attention for when he mentioned the raven was incredibly ticklish.

"That would be nice. Many wedding vows are serious. It'll be good to let the guests get a laugh."

She too was curious about what Eren knew about his fiancé the raven would otherwise never tell a person.

Mikasa turned to her brother, her phone out, "Hey, bro?"

"Yeah?"

"Twenty minutes is up."

"Damn."

* * *

"Yes, love, I'm picking up the invitations right now."

"Levi, make sure they're everything that we wanted. I don't want to replace them."

The raven thoroughly examined the invitations. The colors, envelope, writing, and everything matched the description they gave, "They're perfect, Eren."

Eren sighed over the phone, "Good. That's another thing we can check off the list."

"I'm going to place them in the car, then head off to speak with the photographer and florist like you told me to."

"Thank you so much, love. Sorry I couldn't go with you."

"It's alright, Eren. I know that you've been having some sickness lately, don't worry about a thing." He closed the passenger door and leaned against it.

"Thanks for understanding, Levi."

"Of course, love."

"I'll let you go now. Mika and I are looking over some stuff now."

Levi nodded, "Alright. Have fun, love."

"Thanks. Love you."

"Love you too."

Levi hung up and put his phone back in his pocket.

"So, you're finally getting married to Eren?"

The raven froze at hearing the voice of the person whom brought so much pain to his fiancé.

Bertolt chuckled at Levi's stunned look, "Here I thought you'd be saying every kind of profanity in my face."

Levi narrowed his eyes, "Give me a moment and I'll say more than profanities."

"Look, I didn't come to fight."

"Oh? And here I thought I'd get to kick your shit in."

The brunet sighed, "I came here to apologize to our face. I knew me sending a message through someone else was the coward's way out, so I came here fully knowing you would punch me in the face, break a bone, whatever you want to do, I'll take it. I deserve it."

"Talk then." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I know I did horrible things to Eren, I know that. In some way, I was always jealous of the relationship you two had, and well, I wanted the same thing to happen for me. So, while you were gone, I figured that was my shot at having real happiness. But when I saw that Eren never forget about you, it made me jealous. The twins already looked a great deal like the both of you, and I thought that was the reason Eren could never forget you."

The brunet cautiously leaned against the raven's car, "I thought the jealously would eventually fade. But over time, I saw Eren stare at Sebastian all the more and when I saw he was an exact copy of you, I let my anger and jealousy take over. I hit Eren for the first time that night."

Levi's nails dug painfully into his palm at the mention of this man hitting his fiancé.

Bertolt's eyes shifted to the raven's hand, "Don't break the skin there. Eren will be worried."

"How about this fist comes in contact with your face?"

"Please wait until I finish explaining, then if you want at the end, go ahead."

"Fine."

"Now where was I? Ah, yes. After I first laid a hand on Eren, I felt horrible. I thought of myself as a monster for touching someone so amazing like him. I avoided contact with Eren for a short time, letting myself cool off and then I apologized to him. I told him I would never lay a hand on him."

"Which you failed to do."

"Thanks for that, someone likes rubbing salt in the wound."

Levi glared at him, "Keep talking."

"Right, right. Anyway, I did keep abusing Eren after that because he couldn't ever come to love me despite how much I wanted him to. Then when you came back into the picture, I knew I lost, I just couldn't accept it. I tried to love Eren as best as I could, but ended up showing it in the wrong way. I should have just backed down, and let him be happy with you and the twins. That could have happened a lot sooner. I'm sorry."

The brunet looked down at the ground, "Can you please tell Eren I'm sorry? I can't face him because I know it would only bring pain to him. I don't deserve to see him after what I did. Whether you choose to tell him or not is your choice. I respect whatever you choose."

Bertolt grinned at the raven, "Going to hit me now?"

"No."

"Oh? Why not?"

"You having that guilt should be more than enough. Besides, you're not even worth it. Your punishment is knowing you did all that to someone wonderful."

The young man chuckled, "Yeah, yeah, that's been haunting me for some time now."

"That's punishment enough." Levi opened his car door and got in.

"Hey, Levi."

"What?"

"I'm not gonna be around anymore, I'm leaving. Make sure everyone stays safe, alright. I'm sorry for everything." The brunet waved as he turned and left.

Levi sat in his car for a moment before he drove off to get more things done.

* * *

"You saw him?"

"Yeah. He came to apologize to my face."

"Damn. Not many would do that."

Levi was with his brother and the two were talking about what had happened earlier.

The younger man whistled lowly, sipping his tea, "You didn't hit him at all?"

"No. He wasn't even worth my time doing that."

"Good. I bet he would have gotten satisfaction from you hitting him."

Levi raised a brow, "What do you mean?"

"You said he was being a bit of a little shit, right?"

"Yeah."

"So he would have been satisfied knowing he got you angry. He went there with a plan in mind to get you angry at him one more time, and since you didn't do anything, I think he felt like a failure. You did the right thing in not hitting him." He reached over and pat his brother's back.

Levi nodded then sighed, "Now I have to make a choice."

"What?"

"Telling Eren or keeping it hidden."

Rivaille rubbed the back of his neck, "That choice is completely yours. You could tell him but also face him freaking out at remembering everything Bertolt did, or not tell him and know you won't ever have to see him again. But then again, the choice is completely yours."

His brother did have a valid point. Eren could freak out hearing Bert's name and something could happen to him and the baby, something they couldn't risk.

Or, he couldn't tell Eren and he can be content knowing that brute is out of their lives.

…You know, he kind of forgot to go to the florist…

* * *

"Levi, big bro."

"What Farlan?"

"What do you think of a bachelor party?"

"No strippers."

The blonde chuckled, "I figured you'd say that."

Levi set his tea cup down on the coffee table, "Who set you up to this?"

"Erwin."

"I thought so."

"Can we have it here?"

"Why?"

"Cause you haven't been home in a while, and I was wondering if we could all spend time here together."

Levi glanced over at his blonde brother, "How about you, me, and Izzy spend some time together before then. I know I've been with my father and half-brother a lot, but I want to make some time for the three of us."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've been busy with helping Eren plan the whole wedding, being gone the whole summer, getting ready for the baby, getting things sorted out at work, and other shit, that I haven't really been paying attention much to you and Isabel. So, why not hang out, just the three of us like the good ol days?"

Farlan smiled, "That'd be great."

"And hey, I have a question?"

"What's that?"

Levi smiled, "How'd you like to be my best man?"

The blonde's eyes widened, "Wait, for real?"

"Yes."

"I-I thought you'd ask Rivaille." It certainly did seem like the two were much closer.

"The thought never crossed my mind. Sure, he's my brother and I care about him a lot. But you've been there with me since the beginning, through thick and thin, and I don't just think of you as a brother, but also my closet friend. So, what do you say?"

"I say hell yes."

The two stood up and embraced the other.

"Whoa, whoa, how come you guys never tell me when you hug?" Isabel pouted as she walked into the living room.

The two brothers chuckled, each extending an arm to their sister, the girl smiling as she ran over and hugged them.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah, Lee?"

"How'd you like to be the flower girl at the wedding?"

"Oh hell yes! I totally wanted to be one for the wedding!" Laughing, she kissed her brother's cheek.

Levi and Farlan laughed as the red head jumped in joy.

* * *

"Are you sure this is what you two want to spend the day doing?"

"Completely sure, big bro."

"Yeah, Levi. Isabel and I just want this day to be like this."

When the raven had offered to spend the day with his siblings, he thought they would be dragging him everywhere around town and do everything they thought would be fun.

Instead, they tell him they want to spend a day in the house. Watching movies, baking, playing games, making dinner together, turn on their fire place, and then fall asleep in the living room.

Levi smiled, "Alright then. What would you like to do first?"

* * *

"Big bro's too good at this game," The red head pouted.

Farlan chuckled, ruffling her hair, "Aww, come on, Bella. You know Levi's always been good at chess."

"Yeah, but he could go easier on us."

Levi simply gave her a fresh cupcake and she quieted down immediately.

The blonde face palmed.

"What? Don't judge me Farlan. Lee makes the best cupcakes. Don't tell me how to live my life!" She bit straight into the cupcake, coating her nose in frosting.

Levi sighed as he wiped her nose.

* * *

"She fell asleep?"

"Yeah." Levi gently placed a blanket over his sleeping sister.

The two brothers went into the kitchen for a cup of tea, for Levi, and coffee for Farlan.

"Been a good while since the three of us could be like this."

Levi hummed in agreement, "Has been."

They both sat in silence for several moments.

"I really enjoyed today, Lee."

"You know, despite me being skeptical about this, it was a very enjoyable time."

Farlan chuckled, "You know, today felt like what we did often back then."

"Yeah. Yeah it did."

Back when they were younger, Levi, Isabel and Farlan would often head over to the raven's house on the weekends and play together.

They all played games, watched cartoons, made dinner with Kuchel, beat Kenny at board games, run in the backyard, and fall asleep on the carpet in the living room with the fire place on.

"Hey, Farlan?"

"Hmm?" He picked up his cup and drank some of his coffee.

"Even though I'm getting married in three weeks, I want you to know, that I will always make time for you and Isabel. We've been through so much, that even though I'll be married and living in a completely different home from you two, I'll always be there for you two. Be it when Isabel needs help with her homework or simply asking instructions on how to make cupcakes. And when you need help with a chapter for your book, or fixing your crazy hair, just know, that whenever you two need me, I'll always welcome you with open arms."

Farlan smiled softly, "Thanks, bro. You know, you were always my closet friend. You've been there with me from when I first moved to France, you were the first friend I made and genuinely stuck up for me, you taught me to appreciate family, taught me how to ride a bike when my parents had no time, took me out to my first carnival, got me my first journal which would later contain story ideas, stuck with me through middle school and high school when everyone said you would leave, you were beside me when my parents got divorced, and even know you're still here. I'll never find a proper way to ever thank you."

Levi ruffled his brother's blonde hair, "Think nothing of it, Farlan. And hey, even though we might not be blood related, I've always thought of you as my true brother. Same with Bella, I've always thought of her as my real sister."

"You still remember the day we met Bella?"

"Of course I do."

They met Isabel back when they were both eight years old. The two boys were gathering their toys to go back to Levi's house, when they spotted a crying red head by the tree.

She was crying because her parents hadn't come to pick her up and it was night time. Both boys went over to her and comforted her until she stopped crying.

When they each offered her a hand to get up, she cried and called them her big brothers. The blonde and raven smiled as they accepted the titles as big brothers.

After that, they found out Isabel transferred into their school, and the three of them stuck together when everyone said they'd eventually part ways.

They taught Isabel how to stand up for herself, how to be independent, draw, cook, to some extent, bake, and they take great pride in knowing they helped shape her into the amazing young woman she is now.

"Lee?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being my best friend and big brother."

"Thank you for being my best friend and little brother."

* * *

The two laughed softly as to not disturb their sleeping sister.

"They decided to throw you a bachelor party?"

Levi nodded, buttoning up his shirt, "Yes. Erwin, Farlan, Gunther, Eld, father, Rivaille, Molbit, Flagon, and Mike, my brother's friend, are all attending."

"I hope you have fun." The brunet kissed his fiancé's cheek.

"Thanks love."

"Where are you guys headed?"

"Over to Erwin's house." More like his mansion. Seriously, how does the man consider that a house?

"Over to his big ass house?" He saw Levi grin.

"And that's why I'm marrying you."

* * *

Erwin stood in front of all his guests sitting in his living room, "Alright, as Levi requested, there is nothing here inappropriate that will get our asses kicked by spouses, fiancé, and partners."

All the men breathed a sigh of relief. Each of them knew what their partners would do, and that had them all shivering in fear.

"On that note, let's break out the drinks and embarrassing stories about Levi." The blonde grinned when his friend merely flipped him off.

* * *

"Fuck, Levi. You did that to a teacher?" Rivaille wiped away a tear that fell from laughing so hard.

The raven nodded, "Dumbass had it coming."

"But to spray paint their entire apartment?"

He shrugged, "Shouldn't have gave their address away."

Erwin grinned from behind his glass of whiskey, "How about the time he pretended to date Farlan to get a girl to leave him alone?"

His half-brother certainly seemed interested, "Oh? Do tell."

"Well, there was this cheerleader who had a really big crush on Levi, like, full on lady boner. She kept coming over to our lunch table and bothered us for the entire lunch period. Well, one day Levi, or Ravioli as called him back in school, finally had enough. When the girl came by, he pulled down Farlan, bit his neck and left a rather impressive hickey. She was in so much shock after that, she couldn't look at these two without blushing."

His co-workers were laughing, his father shaking his head amused, Rivaille patting his back grinning, and Farlan completely red.

Levi crossed his arms, "You know, the only downside to that, was trying to convince the people weeks later that we weren't dating, and telling everyone I didn't have a kink being called big brother in bed."

His brother wiggled his eyebrows, "So, you didn't mind holding hands and doing other stuff?"

"I held his hand, I'll admit that. But everything from there on, I asked for permission. Hell, I already had Hanji coming to us and showing us her drawings of us. Apparently, we were the one true pairing for her."

The blonde gently rubbed his red cheek with a finger, "I found out a couple days later some girls formed a fan club over the two of us. They ended up telling me they shipped us together since middle school and were practically waiting for this day to happen."

Erwin laughed, "Ah, I remember that. The Levifar fan club."

Gods, he gave credit to Levi and Farlan for staying strong especially when those girls pestered them for pictures of them holding hands, cuddling, being lovey dovey, and kissing.

"Wait, wasn't there a time when you gave into their demands?"

Both Levi and Farlan froze. Oh god, Erwin, you didn't.

Everyone stared at the two in shock, "You did?!"

The raven threw a glance at Farlan, "Tell Marie I'm sorry that I killed her lover."

They ended up taking the blonde to the hospital for stitches.

* * *

Eren laughed as he saw Levi reading to the baby.

"What? I'm allowed to do this."

"You just want our child to be attached to daddy again."

Levi rubbed the back of his neck, sheepishly, "I suppose."

The brunet ran his fingers through his fiancé's black hair, "I never got the chance to ask you, but would you prefer having a boy or a girl?"

Leaning into the touch, the man thought for a moment, "In all honesty, it wouldn't matter to me. I know that sounds cliché, but it's true. I will love our child regardless of their gender."

Eren smiled, "And here I thought you'd be hoping for a baby girl."

"Really? What made you come to that conclusion?"

"I don't know. I mean, I know you'll raise Yami and Sebastian to be tough boys, but I kind of see you as a father who wants to spoil his daughter rotten."

Seriously, if they had a daughter, she would have Levi wrapped around her finger.

"If we do have a daughter, can I use _that_ name?"

"You're more than welcome to."

* * *

The days had been winding down towards the wedding, everything was being finalized, double checked, triple checked more like it, and now everyone was simply anxious for the big event to arrive.

Where the wedding would take place would be at the beautiful lake where Levi had confessed his feelings to his fiancé all those years ago.

They had decided on a small and intimate wedding, close friends and family would be the only ones attending.

"Oh my god, Eren, your wedding vows are so adorable! I know that big bro will love them!" Isabel had been allowed to look at the brunet's wedding bows because he was doubting if they were good enough to say at the ceremony.

"Really? I thought they were too, but you know how Levi is." The raven would get him later for half the things he was going to mention.

"True, but you need something like this. You and Levi are so sweet around each other I have diabetes."

Eren blushed heavily. He didn't think that he and his fiancé were like that. But then again, everyone else might seem to disagree.

"And hey, I saw your dress. Very nice choice by the way."

The brunet smiled, "Yeah, my mom and Mikasa pointed it out to me. The dress is really beautiful."

"Just hope Levi doesn't get a boner at the ceremony."

"Isabel!"

* * *

"Oh, Levi, you look amazing."

His step mother was soothing out any wrinkles on his suit, her own raven hair and make-up done up. She was wearing a light blue dress, open in the back and the glitter on there was sparkling,

Vincent smiled at his son, "Quite the stunning young man, Levi." He was wearing his own black suit, a white rose in his breast pocket, and his hair slicked back.

Rivaille nodded in agreement, "You got the good genes there, bro."

Farlan chuckled, "I know people are jealous of you being this good looking."

Levi's two brothers also wore the black suits with the same white roses in the breast pockets.

The man pat his son's shoulder, 'You nervous?"

"More like I'm anxious to get the ceremony started and finally be married to Eren."

They all chuckled; of course that's what he would be feeling.

While the others went to check themselves in the mirror, Levi and his father stood beside the window.

"I would have loved it if mother were here." She would have been so happy and proud of him.

"She's here with you regardless. You know that woman loved you more than anything. Even though she is not here physically, you think of her in memory, and in a way, I believe she is watching over this entire ceremony. You know she wouldn't miss seeing her baby boy getting married."

Levi chuckled softly, "You're right. Even though mother isn't here, she's watching over us. I know it."

His father gently pat his back in reassurance.

Even if his mother wasn't here physically, his father, step mother, and two brothers were there to no make him feel lonely.

That was more than enough.

* * *

Levi stood by the priest at the end of aisle, his father, two brothers and his son's stood to his right.

His step-mother had walked him down the aisle, and whispered a congratulations to him before she sat down by his friends.

The music started playing and any talking that was going on completely ceased.

Carla and Mikasa came walking out first, each holding blue roses in their hands.

Eren's mother and sister both had natural looking make-up, their dresses were a very light shade of green, matching the color of Eren's eyes.

Isabel came out after them, an adorable strapless pastel pink dress marched her red hair and green eyes. She gently tossed a mixture of blue and white rose petals.

Finally, Eren came out, and Levi took in a sharp breath.

The brunet had a strapless white dress, slightly puffed out at the end, some gems in a simply design on the upper part of the dress, a flower diamond clip in his hair, and he was holding a bouquet of white and blue roses.

He hadn't realized he was blushing until he heard his father and brothers snicker.

"Cute blush there, love." Eren whispered to him as he finally made it to his fiancé and the priest.

The comment only made his face heat up more.

* * *

"The couple have written vows and now they will exchange them."

Levi smiled down at his fiancé, "Eren, you and everyone else here know that I'm not too fond of expressing emotion in public. But if it's for you, I'll gladly do so." He made everyone awe at his comment before he started.

"I vow to always protect you. I want to take any single trace of doubt, uncertainty, and any other negative emotions and make sure that a smile stays on your face for as long as we're married."

"I vow to call you Erebear more in the morning to wake you up, and bring you breakfast in bed. Specifically those bear shaped pancakes you like so much, because you know I do that, and you want to see how much my pancake art has improved from the burnt mess I gave you the first time."

Everyone laughed as they imagined Levi standing over the pan and cursing out the burnt pancake.

"I vow to cuddle with you some more. Because I know how much you love to do so when I get out of the shower, or snuggle up with me after I wake up from a nap. Because fun fact, cuddling is my guilty pleasure."

"I vow to go scream out to the world that you're mine, and I'm yours, and that you make all the rules in the house when we're on our honeymoon. Because I want them to know I'm wrapped around your finger perfectly without any complaints."

"I vow to spend more time with you and the boys because you're the most important people in my life. You accept me as I am, and I hope that you will continue to do for the rest of our lives."

"And finally, I vow to love you for as long as we live. Something I know will be completely easy because from the moment we met, you've had my heart in the palm of your hand."

All their guests were awing and laughing at some of the cute things these two did together. It also made them feel closer to Levi, whom was normally reserved, but now was so open because he trusted them all.

"Now, you may say yours." The priest motioned for Eren to start.

The brunet took a deep breath, then smiled, "Levi, out of the two of us, I'm the cheesy one and will surely make you embarrassed with what I'm going to vow."

"Here we go…"

Eren laughed softly, "I vow to always make you feel loved. I know that you love it when I bring you your black tea, kiss you on the nose and stay by your side as you work. You said it made you feel loved and secure."

"I vow to make more time and help you garden. I know how much it means to you that we spend time doing something together, and you keep telling me I'm more beautiful than any flowers we have in the garden."

Everyone awed and that made Levi blush a little.

"I vow to make sure that the rooms, specifically, living room is clean, because I know when you put your hands on your hips, and give me that look with Sebastian standing beside you, I know I better prepare myself."

"I vow to make sure that I help you shave, because I know how snarky you get when you have stubble on your face. Something no one has ever seen with you since you're usually so clean shaven."

"I vow to be certain I put your pajamas in the dryer before bed because I know how much you love the warm feeling from there before bad. You say it helps you relax and enjoy more time with me warm and not balls to the walls cold."

"And most importantly, Levi, I vow to love you. You are my first real love and you'll always be that. I love you more than anything, and I look forward to sharing my life with you."

At the end of them both saying their vows, Mikasa, Carla, Flore, Krista, Annie, Sasha, Connie, yes, even him, Marco, and Rivaille were all descriptively wiping away a tear.

Farlan handed his brother the ring so he could gently place it on Eren's finger.

Mikasa gave her brother his ring so he was able to do the same.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

"You paid him to say that, didn't you?"

"Eh, maybe." Levi chuckled and pulled his _wife_ closer and kissed him, their friends and family all clapping loudly and whistling as they did so.

* * *

"Daddy, get up. Mommy said breakfast is ready." Sebastian and Yami were gently shaking their father awake, wanting him to get up because their mother made something good for breakfast.

This was the first time they let mommy cook since the _cravings incident_.

Levi grabbed the boys and brought them under the warm covers, both boys squealing.

"Daddy, you gotta get up!"

"Come on, daddy!"

"In a couple minutes." He brought the boys closer to his chest.

The twins eventually gave up and snuggled into their father's chest.

"Boys, did you get your father up?"

They all sat up immediately and smiled at Eren.

"…You all just got up, didn't you?"

Levi rubbed the back of his neck, "Maybe…"

"Come on, breakfast is ready."

"Be right there, love."

* * *

Ever since the wedding, they had moved into a nice two story house, the boys still insisted in sharing a room even though there was clearly enough room, so when one of them wanted to have their own room, it was always available.

They had started making a nursery for their third child, the crib, toys, rocking chair, clothing, dressers, and many other things they had gotten from friends and family.

Their home had a big backyard, big enough for the boys to run through, and for their puppy, yes, Levi's father got the boys one, since they had a cliché white pick it fence, a small black German Shepherd by the name of Corporal.

And Levi's step mother got him a black kitten, a wedding present from her, whom Sebastian and Yami happily named titan. It was ironic since the kitten wouldn't end up growing much.

Their home was decorated rather simple. Black couches, white cushions on it, picture frames hung on the walls, plush carpets, flower vases here and there, some art they had purchased from France, and their fire place gave their home a modern and comfortable feel to it.

Levi, to his amazement, saw something completely normal on the kitchen table. He had already been preparing his stomach in the bathroom, but saw that it was all for naught.

They all sat down and had normal pancakes. No salmon in them like last time.

* * *

"Daddy, we'll be late for school!"

"Sebastian, we have thirty minutes." His twin told him as he got his backpack.

The small raven turned to his brother, "But daddy takes forever to get ready."

"But doesn't he wear one of those adult suits for work?"

"Yeah, but mommy takes forever tying that thing around his neck."

"A tie?"

"That's what it's called?"

The brunet grinned, "Yeah, because you tie it!"

"…Your humor is bad just like Daddy's."

"I know."

Levi came down the stairs, "All ready to go, boys?"

The twins nodded, "All ready." They each had their backpacks on, homework, crayons, pencils, and their lunchboxes inside.

"Alright. Let's get going."

* * *

"So, how's Eren doing?"

Levi looked up from his computer monitor and faced his father, "He's been doing fine. Rico and Rivaille think he'll give birth in a couple days."

His father chuckled softly, "You're nervous." He had been watching his son and saw him constantly tapping his fingers against his desk.

"Any day I would deny this tooth and nail, but I can't do that right now."

"Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"You won't faint when the baby is born."

"I can only promise about sixty percent of that."

"Well, this will be an interesting future story to tell your kids. Daddy faints when your sibling is born."

"Go back to work."

* * *

To be woken up at three in the morning was not something Levi was expecting. But he can give himself a pat on the back later for allowing Isabel and Farlan to stay the night.

"L-Levi."

"Hmm?" The raven slowly opened his eyes, still tempted to fall back asleep.

"M-My water broke."

That was more than enough to make all sleep go away.

"Farlan! Get your ass in here!"

The blonde, whom must have still been awake writing, came running in, "What's wrong?"

"Get the bags in the closet and get that damn car started now. Wake up Isabel to look after the boys, now!"

"On it!"

While Farlan ran and got everything done, Levi carefully got his partner out of bed and down the stairs.

"Take some deep breaths, love."

"A-Alright."

The two finally made it to the car and got in the back, Farlan got in the driver's seat and drove them to the hospital.

* * *

"Are you ready, Eren?"

Rico and Rivaille were their doctors, apparently Eren's mood swings didn't allow for anyone else to be the doctor for this.

"Y-Yeah."

The albino put her mask and gloves on, Rivaille and other nurses behind her with everything they would need.

"Alright, take some deep breaths."

Eren did as he was told, holding on tightly to Levi's hand.

"Now, push for ten seconds."

The brunet did so, his face getting slightly red.

"Rest."

Eren started panting heavily.

"Again."

Levi grimaced as the brunet's grip got painfully tight, but he would put up with it. The love of his life was about to deliver his child after all.

* * *

It took three hours before they finally heard the cry of a small child.

The brunet and raven looked at their child and smiled.

Just like they suspected; a girl.

All the nurses got the child cleaned up and handed her to her mother.

Eren held her gently in his hands while Levi kissed her softly on top of her head.

Rivaille smiled at his brother and brother in law, "So, what are you going name her?" He had the birth certificate in his hands.

The two shared a glance and smiled.

"Kuchel Ackerman."

* * *

End of chapter 35.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, next is just the epilogue. Ugh, I never thought I'd day this, but I don't want this story to end. It was just one big emotional roller coaster, and I loved that. Oh well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and look out for the epilogue coming out soon.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and with the final chapter of this story.

My Regret

Epilogue

* * *

Through life, we make mistakes. It's a universal thing that naturally happens. No one can be perfect, no matter how much we make them out to be. But when you strive for something perfect you want in your life, maybe if you work hard enough, you'll surely get it. Just keep your head held up high, alright?

Upon bringing Kuchel home, she had her daddy wrapped around her finger.

The small girl certainly took after her father. Down to the raven hair, grey eyes and pale skin. She reminded Levi so much of his mother, and he couldn't have been happier.

Everyone had come over to see the new little addition to the family, and many were left in awe with how much she looked like Levi's deceased mother, especially his father.

Kuchel simply stared in curiosity as she was met with new faces, wondering who all these people were.

Levi's step mother held her granddaughter in her arms, "Aww, she looks so much like daddy." She gently poked her button nose, making the girl giggle.

Eren smiled from his place on the couch, "Yeah, she looks exactly like daddy." The raven had made him lay down, a warm blanket over him.

"Have the boys seen her yet?"

The brunet shook his head, "Not yet. They were staying with Isabel and Farlan while Levi and I were at the hospital."

You see, when you have kids, they tend to be jealous of the other when one gets more attention. Both parents were just hoping their kids wouldn't ever feel that way. They had only one way to find out.

"Mommy, daddy!" Two sets of voices called out.

Levi was the first one to greet them, bringing them into a warm embrace, "Hey boys. Behave for aunt Isabel and uncle Farlan?"

"Yep!"

"Good. Now, when you hug mommy, make sure you be careful."

"Is mommy sick?" The small brunet had a worried look on his face.

"No, no, mommy's just a bit tired."

Both boys nodded, "Okay."

They went over and gently hugged their mother.

Eren chuckled softly, kissing their foreheads, "Good job on behaving for Isabel and Farlan. Hearing that makes me happy."

Normally, the boys would blush at being praised, but they were focused on the baby now being placed in their father's arms.

"Mommy, who's that?" Sebastian pointed to the baby.

"That's Kuchel. She's your little sister."

Now, you would think they would latch onto their mother or father for dear life, well, remember, their kids are not ordinary ones.

"Yes!" Both boys squealed out in joy.

Originally they would have been relieved they weren't jealous, now they were confused.

The brunet finally spoke, "Why are you boys cheering?"

Sebastian and Yami smiled at their mother, "Because, we wanted a little sister who could play the princess and we're the princes who look after her."

_Now that was more than satisfactory of an answer for Levi._

"And daddy's the king and mommy's the queen now."

Everyone's eyes slowly shifted towards Levi.

None of them were surprised to see him grinning.

* * *

Eren groaned as he woke up to the sound of his daughter crying.

It had been a few weeks since they brought Kuchel home, and it seemed that whenever she fell asleep and didn't see her parents beside her, she would cry until they came to get her.

The brunet was about to get up when she immediately stopped crying and was giggling instead.

He then noticed that his husband wasn't beside him in bed.

Ah, so he must have heard her sooner.

Eren got up and quietly made his way to the baby's room. He smiled as he watched through the gap.

Levi had the baby in his arms, gently pressing kisses to her temple, and rubbing her back in soothing motions, "It's alright, princess. Daddy's here."

The small girl suckled on her purple pacifier as she looked up at her father.

"You know, little one, I was nervous that I would raise you in a different way since I've no idea how to raise a girl. But my mother once told me something."

He walked over and sat down on the rocking chair, gently rocking back and forth, "She said if you love your children, you always raise them with the intention of what's best for them. I love you princess, and please forgive me in advance if I'm overprotective. I know I'll do things you'll later on argue with me, but remember, I do it because I love you and want you to be safe. You know, just like your big brothers."

Levi gently kissed her forehead as his daughter drifted off to sleep.

Eren smiled as he went back to their room.

And this moron was worried he wouldn't be a good father to his daughter.

He is fantastic already.

* * *

Kuchel giggled loudly as the kitten and German shepherd both nuzzled her.

Sebastian and Yami were playing with some toys and watching over their sister while their parents were in the kitchen with uncle Rivaille and aunt Mikasa.

It had been a few months by now, and apparently Levi's little brother had some news.

"We're moving in together!" The two were smiling and holding hands.

Eren smiled, hugging his sister as she came around to his side, "That's amazing, Mika. Congrats."

Levi pat his brother's back affectionately, "Finally got her to agree, huh?"

The raven nodded, "Yeah. She and I went apartment hunting for several weeks, sorry Eren that we didn't tell you, but it was rather stressful until we found something we both liked."

"Let me guess, it was where Isabel and Farlan's apartment is, isn't it?"

"Wait, how did you know?"

"You forget Isabel can't keep a secret to save her life."

"God dammit."

"Hey, Lee, um, can you and I talk about something? I need your input. Sorry if I sounded rather vague on the phone."

Levi had gotten a call from Farlan if he could come over to his house and talk about something. Apparently it was rather urgent.

Eren went out with Mikasa to get some furniture for her apartment and took the kids along with him.

"What's this urgent something?"

"How would you feel about me dating someone?" The blonde was scratching the back of his head nervously.

"You're an adult Farlan, you know that dating someone means commitment and that you're more than welcome to date anyone you want."

"What if that someone was very close to us both?"

"Well, who is that someone?" The raven knew who it was.

Farlan chuckled, his laugh wavering a bit, "Um, well, you, see, the person I'm dating is well, Isabel."

"Oh that? I knew about that." He picked up his water and took a calm sip.

"Wait, what?! You knew?!" And here the blonde thought he and Isabel were being good at hiding their relationship.

"I've known for a long time now. Ever since you two came from France, the first time I've seen you both physically in years, I had a feeling like something had changed between you two."

More like he was absolutely certain when he saw Farlan kiss Isabel softly in the airport before he saw them.

"So, um, what do you think about it?"

"I always thought it was normal in a way. I mean, I know I've seen you date other people, but I always thought you were better with Isabel. I never had a problem with you dating her, I actually accepted it rather easily. Because I knew, no one would treasure her as much as you do. But, keep this in mind."

The blonde was smiling as he nodded, "What's that?"

"If you ever hurt Isabel in any way, know that this big brother will easily find you and make you sorry."

Farlan felt an unpleasant shiver run down his back, "Know that I won't ever hurt her in any way."

"You better not."

* * *

"We don't get many moments like this anymore, huh?"

Eren and Mikasa had finished shopping for furniture and were now sitting at a park.

The twins were playing in the park and Kuchel was sleeping in her stroller.

"Not really. With me having to take care of the kids, still doing my online tutoring classes, and you moving in with Rivaille, a lot has been going on."

"Hey, at least llse's parents were kind enough to move in to her house while she stays with mom here."

Let Eren explain. Since their mother had been now living alone, they noticed she seem to be feeling rather lonely.

So, Eren's cousin and half-brother decided to fix that. They moved into the home saying they wanted to get to know her better and spend time with her.

Apparently, Carla didn't mind whatsoever. She treated llse and Flagon like her own children. The brunette loved the fact that she could spoil two more people.

Mikasa smiled, "That way mom isn't alone. I'm so happy they did that for us."

Eren chuckled softly, "Yeah. We know how sad mom got when we both moved out. But know that cousin and little brother are with her, we get to not worry and stress out as much."

"Yeah." The raven then sighed, "Man, did life change so much within the span of a few years."

"You're telling me."

If they're to be completely honest, neither one saw this outcome.

Just a few years ago, Eren was sitting alone in his room, having broken up with his lover, and left alone to raise two children.

Mikasa was sitting in the living room and wondering if she would know what true happiness was like in another person's arms.

And even though times got rough, they were able to hold strong and attain the very thing they wanted all those years ago.

The brunet was now married with the twins growing up and having had a baby not too long ago.

His sister had gained her self-confidence back and was now dating his husband's brother, whom was an amazing man by the way.

They both learned an important lesson; if you hold strong and are surrounded by people who care, then, maybe, just maybe, you'll get the happy ending you've been looking for.

You just have to be around to see it.

* * *

"That's it, Kuchel. Come to daddy." Levi had his arms stretched out to his daughter, Eren smiling right beside him, the twins on each side of their sister to make sure she didn't fall.

The little girl carefully took step after step, only to fall down. The twins would have helped her but their father shook his head.

"No, boys. It's best to let her get up on her own. This way, she grows up to be a strong girl."

Kuchel had several tears gathering in her eyes.

"It's okay, princess. Come on, I know you can do it. You're a strong girl."

She sniffled, the tears threatening to fall.

Eren smiled at her, "Its okay, little one. Mommy and daddy know you can do it."

Kuchel slowly got up and continued walking, finally reaching her father's arms. She cried into his shoulder, holding onto him tightly.

The two parents smiled down at the girl, her brothers coming over and kissing her cheeks.

* * *

"And here I thought Mikasa would be the one proposing." Levi sighed, "Looks like I owe Eren money now."

Rivaille rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his face, "Come on, bro. You know I had the confidence, it just, didn't always show around Mikasa is all. She just…"

"Makes you into one nervous dork?"

"Exactly."

"Yeah, those siblings sure know how to get us."

The raven laughed, "You can say that again."

Eren raised a brow, "We know how to get you? Please, you're the ones who get us with those charming looks and gentlemanly ways."

Mikasa nodded in agreement, "It's true. You two are way too suave."

The brothers didn't seem to think so, but then again, it's best that they should keep their mouths shut. Last thing they want happening is for both of them to be sleeping on the couch.

* * *

"Oh my god, my little girl is getting married! Where does time go?" Carla sighed as she smiled at her daughter.

"Too fast, mom."

"Right you are. The last time there was a wedding it was for Eren. Now it's for my other child! Aww, I can imagine the children you and Rivaille will be having. They'll be so adorable."

She could already imagine Rivaille as the doting father, much like Levi, and Mikasa as the loving mother.

Mikasa turned a beet red at the mention of children.

Eren gently pat her back, "I feel your pain."

She glanced back at him, "But you already went through it twice."

"Does not mean the pain goes away." God, when he started showing, man, did his mother hurt his ears with all her squealing.

The brunet turned to his mother and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Besides mom, it's a little too early for them to be having kids. They need to get a lot of stuff sorted out first. Kids can come later. Don't worry, you'll get them."

Mikasa made a mental note to get her brother something nice because he saved her just now.

"Alright. But let's get focusing on picking out your sister's dress!"

* * *

"Nervous?"

Rivaille made a face, "Who? Me? No."

Levi leaned over to his father, "I call bullshit."

Their father laughed, patting his older son on the back, "I think you're right, Levi."

The younger of the two glared at his brother, "Hey, you were nervous too."

"Never said I wasn't. But you're the one that said he wouldn't be nervous at all, and have more confidence than nerves unlike his older brother."

Rivaille sighed, "God dammit."

"Now, now boys, there is no need for you two to be arguing about who has more confidence. I about shit my own pants when I got married."

Both of his sons looked at their father, "At least our pants are clean." They each glanced down at their pristine looking clothing.

Vincent nodded, a chuckle escaping him, "Exactly, you should be grateful and that idea alone should help increase your confidence."

Rivaille hummed in agreement, "You know, as weird as that was, I oddly feel more confident."

Levi glanced at his father, "Why didn't you share something like that to me when I was about to get married?"

"Because you had so much more confidence than your brother here."

"True. He's not very confident in social situations."

"I'm still here you know."

* * *

"Mikasa, are you ready?"

Carla, Annie, and Eren were patiently waiting for the raven while she went about adjusting her flower crown.

They all smiled when Mikasa turned around to face them.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She smiled, cradling her bouquet to her chest.

* * *

Slightly rocking back and forth on the heels of his feet, Rivaille idly looked around the church, trying to kill time.

"That's not going to make time go by any faster."

The raven turned and faced his brother who greeted him with a smile, "And how would you know that?"

"I did that at my own wedding."

Rivaille rolled up his left sleeve, revealing the watch on his wrist, "Time seems to go by so slow while waiting for the bride, huh?"

Levi nodded, then smiled towards the entrance, "Time to look proper, brother."

The other was about to ask why, when the music started.

Mikasa was holding onto Eren and Carla's arms as they walked her down the aisle, her veil covering up her face.

You know when people say they are about to get married and when they set their eyes on their future spouse, and the world just kind of stops, the two raven's very much believed in that saying.

Eren smiled at the nervous groom, he and his mother taking hold of the bride's hands gently, trying to coax the male in taking her hand.

The raven carefully reached out and grasped his fiance's slim hand in his own, watching as a beautiful blush appeared on her face.

Both of the brunet's went to their places, Eren beside Annie, and his mother standing beside him.

Rivaille sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, a dark blush on his face, somehow not believing that this amazing woman was about to become his wife.

The priest smiled at the blushing bride and groom, "Now, let's begin..."

* * *

"The couple have written vows and now they will exchange them."

Rivaille and Mikasa turned to each other, the male gesturing towards his bride, "Ladies first."

The raven playfully scoffed as she smiled at her husband to be, "Such a charmer." She took a deep breath as she began.

"I vow to always be there so we can play our daily game of rock paper scissors, and yes, I'll even do that to see who gets to pick the game we play every Saturday night."

"I vow to make sure that I sit beside you every time that you're looking through reports, I just wanna make sure you don't get headaches, and apparently I'm the only medicine you'll ever need."

The audience was both snickering and awing at the comment, leaving the groom a blushing mess.

"I vow to never keep score in a game, even if I'm totally winning."

She smiled as everyone laughed, clearly all of them knowing of her competitive streak.

"I vow to share my fries with you, even when you're finished and still hungry."

"I vow to let you win at wrestling sometimes, and sometimes not."

Levi murmured, "I wonder what kind of wrestling." He cringed when his father elbowed him in the ribs.

Mikasa gave her husband to be a warm smile, "And above all, I vow to be an amazing mother to our future children, an amazing wife who will love and support you no matter what, and a best friend who always has your back and won't be afraid to kick your butt at some games. I love you and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you."

Their friends and family smiled, thinking that the pair were very playful and much suited for the other.

Rivaille let out a low whistle in awe, "Wow, those vows are gonna be tough to beat, Mika. But, I think I've got it."

"I vow to kiss every paper cut, every finger you've slammed in the door and every bumped hip you get when you hit the counter."

"I vow to try my hardest not to laugh when you whisper questions and make comments when we're watching a movie."

The raven smiled, "I vow to say good night, cuddle you until morning and give you those forehead kisses as good morning that you love so much."

Everyone awed as they saw Mikasa blush, trying to hide her face behind her bouquet.

"I vow to send you weird memes through text message even when we're next to each other, just to see you shake your head, smile and call me an internet nerd."

Their guests laughed, while Mikasa shook her head, a smile on her face, clearly remembering her fiance had a tendency to do stuff like that when they were relaxing in their apartment.

"I vow to make sure I brush up on my knowledge when we play trivial pursuit so we don't have to google everything again."

Rivaille smiled at his bride, "And honey, I vow to love you every single day of your life, solve any problem you may have, sit with you when you have painful cramps, be a wonderful father for our children and tell them mommy rules the house and has me wrapped around her finger, be the husband you've always wanted, and be a great friend who annoys you with memes. I love you, Mika."

By the end of the vows, Levi was still rubbing his injured rib, Eren snickering, Carla wiping away tears, Vincent smiling and shaking his head, Flore on the verge of tears, and Annie rolling her eyes at the ridiculously cute pair.

Levi gave his brother the ring, whom carefully placed it on Mikasa's finger.

Eren handed his sister her ring, sliding it on her spouses' finger.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Mikasa wrapped her arms around Rivaille's neck when she was in his arms, "You better tone it down with the memes."

"Not even gonna happen. Be prepared love." He leaned down and kissed his wife, their friends and family all clapping loudly and whistling as they did so.

* * *

"You're having a baby?!"

The two raven's nodded enthusiastically, Rivaille's hand gently rubbing circle's on his wife's stomach.

It had been several months since their wedding, and while things had been going smoothly for them, the two couldn't help but feel there was something missing in their lives. So, after many failed attempts at trying, the two were more than happy to announce they were going to have a third addition to their small family.

While Flore, Carla and Eren went to embrace Mikasa, Levi and Vincent were giving Rivaille congratulatory pats on the back.

The happy mother had a hand placed lightly on her stomach the entire time.

* * *

Back when they were children, Farlan had always talked about writing a book that was based on some real life events; not one much for the whole make up your own world kind of ordeal, something about it being too straining on the writer, but not entirely opposed to the idea.

His fiance, Isabel, had been completely supportive, though had said the blonde had the type of personality to create something fantasy related, however, didn't object when he went down the more serious route.

His brother, Levi, had been his entire inspiration and with his permission, it brought him to where he was now.

The blonde smiled as he stood behind the podium, "I never thought that my first book would be something so realistic. Honestly, I saw myself writing things for the fantasy category for a while. But this story that happened, it was just too tempting not to write."

Farlan took a quiet deep breath, slowly letting it out, the tension in his shoulders lessening, "This story was something that I thought would never happen, but then again, most authors don't know that some stories they write would happen, maybe that's the appeal of this whole job? I dunno."

The audience laughed at his remark.

"My brother always told me that there were some things in life that you just can't stop, and that sometimes they'll happen for a reason or for no reason at all." Farlan rubbed his chin with his right hand, "This guy should have been a philosopher instead of a businessman now that I think about it. Would have gotten laid a lot more in his early twenties."

People laughed as Levi's distant call of, "Fuck you, Farlan!' rang through the room.

The blonde grinned, "Anyway, harshly off topic. Where was I...? Ah, yes." Farlan snapped his fingers to get back into his train of thought, "This story is something that I thought that could tie well into something that would later be inspired in my career, but no, my mentality said, nope, you're doing this now. So, the events that led to this could have been avoided or prevented, but I think they needed to happen for a reason. Each event that happens in lives leads to something significant or not really relevant. But in this instance, this was something that I believe needed to happen."

Farlan reached over to his left to pick up the book and flipped to a specific page, "This is my favorite quote of the book, I've heard of fortune telling, red string of fate, destiny and all the other things that we can have affiliated with the thing we call our destiny. You know what I say to this? Screw it. Because if we solely rely on what's been spelled out for us, we'll never be adventurous, spontaneous, excitable, and daring. So, instead, let's go balls to the wall and take a leap of faith." The blonde closed the book and smiled as he was met with the approving nods of the people.

"That conversation took place with a very good friend of mine, Rivaille. Whom is actually my second older brother. Sure, we might have been half-drunk when he said that, but its the quality that counts, right?"

The blonde smiled at the crowd, "With that being said, I hope you all love my new book and pick it up in stores when it comes out." He grinned as everyone stood up and clapped for him.

_My Regret_

_By: Farlan Church and Levi Ackerman._

* * *

"Hey dad, could you come and help me with this problem? I'm not sure what the professor is asking." A tired twenty year old Sebastian called from the kitchen.

Levi gently moved his sleeping daughter's head on the couch cushion he had been occupying before going over and standing behind his son. "What's not making sense?"

Over the years, both his boys had grown into mature and respectable young men and his daughter into an intelligent young woman, with enough sass to rival his own.

The young man rubbed the back of his head, "I'm supposed to memorize this for my internship in the summer, and this isn't really sticking with me."

Back in high school, Sebastian became fascinated with psychology and decided to peruse it, while his twin followed in his uncles footsteps and tried his hand at writing, to which Farlan constantly reported his son, Yami, was a natural born genius for the writing world.

His daughter, Kuchel, decided to study to become a doctor, just like her uncle Rivaille, and his brother's own daughter, Luna, wanted to become a pediatrician, sharing a mutual love for children just like Eren.

After explaining a simple method of memorizing the topic his son was stuck on, the young man breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thanks dad, I don't know if I wouldn't have gotten this if you hadn't helped."

The raven lifted a hand and ruffled his son's hair, smiling as he got a chuckle in response, "Better hurry up and get to your room, your brother should be calling soon."

Yami was currently away from home on tour with Farlan, it was the blonde's idea to invite his nephew so that he could get accustomed to how the whole ordeal worked, this would be the third time he was gone.

Sebastian nodded, excited to speak with his brother after three weeks of only just short messages because the other was so busy.

Kuchel must have overheard her older brother would be calling soon, and slowly made her way to the kitchen, "Come on, big brother, I wanna talk with Yam-bam too." That nickname had stuck with her other brother since she was young and learning to talk, and just never fell out of the habit, even when they were each grown.

The raven nodded and gathered his things from the table, knowing his father was big on cleanliness and didn't feel like getting scolded for leaving his things there again.

Both made their way upstairs and prepared for the video chat with their brother soon, while their father sat on the couch again, knowing his son would personally call him later and tell him all about his stories.

However, there was two more calls that he would have to make before taking that one with his son.

He pulled out his phone and made the first call.

"Hello?"

"Father."

"Ah, Levi, my boy, how are you?" Vincent greeted him, a bit groggy, no doubt from just waking up, time difference surely must have been harder now on the aged man.

"Very well father, how are you and mother doing on the trip?" He reclined further in the couch.

"As well as a retired couple can do, son. Your mother constantly drags me out and says that we need to see everything before the cruise ship moves onto a new location."

Levi quietly chuckled, that certainly sounded like something his step-mother would do.

"And how are you, Lee? The house a handful with Yami and Eren both gone?"

"Not at all. Farlan keeps me constantly updated with how my son is doing, and with his attached that boy still is, he messages me and his mother everyday to let us know how he is. Kuchel was never a handful to begin with, and spends most of her time with Luna, as per usual, and Sebastian is most focused on his books than socializing." Maybe that last one was more due to his twin being gone, and his normally social able son more reserved.

"That's good to hear that my grandchildren are all doing well. And Eren?"

"He calls everyday and tells me the things that he, Mikasa and his mother have been up to in Germany." His significant other had been away for a week now, due to some needed family time with his sister and mother, and decided to go back home to Germany and really enjoy themselves from their everyday lives, and bring back souvenirs to spoil everyone they knew.

His father was silent for a moment before sighing, the distant voice of his wife on the line, "I apologize for cutting this so short son, but your mother insists that I get ready for the day."

Levi hummed, "Not a problem, we can always talk later when you have more time. Enjoy yourselves." After bidding his father goodbye, he made his next phone call.

"Hey, Lee."

"Hey love. How's Germany been treating you?"

"Amazing! Mom took us out for a hike today in one of the places Mikasa and I used to go to a lot when we were kids, and she even made us our favorite lunch we had when we went up there! I had so much fun."

That immediately put a smile on the male's face, knowing that his partner was enjoying himself left him very content.

"And how goes it back home? Have the kids ran you up the wall yet?" There must have been a grin on the brunet's face, Levi just knew it.

"Please, those kids barely do anything to drive me up the wall. They've been behaving just as they always do."

"Good. Yami called me earlier today and told me he really missed his dad, and stated a clear no offense mom."

"What a coincidence, Kuchel and Sebastian are really missing their mother." The two had complained that their father didn't have their mother's cooking and more often than not, their uncle Rivaille came over to cook for them all.

Eren laughed through the line, leaving a warm feeling in his chest, "Do they miss me or my cooking? Those two have bottomless pits for appetites. But be assured, I got some new recipes from my mother to try and make when I get home."

They continued to talk for another hour before the brunet had said that he needed to be up early the next morning, and suggested Levi do the same as he had work and had to take Kuchel and Luna to school.

"Hey, bright eyes?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"Love you too Lee."

"Goodnight, see you soon."

"Goodnight, and I look forward to seeing you soon too."

The raven hung up and leaned his head back against the cushions, listening to his son and daughter still talking with their brother, making a mental note to let them continue to speak for another hour before they all had to be in bed at a reasonable hour.

Perhaps his life hadn't been easy as some people pictured that it would be, but in his opinion, he really loved how it turned out.

There might have been a lot of pain and hard work that led up to this point, however, he wouldn't change it for the world.

Wouldn't change how his kids had grown up with him, letting them experience a father and mother with a loving environment, albeit with an uncle with a bit of a hard streak to him, thanks Kenny. But he was the whole reason his kids grew up strong like their father.

A brother whom he had no idea existed, and felt like he had known his entire life, and could relate to his twins and say he was also attached to his brother.

A daughter whom was a spitting image of his mother, and treated her like a princess and a queen at the same time, constantly reminding her that he was the first man to be in love with her, and keeping a gentle hand on her back and guided her down the path she chose for herself.

His father who had left when he was young and reappeared many years later, and brought him the clarity and closer he desperately needed, and was now very close to the man whom he was proud to call his father.

Isabel and Farlan who had stuck by his side through thick and thin, now awaiting their own child, and poked fun at how the two still acted like children even as a married couple.

His mother who was his beacon of hope throughout his entire life, her words and teachings sticking with him and leading him down a path to which ultimately brought him to his happiness.

And who can forget the love of his life, Eren? The brat he happened to meet one night and expected nothing and got everything in return. Yes, he'll admit his kids laughed at how they met, and while amusing, he wouldn't change that meeting either.

Because meeting Eren made him a better man, a father, brother, son in law, and friend.

It was all because of Eren that landed him where he was right now.

He had his regrets in the past, yes.

But he would never regret going after the brunet who finally made him feel human again.

* * *

Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm honestly really sad to see this go, but also happy that I finished this and that all of you liked this so much. While this may have been long overdue, I wanted to say thank you to all of you who stuck with me in the very beginning, even those barely finding this, thank you so much.

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys wanna talk to me, my tumblr is erenlevijeager.


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